Tuesday, October 24
Fitness.
I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy about being awake at five in the morning. I’m excited for training. I’m excited for the time that I get here in Miami. Most of all, I’m excited about whatever touristy thing we’re going to do today. I still have no idea what we’re doing. I’m sure we’ll figure out something fun, though.
After dinner last night, I took a shower and pretty much passed out within five minutes. I think I fell asleep before it was even nine o’clock. I must’ve been exhausted. But today, I feel refreshed and ready for the day.
I pull my hair into a messy bun on top of my hair and quickly brush my teeth. I put on my running shoes, and head out into the living room area of our hotel room. Sander is waiting there for me, all ready to go.
“Ready?” he asks.
I nod and follow him out the room.
“I feel like I’m turning you into a morning person,” he says.
“It’s amazing how much easier it is to get up at five in the morning when I’m not going to bed at midnight every night,” I say.
He grins. “Yeah, that too.”
We take the elevator down, but only because we’re on floor thirty-something. Though, yesterday Hunter did take the stairs after dinner.
Thirty-something flights of stairs?
I would die.
Literally.
They take fitness very seriously at Spy School.
Before I started training with Uncle Matty and Jake, I was not active at all. Well, I guess that’s not completely true. I played soccer and I was on the surf team. But there was no way I would’ve just gone for a run. And I definitely wouldn’t have taken up self-defense. Since training with them, and now training with Sander, I feel like I’m truly getting a work out. Though, maybe that’s because Sander pushes me hard. Way harder than my soccer coach ever did. I mean, if we won a game, we’d literally be rewarded with pizza.
When Sander and I get outside, we take off running down the same path we did yesterday. There are a few other people out running, but it’s mostly quiet and empty. Probably because most people are still in bed.
I like our morning runs. It feels like this is the only uninterrupted time we get together anymore. Hunter and Jaxon are always with us, which I know is for my protection, but I’d still like some alone time with my boyfriend.
This morning it’s not too hot. I know the high today is eighty degrees, which is kind of nice. So, it’s easier to breathe this morning. Yesterday, it got closer to ninety degrees, until after the ten-minute thunderstorm that had us hiding in the car. It was over as quickly as it started, and the sun was out with no proof of what had just happened. Weather in Florida is weird.
“Hunter and Jaxon want to rent jet skis today,” Sander tells me, as we run down the path.
“That sounds fun,” I say. “I’ve never ridden a jet ski before, but it sounds fun.”
“You want to just ride with me?” he asks.
“Sure,” I say.
Me, getting to hang onto my boyfriend all day on a jet ski. It sounds fun. Romantic even, if I forget the fact that two other guys will be with us. It’s like, the second Sander went from being my babysitter to my boyfriend, I got two more babysitters that are way more annoying. Well, Hunter is. Jaxon is pretty cool for the most part.
“So, is Hunter always so...”
I don’t know how to finish my sentence, but apparently, I don’t need to.
Sander laughs. “Pretty much. The two of them... Hunter and Jax... they didn’t have the best childhood. None of us did, really. But they had it the worst. Their parents pretty much left them to raise themselves. Spy School was everything to them.”
“That’s sad,” I say, thinking I would hate it if my parents put their careers before me. My own dad wants to quit his elected position for me. And I can’t imagine my dad being any other way.
“It’s just the way it is,” he says. “And they’ll justify it by saying... yes, I left my kids alone for forty-two months straight, but I saved thousands of people from this or that. And it’s this vicious cycle.”
“Were your parents that way?” I ask.
He shrugs. “I think my parents were better than most. But I still left for boarding school at fourteen. And I haven’t seen them since I graduated. Which I know is partly my fault, but they could come see me, too. They just don’t. And I don’t.”
“Maybe when all this mess is over, we can go see them,” I say.
I regret the words, because I know enough from books and movies to know that ‘meeting the parents’ is a huge step in a relationship. My own mom didn’t meet Rick’s parents until their wedding day, which was a disaster. But I refuse to think about that.
“I’d like you to meet them,” he says. “Maybe for Thanksgiving or Christmas?”
“Yeah,” I say.
Well, maybe it’s not as big of a deal as I’m making it.
