I AWAKE ALONE in Tyler’s bed, sitting up quickly and scanning the room for any sign of him. Everything is still as it was last night except for the vacant spot on the adjacent wall and the pile of folded shirts that were sitting on top of the dresser.
Long after he fell asleep last night, I had lain awake for several hours, reviewing the last five years of my life and vowing to never lose myself as a person or accept abuse in any form from anyone.
The glow from the fireplace had provided enough light for me to see the contents of his room. The usual things, a bed, side table and a dresser, filled the confines of the four walls. A huge photograph framed in black hung prominently on the far wall. It was the same picture I’d smashed last night except Penny wasn’t in this one and Alex had his arm draped over Tyler’s shoulder. They each wore team shirts, Alex’s race team logo displayed boldly on the left side of their chests.
Eventually my eyelids grew weary, falling heavily as I drifted off to sleep next to a man who I was convinced would never hurt me.
From the living room, I hear the door swing open as Tyler complains, grumbling about the lock and the cold weather. The bedroom door is wide open so I pull the blanket up to cover my nakedness, fearing he might not be alone. I glance at the clock. Nine o’clock. I never sleep in this late, but then again, my sleep schedule has been off for years since I started working nights. It’s like having jet lag without having traveled.
“Good morning.” Tyler walks into the room, carrying two coffees in a cardboard tray and a small white box.
Pushing myself up to a sitting position, I smile and lean over to meet his kiss.
“Good morning yourself,” I mumble against his cold lips. “What’s all this?” I ask, accepting the cup of coffee.
“Breakfast in bed.”
He opens the box, pulls out a pastry and holds it out for me to take a bite. Keeping my eyes laser focused on his, I open my mouth, letting the sweet cream drip on my tongue.
“Thank you,” I chew, moaning dramatically as my eyes close before dragging them upward to reopen.
Tyler shoves the rest into his mouth. “This is the best éclair I’ve ever had.”
My eyes widen with disappointment while a frown turns my mouth.
“What?” he asks only to realize the reason for the expression on my face. “Don’t worry. I got half a dozen.”
We thoroughly enjoy our breakfast in bed together, leaving only crumbs in the box.
I finally drum up the courage to bring up the topic I’ve been thinking about all morning.
“So about last night…” My statement wafts, lingering in the air as a question.
Tyler’s countenance stills, apprehension is clearly defined all over his handsome face.
“Do you regret it?”
I rise to my knees, the blanket falling to the side as I remove his coffee cup from his hands.
“Actually,” I grin wickedly. “I was wondering when we could do that again.”
My body flies backwards as Tyler pounces on me, attacking my mouth desperately.
We remain locked behind closed doors, choosing not to leave his apartment for two whole days.
***
“KARRIE,” TYLER CALLS, “why is Roger here?”
I smile to myself, watching from the kitchen as Tyler opens the front door and shakes Roger’s hand, motioning for him to come inside.
“Good to see you. How’s the leg?” Roger wipes his feet, removing the brown snow from last week’s snowfall.
“Stronger than ever.”
I breeze into the foyer and kiss Roger lightly on the cheek and whisper, “Thank you for doing this.”
“I’m happy to help.”
The two men follow me into the kitchen and sit opposite one another. Roger opens his briefcase and removes a thick manila folder.
Tyler’s forehead wrinkles in confusion as he inquires what this is all about.
Inhaling deeply, I pray for courage and take his hand in mine.
“I have a business proposition for you.”
“A business proposition?”
“I’d like to sell you half of the business and half of the race team.”
“Why?” He shakes his head and I can already hear the excuses he’s going to try to give me.
“Because you’re a good electrician and an even better racer.”
“Yeah, but—”
“I told you I was done with him and I am.” I haven’t uttered my deceased spouse’s name since the first night Tyler and I made love.
I said I was done and I meant it.
“I,” he swallows hard then clears his throat, “I don’t have that kind of money.” I know it pains him to admit that; he’s a proud man who works so hard.
“I know that. That’s why I’m selling each part for one dollar.”
