CHAPTER 13
Gavin
Charlie was making it damn hard for me to keep my distance, despite knowing that no good could come of pursuing this, given my past. Yet here I was, pulling her close and kissing the tip of her nose, before forcing myself to let her go.
There was just something about her that muddled my thoughts, so I found myself running on pure need, overwhelming attraction, and simply liking her way too much, my good intentions falling to the side the moment she was near.
I had to do better. Because there was no way she deserved to be with someone who had such a messed up past, and had not only been to prison but had been forced to rape his best friend. And though that may not have been my fault, given the drugs they’d given us, and the knife they’d held to our throats, I’d still gone through with it, and for that, I could never forgive myself, even if Kane didn’t blame me.
If I was going to pursue Charlie in any way shape or form, then she would need to know the truth, and frankly, that wasn’t a secret I was in any mood to tell. That meant pursuing Charlie just wasn’t an option.
Needing to keep myself busy and away from Charlie, I got to work building a fire in the massive stone fireplace, even if my mind continued to drift back to her. Trying not to think about her was impossible, especially when we were going to be living together for the foreseeable future. And this quaint and cozy cabin felt far too romantic, making it even harder to keep my distance.
I added another log to my pile and stuffed kindling between the openings as I stole a glance in her direction. She’d never been in this particular kitchen before, yet she looked completely at ease as she moved around, looking in the cabinets and opening the drawers to find what she needed. I didn’t know what she had planned for dinner, but if I had to guess, it’d be nothing short of amazing, just like her. And it was damn hard not to picture her looking completely at home at my own place—a place we could make ours.
Once I got the fire going, I crossed to her side, unable to stay away even as I chastised myself for being an idiot, knowing I was setting myself up for one hell of a hard fall. Not that it mattered at the moment. All I could think of was closing the distance between us, and putting a smile on her face—and if it involved her screaming out my name as I made her come, then all the better.
I may be a nice enough guy, if one was willing to ignore my past, but it didn’t mean I was a goddamned monk. And Charlie? She was just too fucking perfect to pass up, making it impossible for me to keep my distance.
“I don’t know what you’re cooking, but it already smells damn good.” I tried to stay out of her way as I leaned against the counter, needing to be close. “Anything I can do to help?”
“I think I’ve got it under control. Though it’s nothing fancy—I can guarantee you that. I enjoy cooking, but it’s always just a bit of this and that. And I hate to admit it, but sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t.” She tossed me a charming smile over her shoulder as she sliced up some mushrooms and tossed them in a large pan where she was already sautéing some leeks and chicken. “Don’t suppose you can see if they left us a bottle of wine? It’s not a problem if there isn’t. It’s just that it’ll be tastier if I can add it.”
“Let me see here…” After poking around in a handful of the kitchen cabinets, I spotted a wine rack over by the dining area. Luckily, they’d left us with a decent selection. “Would you prefer white or red?”
“White, if you have it.”
I did. I grabbed a decent bottle, and a few glasses while I was at it, and headed back to her side, pulling the cork and pouring us a generous amount before handing her the bottle and sliding her glass over. “Here you go, love.”
“Thanks.” She splashed some wine in and gave it all a stir, and then emptied a box of pasta into the pot of boiling water, before tossing me a hesitant smile. “Being up here in the mountains, away from it all—being here with you—it’s easy to forget that someone wants me dead.”
Fuck. She was totally right. Being here, in the safety of an FBI safe house, had us letting down our guard and relaxing, making it far too easy to forget why we were here in the first place. “I know what you mean. But I swear, we’ll find out who’s behind this and put an end to it.”
“I just feel bad that you’ve gotten dragged into my mess. If anything ever happened to you, I swear, I’d never forgive myself.” She glanced away as her eyes filled with tears.
“Hey…” I tipped her chin towards me with a gentle touch, only to find her tears rolling down her cheeks, catching me off guard that she’d be this upset about it. “Nothing’s going to happen to either of us. You have my word. I’m going to keep you safe.”
“It’s not me I’m worried about—it’s you. I can’t bear the thought of something happening to you. It’s my fault you’ve gotten mixed up in this to begin with.” She shook her head, her gaze wandering, clearly still upset and leaving me to wonder if there was more to it than just what was happening here between us.
Cupping her face in my hands, I brushed her tears away and kissed her sweetly, needing her to know that she wasn’t alone... that I wasn’t going to let anything happen to her, even if it was me she was worried about. “I don’t want you worrying about any of this. And, Charlie… if there’s anything you need to talk about, if there’s anything I can do to help see you through this, I’m here for you.”
All I could do was hope that, in time, she’d trust me enough and feel comfortable enough around me to open up and tell me what had her looking so haunted. Because there was something she wasn’t telling me… something in her past that had truly messed with her head. And if I had to guess, her father was involved.
“I’m sorry about the tears. I think it’s all just catching up with me.” She managed a halfhearted smile and turned back to cooking, no doubt using it as a distraction to keep from having to discuss the matter.
Before long, the dogs were munching away on their dinner, and we were sitting down to a hearty meal of creamy chicken and pasta in one of the tastiest sauces I’d ever had, opting to sit in front of the cozy fire, instead of the dining room table. “Damn, Charlie. You can really cook. This is fantastic.”
Looking proud, she beamed at me, her smile lighting up her eyes and making me one hell of a happy man, now that she was no longer haunted by whatever the hell it was that kept creeping its way to the surface. “I’m so relieved that you like it. Cooking’s become a bit of a hobby now that I’m living on my own in Seattle. I don’t tend to get out too much, aside from dog walks, so it’s been good for killing time, especially on the weekends. And since I’m alone, I usually have leftovers to carry me through the week and I’m busy with work.”
It shouldn’t feel this damn good to hear that she was all alone, but I hated the thought of another man in her life. I wanted her all to myself, even if I knew I shouldn’t go there.
I’d never felt this way about anyone else, which was making it damn hard for me not to pursue her. Yet even if I came clean to her about my past, that didn’t change what I’d done. We may seem perfect for each other, but nothing could chase away my demons, and she deserved a whole lot better than me.
Now all I had to do is keep my distance.
I scoffed at myself. As if I’d even come close to managing that with Charlie around.