CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

Grace

My eyes close on a deflated sigh as I watch him drive away. As soon as he walked out on Saturday I regretted telling him what was in my head, I spent most of the night crying and Sunday I was on autopilot. I hadn’t even got Meaghan to kick me up the arse to stop me from being so miserable. How did it all go to shit? I mean I know he called me his dead

wife’s name on Friday but I was willing to look past that, although if my best friend had been here she’d have given me a bollocking for giving in so easy to him. But I’m an adult and I could be the adult about that too - as I was. I don’t understand.

Saturday was just so perfect. He was gentle, caring, it was out of this world then he totally pulled back from me like the shutters closed. I really should talk to him about it but I can’t bring myself to relive it again - it’s bad enough going back through it all in my head.

My mum asked me to go for lunch, so I did out of duty but I just wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep or cry and think about the what ifs, now I may never know.

I can’t believe I fell for him this quick but then again, he’s that type of man that people notice when he walks in the room, he sucks the life out of it and he is all you see, hear. My eyes roll upwards to look into the sky, the rain is starting to come down really quick. Owen turns the corner out of sight so I run back indoors.

Setting my iPod up, I play Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler - an Eighties classic and start my dance. My heart and soul goes into every movement. Every twirl, kick I put way more effort in than usual. After two and half minutes I’m out of breath and exhausted.

Grabbing the bottle of water from the floor I collapse and sit with my back against the wall while I rehydrate. Resting my head against the wall I close my eyes. I saw him before he realised, little does he know that when he’s near my senses go on high alert. As awful as he looked today he still fucking gorgeous in that suit and if there were no kids here today the outcome may have been very different. He looked so tired today, I want to pull him into me and just hold him.

Instead of any more training, I gather my belongings together and head home picking up a meal for one and a bottle of wine.

 

By the time Thursday rolls around I’ve decided I’m going to talk to him if I can, even if it’s just a normal conversation. By the time the kids start filling in I’m waiting with bated breath to get a glimpse of him. “Hello Gwace.” Ella shouts as she flies past me and into the hall. My tummy flips, my teeth bite the corner of my lip but when I see Sue, Ella’s grandmother walking in my heart sinks. I pick myself back up by telling myself Owen will be here to pick her up though, he usually is. Before I start the lesson, Ella’s grandmother walks towards me.

“Hi Grace. How are you honey?”

“Hello. I’m good, how are you?

“Ugh. I’m okay. I’d better if I knew what was wrong with that grumpy son of mine.

“Oh.” I look behind me at the kids to make sure they’re okay so I can avoid her eyes, I’m saying nothing if Owen hasn’t. “I need to get to the kids before they ambush me.”

“Oh, of course. I’m sorry.” She leaves the room and closes the door and we start the lesson.

When it’s his Mum picking her back up later on, my heart sinks further and I go home without even training.

 

Walking into the flat, Meaghan is sitting on the couch with her legs tucked under her with a glass of orange Juice. “AHH, you’re back!” I scream. She frowns at first but it soon turns to a cheesy grin. “How are you feeling?”

“Bloated, sick, can’t keep hardly anything down and tired, I think that covers it.” She smiles.

“I’m so glad you’re back!”

“You don’t look too good, what’s happened?” I sit by her on the couch, lean my head against her shoulder then begin to tell her everything that has happened.

“I know I haven’t known him long and I’ve been with him even less time but he makes feel different than anyone ever has. He didn’t even turn up today to bring Ella. God I’m such a fool.”

“You love him dontcha?”

“How can I love him, I haven’t known him long enough!”

“So, what! Sometimes the way a person makes you feel about yourself is enough to make you love them. It’s always going to be complicated Gracie. He lost his wife, he has a child. He has a constant reminder of his wife in his little girl and the timing of her death was just tragic to say the least, then you come along and crash land into his messed up little world and make it even more fucked up. Wouldn’t you be confused?”

“I’m confused most of the time, Meag, that’s a well-known fact.” I wink and smirk as she shakes her head but agrees with me. “I’ve told him he can have his space, sort his head out but what if I’m not enough? What if he doesn’t want me enough?”

“How can anyone not want you. You’re an amazing person.” I may not agree with a lot of Meaghan’s choices but she’s such a good person and I love her to death. She’s my sister from another mister.

“Love ya bitch!”

She smiles. “Love ya right back.”

“So how was your Dad? Did he ask why you wanted to stay with him?”

“Pft, of course he did.”

“Did you tell him?”

“If you’re asking if I told him I was pregnant - then I didn’t have a choice because I was throwing up constantly. I just told him it was complicated. The fucker didn’t ask again, not that he really cares.”

“So, have you decided what to do yet?”

“I think so. I’m having an abortion.”

“Wow, I wasn’t expecting that, but you know I’m here for you and I’ll hold your hand through it.”

“Thanks. I just can’t, it’s not fair on either me or the baby so why bring it into a fucked situation from the start.”

“Now I’m worried, it sounds like you’ve grown up.” I shudder at the thought of my best friend acting grown up - that never happens.

“Don’t worry it won’t last.” She smiles.

“Does this mean I can punch him again.” I laugh.

“Not unless he really asks for it you know like when I tell him about the baby, because I’ll have to tell him, I can’t keep it from him, like you said - he has a right to know.”

“I’ve still got the bruise on my knuckles from when I hit him last time.” Holding my hand out I show her the evidence. “I’m proud of you, Meag.”

She smiles and flings her arms around me, hugging me. “It’ll work out with Owen, you’ll see.”

“I hope so.”