A military escort takes me as far as they can in the Jeep. We travel the rest of the way on foot carrying supplies over piles of rubble. People are roaming around yelling in search for their loved ones. The Red Cross hands out water to volunteers and the injured. It will be dark soon, but the heat is still scorching. The sweat pouring from my pores has soaked through my scrubs. I take a bottle of water that is offered to me and down the whole thing without slowing my pace.

“Over here!” A man is waving in the distance.

“Ander, are you there?” I touch the Bluetooth in my ear.

“Yeah, I’m here. I’m tracking you on the screen.”

“This area is so fucked up. I’m not sure if I’m even in the right place.”

“I’ve got a drone right above you and you’re almost on top of them.”

“Thanks.” I head in the direction of the man waving.

“They’re down here. Several firemen have already made it to them but they can’t move them,” the man says.

One of the military escorts starts tying a rope around my waist. “I’ll lower you down to them,” he says.

I get on my hands and knees, backing myself into the dark hole. He starts to lower me. “I need light in here!” I yell. A light shines from down below me and one from the top. It’s about a forty foot drop that was created from the earthquake. Destroyed vehicles litter the bottom.

I’m about half way down when I feel the earth start to shake again. I grip the rope tight in my hands, but the guy holding the rope above me must have lost his footing because the rope suddenly jerks and goes slack, dropping me to the ground and causing my left ankle to buckle under me.

I duck my head as debris tumbles down toward me and dust flies into my face. The shaking finally stops. Wiping my eyes so that I can see, I take a look at my ankle. I don’t think it’s broken, but definitely sprained. My hair releases clouds of concrete dust when I rub my hands through it.

I make my way off the ground, limping over to the car. A fireman stops me before I get to it. “The parents in the front seat are both dead. There are two young boys trapped in the back. The older one on the left is crushed and we can’t get him out. The 10-year-old is unconscious. He’s got a large hematoma forming on the right side of his head. His right pupil is blown. I’m not sure either one of them is going to make it.”

“I need my bag with all my medical equipment in it.” I tell him.

“I’ll get them to send it down.” He walks off and I hear him yelling for them to get my bags down here.

I make my way over a slab of concrete on the left side of the car. A boy sits in the back talking to his brother, telling him everything will be okay. I lean in through the window.

“I’m Dr. Manning. What’s your name, son?”

“Scott. Please help my brother.”

“Can I look at you first?”

He nods and his lip quivers. He’s pale as hell and his pulse is weak. I’m surprised he’s still conscious. I pull up his shirt to look at him and see with horror that he’s crushed from the waist down under a large piece of concrete that fell on top of the car. His injuries are fatal. As soon as we move him, he’ll bleed out.

“What’s your brother’s name?”

“Alex, please help him,” he cries.

“I want you to keep talking to him. I’m going to go around to the other side and examine him.”

I limp over to him and see that there’s only a small space to reach between to get to him, much too small for me to work in. “I need these moved out of the way. Ander, if you can hear me, send more help down here. Tell Wren to get here as quick as he can. I need an extra set of hands, now!”

One by one, the military lower themselves down by rope. They start lifting what debris they can together. My mind is reeling, trying to figure out a way to save both of the kids. If I could get Alex stable and out of the car, I might be able to reach Scott and figure out a way to stop him from bleeding out.

After what seems like hours but is actually only minutes, the way is finally cleared for me to get to Alex. I feel for a pulse. It’s faint, but still there. Scott drifts in and out of consciousness. “Hey, buddy. Are you still with me?” I reach over and touch his shoulder.

His head pops up and wobbles. “Is he going to be okay?” he says weakly before his head falls back.

“Hand me a C-collar out of my bag,” I tell the fireman. I examine his head and his reflexes. “We need to get him out of this car and on a flat surface.” I pick up a piece of metal pipe and wedge the door open. The firemen pull him out and lay him on the ground.

I quickly use hand sanitizer to clean my hands, then pop open the chlorhexidine wand and rub it all over the area of Alex’s head that I want cleaned. “Keep your light on this spot,” I instruct the fireman. “Get an IV started on him with fluids opened wide.” I dig through my bag to get the drill and a sterile drape. Not that anything in here is sterile, but I want to prevent as much as I can. I pull out a surgical mask, glasses, and a pair of gloves, putting them all on. I cover the boy’s body with the drape.