“What?” he sighs incredulously. “Why would you do that?”
“For the same reason you gave me back everything in his will even though legally it was yours.”
Tyler stands abruptly and paces the room.
“I don’t know a thing about running a business and I want you to race. It’s what you love to do. It’s who you are.”
Roger spreads the documents out on the table.
“Ty, all you have to do is sign by the Xs.”
I smile in appreciation.
“And give me a check for two dollars plus my commission, of course.”
With hesitation, Tyler reaches out slowly for the proffered pen that’s still wedged between Roger’s fingers. The tip of the fine point pen finds its mark on the line by the X, but he swiftly pulls away and sets the pen down on the table. My eyes exude encouragement as my hand lifts the pen again.
“Please,” I whisper. “All you have to do is sign right here.” I tap the X.
“Can I think about this?”
Rising quickly, I stand and haul Tyler into the living room, needing to talk some sense into him.
“What’s the matter?” I spin around and pin him with questioning eyes.
“Why are you doing this?”
“Because I want you to have it. You deserve it.”
“I never wanted anything of Al—”
I slap my hand over his mouth and narrow my eyes.
“Don’t. Don’t you dare say it,” I warn angrily.
He slides my hand away from his lips.
“I want to build a life with you, but I don’t want to take what he left behind. I’m not some charity case.”
“No, you’re not. You’re going to be a smart business owner and sign those papers.”
His cheeks round as he blows a huge puff of air out.
“I don’t know about this.”
“You want to know what I know?” I snap before continuing. “What I know is this… I know you love me and I know that I’m so in love with you more than I’ve ever been with anyone else in my life. Did you hear me? I love you completely, crazily, wildly!”
He cups my face when emotion swells and my chin quivers.
“Tyler,” I pause to gather my thoughts once again. “The way I see it is he screwed us both so let’s use this to move forward completely. It might seem drastic, but I’m that serious about you and our future.”
After some hesitation from him, I implore him with a whispered plea, “Please. Do this for me. Do this for us.”
Nodding slowly, he lowers his mouth close to mine and kisses me softly.
“You have me wrapped around your little finger.”
“I’m happy to hear that because I have something else to tell you.”
He rolls his eyes dramatically, anticipating the worst.
“I asked Roger to do something else for me.”
“Just tell me.” His patience is wearing thin.
“I’m putting the house for sale and,” I lick my lips and swallow hard. Grinning widely, I say the words he never expected to hear. “I’m changing my last name back to Miller.”
A crane might be needed to pick up his jaw from the hardwood floor.
“Are you serious?”
“Yes! Completely! A hundred percent!”
His silence speaks volumes.
“How many times do I have to tell you I’m done with him?” I stand on tip toes to kiss him when I see the emotion in his eyes. “I love you.”
“Where will you live?”
“Wherever you live. You’re not getting rid of me that easily!”
After reviewing and signing all the documents and Tyler writing a check for one hundred and fifty-two dollars, Roger promises that he’ll return in a few days with our copies of the legal forms.
Two weeks later, a “For Sale” goes up in the yard, and my name is legally changed back to Karrie Miller.
As if we’ve been together for years and not just a few months, Tyler and I spend each night that I’m not working snuggled together either watching Homeland or Game of Thrones on Netflix. At the start of every episode, I think about how we began watching the series. Tyler and Pam had debated about the classic rock music era. Tyler was overconfident and Pam won, earning her the title and nickname of Rock Chick. The wager was decided that if he won, she’d have to go with me and get her motorcycle license. If she won, we’d have to watch GOT.
Pam is one of those people who won’t bet unless she’s a thousand percent positive. Tyler was only a hundred percent. Either way, I came out the winner because Pam loves Tyler and he loves her.
***
TYLER POPS HIS head in through the doorway and startles me, causing my finger to click and close the browser on my laptop.
“Your parents are here.”
“Okay.” I reply guiltily as he steps further into the room.
“What are you doing?” he sings songs playfully, coming to stand behind me in the leather desk chair.
“I was studying.”
“And?” He cocks an eyebrow and squints.
