Thursday, November 2
Friendship.
When I wake up the next morning, I am nice and warm. There is also an arm around my waist and I’m snuggled up next to Sander. I smile, glad he came to sleep with me last night. I must’ve been tired, to not notice him come to bed, and he must be tired because I’m up before him. That never happens. Either way, I’m glad he’s here.
I get up slowly, trying not to wake him.
The room that I slept in last night is incredible. I didn’t take the time to look because I was tired. But now—wow.
The floors are hardwood, not the laminate kind that is so popular, but actual hardwood. I figure that this is what they put in when the building was originally built. The walls are brick, but they’ve been painted over. The paint is chipped in a lot of places and the original color of the red brick is coming through, but I think it is pretty. It adds more character.
I walk over to a large window and patio doors and look out at the balcony. There is an amazing view and a hot tub on the patio.
Okay, so it might be thirty-something degrees right now, but I could seriously get used to this.
“You look happy.”
I turn around and see Sander watching me. I grin at him.
“I am,” I say. “New York is beautiful.”
“More than Miami?” he asks.
“Different kind of beautiful,” I say. “New York is man-made beautiful. Miami, or at least the Atlantic Ocean, is... well, it’s unfair to compare the two.”
“I suppose you’re right,” Sander says.
I always have and always will prefer nature over the city, but I do see the beauty in both. And I definitely don’t mind visiting New York.
“What are we doing today?” I ask him.
“Nothing today,” he says. “We need to make sure we weren’t followed or anything. As long as we’re good, tomorrow we will continue with training and leave the house.”
I motion to the clothes I’ve been wearing for over twenty-four hours. “Do I really have to wear this all day?”
“You have clothes,” Sander says. “We had somebody get some for us and deliver them. Look in the closet.”
And so, I do.
The closet has a wide variety of clothes, all of them suitable for the cooler weather. I’m surprised that they’re my size.
Thank you, Spy School.
I grab some clothes and then head to the bathroom to get a shower, leaving Sander in the bedroom. He still looks exhausted, so I hope he sleeps a little more. I don’t know when he came to bed last night, but I assume he stayed up for a while just to make sure we were safe.
After my shower, I go down the stairs and spot Jax in the kitchen. He probably heard me taking a shower.
“Hey,” I say, as I walk into the kitchen.
“You hungry?” he asks.
“Starving,” I say.
From what I can tell, Jaxon really likes cooking, which is just fine for me because I love eating.
“Why do you always cook?” I ask, because I’m curious. I don’t want him cooking for me if he hates it or something.
“It’s about the only way I can get my team to eat healthy,” he answers. “We’d be having take-out every single night if I didn’t cook.”
“Ah,” I say. “My mom doesn’t cook and neither does my stepdad. We used to eat takeout almost every night, until my mom’s trainer got onto her for it. We have a cook, but we still eat takeout way more than we probably should.”
“Then I’m glad I can cook for you,” Jax says. “Everybody deserves a good home-cooked meal.”
He sets a plate in front of me and while I eat, I think about my mom cooking. It’s actually humorous to even imagine.
I remember the first year she was married to Rick, she decided we were going to have a traditional Thanksgiving dinner. My mom most definitely started a kitchen fire. We ended up in a hotel for a month while repairs were made on the house and we had Chinese food for dinner on Thanksgiving night. After that, we never tried again. Chinese food was kind of our tradition after that.
Well... every other year. Every other Thanksgiving, I would spend with my dad. We always went to my grandma’s house for dinner. She is an amazing cook.
I frown, thinking Thanksgiving is coming up very soon. This year, it was my turn to spend Thanksgiving with Dad and I’m sad because I might not even get to see him.
“You okay?” Jax asks, taking a seat beside me. His plate has a ton of food piled on top.
“Yeah,” I answer. “Just thinking.”
“About what?”
“Thanksgiving is coming soon,” I say.
“Oh,” he says, offering me a sad smile. “Don’t worry, I believe you’ll be with your family by Thanksgiving. But if you’re not, we will do our best to make it a good holiday for you.”
I laugh, thinking about my new British friends celebrating the American holiday.
“Thank you,” I say to Jax, actually feeling better. “I’m just feeling sorry for myself, even though I have no need to.”
“It’s okay to be sad about your situation,” he says. “Even mad. I would be if our roles were reversed. Just know that you’re not alone in any of this. Not only have you got Sander, but Hunter and me, too.”
Having Jax as my friend is something I definitely don’t mind. He’s turning out to be one of my favorite people.
“Thanks, Jax. That means a lot to me.”
Even if I don’t get to see my family by Thanksgiving, I think everything is going to be all right.
