Wednesday, October 25
Hypothetical.
Day four of “vacation” goes a lot like the other days—I wake up at five in the morning to work out. I run on the beach with Sander and then do some self-defense training with him, Jaxon and Hunter. After that, we all shower and eat breakfast before starting our day.
Today, we all agreed that we wanted to spend more time on the water, so Hunter rents a boat for us. We want to spend all day on the water, so Jaxon goes to the grocery store to pick up a bunch of snacks and stuff to make sandwiches so we don’t have to come back to eat lunch.
I’ve been on boats, but not one like this one. I shouldn’t be surprised that Hunter rented a fast boat, but I am. I’m quickly learning that these boys don’t like to do anything slow. I actually don’t mind, either. I’m quickly becoming an adrenaline junkie around them.
While we’re getting ready to snorkel, Hunter tells me about the time he went sky diving.
“You went sky diving five times in one day?” I ask.
He nods.
“Why would you do that?”
“The first time, I hate it,” he says. “I almost cried.”
“He did cry,” Jaxon says. “I was there.”
“He pushed me from the plane,” Hunter says.
“Because you were taking so long,” Jax says. “You stood there for ten minutes. You were over-thinking it. So, I gave you a push and then jumped out after you.”
“Remind me not to go sky diving with you,” I tell Jaxon.
“You want to go sky diving?” Sander asks.
I laugh. “Ha. No.”
“Why not?”
“Is that even a serious question?” I ask. “For one, the height. I can’t even imagine what it would be like to free fall from the sky at that height.”
“That’s the best part,” Hunter says. “The rush you feel when you first jump. It’s the best.”
“I thought you were scared,” I say.
“Only the first two times,” he says.
“More like the first ten times,” Jaxon says.
“Wait. How many times have you guys jumped from a plane?” I ask.
They all look around at each other, like they can’t remember.
“Maybe fifty times or more,” Sander says after a bit.
Oh, my goodness.
These guys are crazy.
Like, actually crazy.
“Back to why you don’t want to jump from a plane,” Sander says.
“Besides the height?” I ask. “Well, you know, there is the whole fear of death thing. What if my parachute doesn’t open?”
“That won’t happen,” Jaxon says. “Spy School is very thorough with their safety checks. And they only buy the best stuff.”
“There is still a chance,” I say.
“You can’t live your life in fear,” Hunter says. “Sometimes, you’ve just got to jump from an airplane and not know what the outcome will be. It’s what makes life fun.”
His idea of fun and my idea of fun are two very different things.
“You wouldn’t jump with me?” Sander asks.
I look to see if he’s joking, but he’s not.
He’s serious.
“Like... attached to you?” I ask. “You’d pull the parachute?”
“Yeah,” he says. “Do you trust me?”
What kind of question is that? Of course, I trust him. But... sky diving.
That’s a lot.
I hesitate to answer.
“I do trust you,” I finally say.
“So, you’d give it a shot?”
Oh, dear.
I am going to regret this.
Like, so regret it.
“Yeah,” I answer, swallowing hard.
Sander seems happy with my answer, but I’m pretty sure the air just got a whole lot thicker.
I calm myself down by thinking he might not even remember this moment. It’s a hypothetical question.
Yep.
Definitely hypothetical.
Oh, gosh, please let this be hypothetical and not something he surprises me with tomorrow.
Something is different tonight. Sander got some kind of email while we were on the boat. He tried to subtly pass his phone off to Hunter and Jaxon so they could read the email, but I know him. I know that something is bothering him. When I asked about it, he just said it was Spy School stuff.
Yeah, because that’s not a frustrating answer at all.
After the email, we don’t spend too much more time on the boat before heading back to the hotel. And tonight, we just order room service, which is a little disappointing. I thought we were going to go out and enjoy our time.
But I’m also worried.
Does this mean the terrorists know where I am?
No, if that was the case, we’d be leaving immediately.
So, maybe it is just Spy School related. Or maybe it has something to do with their team. I know that Sander’s cousin, and the only girl on the team, are doing something pretty dangerous right now, though I don’t know the details.
That’s it. They’re just worried about something else and it has nothing to do with me. At least, I hope.
