CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Owen

My phone is in my hand with the screen open on Grace’s messages. I read them over and over again, I made the move and text her not the other way around, so why do I feel like shit. Ella is lying on the settee in her pyjamas and dressing gown with her head on my lap. As I’m stroking her hair she looks up and smiles. “I’m tired Daddy.”

“Come on then, princess. Let’s take you up to bed.”

Tucking her in, I kiss her brow, place her teddy under her arm that she’s slept with since she was a baby and walk out of the room, I leave the door ajar and the landing light on as she doesn’t like the dark and head downstairs.

Once I’m on my own, my thoughts go into overdrive... did I do the right thing by going out? What if I’m not ready for all this and I’m just kidding myself? What if I can never move on from Vic? I stop dwelling on everything and lose myself watching some mindless crap on the T.V, I’ll deal with it all as and when the time comes but I need to tell her about Vic before we can move on.

 

After dropping Ella of at nursery I head into work. Jenny shouts her usual morning as I walk through and I lift my hand to her but head straight for my office. My head is no clearer today than it was last night - if anything it’s worse.

She walks in with a steaming cup of coffee, she really is my saviour - she pulls the chair out and sits down. “Come on then, what’s wrong? You’re not your usual self.” I try not to take my problems to work because Jenny can read me like a book, but she’s also one of the people closest to me.

“How do you mean?”

“Well, you’re normally chirpier than this.”

I went out Saturday.”

“So…”

My palms rub and down my face as I sigh. “Remember I told you about Ella’s dance teacher? Well I took her out…” She nods as I tell her. “It went really well but now I don’t know, maybe it’s too soon for all this.”

“Do you like her?”

“Yeah but…”

“No buts, you either like her or you don’t.”

“Yes. I like her.”

“Now we’re getting somewhere. Owen, you can’t put a timescale on grief, you lost the love of your life - no one has said you can’t move on. You deserve to put yourself first for once. The only person who can stop you - is you. So, it’s been four years, sometimes people come into our lives just at the right time, it’s called fate.” I scoff at her fate bullshit. “Scoff all you want to Owen Bates but you can’t deny it. Just run with it, don’t make excuses for it or let guilt stop anything because you have nothing to feel guilty for.”

“Thanks Jenny.” Grinning at her, I know she’s right but it doesn’t make it any better in my head.

“Anytime.” She smiles. “Now you’ve got a full day of appointments I’m afraid.”

“Ugh, okay.” She hands me my mail as I turn on the computer and get the appointment list up. She’s right, I have a full day which means no picking up Ella today.

I make arrangements with my Mum to pick her up and take her to dance class, hopefully I can pick her up.

 

Walking through the door at six pm is no joke. It’s been such a long day today, it was never ending. Tom popped in but I had no break between appointments today apart to grab something for lunch, so I couldn’t find five minutes to chat to him. On a good note though I can smell a cooked dinner in the air.

“DADDYYYYY!”

“Hello princess. You okay?” I lift her up into my arms and hug her tight.

“I missed you.” She mumbles as her head snuggles into my neck.

“I missed you too. Daddy had a lot of work to do, sweetheart, I’m sorry.”

“Nanny, cook bangers an mash.” she tells me excitedly as she lifts her head up from out of my neck.

“Oh, did she? That’s my favourite.” She wriggles to get down so I put her feet on the floor then runs straight to the kitchen. Mum walks out drying her hands on a towel. As I reach her, I place a kiss to her cheek. “You didn’t have to cook but thank you.”

“Don’t be silly, it’s sausage and mash it takes next to no time. You look tired”

“I am but it couldn’t be helped, it seems like everyone needs their finances done at the same time.” I smirk.

“So, I met Grace today.” she grins knowingly.

Shit. “Oh yeah.”

“She’s very nice and pretty. Ella seems to like her... a lot. She never left her side.” I nod at my Mother’s accurate observations not really knowing what I should say here because whatever I do say she’ll either twist or she’ll get really excited. “She asked about you.”

“Oh yeah.”

“Yeah.” she nods. “How was the date on Saturday?”

“It was okay…” Mum raises an eyebrow and waits for me to say more, “Fine, it was nice, I enjoyed it and so did she I think.”

“Well that’s good to know. Are you seeing her again?”

“Probably, who knows.” I sigh. “Please drop it.”

“Okay, I was just asking. I just want to see you happy again.” She frowns.

“I know you do but it’s not going to happen overnight.”

She smiles and kisses my cheek as I sit down to eat. “I know it isn’t. If you need me just give me a shout.”