I confess, “Doing a little online shopping.”
“That’s just going to be more stuff to pack when we sell the house.” He alters his choice of words. “When you sell the house.”
I ignore the unnecessary correction. “I saw something I really wanted to order.”
“Oh hey, Kare Bear.” My dad suppresses a smile when he catches Tyler giving me a brief kiss.
“Hi, Dad!”
I stand and walk toward the door, stopping to look back. I reach into my pockets only to come up empty. Turning around, I pat my hand over the pile of papers for what my mom had given me two days ago.
Tyler pauses and glances at me.
“What do you need, babe?”
“Nothing really. I just had a flash drive.” I look in the desk drawer and then on the floor, wondering where I could have put it.
“My mom wanted me to look at her new design ideas.”
My dad chuckles. “Don’t worry about it! Your mother has about a hundred of them lying around the house. Trust me, she won’t miss that one.”
The table has been set and a bottle of wine chilled.
I thank Tyler with a smile and kiss.
“You’re so good to me.”
Servings of delicious food are scooped onto our dishes and we enjoy good conversation.
“So Ty, how are the guys adjusting to having you back?” My mom sets her glass of wine down carefully, knowing how sensitive the topic is.
“He’s their boss!” I interject. “They have to adjust. It’s not like they have a choice. And besides, if they don’t like it, they can go find another job!”
Tyler slips his hand over mine, soothing me after my minor outburst.
“It’s okay. They really have done a great job keeping things up and running for all these months now. I think it’s going to take some adjusting on all our parts.”
A tight smile is sent in my direction.
“You should see some of these houses. They’re huge, sprawling sixty-five hundred square foot homes with four or five bathrooms and only two people live in them. It’s crazy!”
“Have you had any offers on the house?”
I shake my head as I take a sip of wine.
“No, the realtor said winter is a hard time to sell. We may have to wait until spring.”
“I can’t wait for spring!” Tyler pats his solid stomach and sighs, implying he’s eaten enough and thoroughly enjoyed it.
“I thought you race in the summer,” my mom asks with a curious expression.
“I usually race down south in the spring but stay locally in the summer. It all depends on the weather and how I do.” He hesitates for a moment. “Last year was the fastest I’ve ever gone. I’m hoping to get back there soon.”
My dad asks a few technical questions and about the progress on the turbo Tyler’s decided to rebuild. After buying half of the race team, Tyler sold what bikes were left, sold others for parts and is starting from scratch. He’s determined to distance himself from his former sponsor, A.P. Racing, and start fresh on his own.
“You guys go talk swing arms, fuel and forks while we get dessert ready.” My mom rubs my dad’s shoulder lovingly as my two favorite men head into the living room to catch a football game on TV. The smile on my face is immense when Tyler catches my eyes and mouths “I love you.”
“God,” my mother sighs, “he is perfect for you.”
I open the fridge and grab the container of heavy cream.
“Where was he five years ago?”
Right there. Right in front of me. Loving me…from a distance.
I ignore her comment and set about beating the white liquid until it’s light and airy.
“Have you thought about where you’re going to live? You can always move back home until you find the right house.”
Turning the hand beater off, I glance at my mom with appreciation.
“Thanks, but Tyler and I will figure it out. It would be weird living in the same house with you and dad.”
“Oh, stop! I’ll wear clothes when you’re home!”
“Ma!” I flick whipped cream in her direction.
“Don’t waste it! I was going to save some for later tonight.”
“Oh my God, Mom! Do you realize it’s not normal to talk to your child about your sex life?”
“You’re almost thirty years old, Karrie. You’re not exactly a child.”
She may have a point, but I still don’t want to hear the details.
“And besides, sex is a natural part of relationships. Don’t you have sex with Tyler?”
“Not talking about this with you,” I repeat on autopilot.
“Has your endometriosis been bothering you?”
“Ma!” I grit.
My mother rolls her eyes.
“I delivered babies for nearly thirty years. I used words like vagina, labia and clitoris.”
“Are you sure you’re my mother? I must’ve been switched in the hospital!”