“And maybe I can meet your parents, too,” he says.
“I’d like that a lot,” I say.
“I’m not sure if your mom will like me more than Hunter, though,” Sander says.
I laugh.
My mom does like Hunter a lot.
Earlier this month, Hunter took a super secure laptop to my mom so I could video chat with her. Sander arranged the whole thing and it meant a lot to me, but my mom pretty much fell in love with Hunter. She’ll love Sander, too, I know she will. She just wants me to be happy.
“My mom will love you,” I tell Sander. “She’s always telling me that I need a boyfriend. Apparently, I’m too uptight.”
“You’re not uptight,” he says. “And I’m glad you haven’t had lots of boyfriends.”
“Me, too,” I say. “Breaking up with Estaine was freaking hard. I never want to go through that again.”
And, let’s be honest, if anybody is going to break up with anybody, Sander would break up with me.
“I hope you don’t have to dump me,” Sander says.
I laugh. “You’d be the one dumping me, if anything.”
“That’s not happening,” he says.
And his words comfort me, but I still worry.
Sander is the one with the extravagant life. After he’s done with this job, he could literally go anywhere in the world and he will help so many people. I could just be a blip in his life compared to what is ahead. But to me, he is everything.
No, that’s not true. I have a lot of other things in my life, including family and friends. I have a future planned, no matter what happens. I just know that if we broke up, no guy would ever be able to compare to Sander. I feel like, if ‘the one’ is a real thing, Sander is my one. And even if I end up getting my heart broken, this is worth it. He is worth it.
After another day of training, the four of us head to rent a few jet skis. Hunter and Jaxon both get their own jet ski, but I’m riding with Sander. He says he will teach me how to drive, but I’m kind of nervous. I’ve never done anything like this before. I mean, I’ve been on plenty of boats, but I’ve never driven one. He says it’s just like riding a four-wheeler, but on water. I’ve never ridden a four-wheeler, either, though.
I’m not sure what to expect when we go out to ride, but I quickly find out that Sander is insane. Completely and utterly insane.
I get the impression that Sander was raised riding four wheelers, jet skis, and driving cars on a stunt race track. I know that I’m safe, but it’s still a little scary at first. Eventually I trust that I’m not going to go flying off the jet ski and relax a bit. Even if I did fly off, I have my lifejacket on, so I’m okay.
Jaxon and Hunter and just as crazy as Sander. Jax might even be crazier, which I didn’t expect. He’s the quiet one. But he looks like he’s having a blast.
“You want to drive?” Sander asks after a while.
I hesitate.
I kind of want to try it, but I’m also a little scared to.
Then again, when am I going to get the chance to try again? At least with help.
Sander must take my silence for a yes, because before I know it, he is climbing on behind me, showing me how to drive the jet ski. If I thought holding onto him was nice, him holding onto me is even better.
“What if we crash?” I ask.
“There is nothing to crash into,” he says.
He’s right. There’s nothing out here, other than Jaxon and Hunter. I have a feeling the two of them could avoid me if I did lose control. Plus, Sander’s on here with me. What could possibly go wrong?
There really is nothing left to consider. I just have to do this.
Don’t be a chicken.
I take a deep breath and then give the jet ski a little gas. I expected it to blast off like Sander did, but I can go as fast or as slow as I want. Of course, I can. Why did I think any different? Sander is patient with me and gives me time to get comfortable. Then I start going faster, and before too long, I end up right there with Jax and Hunter. I don’t do the crazy tricks that they do, but I’m still having fun.
I’m not sure how long we stay out there, riding. After a bit, Sander and I trade back spots. I like driving, but I think I prefer riding with him. He does crazy stuff, but it’s fun. Like an adrenaline rush.
Eventually, everybody is starving, me included, so we go back so we can grab something for lunch and then spend the rest of the day on the beach.
Today was perfect, and the only thing that could’ve made it better would be if Charlie were here.
Charlie...
I miss my stepbrother so much. I feel like we had just been reunited at East Raven when everything happened, and we’re once again separated. I hope that he’s okay. I’m sure he is—maybe he’s with Mom and Rick. That’s a comforting thought, that at least some my family is together even if I can’t be there with them.
