CHAPTER 14
Charlie
Though I didn’t normally drink, my nerves were getting the better of me with everything that was going on, and the wine seemed to be helping with that. At the very least, it was letting me relax around Gavin, since being anywhere remotely near him sent my heart skittering out of control.
No one else had ever had that sort of effect on me, which was why I must be Seattle’s oldest virgin. My nose had always been buried in a textbook, even when I was younger, and the guys didn’t usually go for the geeky type when there were cheerleaders around. And then, once I had finished with my studies, I was too busy with work to bother dating – and it’s not like there was anyone around worth dating, anyway. I certainly wasn’t the type to go to a bar to pick up men, and most of the guys I worked with were already taken and often times much older than me.
But Gavin? Gavin couldn’t be any closer to perfect. Looks, personality, attitude… he had it all, and then some, since he wasn’t just amazing, he was also sweet and caring and smart. He checked off every box in the ideal boyfriend category.
Yet, despite the signals he was sending, there was no way this was anything more than a fantasy. And once this threat was over, he’d go back to his life and I’d go back to mine.
I finished off my glass of wine, and though it may not be a great idea, I didn’t stop Gavin when he refilled my glass. For once, I just wanted to enjoy myself, and I knew the wine would quiet my racing thoughts and insecurities.
Before long, we were done with dinner, though it was still early enough in the evening. Gavin insisted on making quick work of the dishes, and eventually, we ended up curled up on the sofa, where we’d been eating dinner.
I shifted to face him, taking another sip of my wine, his intense gaze making me far too nervous. He was already so close, our knees brushing. The air between us seemed electrified with the delicious tension that had me wanting to lean in and kiss him again.
Maybe it was the wine… maybe it was the fact that there was a hit out on my life and suddenly whatever time I had left on this earth seemed precious and not to be squandered… But I found myself leaning forward and brushing my lips against his, my kiss filled with all the uncertainties I had about myself.
Gavin deepened our kiss, his fingers slipping into my hair as he pulled me to him, his tongue sweeping over mine in a delicious dance that had me climbing into his lap, my legs straddling his thighs as my hips rocked up against his impossible to ignore erection. I’d never, in all my life, been so bold. But then again, never had anyone had this sort of effect on me.
Never had anyone even come close to being Gavin.
I was so desperate for him, but it seemed as if my body had a mind of its own, my hips rocking to their own rhythm—a rhythm he matched—as our kiss grew more fervent.
But then, he was breaking away from me with a groan, though he didn’t pull away, his head still bent to mine and my face still cupped in his hands. “Sweetness… you’re making it damn hard for me to behave myself.”
“I’ve always behaved, Gavin. Always tried to do the right thing, always tried to play by the rules. And where the hell has it gotten me in life? My brother’s dead, my entire family hates me because of it, and I now have a hit out on my life, forcing me to hide out under FBI protection.” My words all came tumbling out before I could stop them, and though I hadn’t wanted to mention my brother and my parents, it felt good to get it out there for once.
“Charlie… I’m so sorry about your brother.” He brushed his thumb over my cheek, his touch gentle as my eyes burned with threatening tears.
“I shouldn’t have said anything.” I started to pull away from him, but he gripped my hips and held me there so I had no choice but to stay and deal with what I’d started. “It was a long time ago. When we were kids. But… I guess some wounds never heal.”
“No, love. They don’t. Especially not if you continue to beat yourself up about it.” There was a sincerity in his voice, a pain there, that caught me off guard. “You said your parents blamed you… What happened, Charlie?”
I shook my head no, not wanting to tell him. Even though I relived that nightmare every day… every night. It was buried so deep inside me, I didn’t think I could pull it free from my darkest depths, even if I tried.
“I can’t…” My tears finally broke free, slipping down my cheeks as I was helpless to stop them. “I can’t talk about it. I’m so sorry, Gavin.”
“Hush, love… it’s okay. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” He looked so worried about me as he wiped my tears from my cheeks with a gentle sweep of his thumbs, my face cradled in his hands, before he held me to him.
Nestled against him, I rode out my emotions in the safety of his arms, no longer feeling alone for the first time in as long as I could remember. I’d blamed myself for so long, but with my father constantly reminding me that it was my fault that my brother was gone, I had no hope of ever healing and moving past it.
I was exhausted from carrying the weight of that burden, even if it was mine to carry. Yet being with Gavin… It was as if he’d somehow taken that burden from me, the weight no longer suffocating me. I knew my time with Gavin was only temporary, but I wanted to make the most of my time with him.
With my emotions finally under control, it quickly became apparent that both our bodies were well aware of the fact that I was still straddling his lap. I pulled away just enough to be able to look at him, but that only led to my hips shifting against his already steel-hard erection. I bit back the needy moan that wanted to escape my lips, though it took all I had not to rock my hips against his cock, in search of relief.
I’d never felt this close to anyone, even though I knew how insane that was, given my age. A lot of that had to do with the fact that I’d shut everyone out and put walls up around myself, not thinking myself worthy of any happiness, when my brother would never get to live his life. Yet Gavin had managed to tear down my defenses, and instead of feeling vulnerable around him, I felt whole for the first time in a very long time.
My eyes locked on his, and once again, the air between us crackled with a sexual tension that was impossible to ignore. Despite my problems and my past—or maybe because I finally wanted to move past them—I found myself wanting to throw caution to the wind.
I wanted Gavin.
He must have read my thoughts because before I could find my courage, his mouth found mine in a hungry kiss that set my body alight with a need I couldn’t ignore. He tangled his fingers through my hair, deepening our kiss as I moaned into his mouth, my hips rocking against his hard cock as my body pressed against him in a desperate search for some relief.
Never had I felt like this… so alive… so wanted… so at peace. And at the moment, I could think of nothing but giving myself to Gavin, even if I was nervous about it being my first time.
Yet who could possibly be more caring, more understanding, more loving than Gavin? The answer was no one. And for just a few hours, I wanted to live a life that wasn’t mine, away from my never ending nightmare.
I wanted Gavin to be my first.