chapter 8
He knew the moment he heard her voice that something was wrong.
Jonas had just finished a session of lifting weights and grabbed a shower. He’d had a shitty morning and early afternoon. He figured that if he could get some gym time in, at least he’d have done something productive that day. If it were anyone else, he wouldn’t have even answered the phone. But as soon as JJ’s picture flashed on the screen, he dropped the weights he was putting away right where he stood.
“Hey, JJ. Everything okay?”
“Jonas! Oh my God.”
Her voice came through the phone like a shriek, and the shrill sound froze him in his tracks. He’d heard her sound like a lot of things—pissed off, happy, playful and exhausted—but never terrified. His girl was tough as nails. Which made the palpable fear in her voice even more alarming.
“JJ, what’s going on? Where are you right now?”
There was only harsh breathing followed by a soft sob. Jonas gripped the phone so hard it was a miracle it didn’t shatter in his hand. In the span of ten seconds every terrible thing he’d ever seen in his nightmares raced through his mind.
“So help me … JJ, tell me where you are.”
“I’m on the street. Outside of Longwinds.” Another sob.
Jonas was already moving. “Are you alone?”
“No … I don’t know. Jonas, I need you.”
Jonas could barely breathe as everything inside him clenched and his blood turned to ice. It had to be bad for her to ask for his help. Fuck. He was on the parking level now and his steps quickened as he approached his Jeep.
“JJ, I need you to keep talking to me. Let me know you’re okay.”
After the world’s longest pause, one in which he died a thousand times over, she finally spoke. “I’m here. I’m okay. But I know there was someone.”
Her voice was shaky. She was probably in shock.
If anyone had hurt her … Why the hell hadn’t he insisted on accompanying her everywhere? Considering how thoroughly she’d bewitched him, it was hardly a stretch to imagine that other men felt the same way. He’d seen what some men did to the women they claimed to love. Despite how much she hated having a security detail, he should have put his foot down and insisted. Why hadn’t he taken care of her?
Noah hadn’t spared any expense or left any stone unturned when it came to ensuring Lucia’s safety. Why hadn’t he done the same?
But Lucia and Noah are together. JJ isn’t yours, the rational part of his brain argued.
The hell she isn’t, he thought bitterly. She might not know it yet but she was his just as surely as he was hers. Every breath he took belonged to her.
“I’m almost there, JJ. Just hang on, okay?”
He was probably going to end up in some police chase, considering how crazy he was driving but he didn’t bother slowing down. Let them chase him. As long as he got to JJ and made sure she was safe, they could put him in handcuffs. It was nothing that hadn’t been done before.
The dark thought accompanied him as he raced through the streets and finally pulled up in front of Longwinds. He knew the boutique only because it was one of Lucia and JJ’s favorite stores. His eyes sifted through the crowds walking on the sidewalk in front of the store until he locked onto a small shape a few yards away from the door. JJ was sitting on the hard concrete, her arms curled around her knees, her blond hair falling over her face like a shield.
He parked illegally and jumped out. JJ didn’t notice him until he was right in front of her. She raised her head and stared through him, her big blue eyes glassy with unshed tears.
“I want to go home,” she confessed in a small voice.
Jonas felt his heart break wide open right then and there.
“Come on, baby. Let’s get you off the ground.”
The sense of wrongness amplified when she didn’t fight him, instead wrapping her arms trustingly around his neck and allowing him to lift her. He noted the spilled coffee a few feet away and the dark stains on her frilly red skirt. Without another word, he carried her to the passenger side of the SUV and belted her in. She allowed him to do it for her, moving her arms and legs like a docile child. It was terrifying, seeing this broken-down version of JJ, like whatever she’d seen had scared her so badly she didn’t have the will to fight anymore.
“I want to go home,” she whispered again. “My place. I don’t want to be around people right now. Please.”
It was the please that got him. She was so used to fighting her way through life that he knew what it cost her to ask him for anything. Despite that, he couldn’t allow her to put herself in danger. Her apartment wasn’t the safest place after the fire, even after all the renovations they’d done. The security there was nonexistent. Before she moved back in, Matthias was planning to wire the place up so tight even a cockroach couldn’t sneak in undetected. And in this city, that was saying something.
“We can’t do that but I know where we can go.” He shut the door before she could protest or hit him with another one of those killer, big-blue gazes that made him feel like he was suffocating.
By the time he climbed into the driver’s seat, JJ was quiet again, looking forlornly out the window. Her eyes were trained on the front of the Longwinds store. Had something happened while she was shopping? Had someone hurt her or scared her in one of the dressing rooms? This was New York; anything was possible.
Then she turned and their eyes met, and he shivered at the bone deep pain in her gaze. No, this wasn’t just about something that happened today. JJ was running from something bigger than that.
