“PLEASE BE CAREFUL,” I whisper in Tyler’s ear before he secures his race helmet and pulls up to the pre-staging area, revving the engine as he goes.
Everyone and their mother is in attendance for this race. It’s the semi-finals and Tyler’s opponent is proving to be quite the competitor.
I move away from the crowd and lean against the fence with my hands steepled around my nose as I pray for his safely and block out the fumes from the motorcycles’ exhausts. I know our son will spend endless hours here, but I’m going to protect him from all these pollutants and chemicals while he’s still in me.
“Why are you so nervous? Afraid he’s going to lose?”
I ignore Penny’s snide questions and keep my eyes focused on the man clad in black leather.
“He’s not as good as Alex was. Not on the race track and certainly not in bed.”
I force myself to remain calm, keeping my thoughts on the innocent little boy in my womb.
White smoke fills the air as Tyler heats up the rear tire. Gabe does a final check and gives his approval, sending Tyler up to the line.
The sound of his engine revs loudly indicating the growling bear is back, angrier than ever. One by one, starting from the top, the descending lights illuminate until they flash one solid color and Tyler launches like a bat out of hell. Flying down the straight track at an unbelievable speed, he becomes a tiny speck by the time he reaches the finish line with his opponent hot on his trail.
“Ladies and gentleman, Tyler Strong has done it again!” The announcement bellows through the speaker.
I release the breath I was holding and cheer along with the rest of the crowd.
“Don’t jump around too much. You don’t want to hurt that kid. Is it even Tyler’s? I know mine is.”
My heart sinks momentarily before my head snaps in her direction. Gone is the calm woman when the protective mother in me emerges and I verbally attack her.
“Go fuck yourself. You’re nothing but trailer park trash! Tyler would never touch you! He thinks you’re disgusting!”
She stands there with a scornful grin on her face, accepting my bombardment.
“Whoa! Look at you! Who knew you could be so…” she looks up, appearing to search her stupid brain for a word, “feisty? Clearly, your husband didn’t. Why do you think he came looking for me?”
I drag my eyes up and down her swollen belly. “Because you’re a nasty whore who spreads her legs for any man. And to think I actually felt sorry for you once.”
“Don’t pity me. I gave Alex what you couldn’t.”
“Didn’t!” I clarify. “I didn’t give him kids by my own choice, not that I need to explain that to you!”
“Karrie!” Tyler rushes to my side then moves in front of me, blocking my path to her. “What’s going on?”
My breathing becomes labored and deep as I force myself to calm down.
“I tried to keep quiet, but I lost my shit when she said she was having your baby.”
He spins on his heels, pinning Penny with a reproachful glare. “You’re a pathetic liar! Why the fuck would you say that?”
She returns the glare but says nothing in response.
“Find your kid and go home.”
Turning back to me, Tyler pulls me into a hug.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know why she gets like that with you.”
It feels as though steam is shooting from my ears as I spit, “She’s mean and vindictive and if I weren’t pregnant, I’d kick her scrawny little ass!”
His hands wrap around me, calming and soothing me. His hushed words relax me. “Think about our boy.”
Feeling guilty for losing my cool, I nod in agreement and apologize for my outburst.
When he’s assured of my calm state, he asks, “Did you see me win?”
“I did! It was amazing. I think you’re amazing!”
“Don’t let her or anyone else distract you from watching me race,” he teases.
I smash my lips against his, kissing him quickly.
“You know I wouldn’t miss it for the world!”
As we walk back to the trailer, a young boy comes up and asks Tyler for an autograph. He holds out a black permanent marker and a napkin from the concession stand.
“What’s your name, buddy?”
“Chathe,” the little boy replies with a lisp because he’s missing two front teeth.
“How old are you?”
“Thix.”
“Well, Chase. Today’s your lucky day.”
Tyler reaches up and pulls off his ball cap with his new team logo, signs the brim and sets it on the boy’s head. It falls and covers his brown eyes and freckled face.
Chase removes the hat and looks at it with wide eyes.
“Are you Thuperman?”
Tyler and I laugh at the question and he raises his eyebrow proving me wrong that people wouldn’t understand the “S” logo.
“He’s kind of like Superman but even better,” I say.
With his eyes wide and filled with excitement, Chase looks at Tyler’s script, but then grimaces.
Tyler squats to his level and points to the hashtag before reading, “Tyler Strong. Stronger than ever.”
