CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Owen

Shit. Have I done the right thing? I can’t exactly send her a text back and say I’ve changed my mind, she’ll think I’m a right dick then., or running for the hills. Fuck, fuck, fuck! My head rests in my hands in defeat, and I’ve only sent a text. A heavy sigh slips from my mouth.

“Daddy?” Ella is standing next to me rubbing her eyes.

“Oh hey.” I say to her softly, putting my phone back down. I lift her onto my lap and lay back with her against the settee as she cuddles up to me. “What’s wrong?”

“I had a bad dream…” She yawns.

“Can you remember what it was about?” Her head shakes as her eyes close again. I kiss the top of her head tenderly and let her go back to sleep in my arms. I often wonder what it would’ve been like if Vic was still here, I think what life would be like if I didn’t have Ella - either of them and I can’t. It’s like Ella has always been here. These thoughts were rampant when I first lost Victoria. Was it my fault, something I did - or didn’t do? Who knows, what I do know; I had to stop blaming myself a long time ago, otherwise I would never have coped. I don’t think I ever did completely.

What will Grace think when I tell her that Vic died, will she feel sorry for me? I don’t want pity; that’s the last thing I want. Oh fuck, my head is totally messed up. I just don’t know. Grace is the first woman to even gain a little interest from me and I haven’t a clue why, she seems so different but what if without Ella, I can’t make any conversation. God, I’m so screwed. Fuck all this thinking! My phone goes off again, luckily on silent with Ella being asleep in my arms. Pulling my arm from under her I manage to press the button on my phone to light up the screen: Tom: What’s up?

Instead of answering him right away, I stand with Ella still in my arms and carry her to bed, pull the covers up to her chin and kiss her goodnight. She always brings a smile to face no matter how down I am. She is and always will be, the most precious thing in my life.

 

Heading back downstairs I sit back down, grab my phone and reply to his text.

 

Me: Hey you busy?

 

I grab another can from the fridge and wait for Tom. My phone rings this time though.

“Hello mate.”

“What’s the crisis?”

“Who said there was a crisis?”

“Shut the fuck up you never text me.”

“Okay...” I cut him off. “You remember Grace from the other weekend?”

“Course I do!” He scoffs.

“Well, I’m taking her out tomorrow night.” He doesn’t say anything, if I know Tom he's smiling at the phone or saying, ‘about time’ under his breath. “I’m not sure it’s a good idea though.”

“Hang on. When did you decide this?”

“Last Saturday when I picked up Ella.”

“I’m impressed. Look don’t read too much into things just take her out keep it light and enjoy it, if it doesn’t work out or it feels uncomfortable then part as friends... then send her my way!” He says laughing.

“Dick. Okay thanks man.”

“I’m not too sure what advice I can give but I’m here for you.”

“I know. See you later.”

“I’ll pop by Monday. Laters.”

 

I cut the call, open my beer and watch the rest of the film instead of dwelling on everything, I have to do this.

 

It has to be around ten years since I’ve been on a date, I’m a nervous wreck, ahh! My hands scrub over my face. I’ve been sat in the car now for the last five minutes plucking up the courage to get out. I could barely even look at Grace this morning when I dropped Ella off, so when I picked her up I made a point of saying I was in a hurry - confirmed details for tonight and hot-tailed it out of there. I dropped Ella off at Nanna’s early but stayed there with her as long as I could, not because I didn’t want to leave her but because while I was there it stopped me thinking too much. The thoughts in my head just wouldn’t quieten down.

“Man up. Just get out of the car and go up there.” Stepping from the car, I straighten my shirt, rub my sweaty palms on my jeans and take the bunch of flowers from the back seat. Locking the car, I walk towards the doors and go in. Once I’m standing in front of her door, I blow out a calming breath and knock. The door opens to Grace in a black dress, it sits just above her knee and hugs every one of her curves. My eyes travel up her body until I realise I haven’t spoken. “Hi. Erm, you look fantastic.” Handing her the bunch flowers, her tilts to the side as she smiles at me.