“Sweetheart, you know I’m teasing.” She reaches for my forearm. “Seriously though, are you okay?”
My expression softens and I nod when I see the genuine concern in her eyes.
I deliberate on how to be tactful with my mother; she is, after all, my mother.
“Tyler is wonderful. He’s much more considerate of my needs than anyone has ever been.”
“So he makes sure you orgasm first then.”
Gone is the gentleness on my face quickly replaced by a flush of embarrassment.
“This conversation is now over. Forever.” I flick the beater back on and drown out her laughter.
Tyler follows my dad into the kitchen, laughing about how funny it would be to see me on ice skates.
“Why is that so funny?” I challenge, feeling slightly offended.
Dad offers mock sympathy, “You’re not exactly the most athletic person, remember?”
“I can ice skate! As soon as the pond by your house freezes, I’ll prove it!”
“This I can’t wait to see,” Tyler says, digging into his piece of the sweet potato pie my mom brought over.
“Is this from Susie’s?” I ask around my fork.
My mom grins, confessing, “I thought I could pass it off as my own.”
“I’d know her desserts anywhere.” I shovel another forkful into my mouth.
Tyler’s phone rings and he sets his fork down, reaching into his pocket before looking at the screen.
“It’s my mom. Do you mind if I take it?”
My eyes widen in surprise that he would even ask me.
“Of course not!”
Tyler is not only considerate in the bedroom, but he’s considerate in so many other ways. A few nights before, his phone rang incessantly from an unfamiliar number so he let it go to voice mail. When the person called again, he silenced his phone because we were curled up on the couch watching Game of Thrones. I told him to answer if, but he insisted that spending time with me was more important than a phone call which was probably about work anyway.
He rises from the table and walks into the living room before connecting the call.
“I’m considering a motorcycle,” my dad announces, looking from my mother then to me. He knows he’s shocked us both.
With narrowed eyes, my mom asks, “What do you mean considering?”
“You hate racing!” I add.
“Who said anything about racing?” He lifts the cup of coffee and sips slowly. “I’m thinking about a nice touring Harley….” He glances at my mom, gauging her reaction before continuing. “We could take it out on Sunday afternoons.”
“Like an old couple?” The spirited smirk on my mother’s face matches the humor in her eyes.
He shrugs nonchalantly. “Well then, I’ll just have to stop by the senior center to find some little cutie to hop on the back and ride with me.”
My mother snaps her teeth, slaps his arm and laughs along with him, knowing full well he’s teasing.
But I stiffen. Thankfully it goes unnoticed.
My thoughts drift to Penny as my parents’ conversation fades away.
A million questions swirl around my mind from pre-natal care to college. How will she provide for this child? Will she even keep it?
Tyler walks back into the room and the anxious look on his face has me worried immediately. I rise and meet him in the middle of the kitchen, placing my hand at his waist.
“What’s wrong?”
“Tre.”
Panic sinks my heart. “What’s wrong with Tre? Is he okay?” Unimaginable thoughts creep into my head about losing this little boy or that he might be hurt. He means so much to Tyler; his brother’s living legacy.
“He’s not hurt. At least not physically.”
I don’t appreciate the cryptic responses.
“Please tell me what’s going on,” I demand.
“His mom is getting married and they’re moving.”
Disappointment, frustration and utter helplessness combine and leave a heavy expression on his face.
“Oh no! I’m so sorry!”
I lean in and snake my arms around his back, rubbing the muscles of his strong back. Beneath my fingertips, I feel him inhale and exhale roughly.
“Where are they going?”
“Georgia.”
Listening to Tyler explain how Jill, Tre’s mom, is moving because her fiancé was offered a better job is heartbreaking because I can tell he’s completely torn by this. Tre will be provided with more opportunities, but he’ll also be so far away.
“When are they leaving?”
Tyler’s throat constricts. “In two weeks.”
“Right after the New Year?”
He looks away thoughtfully, his lips tightening into a hard line before he nods.
“Then we need to make this the best Christmas for him. For you.”