Sander gets up not too long after I finish breakfast. I have a lot of questions for him and he seems to be expecting them.
Yesterday was a kind of crazy day and I didn’t ask much more about Uncle Matty and Jake. I knew that they weren’t on the bad side and that was enough. But now, I want, no need, to know more.
Sander sits down on the couch, patting the spot beside him. Hunter and Jax are nowhere to be seen at the moment, but I assume they’re still here just in case.
“I want to know more about Uncle Matty and Jake,” I say.
He folds his hands in his lap and looks at me. “What do you want to know.”
“So, you’ve known they’re not on the bad side from the beginning?” I ask.
He nods. “Yes.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I’m technically not supposed to tell you anything, although I pretty much started telling you everything somewhere along the way,” Sander says. “But the real reason I kept it a secret was because I didn’t want you worrying. They’re on the inside where things are dangerous.”
“I wouldn’t have worried,” I say.
Sander just looks at me silently, pursing his lips.
“Okay, fine,” I say. “Maybe I would’ve worried a little. But they both have kids. And Jake’s kid is, like, three. I couldn’t live with myself if his daughter had to grow up without her dad because of me.”
“None of this is your fault,” Sander says. “Absolutely none of it. All of us knew exactly what we signed up for when we agreed to help with your case. It’s far more complicated than any of us could’ve imagined, but in no way are you to blame. If I wasn’t here with you, I’d be somewhere else, most likely risking my life. It’s part of the job. It’s what I agreed to do.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” I ask, feeling sick to my stomach at his confession. “I don’t want something to happen to you, Sander. That’s literally my worst nightmare.”
Sander reaches out to grab my hand. It’s then that I realize I’m squeezing my fist so tightly that my knuckles are turning white. He doesn’t say anything, he just pulls my body against his, hugging me tightly. He rubs his hands on my back which is somehow exactly what I needed.
Eventually, my body relaxes and Sander pulls back to look at me.
“Are you okay?”
I nod.
I am okay, I’m just so tired. Tired of constantly being in danger and tired of running for my life. I’m tired of being in a car, though I’m thankful I’m not in a car right now. And I’m tired of constantly having to look over my shoulder, and of being in constant fear. I’m just ready to once again feel safe, but also wonder if I ever will feel safe again.
“Tell me more about Uncle Matty and Jake,” I say, wanting to get back to the conversation. Even if it’s hard to hear, I have to hear it.
“We know who the leak in their unit is,” Sander says.
“That’s good, right?” I ask, my heart beating faster at his words.
“No,” he says. “Because the leak is their boss, which means there are probably a lot more people involved. That’s why we have them in there, so we can figure out who else is working with their boss.”
I nod.
Okay, that makes sense.
“But doesn’t that mean they’re really in danger?” I ask.
He hesitates for a moment before saying, “They are, but only if they get caught.”
Only if they get caught.
That’s a big risk.
“When they came to Miami to warn us... that was bad, wasn’t it?” I ask.
I know it’s not an answer I’ll want to hear when he sighs heavily. “Yes, it potentially could’ve been bad for them.”
“Then why did they do it?” I ask, squeezing my eyes shut. I’m afraid to hear whatever answer he is going to give me.
“They did it for you,” he says, then gently rubs his fingers along my jaw.
I open my eyes and look into his blue eyes. He stares at me, unblinking.
“Phoenix, you’re worth it,” he says with such certainty. I want to tell him that I’m not worth it, but he’s so sure that I am. “They see the same thing in you that I do. That is why they are doing this.”
His words make me shiver.
“Matthew and Jake are fine,” Sander says. “I got word that they’re back in their office today and nobody suspects a thing.”
“You could’ve started with that,” I say.
He laughs. “I know they mean a lot to you.”
“They do,” I say, licking my lips. They feel so dry. “I’ve tried not to think too much about them. I trusted them and I didn’t know if they were helping me or if they were against me. I wish I had known before now. I should’ve known. They would never hurt me.”
“It’s good to be wary of people,” he says. “At least until you get out of the situation you’re in right now. I only trust a handful of people when it comes to you, and even with that, I only trust you to be with me, Hunter or Jax. And even Hunter I’m concerned about.”
“Why?” I ask, tilting my head to the side as I study his face.
Why wouldn’t he trust Hunter?
And if he doesn’t trust Hunter, why is he in the house with us?
No, Hunter is trust worthy. I know that.
“I worry Hunter is going to try to steal my girlfriend,” Sander says, his mouth slowly turning up into a smile.
My face grows warm at his comment. “Sander, I don’t know how many times I have to tell you, but Hunter isn’t interested in me like that. I promise, it’s purely platonic. Besides, I get the feeling he is flirty with all the females he meets.”