“Will do.” She gives Ella a kiss and a hug and leaves as Ella goes back to watching her cartoons and I eat my dinner.

 

As I’m sitting through an appointment two days later my phone vibrates with a text.

 

Grace: Hi. How are you?

 

I place my phone in my drawer and get back to it until my appointment is over, although I’m not really listening. Just seeing her name starts my mind shooting off in every direction as much as I don’t want it to.

“Can you excuse me for one second, I just need to reply to this.” My client nods and smiles and answers of course. I take my phone from the drawer and open the text messages.

 

Me: Hey I’m okay. How are you? Sorry I’m just with a client can I ring you later?

 

As I slip it back into my pocket, Jenny gives me a questioning look so I hold up the phone for her to see and she nods but also gives me an approving look. I walk back in the room with a shake of my head at her smug look on her face. “Okay I’m back.” I say with a smile and place my phone back in my drawer. “Sorry about that. You were saying?” He tells me it’s fine and we get back on but not knowing if she’s answered me is bugging the shit out of me now.

As soon as my client leaves the room, I ask Jenny to show him out and walk straight back to my desk. Opening the drawer, I take out my phone as I sit down. I have a free ten-minute break. Jenny walks back in with a cup of coffee as I read her reply, “Thanks Jen.”

She smiles as she walks away and closes the door behind her.

 

Grace: Hey, yeah that’s fine, sorry didn’t mean to disturb you.

Me: Hi, it’s fine. You didn’t but I do have another appointment in ten minutes so I’ll ring you after work if that’s alright?”

 

I place it on my desk and leave the text open while I take a sip of my steaming coffee.

Another message appears.

 

Grace: I’d love that.

 

Picking up my phone again I reply.

 

Me: Okay then, once Ella is in bed I’ll give you a ring.

Grace: Okay speak later.

 

I smile at the speed her last text came through, I can imagine her holding it in her hand, her fingers must type ten words a second. I place my phone back in my drawer and get ready for my next client.

 

 

“Daddy?” Ella questions.

“Are you pickin me up morrow, I like you to pick me up.”

“Yes, I will sweetheart I promise, I’ll take you and pick you up from your dance class, how’s that?”

“Yaaaay.”

Once Ella’s tucked up in bed, I grab my phone, take a deep breath and dial Grace’s number. She answers on the first ring.

 

“Hi.”

“Hey.” I sigh heavily. “How are you?”

“I’m great thanks. You?”

“Yeah. Tired.”

“I can only imagine with a four-year-old running about keeping you on your toes.”

“Yeah, you could say that…” There’s an uncomfortable silence on the phone, maybe I shouldn’t have done this…

“So, the point of the text today, I was thinking about you and I was thinking about how much I enjoyed Saturday night and wondered if you would want to it again, but of course if you think it’s too soon...

“Grace. I’d love too.” I cut off her ramblings for a second and answer her before the mood passes.

“Really?” she asks breathlessly.

“Yes. I would love to go out again.”

“My treat though this time?” Grace questions.

“Not a chance.” I laugh.

“Ugh, you have to let me pay some time.”

“Whatever you say.” I laugh again. The sound of her voice seems to ease my worries. She’s so calming and easy to talk too.

“If you can’t get a babysitter just let me know, and we can think of something to do around Ella or make it another night.”

“I’d prefer not to add Ella into the mix right now if that’s okay? She already attached to you - I don’t want her getting the wrong idea too soon. I’m sorry that sounds awful.” Shake my head I feel like smacking myself in the face.

“No, no. I totally understand, honestly. Erm, can I ask a question?”

Pausing for a second I hold my breath. “Yeah okay…”

“Does Ella still see her Mum? Tell me to mind my own business if you want to - in fact, no, don’t answer that!” My stomach turns as the question I’ve been expecting falls from her lips.

“She hasn’t got a Mum... really.” shit, how do I even explain without saying it outright. “I’m sorry that sounded callous.”

No, it’s fine. It’s just... well, she’s never been around as long as I’ve known you so I just wondered. When we were out that night and Ross the cock, mentioned you coming out and the weird looks kind of confused me, so forgive me for being nosey.”

“Grace, it alright but it’s not a conversation I’d like to have over the phone. I’d prefer to do it face to face.” The air starts to thicken as Vic enters my head but more that I need to tell Grace about her sooner than I thought.

We talk for a further ten minutes about safer stuff like the weather and Ella’s dancing and about her job but when I hear her yawn, it’s definitely time to hit the sack. With the week, I’m having at work I feel the same way. I tell her I’ll definitely be picking up Ella tomorrow and we can arrange something then. I head up to bed after checking again on Ella and decide on an early night.