Chapter Fifteen
Cait decided cuddling on the couch with Gavin, watching action movies from the 1990s, was her new favorite thing. Other than naked cuddling in Gavin’s bed, of course. Even a sweaty Bruce Willis couldn’t top that.
Naked cuddling had already happened, though, so now they were half-naked cuddling in front of the TV. She had on a T-shirt and he had slipped on sleep pants, and they had a fleece throw over them.
It was pretty damn perfect.
The entire last month, since Valentine’s Day, had been pretty damn perfect, actually. When they weren’t working and her family didn’t need her, she was with Gavin. Whether they went out or stayed in, she never got tired of his company. She’d even learned how to play pool at Kincaid’s fairly well, although she suspected the other guys were going easy on her for Gavin’s sake.
She’d had dinner with his parents twice, and they seemed to like her a lot. The second time, Jill and her family had also been there and they’d continued bonding over teasing Gavin. Carter had played ball again with the guys, though he said it wouldn’t be a regular thing because he didn’t like getting up that early. And Gavin had eaten dinner at her mom’s house a couple of times.
Her mom was definitely struggling with her daughter not being around as much, but Cait was doing her best to try to balance her family’s needs with her own. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it.
“I need food, but I don’t know if I can get to the fridge,” Gavin mumbled against her hair.
“I thought firefighters were tough.”
“I was tough enough to get through my shift. It was the sex this morning that wiped me out. Also, if I’m starving, I think you have to provide me with food for my medical well-being. It’s literally your job.”
“No, my job is literally to keep you alive until we hand you over to the ER staff.” She decided to switch tactics. “A gentleman would get food for his lady.”
When he groaned, she knew she was winning. “Oh, you play dirty, ma’am. What do you want?”
“Something that doesn’t require too much effort to eat.”
She had to move to let him up—which he did with a melodramatic amount of groaning—and then she flopped over on the couch to await his return.
They’d both been on yesterday—with Cait taking a later shift than usual—for the utter chaos that was St. Patrick’s Day in Boston. There were a few days every year in the city that meant nonstop running for all the first responders, but St. Paddy definitely brought the most drunken idiots.
They’d crashed for a few hours, and then woken up and made love. Now they were just killing time until they could take a nap.
When Gavin returned with two bananas, she laughed. “I could probably have managed a little more effort.”
“Potassium. It might give us the strength to make a real meal.”
She sat upright until he was settled again and then leaned against his shoulder while they ate their bananas and watched guys with guns spout corny one-liners on the TV. Once they’d tossed the peels onto the coffee table, she snuggled back into her comfy spot against his chest.
When he kissed the top of her head, she smiled.
“We don’t usually talk about work much,” he said, “but I’ve been wondering something. Are you happy being an EMT?”
She didn’t even have to think about it. “Yes. Are you happy being a firefighter?”
“I can’t imagine doing anything else. During the summer I do some landscaping with a buddy of mine on my off days and I enjoy that, but I hope to retire from fire service when I’m an old man. But, you know, eventually I’ll start trying to test up the rank ladder so I can get a cushy desk job someday.”
“People often assume I want to go to nursing school or try to become a paramedic,” she said. “I’ve thought about it but, honestly, it’s a lot of time and money, and I actually love what I do now. Yes, being a paramedic would make me more helpful in the field, I guess, but there’s always a need for EMTs, too.”
“I think that’s awesome, Cait. It’s good to not only love your job, but to be able to resist pressure to do more if you don’t want to. EMTs are invaluable.”
“Thank you. Firefighters are pretty awesome, too.” She smiled, and then felt his chest heave under her as he took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“What about a family? Do you hope to have kids someday?”
It would have come off as a casual question if she hadn’t felt him take that bracing breath before he asked it. The answer mattered to him. And that might mean he was starting to think long-term when it came to their relationship. They’d been together almost two months, so it was definitely serious, but talking about kids was very long-term.
So she gave him an honest answer. “Someday, probably. I can’t even think about starting a family while mine’s still a mess. What about you?”
“I definitely want kids. And you can’t put your life on hold forever, you know. It seems like the longer you’re a crutch for your mother, the more she’s going to get used to leaning on you.”
It was Cait’s turn to take a deep breath, not wanting to mar their day by snapping at him. “I’m not her crutch. I’m her daughter. And she’s getting stronger. I’ve been spending a lot of time with you, even spending the night, and they’re fine. And she and Carter are communicating a lot better.”
He stroked her arm, his fingertip running from her elbow to her shoulder and back again. “But they’re still a factor in your future hopes and plans.”
“It’s not so much them as the timing, I guess. By the time I find a place of my own and get settled—while still checking in to make sure they’re doing okay—it’ll be a while. I’m not saying ten years. I just want the ducks I have to be in a row before I start adding more ducks.”
“Quack.”
“Not you.” She elbowed him. “I meant baby ducks.”
He chuckled. “So I’m already considered part of your pond of unruly ducks?”
“You’re definitely in my pond.” She frowned when he laughed, shaking them both. “I guess that sounded weird.”
“A little bit. But I’m glad I’m in your pond.”
“Me, too.” Cait kept her gaze on the television, but she wasn’t really paying attention to the bad action movie anymore.
It was the closest they’d come to a conversation about their future together and, even though she knew it was inevitable, it still made her nervous. They enjoyed being together so much and there was no mistaking how important they were to each other.
It made her afraid of changing it. They lived their lives almost together, but still separate enough so there weren’t discussions about bills and plumbing problems and whose family they were having Sunday dinner with.