“This is true,” he says. “And he is usually successful.”
“He only does it to get under your skin,” I say. “Don’t worry, even if I thought Hunter liked me like that, I’m only into you.”
Even so, I think it’s very flattering that he’s a little jealous. Not overly so, but enough that it makes me feel... desirable.
“I sound like a jealous teenage boy,” Sander says.
“You are a teenage boy,” I say.
“You know what I mean,” he says.
“Don’t worry, Sander,” I say. “I like you. A lot.”
Like, more than like, but I’m too scared to admit it out loud.
I know—I know. I should just be a strong woman and tell him how I feel. But there is the part of me that is too scared. I want him to tell me he loves me first.
“I like you, too,” he says, grinning. He kisses me on my forehead and I can’t help but feel a little disappointed. Did I really think he was going to tell me that he loves me right now?
No... declarations of love can wait. Maybe until my life isn’t in mortal danger?
Imagine my disappointment when Jax won’t even let us order a New York pizza. Such a travesty. Sander and Hunter both agree with me, but Jax assures us that we will have plenty of time for New York pizza. Tonight, he’s going to make us something healthy. Probably something with lots of vegetables.
Gross.
I get out my East Raven books, since there really isn’t anything else to do. I’ve been working most of the day and only have one subject left.
French.
I’d rather eat all the vegetables in the world than study French right now. Not that it’s not a beautiful language—it is. I just have enough trouble with English. Why should I add another language to the mix?
“You suddenly look very unhappy,” Hunter says.
I hold up my French book.
“I can help,” he says.
“You speak French?”
“Oui,” he says.
“How much do I have to pay you to get you to do my homework for me?” I ask.
I am not above bribery.
“Phoenix, do your own homework,” Sander says, trying to sound stern, but the mischievous smirk on his face is giving him away.
I turn my attention back to Hunter. “Seriously, I can go to an ATM and get you however much you want.”
“Nice try,” Hunter says, sitting down beside me on the floor. “Why do you sit on the floor to do your homework?”
“I don’t know,” I answer. “I guess because it’s comfortable.”
I’ve always liked sitting on the floor. My mom thinks it’s weird, but I find it more comfortable than sitting at a table or a desk.
“You’re a strange one,” Hunter says.
I raise an eyebrow at him.
Oh, the irony of Hunter calling me strange.
Still, I don’t call him out on it as he helps me with my French homework for the next hour. Sure, I might not know any more French by the end, but I am grateful that my work is done. It probably would’ve taken twice as long without his help.
“Their method of teaching a language at your school is strange,” he says, as I shut the book.
“How is it strange?” I ask.
“How long have you taken French?” he asks, ignoring my question.
“Since I was a freshman,” I answer. “So, almost two and a half years.”
“Right,” he says. “And what can you speak in French?”
“Um... not much,” I answer.
“That’s why your school is weird,” he says. “I learned an entire language in one year at my school.”
“Ah, but not everybody can go to Spy School,” I say.
“It’s still so weird that you know,” Hunter says. “I feel like I’m doing something wrong by talking to you about it.”
“Will Sander get in trouble if anybody finds out?” I ask.
“Nah. They’d just force you to sign a relationship form,” he says. “Well... I think, anyway. You’re only seventeen, so I’m not sure how that would work out.”
“Relationship form?”
“It’s what people sign when they want to get engaged to somebody outside of Spy School,” he says.
“Oh, right. Sander said something about that when we first met,” I say.
Literally the first day we met.
He really wasn’t joking about it.
Weird.
“I think he really likes you,” he says.
“I really like him,” I say, looking around for him. He went into the kitchen earlier with Jaxon. I think he was just bored listening to Hunter try to help me with my homework.
“Don’t hurt him, okay,” Hunter says. “He doesn’t develop feelings for girls very easily, and I get the feeling you could hurt him pretty badly if you tried.”
“I won’t,” I say. “At least, not on purpose. I really like him.”
“Good,” he says.
“Honestly, I feel like I’m going to be the one hurt,” I say. “He’s going to go on some epic adventure once he’s done protecting me, and then he’ll forget all about it.”
“Nah,” Hunter says. “Sander told me once that he wouldn’t date a girl unless he liked her more than his job. As much as he loves his job, it doesn’t even compare to what he feels for you.”
His words feel like a shock to my heart.
“You think Sander feels that way about me?” I ask.
Hunter nods. “I know he does.”
And suddenly, I’m not worried about him forgetting about me after he leaves.
No, we can work it out. I don’t care if I’m only seventeen. A guy like Sander only comes around once in a lifetime. No matter what happens, I’ll fight to keep him in my life. He’s worth it.