“Next time we get jet skis, are you going to rent your own?” Jaxon asks. “You looked like you were having fun driving.”
“I was,” I say. “I really like riding with Sander, too. He’s crazy.”
Hunter and Sander are currently helping some random kid build a sand castle. It’s kind of cute.
Well, Sander is helping the kid. Hunter is flirting with the kid’s older sister.
“He is,” Jaxon says, agreeing. “He’s brought me out of my shell a lot. I was pretty uptight before going to school and joining the team.”
I know when he says ‘going to school,’ he’s referring to Spy School. He just doesn’t say the words because we’re in public. Anybody could hear our conversation.
“You are quieter than everybody else,” I say. “You almost seem like the mother of the group.”
He grins. “I kind of am, but somebody needs to look out for these guys.”
I wonder if there is more to it. I know Sander says that Jaxon and Hunter’s parents were gone a lot. I wonder if Jax felt responsible for Hunter. He probably even raised him. But I don’t want to bring up any painful memories for him.
“It’s nice,” I say. “I think it’s sweet that you do that.”
Jax shrugs, but his face turns slightly pink. I don’t think he likes getting compliments.
“You and Hunter look a lot alike, but you two are like night and day, personality-wise,” I say.
“Ah, you mean I don’t flirt with every girl I meet?” he asks.
“More than that,” I say.
“Hunter is the charismatic one,” he says.
“You’re plenty outgoing.”
“I’ve been trained to be outgoing, but I’m not by nature,” he says.
“Is there anything your school doesn’t teach?” I ask, imagining him going to a Charismatic 101 class. So weird.
“Nope,” he says. “And if somebody needs to know something that isn’t taught, there will likely be a class invented for them.”
“That’s insane,” I say. “I wish I could go to a school like that.”
He laughs. “It’s intense. But I loved it.”
I think I would enjoy it, too.
I didn’t think I would like boarding school. It seemed like a place where kids went when their parents just didn’t want them at home—so, like, really rich kids, or troubled kids... and maybe a few really smart kids. It wasn’t like that at all, though. I was pleasantly surprised that I fit in there well.
“This is so much fun, but I kind of miss East Raven,” I say.
“School will probably be shut down a few weeks anyway,” Jax says. “So, you might as well enjoy your vacation.”
He’s right.
I’m not missing school, anyway. Everybody else is probably chilling at their homes, enjoying their time off. So, I will, too.
There are worse places to be than Miami.
Tonight, when we get back from the beach, everybody is exhausted. We decide to skip going out for dinner and just order a pizza... well, multiple pizzas.
While we’re waiting for delivery, I get a shower. There are three bathrooms in our hotel room, so I’m not surprised to see that all the guys have already showered by the time I’m out. I wonder how they shower so fast, but then I remember they don’t have hair. Fifty percent of my time in the bathroom was me brushing the tangles from my hair.
I’m wearing the most comfortable sweatpants ever, and a baggy t-shirt that I stole from Sander. I don’t know why, but his clothes are so much comfier than mine.
The pizza arrives almost as soon as I walk into the main area. Jaxon and Hunter grab a box each before disappearing into their room, leaving me alone with Sander. I don’t know if they did that on purpose, but I’m happy for it. Not that I dislike Hunter and Jax, I don’t. They’ve truly become my friends. I just... want some alone time with my boyfriend.
“Do you think they planned that?” I ask Sander, pointing at the door the two disappeared through.
“Probably,” he says. “Or maybe I asked them to do that.”
I grin at his words. “Good.”
He opens up the remaining box, offering me a piece. I grab two, knowing that will probably be all I can eat. I’m sure Sander can eat the rest with no problem.
“You eat a lot of junk food for somebody so... fit,” I say.
Fit.
Muscular.
Whatever.
“I’m only eighteen. My dad told me that I won’t always be able to eat like this,” he says. “I guess I will enjoy it while I can.”
“My mom said something similar to me,” I say. “I think she was jealous that I was eating a burger in front of her, while she had a salad.”
Sander laughs. “My dad eats a lot, too. He works out a lot. But he eats healthier stuff. A lot of smoothies and green juices that are disgusting.”