I hook up the drill and place the bit against his skull, holding it steady as it burrows into his head. The earth starts to shake again and I freeze. “Damn it! Give me a fucking break!” I make sure to keep both hands on the drill, steadying it, until the earth stops moving. Lifting my shoulder, I wipe the sweat from my brow before it drips onto the boy. I move slowly and methodically with the drill until I a slight give lets me know I’m in place. Placing the drill on the ground, I take out a small, clear tube and insert it into his skull, pushing deeper until blood comes spewing out, spilling onto my scrubs soaking through to my skin. His blood is warm and heavy.

“Hand me the tape that’s in my bag,” I tell the paramedic, who is now by my side.

I secure the tube down around his ear. “Piggyback some antibiotics into his fluids and if he starts to wake give him some morphine. I don’t want him conscious until he’s in the hospital.”

They place him on the stretcher that’s been lowered inside. Aedon descends down on her rope while we carry him over to be brought up. What the hell? I told them to send Wren. I don’t want her risking her life to be here.

Her feet meet the ground and she comes running over. “Are you okay? Ander said you needed help.” Her hands run over my arms and chest, checking for injuries.

“I told him to send Wren,” I bark.

“Wren had to go do surgery in the field too. Ander sent several of our doctors over to help in the MASH unit.”

“There is a boy trapped in the car. He’s crushed from the waist down. I’m not sure I can save him. I chose to save the one that had a better chance.” The words hurt coming out of my mouth. Having to choose one kid over the other is not a decision anyone should have to make. I grab my medical bag off the ground and move it closer to the car.

“You’re limping. Are you okay?”

“I’m a hell of a lot better than these kids,” I say, as I crawl into the small space of the back seat. Aedon runs over to the other side of the car. “Scott, are you still with me, son?” His pulse taps against his skin even weaker than before. His lips are a blueish grey. I lift his shirt to get another look as Aedon examines him. She looks at me and shakes her head.

“Don’t. Don’t even fucking go there! We have to get him out of here alive. Can you get an IV in him?”

“I can, but…”

“Don’t even say it, just do it,” I bark.

Scott’s eyes open and they cut in my direction. “Did he make it?” he asks with little strength.

“Alex is going to be okay. He’s on his way to the hospital. I need you to hang on. That pretty little doctor there is Aedon.” I point in her direction. “She’s going to start an IV to give you some fluids. I can’t give you any pain medications, so you’re going to have to be really tough for me. Do you think you can handle that?”

His eyes shift in Aedon’s direction. “Tell Dr. Manning it’s okay. He can let me die now.” He rolls his head toward me. “Thank you for saving my brother.” His head falls back as the words leave his lips.

“Scott!” I yell and feel for a pulse again. “God damn it, don’t you die on me!” I rip his shirt open and start pounding on his chest.

Aedon’s hands find mine and halt them. “Even if you get his heart started again, he’s not going to make it.”

I lift my eyes toward her. “I can’t let him die!”

“It’s out of your hands. Let him go peacefully.” Her eyes bore into mine, begging me to let him go.

I jerk my hands from hers and back out of the car. I beat my fists on top of the crushed car until they are throbbing. Aedon’s hands wrap around my waist.

“You did the best you could and you saved the one that you knew you could save.” Her head is resting in the middle of my back.

I let my head fall on the wreckage. “I just needed more time,” I growl. “I fucking hate losing a kid!” Loosened shards of glass clatter around my feet, knocked out of place by my slamming fists.

“Time wouldn’t have saved him. You know as well as I do that the minute you moved him, he would’ve died. The only thing that kept him alive as long as it did was the fact he was basically cut in half and the vessels were pinched off. Nothing you could’ve done would’ve saved that boy.” Her tears are spilling down the back of my scrubs.

“I need to get the fuck out of here,” I say, lifting my head and turning around, making her loosen her grip. “We need to get back to the mash unit.” I stiffen my upper lip, so I can gain control of my emotions.

I snatch my medical bag off the ground and head for the opening. “You go first, I’ll be right behind you.” She says nothing, but attaches the rope around her waist. I watch her be pulled up, inch by inch.

As she makes it through the small opening, I turn back to where the firemen are pulling the bodies out of the wreckage. The sight of Scott laying there dead will haunt me forever. Never in my career have I lost a kid before.