“What are you two whispering about over here?” my mom asks with a smile.
I sigh and throw her an exasperated look which thankfully she understands.
“Dad and I are leaving. The kitchen is all set and leftovers put away.”
A swell of appreciation rises for my parents; two people who would do or give anything for me.
After hugs and quick kisses goodnight, Tyler and I crawl into bed and create a list of all the things he wants to do with Tre in the next two weeks.
“I really wanted to get him a dirt bike for his birthday in April.”
My head lifts from his bare chest where my fingers glide, trailing up and down his scar.
“A dirt bike? He’s only five!”
“It’s never too soon to learn to ride.”
“Yeah, but does Jill want him to ride?”
His eyes harden briefly. “My brother would’ve wanted that.”
I nearly draw blood as I clamp down on my tongue. My finger stills on his chest.
Thomas Strong was nothing like his brother. He was a reckless and selfish man who took from people and gave nothing in return. A man who got a woman pregnant and then tried to deny it. He was killed before Tre was born. It wasn’t until Stacy saw the newborn that she realized the truth; the baby was indeed Thomas’ son. From that day forward she vowed to support him in lieu of her son’s absence. I give Jill credit for naming her son after his father and grandfather when neither man was faithful.
“Does it bother you?”
“What?” I hum.
“Does my scar bother you?”
His question draws me away from angry thoughts about his brother and …
I rise to an elbow and look at him as a million questions stand in line, preparing to fall from my lips.
Shock widens my eyes when they meet his.
“God no! Why…why would you think that?”
I swallow the ball of emotions before pressing a long slow kiss directly onto the pink seam dividing his chest.
Tyler stares at me thoughtfully, and I immediately wonder what he’s thinking.
“Sometimes I wonder what would’ve happened if—”
“Tyler,” I plead. “Please don’t finish that sentence.”
“I guess I was thinking about my brother and how his life ended. My mom almost lost both her sons. Tommy wasn’t perfect and he did some really stupid things, but when push comes to shove, he was my brother.”
I sigh, feeling guilty for having thought badly about Thomas mere moments before.
“I want to do things with Tre that my brother can’t do. And now he’s leaving. I thought I’d have a lot more time with him.”
I crawl closer and cover his body with my own, snuggling into the crook of his neck, breathing him in.
“You’ll have to make a point to keep in touch with him.”
“It won’t be the same. That kid…he’s like my son.”
An ache cripples my heart.
“Do you want kids?” I ask hesitantly, almost afraid of his response.
“I didn’t think I did, but now that I have Tre, I think I’d be a good dad. I definitely wouldn’t leave my kids for anything or anyone.”
I detect the resentment and disappointment in his voice. His father’s leaving still hurts.
“Maybe someday we’ll have kids.”
“You’d want to have kids with me?”
My eyelashes flutter quickly as my brain struggles to understand his question and suddenly I feel a sense of dejection.
“You don’t want to have kids with me?” I ask quietly.
Tyler flips me over and hovers above me.
“Baby, I want a whole sports team with you! Enough boys to field a football team and enough girls to cheer them on!”
“What?” I shriek, pushing his face away, denying him my mouth. “That is the most chauvinistic and misogynistic thing I’ve ever heard you say!”
“No it’s not. Football is a rough sport. I wouldn’t want my baby girl getting hurt.”
“And what if she wanted to race?” I cock an eyebrow probingly.
Tyler sucks in air, hissing from the side of his mouth. “I don’t know.”
“I do! My kids, girls or boys, will be able to do anything they want.”
He laughs. “Look at you! Going all Momma Bear and you don’t even have kids yet.”
Gazing into his eyes and searching his face, I caress his cheek slowly as I realize he will someday be my children’s father. He is the man I will spend the rest of my life with.
I kiss his lips and thank God for sparing Tyler’s life and for giving me the opportunity to love him.
“What’s that look for?” he asks.
“This is my ‘let’s practice making a baby’ face.”
Tyler rolls his hips, hitting my core, teasing me playfully.
“Practice makes perfect.”