Right now she was pretty damn happy with the way things were, she thought as she snuggled deeper into his embrace. It was almost perfect.
* * *
Gavin sat on the bench, rolling his hockey stick back and forth between his hands. He still had his skates on, but he was tired. And when Aidan and Scott were in a competitive mood, rink time became less about blowing off some steam while getting some exercise and more about checking each other against the boards.
After a few minutes, Grant joined him. “We should all go home and let those two duke it out.”
“Hard to believe they’re best friends sometimes.”
“Yeah. They say it’s all in fun, but we don’t have refs with whistles and after that last hit, I thought it was 1973 again.”
Gavin laughed. “You weren’t even here for 1973 the first time around.”
“Yeah, I just picked a random year.” He took a swig from his water bottle, and then both winced when Aidan and Scott ended up in a tangle of arms, legs and sticks that collided with Danny in the net.
Gavin was surprised the words coming out of Danny’s mouth didn’t melt the ice in front of him.
“How are things with Wren?” he asked Grant, realizing he hadn’t gotten an update in a while.
“Good. Things are good, I guess.”
Gavin waited, expecting more. Grant was always the talkative type, but especially when it came to women. But now that he thought about it, his friend hadn’t had a lot to say lately.
“What’s going on?” he nudged.
“Sometimes I want to tell her I love her.”
Whoa. “The L-word? Sounds serious.”
“Yeah.”
“But only sometimes?”
“Lately, it’s been all the time. And not just when we’re in bed or getting off the phone, like most people say it. I want to tell her all the time. Every time I open my mouth, I’m afraid I’m going to say it.”
Gavin almost made a smart-ass remark out of sheer habit, but now wasn’t the time. The heaviness in Grant’s voice, along with the pinched mouth and slightly hunched shoulders, told him Grant wasn’t happy about a situation that should be making him really happy.
“I gotta ask,” he said. “Why are you trying so hard not to tell her?”
“It’s hard to explain.”
“I’m not even going to pretend I know jack shit about true love and all that, but I think if you really love a woman, you should say it.”
Grant shook his head, looking down at his hands. “I think she’d push me away.”
“I’m not gonna lie, dude. I’m a little worried about you with this woman.”
“Why?”
“Well, for one thing, I haven’t met her. Forget everybody else. I haven’t met her and you’ve been talking about her since before Cait and I started dating.”
“She gets anxious about meeting everybody, and we’re taking it slow.”
“Have you done a Google search on her? Facebook? Anything?”
“There was nothing, really. And she doesn’t have a Facebook account.”
“That right there is sketchy enough. How many women don’t have a Facebook account?”
“She’s really private.” Grant tapped his hockey stick against the toe of his skate. “I know it sounds weird when we’re talking like this, but it’s not when I’m with her. She’s just really private and she’s skittish about our relationship. She’s warming up to me, though. You’ll see how awesome she is when you meet her.”
“I’d like to. Especially if you’re thinking about dropping the L-word.”
“Have you ever said it to a woman?”
“No.” Gavin paused, then lifted one shoulder. “I mean, back in school, maybe. When you’re young, you fall in love every week. But since I grew up and it became more about finding somebody you want to settle down with for the rest of your life and less about getting to second base? No, I haven’t said it.”
“What about Cait?”
What about Cait? It was a question he asked himself a lot. “We’re getting there. Pretty quickly.”
“Good. I think you guys are the real deal.”
“What makes you think that?”
“I don’t know. Just seeing you together.” Grant shrugged. “It’s obvious you’re into each other, and it’s just natural. Like you get each other and you fit. It’s hard to explain. Gut instinct, I guess.”
Gavin wished it was that easy. He wished there was a way to simply know, without a doubt, that he and Cait were meant to be together forever. He was starting to believe they might be, but he felt himself holding back. If he started pushing her for more, would she feel as if he was pulling her away from her mother?
If he thought about it too much—and he did—he always ended up frustrated by his inability to know the right thing to do.
“I was thinking about asking her to move in with me,” he said.
“No shit?”
“No shit.”
Grant started to grin, but then it faded. “What do you mean was?”
“We were talking about whether we wanted kids, like in a vague way, and she said by the time she found her own place and got settled enough to think about a family, it would be a while. So I guess she’s not in the same place I am in that regard.”
“Maybe she was giving you an opportunity to say, ‘Hey, you don’t need your own place because you can move in with me’ and you blew it. Again.”
Gavin hadn’t really thought about that possibility, but he didn’t think that was the case. Thinking back, there hadn’t been any sense of hinting or nudging in her voice. Just a statement of fact. “I don’t know. I’ll probably bring it up again soon, though, since I think about it pretty much all the damn time.”
“What about her family?”
“I don’t know. I’m hoping Diane’s in a place where she can handle it and, to be honest, she has to see it coming. Cait spends as much time at my place as she can, and she’s been spending the night more often.”
“That sounds promising.”
“Yeah, I guess it does.” He grinned at Grant. “Maybe we both found the right ones this time.”
“Lucky bastards.”
“Fucking right.”
“Hey,” Scott called from the ice. “You two gonna play hockey or do you want to start knitting some shit over there?”
Grant looked at him and then at Gavin. “First one to take him to the ice gets a free beer next time we hit Kincaid’s.”
He snorted. “You recognize the irony in that, right? Since it’s his family’s bar?”
“Just makes it all the sweeter.”
“You’re on.”