“Cool!”
Chase runs off without another word.
I smile and squeeze Tyler’s bicep where the same three words are etched with thick black ink.
“Are you sure you can take the bandage off?”
“I’m sure,” Tyler pulled at the white gauze and revealed his new tattoo.
I read the words over and over.
“STRONGER THAN EVER.”
Wiping the tears from my eyes, I looked at him, understanding the meaning.
His words confirmed my thoughts.
“Karrie, with you by my side, I can do anything because I’m… stronger than ever.”
A kiss lands on top of my head, effectively snapping me out of my reverie.
I look up.
“You are going to be an absolutely amazing father. Our little boy is going to be so lucky!”
Thankfully, the rest of the day goes off without incident and we decide to drive home rather than stay in a hotel. While Tyler drives, I try to read, but end up falling asleep.
Arriving home late that night, Tyler finds yet another flash drive on the kitchen table from my mother along with a note asking me to look over her newest designs.
“Why doesn’t she email these?”
I toss him an exasperated look, after having had this conversation a million times.
“She’s a nut. She has something against email. I think she watched that movie Snowden.”
“She could use Google Drive.”
“She thinks,” I air quote, “the government is watching.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way. I love your mom, but she is a little weird sometimes.”
***
BETWEEN MY MOM, Pam, Odessa and the other girls from work, I don’t know who’s more excited about the baby shower.
I sit in the oversized chair and enjoy my day as the guest of honor. The girls went overboard with boy-themed decorations, including baseballs and motorcycles in honor of Tyler.
“Have you decided on names?”
I nod but keep my lips sealed, tossing Odessa a peculiar look.
“We’re thinking we’d like to go with a family name.”
“Oh, good!” she squeals with excitement.
“Not your family’s name!”
Her excitement deflates with a huff.
“You’re not going to tell us, are you?” Pam asks.
I shake my head adamantly.
“Nope!”
***
BABY STRONG IS constantly moving, keeping me up half the night and during the day after I work.
“Why don’t you stay home for a while?” Tyler asks as I step out of the shower.
“Stay home? Like an early maternity leave?”
I wrap the oversized towel around my body, my belly protrudes through the soft cotton. After running a comb through my wet hair, I look at myself in the mirror and notice how red my face is and how tired I look.
“I’m exhausted and I look awful,” I sigh as Tyler moves in behind me, wrapping his arms around me, resting his chin on my shoulder.
“You look beautiful.”
His loving eyes hold mine in the mirror.
My arm reaches back and rub the nape of his neck as he lines my jawline with tender kisses. The tenderness transforms into heated passion when his hands sneak into the opening of my towel.
Right there, standing against the bathroom vanity, Tyler brings me to utter and complete bliss until my legs weaken and buckle. Strong arms carry me to our bed where I cuddle with his hard body and fall into a sated sleep.
Unfortunately, our little boy has other plans and wakes me up hours before the sun rises. Since I’m up early, I fire up my laptop, deciding to look at my mother’s newest designs. Her business is increasing weekly; her creativity is well-appreciated by consumers.
I insert the flash drive and open the files, perusing each one, admiring some while critiquing my mother’s original work. She certainly has an eye for design. I’m thankful she accepted my request to design the nursery.
Shuffling into the kitchen, I put on a pot of coffee and drop two slices of bread into the toaster. The ringing of Tyler’s alarm and the sound of the shower tells me that it’s almost seven.
I pour two cups of coffee, carry them upstairs before I cuddle on his side of the bed. Reaching over, I pick up his phone when it rings. The only people who call this early are the general contractors on the job site or one of the guys, usually Michael, to say he’s going to be late.
“Hello?”
No response.
“Hello?” I sing song playfully.
“Where’s Tyler?”
I sit up and jump to my feet as Tyler steps out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped low around his waist. I bite my lip at the sight of him as the woman on the phone asks again where he is. My hand flies to my abdomen as a searing pain shoots through me.
“Who’s that?” he asks, running his fingers through his wet hair.
I hold the phone out and he takes it, greeting the person with a quick hello before his face contorts to one of confusion. “There’s no one there.”
Hissing through the pain, I sit and massage the underside of my belly.
“Who called?”
I hold my index finger up, silently indicating that he should wait as I breathe slowly.
Tyler drops down, squatting before me, giving me his full attention.
His eyes roam over me.
“Baby, what hurts?”