They didn’t talk as he navigated the streets, not even when he let out a curse as a group of teenagers ran right in front of the Jeep, forcing him to slam on the brakes. He pulled into an underground garage and glanced over at JJ, wondering if she’d figured out where they were going yet. Not that she’d ever seen his place. Before she’d moved in with the rest of the crew at Blake Security headquarters, they hadn’t exactly been friendly enough for her to come over and hang out.
Once he got out, he came around the vehicle to open her door. JJ looked around the dark garage nervously but she unbuckled her seatbelt. “Where are we?”
“My place.” Jonas quirked an eyebrow at her surprised stare. “You said you didn’t want to see anyone else. My place fits the bill.”
She shrugged and then followed him to the elevator bank.
His place didn’t have the advanced security they had at the Blake Security building but it was definitely a step up from most places. He swiped his card to access the elevator and then pushed the button for the tenth floor. When the elevator arrived on his floor, JJ stepped out first and then looked around curiously.
“This is a pretty nice building.”
He chuckled at her surprise. “I saved my money over the years. It’s not like I had much else to spend it on.”
Once he opened the door, JJ gave him a small smile and elbowed past him to get inside. He let out a sigh of relief at the small show of attitude. He gave her shit about fighting with him all the time but he hadn’t known how much he would miss that saucy mouth of hers. He wasn’t living if he couldn’t verbally banter with JJ.
“It’s so clean.” JJ swiped a finger over one of the tables in the living room and inspected her finger. I know this isn’t your doing.”
“Actually I can be a bit of a neat freak. But I have a maid service that comes once a week.”
“Even though you’re not here much?”
He shrugged. “Doesn’t mean they should lose a client. And I’m not exactly paying rent at the penthouse.”
She grinned. “That’s what I said too. The no-rent situation almost makes up for my place being torched.” Her smile fell then. “I thought it meant that my bad luck was over.”
He opened his mouth to ask what she meant by that but the closed expression on her face changed his mind. It was more important that she feel safe right now. She’d talk when she was ready.
JJ moved from the table to the bookshelves, tilting her head slightly to examine the names on the spines. Her fingers danced over the picture frames arranged on the shelves, tapping lightly on a picture of him with his mother. Then she saw the object right next to it and her mouth fell open.
“You were a cop?”
She picked up the badge resting on the shelf and cradled it in the palm of her hand.
Jonas shivered, wishing now that he’d had time to put a few things away before he brought her here. No one ever came over, so he wasn’t used to having to explain things or hide.
“I was. A long time ago.”
Her eyes caught and held his. “You don’t have to tell me.”
There was a wealth of understanding in her voice. He could drop the subject and she’d never ask again. Something in her eyes promised that she understood not wanting to open certain boxes. She understood wanting to lock them and throw away the key forever. The idea of never opening parts of JJ made him ache. He wanted to wander around and poke through every part of her until there was no door or room in her mind that he hadn’t explored. But how could he ask that of her when he wasn’t willing to open himself?
“Being on the force was all I’d ever wanted. Lots of little boys want to be police officers when they grow up, but most don’t know why. Maybe they like the blue uniform or Officer Friendly at their school. But I always knew why I wanted to go into law enforcement. I wanted to protect people who couldn’t protect themselves. People like my mom.”
JJ’s eyes softened immediately. She turned to the picture on the shelf. “This is your mother? She’s so beautiful.”
The pain welled immediately, swelling, filling every crack and crevice until he thought he’d burst with frustration and impotent rage.
“She was beautiful. The most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.”
“Was,” JJ echoed sadly. “I’m so sorry.”
“She died when I was in high school.” He paused and took a deep breath. “She was murdered.”
JJ couldn’t help it. She gasped.
He flinched at the sound. It was such a brief reaction, and if she hadn’t been looking at him she might have missed it. But before she knew what she was doing, she was across the room and in his arms. JJ squeezed him tight, resting her head in the curve of his shoulder.
She wasn’t sure what she’d been expecting to hear when she started asking questions. Jonas was such a smartass most of the time that she’d just assumed he’d always gone through life with a happy-go-lucky kind of nonchalance. It was a revelation to discover that his jovial demeanor was masking some seriously painful stuff.
You aren’t the only one with ghosts.
Jonas finally shifted, and she pulled back slightly so she could see his face. His forehead was pinched, like he was agitated or maybe even embarrassed.
He cleared his throat. “I’m not telling you this to … Hell, I don’t know why I’m telling you this. Maybe it’s so you’ll understand. The day I graduated from the police academy I felt like I’d done something for her. Something to help other women like her.”
Women like me.
JJ shivered and wrapped her arms around herself to stop the shaking. If she’d been strong enough to ask for help back then, Jonas might have been one of the police officers who helped her. They could have met all those years ago.
“Your mom would be so proud of the man you’ve become.”
His harsh laughter sounded cruel in the quiet of the room. JJ pulled back, surprised at the sound after such a serious moment.
“She wouldn’t be proud of me. Instead of helping women, I just got pulled into a fucked-up situation and got kicked off the force. Not exactly how I expected things to turn out.”