“Those are beautiful, thank you. You look pretty good yourself.” She puts into the flowers and sniffs as she looks up at me. Smiling she turns away to grab her bag and steps into her shoes. “I’ll just put these in some water, come in. Meaghan, I’m going now.”

She gets up and walks up to me. “Hey, I know we didn’t meet properly the other week, so I’m Meaghan - you’re obviously Owen.”

“Obviously.” I grin. “Good to meet you Meaghan.” I nod and smile. I’m glad to say the nerves are starting to ease now...

“Now, watch what you’re doing and don’t be too late home.” Meaghan jokes.

“Piss off will you! Let’s go.” Not holding the snigger in, Grace looks at me wide eyed. “Don’t laugh at her you just encourage her to be a twat.”

“Love you too!” Meaghan shouts out of the front door as we walk away from her. I hold the door open for her as we leave the building, and head to the restaurant.

As we sit in Pepito’s Italian restaurant, I realise what I’ve been missing all these years. Secluding myself away, just me and Ella - hasn’t been healthy at all. Now I can see why everyone has been telling me to get out more.

I was worrying about nothing; the conversation has flowed and the food has been great. We’ve talked about Ella in dance but not too much. She’s filled me in on her family and about her Mum as that’s really the only family she has, she also told me she’s only twenty-four. Fuck me, she’s six years younger than me!

“So, Owen, how’s the business?”

“It’s good.” I tell her around a forkful of pasta. “It’s picking up all the time, more people are recommending me to their friends, it just means more hours for me; which I don’t really want because of Ella but what can I do?”

“You could find a partner, maybe split the workload?”

“Hmm, maybe. The thought has crossed my mind, I mean don’t get me wrong before I was really busy, it was how I met Tom, but after, I let the business slip and I had to build it back up.” Twirling my pasta around my fork my head goes to places I don’t want it to.

Grace must see the shift in me because she changes the subject. “Where’s Ella tonight?”

“She’s at her grandparents. I’ll be honest I was a nervous wreck today, it’s been awhile since I’ve had to do this.”

“Well then, I feel honoured it was me.” Our gazes lock for a beat too long, the colour of her eyes captures me, they’re like an iridescent blue, they shine bright. She smiles at me, her face lighting up. Picking up my glass of water I take a sip just to break the spell, or that’s what it feels like because I can’t stop looking at her. “Well, I’m stuffed.” she says has her eyes go wide and her hand rests on her flat tummy. “Thank you, Owen, the food was beautiful.”

“Yeah, it was good.” I answer as I wipe my mouth on a napkin.

“Have you been here before?”

“No, never.” One stipulation I made to myself was not to bring Grace somewhere that I’d taken Victoria in the past, this place is still fairly new so this it won. It’s not fair on Grace to do that, this is a fresh start - it’s hard enough. “Do you want a dessert?”

“Oh Jesus, I don’t think I could fit one in.” Her hands still resting on her tummy as she answers. “I think I may burst.”

“Is there anything you’d like to do now?”

“Whatever you want to do, I don’t mind.”

Smiling again, “Okay, I’ll get the bill if you’ve had enough to eat.” nodding to get the waiter’s attention, I ask for the bill as he walks up to the table smiling.

“Could I get you coffee or a dessert?” I look to Grace to see what she wants.

“I’d love Coffee, please. If that’s alright with you, unless you have to get back?”

“No, not all. Could we have two coffees’ please?” The waiter nods his head and walks away.

The waiter brings the them over a few minutes later with mints and leaves the bill on the table in a leather-bound wallet. Grace looks out the window into the street her eyes everywhere and her thoughts racing a mile a minute, I can tell. “Penny for them?”

Her head turns as she looks at me. “It’s nothing. I was just looking out.”

“You ready to go?” She nods as she drinks the last of the coffee and I place some notes from my wallet with the bill. We walk through the restaurant and stop at the door saying bye then take her hand in mine. It feels weird holding someone else’s hand, I feel like a teenager again and don’t know what I’m doing.