I exhale slowly, grateful the pain has subsided.
“I think I just got up too fast.”
“Baby, you’ve got to take it easy.”
I nod, agreeing and then ask why Penny is calling him.
“Penny?”
My patience is wearing thin at his feigned surprise. My face transforms into a stern look.
“I know it’s her. Why is she calling you?” I don’t hide the accusation in my question.
“I don’t know why.” The quick darting away of his eyes fuels my suspicion.
“Tyler, what aren’t you telling me?” I ask slowly, fearful of his response.
He pinches his lips and reaches for his phone, dialing a number quickly then tapping the speaker button.
Voicemail after voicemail, Penny’s messages range from pleas to demands that he return her call. We both flinch when she tearfully mentions Alex’s name.
“I don’t answer her calls and I certainly don’t call her back.”
“Why is she still in our lives?”
“I honestly have no idea. Roger had the money transferred into her account. She has no reason to contact me.”
My expression softens momentarily before something occurs to me.
“Why…why does she even have your number?”
Tyler drops his phone on the bed and returns to his low position before me. I can see the guilt clear as day etched on his face.
“He gave it to her a long time ago. In case she needed him when he was—”
“With me.”
Moisture pools in my eyes.
“I was such a fool.”
Tyler cups my jaw, forcing me to look at him.
“No, baby. It wasn’t your fault. He was a selfish, egotistical man. He didn’t deserve you.”
Pressing my fingers into my tear ducts, I block the flow of tears. I promised myself I would never cry about Alex Parker ever again.
“I’m so sorry I was a part of that. I’m sorry I let him hurt you.”
I wrap my hands around Tyler’s neck as he rests his cheek on my belly.
“I’m stronger now. I know who I am. I know what I want.”
Circles of bluish-green look up at me.
“I want you. I want our baby. I want our life together.”
“Do you want me to change my number so she can’t call me anymore?”
“No.” Yes. “She’s not important.”
His phone chirps and we both look at it before he reads the text message.
“Mike’s running late.”
He rises and walks to the tall chest of drawers then drops his towel. Peeking over his shoulder, he catches me staring at his backside.
“Why do you love torturing me?”
He pulls his jeans on and slips on a T-shirt before sauntering over to me for a kiss.
“Now you know how I feel.” He grins playfully. “Are you still meeting me for lunch?”
I nod eagerly.
My eyes fall heavy even before the diesel truck pulls out of the driveway.
A sweet little boy stars in my dreams. He looks just like his daddy with the same shade of brown hair and those beautiful eyes. Running through the open grassy field, he looks happy and healthy and completely care-free.
“Not too far honey,” I call as he continues in the distance. Panic grips me; my adrenaline on high alert when I can no longer see him.
“Baby? Come back!” I call as my feet drag through now thick mud.
A figure emerges in the shadows and calls to my son.
“No, baby. Come here!”
The tall man bends down and picks up my son, cradling him close.
“Don’t touch him! Put him down!” My voice shrieks with unbelievable fear.
Sprinting as if my life depended on it, I close the gap between the stranger and me.
Through a red haze, I see the man looking at my son with curiosity in his eyes.
“Is he ours, Karrie? Is this my son?” The familiar voice asks softly.
I shake my head fiercely and reach for my boy.
“No, Alex,” I whimper, “He’s not your son.”
As if shielding my son, Alex turns and places his hand on the child’s face and trails his fingers down over his shoulder until he comes to stop at his chest. He taps twice.
“Hello, little boy. I’m Alex. I’m your dad.”
“No!” I cry out. “You’re nothing to him.”
Alex’s eyes glaze over as he looks at me. “I’ll always be a part of your life, Karrie. We’ll always be connected.”
My son is gently set on his feet and urged to step into my waiting arms. I lock my son in my arms and protect him with all that I have as my eyes remain fixed on my deceased husband.
He reaches out again and caresses my child’s face before smiling at me.
“We will always be connected. I will always be a part of your life. You need me. You’ll always need me.” The threatening words repeat until Alex fades back into the shadows.
I startle awake. A thick coating of sweat blankets my forehead and my neck. I reach for my chest, my palm spreading across my heart to keep it from pounding out of my body. I am filled with absolute and sheer terror.
“Fuck you, Alex!” I scream repeatedly until my voice becomes hoarse and scratchy. “I don’t need you. You’re dead! You’re nothing to me!”