If it did have to do with me, they would tell me, right?
But maybe they wouldn’t. I know how Sander is. He wants to protect me from everything that he possibly can. It’s sweet, but I also want to tell him that I can handle it. I might not be as physically strong as he is, but I am far from weak.
“Is everything all right?” I ask Sander, when we go to bed that night.
I look over at him lying in the other bed. Part of me wants to climb into his bed and cuddle with him, but the other part of me is way too scared to ever do something like that. But, I wouldn’t object if he made the first move.
“It’s fine,” he says.
“I’m worried,” I say. “I know you well, and I know that something is bothering you.”
“I promise everything is okay,” he says. “I just got some news that I’m not sure what to do with.”
“You can talk to me.”
“You will know soon,” he says.
Well, that answer isn’t cryptic at all...
Spy School has a lot of secrets that I’m not privy to, and I know that as long as I’m with Sander, that will be the case. It sucks, but it is what it is. I just have to trust him. And I do. I completely trust him.
I roll over and try to sleep, but I just can’t. I have too much on my mind. I end up rolling over again, trying to get comfortable.
“Can’t sleep?” Sander asks.
“No,” I answer, sighing. “Too much on my mind, I guess.”
“Come over here,” he says, scooting over to give me room.
I wanted an excuse to cuddle with him, anyway, so I don’t mind. I get out of my bed and climb into his. It’s warm where he was just lying. Before I can even reach for the covers, he puts them over me and pulls me closer to him.
This is nice.
I usually like to have my bed to myself. The middle is the sweet spot for me. But I think I could get used to sharing a bed with somebody every night, if it was shared with Sander. He’s warm and he smells nice.
“I could literally hear your frantic thoughts from here,” Sander says.
“I’m sorry. I can’t help but worry sometimes,” I say.
“If there was something wrong, I would tell you,” he says.
“I could tell by the look on your face and theirs that something wasn’t right,” I say.
“I promise, nothing is wrong.”
“Okay,” I say. I believe him. He’s never lied to me before, so why would he start now? “I guess I’m just not ready for our not-vacation vacation to come to an end.”
“It has been fun,” he says. “You’ve gotten so tan.”
“I tan very easily,” I say. “I was starting to get pale at East Raven.”
“We can’t have that,” he says, in a joking tone. “I think I’ve pegged you wrong, though. I didn’t see you as a girl who liked to spend a lot of time outdoors.”
“Just because I couldn’t run more than a mile without wheezing when we first met doesn’t mean I didn’t like being outside,” I say. “I just preferred other methods of exercise. Like soccer and surfing.”
“Don’t you have to run for soccer?” he asks.
“That’s different,” I say. “It’s during a game and my adrenaline is all high. Plus, I always get in pretty good shape during practice, before the season even starts.”
“You seem to like running now.”
“I like running with you.”
I don’t think I would like running very much on my own.
“I think you are the kind of runner who needs a good view to motivate you,” Sander says. “Since we’ve gotten here, you run eight miles every day. At East Raven, you’d complain around four or five.”
I grin. “Yeah, I like the ocean. Also, I don’t like the cold. It’s way too cold in Massachusetts.”
“It’s not even that cold, yet,” he says. “You’re lucky. I had to train in Switzerland. It gets really cold there in the winter.”
“Good thing you’re training me here, then,” I say. “Would you really get in trouble for telling me about Spy School?”
“Yeah,” he answers. “Maybe not now that we’ve decided to train you to join our team. Though, to be fair, you figured a lot out on your own.”
“What does Spy School really do?” I ask. “It’s more than just a school, right?”
“A lot more,” he answers.
“What is something Spy School has done that normal people never know about?” I ask.
“We’ve stopped a lot of terror attacks,” he says.
That’s scary.
Maybe I don’t want to know any more. Ignorance is bliss.
“I want to do good things,” I say.
“And so you will,” he says.
The way he says it, he truly believes I will.
Maybe joining his team isn’t just a dream. Maybe it really can happen.
First, I have to survive this.
“Go to sleep,” he says.
I cuddle even closer to him, putting my head on his chest. He wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of my head.
“Good night,” I say.
“Night.”
I fall asleep almost instantly.