JJ shivered again, this time by the unexpected conflicting feelings she was experiencing. It was second nature to needle Jonas and try to get a response out of him, but this was different. This was real. The thought that he might not know how much he’d helped people, including her, was incomprehensible.
“Jonas, you saved my life.”
He shook his head. “If I hadn’t gotten you out of the fire, the firefighters would have. They were right behind me.”
JJ shook her head again, the words she wanted so badly to say getting stuck in her throat. How could she tell him that she hadn’t even been referring to the fire? It was all so messed up, and he had no idea that he was saving her life right here and now by staying with her when she felt so unstable.
“You’ve helped a lot of people. I know how seriously you take every single one of your cases. I normally wouldn’t tell you this, but you’re one of the good ones, Jonas Castillo.”
His head lifted slowly, and their eyes met. This close, there was an undeniable intimacy to the position. JJ’s mouth fell open as she was hit with a strong surge of desire that made her belly clench and her mouth water. Her eyes drifted closed, lulled by the sense of utter safety she felt in his arms. She nuzzled his cheek with her nose, enjoying the slight rasp of his facial hair against her skin.
Her hands lifted to rest on his shoulders, pressing against the muscles underneath the thin T-shirt he was wearing. It was no protection from her determined grip. Soon, she was kneading his shoulders while burrowing her nose deeper into the curve of his neck, trying to get farther into the safety net he created around them.
“JJ, baby, what are you doing?”
She ignored his soft whisper as her tongue snaked out to taste his skin. His neck was slightly salty and the taste was like a drug. JJ swallowed and then bit him gently on the throat. His answering groan raced through her, igniting all her nerve endings and settling like a hot ball of fire between her thighs.
Yes, this was what she needed. To be held and protected by a man who would never hurt her, only comfort and pleasure her. She hooked her arm around his neck and pulled him into a kiss. Their lips collided in a hard, passionate kiss but then Jonas pulled back.
“We shouldn’t—”
“Jonas, please. I need you.” She didn’t wait for his answer, just moved back slightly so she could unbutton her top. His eyes followed her every movement and when she parted the material to reveal her black bra, he swallowed audibly. The strain on his face was evident.
He might not be sure about this, but he couldn’t deny that he wanted her too. The knowledge gave JJ a rush of power. It was a heady thing to be able to command a man’s attention like this, especially someone like Jonas who was practically a magnet for women. When she hooked her fingers in the sides of her skirt and inched it down, his fingers clenched like he had to restrain himself from reaching out and touching her.
“No, touch me,” she encouraged. “I want to touch you, too.”
She pressed against him, and without the fabric between them, her breasts pillowed against the hard planes of muscle. He groaned low and deep at the sensation and one hand lifted to caress one of the heavy weights. By the time they broke the kiss, they were both breathing hard and Jonas looked like he was hanging on to the reins of his control by a mere thread.
“You are so beautiful, Jessica.”
His use of her first name startled her, and she was caught off guard by how much she liked hearing it on his lips. It made her feel as beautiful as he’d claimed she was, but even more than that, it made her feel like he saw her. Not just any beautiful woman but her. Thinking about how long they’d known each other and the things they’d been through together was overwhelming, and she tightened her arms around him.
“Please Jonas,” she repeated. “I don’t want to think about him. Make me forget.”
His brow furrowed for a moment, but JJ didn’t want to wait any longer. She jumped into his arms, and Jonas caught her. She braced her hands on his shoulders as she kissed all over his face. It took a few minutes before she realized he wasn’t kissing her back. JJ stilled.
Jonas set her on her feet carefully and then knelt to get her clothes. He slipped the blouse over each of her arms and then buttoned her up with shaky fingers. Then he held out her skirt and she stepped into it on instinct.
“What is it? Why are we stopping?”
He took a deep breath. “This isn’t the right time. You’ve just been through something that really has you spooked, and I would never take advantage of you.”
Annoyed, especially because everything he said made sense, JJ pulled her skirt up roughly and turned her back to him as she righted her clothes.
When she was almost done, she felt him right behind her.
“You said ‘I don’t want to think about him.’ Who were you talking about?”
JJ froze. Had she said that? She thought back frantically, all the blood draining from her face when she realized what she’d admitted aloud. “It was nothing. I was just babbling.”
“Bullshit.” Jonas moved so he was standing right in front of her and she couldn’t avoid his eyes anymore. “Did someone try to hurt you today?”
Somehow his genuine concern was more mortifying than when he was turning her down for sex. JJ’s eyes filled with tears, and she gave him her back again. He could dig into her business, follow her around, and apparently make her so hot that she forgot where she was and who she was with. But he wasn’t entitled to every thought in her head or to explanations she wasn’t ready to give. No one was entitled to those parts of her past. It had taken her years to learn that hard lesson.
“Take me back to the penthouse. Now.”