“My mom does that, too,” I say, thinking of the kale shot she made me try once. I’ve never tasted anything so bitter in my life.
“Today was fun,” he says. “On the jet skis and the beach again.”
“So much fun,” I say. “I’m glad I drove the jet ski, even if you were a lot better at it.”
“I’ve had more practice. My cousin and I practically lived on a jet ski every summer. We spent every moment we could on the lake near my house,” he says. “Pretty much from the time the sun came up until it went down. My mom had to practically force us to get out, usually bribing us with food.”
I laugh.
His childhood sounds fun.
“Charlie and I were like that with surfing,” I say. “It took me half the summer to learn how to keep my balance on the board. The second half was the best. All the other ten-year-olds were jealous of my skills.”
“Do you surf competitively?” he asks.
“No,” I answer. “Not even. I just enjoy being on the water. I’m actually not that great of a surfer. My surf teacher always told me I was too distracted.”
I can’t help being distracted in the water, though. How can I not stare at the beauty of nature?
Sander laughs. “I guess I can see that.”
“Really?”
He nods. “I’ve run with you. You get distracted looking at something and trip over your own feet. It’s kind of funny to watch.”
My face grows warm. “I didn’t even realize I trip when running. I’ve never fallen or anything.”
“You’re too distracted to even notice you’ve tripped. I think it’s just normal for you.”
Huh.
I’m going to have to pay attention next time we go for a run, to see if I do what he said.
“Don’t be embarrassed,” Sander says. “I think it’s adorable.”
Adorable?
He thinks it’s adorable that I trip over my own feet?
“In case you haven’t noticed, I kind of like everything about you,” he says.
“I have no idea why,” I say. I didn’t really mean to say it out loud, but it’s true.
“And I have no idea why you like me, but here we are,” he says.
“I more than like you,” I say. “More than I probably should.”
“I more than like you, too,” he says. “I’m not good at this whole romance thing. I have no idea how to be a boyfriend. I feel like I’m screwing it all up.”
I swallow hard.
He thinks he’s screwing it up?
“You’re doing good,” I say. “But I guess I don’t have anything to compare it to.”
Estaine doesn’t count. We barely even kissed, and he was way more into me than I was into him. Plus, most of our relationship was monitored. By Sander. Which is kind of weird when I think about it.
“We’ll figure it out together,” Sander says.
I nod. “You could kiss me more often.”
He grins. “I always want to kiss you, but the only time we’re alone is when we go to bed and I don’t think it would be smart for me to kiss you when we’re in bed.”
Right.
Kissing in bed could lead to other things and I’m not ready for that just yet.
“We’re alone right now,” I say.
“I guess we are,” he says.
And I don’t have time to respond, because he puts his lips on mine.
The kiss is soft at first. Just his lips to mine.
I don’t know what it is about touching him, but my heart starts racing and my stomach feels like I’ve just dipped down the first hill on a rollercoaster, but the coaster is never-ending with him. It’s like he’s taken my normal, mundane life and introduced me to magic. Like... I am just now learning how to live.
There is too much space between Sander and me, so I start to scoot over. Apparently, he has the same idea, because he ends up just scooting toward me and somehow, I end up in his lap.
We’ve never kissed like this before and I kind of like it. It makes me feel like I’m the one in control of the kiss. And maybe I should feel a little self-conscious about the whole thing, but Sander acts like he’s really enjoying the kiss just as much as I am, maybe more, judging by the bulge pressing into my leg.
It makes me feel good to know that he’s attracted to me like that. I mean, I knew it to some extent, but knowing it and feeling it are two very different things. And in this moment, I realize that I have never felt more beautiful.
I run my fingers through Sanders hair. It’s a little damp from his earlier shower, but I don’t mind. I like running my hands through his hair. And if his kissing is any indication, I’d say he likes it, too.
I get it now. Relationships. Kissing. All of it. I get to figure out what Sander likes and how he responds to certain things that I do. I’m going to enjoy this time in our relationship where we just kiss, because just kissing is fun.
In the end, Sander could end up breaking my heart beyond repair, but I know that the risk is worth it.
I am completely in love with this boy.