chapter 9
Something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong with her. First of all, JJ barely tolerated him on most days. Next thing he knew, she was jumping his bones?
And you liked it.
Well, hell yeah. Because the moment her lips slid over his, every synapse in his body had lit up like a Christmas tree. He wanted her. He'd always wanted her.
So why don't you take advantage of that?
Because something was wrong. She wasn't acting like JJ. Yeah, under normal circumstances JJ was impetuous, loud, a little foolhardy, and said the first thing that came to her mind. But she wasn't entirely reckless. And she'd never been desperate. Not once, not ever. That kiss, her trying to climb him like a tree, that had been pure desperation. It hadn't been about him at all.
When they arrived at the penthouse, Jonas parked in the basement, in their designated spots right next to the door. And he escorted her in. The whole ride up in the elevator she said nothing to him, resolutely ignoring him with her face turned away.
Oh, so they were going to play this game. "JJ. You gotta talk to me."
"No. I don't. That's the joy of this little arrangement. I don't have to talk to you at all. Not ever."
Once the doors to the penthouse opened, she stormed out with him hot on her heels. Matthias came out of the kitchen holding a tub of rocky road. "Hey, Jonas, I was thinking that we could –"
JJ interrupted his flow of conversation by bumping his shoulder as she stormed by him.
She mumbled a brief apology but kept right on marching to her bedroom. Matthias brought his attention to Jonas. "What happened?"
"I have no fucking idea. But I'm sure as hell going to find out."
Jonas followed her, but he heard Matthias whisper behind them, "Maybe that's not the best idea you've ever had?"
Jonas ignored him. What the hell did he know?
What the hell do you know is a better question.
What he knew was that JJ tasted fucking incredible. That's what he knew. He also knew that something was eating at her. Burrowing deep inside her, and she was gonna blow. What he didn't know was why it was so important to him that she not self-destruct. That whatever was bothering her was better out than in. And he wanted to help her.
Why, because you're Captain freaking America? No. Because despite their constant fighting, he cared about her. She was smart, funny, and fuck, she was sexy. And he wanted her.
Yeah, but that want had been eating at him for years now. This wasn't about that. He was worried. Something was wrong. He didn't bother to knock; he just barged into her bedroom.
"Knock much?" She whirled on him, her movements quick and angry as she rolled her shoulders.
"Well, I knew you wouldn't say come in, and something is clearly up with you." He closed the door and locked it.
Her gaze widened and pinned to the lock. What the hell?
That wasn't the anger he was used to seeing, that was cold fear. Jonas frowned and unlocked the door, and then stepped away from it about three feet, giving her clear access if she wanted to get out. "See, I'm not trying to keep you in here. I just want to talk to you. Something is going on. You haven’t been acting like yourself for weeks. And now you're mad at me because I wasn't an asshole?"
“Yes you were."
Jonas crossed arms. "Explain to me how I was an asshole. A woman who most of the time is screaming at me, or calling me names, or trying to throw things at me, suddenly decides that she wants to jump my bones. Wraps herself around me, tasting like sugar and sin and everything I could want. But she's not acting like herself. So, instead of backing her up against the wall and sinking inside her so deep that neither one of us can remember our names, I back off because I want to know what's wrong with her. Oh, and I also want her to want me for me. Not because she's pissed off or upset, or scared. And somehow that makes me an asshole?"
JJ blinked at him. "Wow, that's the most words I've heard you use in a row ever."
"I talk plenty."
"Not to me you don't."
"Yeah well. You don't talk to me much either. You shout."
"That's because you needle me."
Jonah shook his head. "I'm not here to fight." He held up his hands. "What I am here to do is try and find out what's going on. Because you haven't been acting like yourself and I am fucking worried. So out with it."
When her eyes welled with tears, Jonas's blood froze in his veins. Fuck. He hated tears. "I want you to be okay. Yeah, we needle each other. But I do care about what happens to you. And you're sexy. But then again, you know that already. But more than I want you, more than I want sex, I want you to be okay. And you're clearly not.”
She swiped a tear with the back of her hand. "You really are a good guy, aren't you?"
Her voice was soft; there was no edge to it. No edge to her. Her shoulders slumped forward and he saw that she was defeated. What the hell did she mean by that?
"I am. Mostly. Sometimes. Fuck, not always. But if you need help, or are in trouble, or something is wrong, then I'm your guy." He just prayed to God she told him. Because he didn't have the strength to turn her down again if she wound her body around his.
JJ wasn't even sure what made her start talking to him. Maybe it was something in his eyes. Maybe it was the gentleness of his tone. But either way, all she wanted to do was curl up into a ball and get a really good hug. Jonas moved forward slowly then took her hand. "Gotta talk to someone sometime, JJ. How about me?”
She nodded and then eased down onto her bed and waited for Jonas to sit next to her. This was not exactly the kind of action she’d planned with him. Did you really plan that at all? Or were you operating on fear?
Okay, she wasn’t going to examine that right now. She was too raw. There was too much going on inside. "I've had really bad luck with guys. The worst kind."
"I wouldn't say you have bad luck. You maybe just haven't found the right one."
She shook her head. "When I say bad luck, I don't mean that a guy insisted that I pay for everything, even though I have had one of those, or that he lived with his parents, although I’ve had one of those too. I’ve had the kind of people that shouldn't be with anyone, the kind of guys that make me feel bad about myself. Those kind of guys—“
His voice was low and hushed when he spoke. There was also a hint of an edge to it. As if he was starting to see what she was talking about. "You deserve so much more."
She nodded. "I'm sorry. I’m blabbering on. It's just this project at work is making me feel like I'm back in that place again. Where I've been hurt by someone so deeply but have no one to talk to."
He was silent for a long moment then asked softly, "What about Lucia?"
She sniffed away the tears. “Lucia is the best friend a girl could ever ask for. But when her brother died, she was broken. Really, really broken for a really long time. It was that kind of visceral pain and loss. Even now, knowing that everything worked out for her, I can still see the look of pain in her eyes at the funeral. I can still feel her grief. And I wasn't going to burden her with my shit. None of that would be fair. So while she was hurting in her own way, I was hurting in another. I never told her because, you know Lucia. She would feel guilty. And there was nothing for her to feel guilty about. She'd lost her brother. She was entitled to crumble."
"I don't know. I know that if you sat down and talked to her now she’d probably understand why you didn't tell her, and wish that she could have been there for you. Maybe it would help to talk to her now?"
JJ shook her head. "No. Her life is finally the way that it should be. Rafe is back. She has Noah and that beautiful baby.” Last year had been one hell of a roller coaster ride. Even if she’d been inclined to share all her deep dark and scaries with her bestie, they’d all had a few things to deal with.
Things like someone trying to kill Lucia. Lucia discovering her brother had been alive all that time. Somehow JJ’s past problems hadn’t made the top of the list.
"She's your friend. She would want to help."
"I'm not bringing her into any of this." Lucia didn’t deserve that.
“You’re still not going to tell me what’s going on?” Jonas asked.
She shook her head. “Enough. It’s just been a long day. I freaked out over … It’s okay. I think I just need someone to distract me right now. Do you think you can do that?”