Chapter Twenty-Eight

I arrived in San Diego a few hours later. Izzy was, as promised, waiting outside for me, and as soon as my eyes met with hers I lost it. My steps became quicker and my face became more obvious until I was a full-blown mess in her arms.

"What the hell happened to you?"

She squeezed me tight enough that I knew she didn't need an answer and allowed me the time I needed to gain my composer. When I finally pulled back she laughed. Laughed.

"What is so funny?"

"I can't take anything you say or do seriously with this ugly—" she reached out and grabbed one end of the scarf and tugged "—thing around your—"

Her hands flew up to cover her face and began to shake.

"What the fuck happened to you?"

I was scared to say a word but I didn't have to. She pulled me to her and we cried together until there were no more tears to shed.

"Come on, let's get you home. But you are going to tell me exactly who did that to you and when I kill them with my bare hands, you will not protest." She grabbed two of my bags from the ground and looked me dead in the eye. "You are stronger than this. This will not defeat you."

I knew I would be fine. The bruises would fade and my memory of the night would too. It was my heart that I wasn't sure would ever be the same.

"I just want to get out of here."

"Then follow me."

Izzy didn't press me like I expected while we drove the forty minutes it took to get to our apartment. She helped me with my bags up the stairs to the second floor and even gave me the key allowing me to open the door to my new life. Only when it swung open and I saw everything for the first time in person, it didn't feel as I thought it would. As beautiful as it was, it wasn't home. 

"Okay, I let you have the bigger room. Yes, I know, it's so unlike me. But I have to be honest. Yours may be bigger, but mine has a view of the beach."

She laughed and then walked the bags she had carried up through a door off of the family room.

"It's in here."

I hadn't moved from the door mat.  Nothing felt right.

"Hey."

She peeked her head out, holding onto the door frame.

"Are you coming?"

I followed her into my new bedroom and couldn't deny it was beautiful. Every part of it was exactly how I pictured it.

"Do you love it?"

Setting my bags down on the floor, I walked to the bed and threw my body down on it. Izzy sat down next to me and began to rub my leg.

"Did he do this?"

I turned to look at her with tears I didn't know I had left filled my eyes.

"It's obvious he did or you would tell me. I know you're trying to protect him, and I get it but, Shelby, he's clearly dangerous."

"He was asleep. He didn't know."

Her hand never stopped rubbing back and forth.

"I believe you, but, Shelby, this is not just a little scratch. You look like he was trying to kill you."

How could I argue that? He was. Only it wasn't me he was seeing.

"You're here now. He can't hurt you anymore."

I sat up and grabbed her hand. 

"Even thousands of miles away, I feel like I am hurting way more than anything he could have done to me there."

"Do you want to go back?"

"I can't. I made a promise to myself that Montana would never be where I ended up. He was supposed to come with me! That was the deal we made when we decided to …"

I couldn't finish and she didn't make me. Instead, she hugged me tight and then let go, stood from the bed, and said, "Why don't you take a nap? You've had a long day already."

She turned on the ceiling fan and closed the door behind her, giving me the space she knew I needed. I didn't move and allowed my eyes to close bringing me the only peace I was going to find.

I woke hours later and sat straight up, not recognizing my surroundings initially. Looking around, I took in the beautiful furniture and luxurious fabrics.  On the wall to the right of my bed there were two windows draped in light, sheer linen with a solid wood dresser placed perfectly in the center.  The bed's frame matched the dresser and armoire on the other side of the room completing the set. It was obvious Izzy hired an interior designer to make sure she only had the best. The windows were open due to the gorgeous weather San Diego was known for. The sound of people passing by brought out my curiosity. I had to see it for myself. Sliding off the bed, I walked to the window closest and looked out over the street. It wasn't a major highway or anything but more of a two-lane road with sidewalks on both sides, lined by store fronts. Izzy may have wanted to avoid the traffic of people but I welcomed the noise. Montana offered the sound of bugs or the occasional farming equipment.

"Shit!"

I frantically began running around the room searching for where I left my purse and realized it wasn't there. I must have left it in the family room when we came in and not known it, only showing my state of mind when I arrived. Throwing open my door scared the crap out of Izzy who was siting on the couch watching TV.

"What's wrong?"

She stood up ready to pounce. 

"I need to call Canyon. I promised him I would when I got here. Have you seen my purse?"

She pointed to the kitchen where there was a granite bar top with four stools next to it. My purse was resting on it.

"I put it up there for you. By the way, someone is very persistent."

I walked over and pulled my phone out noticing I had missed three calls. Two were from Canyon, and the last one was from my sister. I immediately called Canyon knowing he had to be upset.

He answered on the first ring.

"It's about time."

No hello or how are you meant he was furious.

"I'm sorry. I got here and immediately took a nap. It wasn't really even a choice. I was exhausted."

He huffed and then let it out a long-winded breath.

"I'm just glad to hear your voice and know that you're okay."

"I'm sorry I worried you."

"It's all going to be okay, princess."

When he used the word all I knew he was talking about more than just the lack of phone call. He had seen Jase.

"Is he all right? Tell me, please!"

"He's not good. There's no sense in lying to you. I made some calls and there is a VA hospital outside of Helena that is willing to take him."

"You're committing him?"

"No." He laughed at my shock which didn't sit well.

"Well, what do you mean take him?"

"On as a patient. Not take him away."

"Did you force him or is this something he wants to do?"

"Hun, this was his idea."

The pressure in my chest disappeared and tears ran down my face.

"I need him to be okay."

"This is the only way that can happen. I'd say I will keep on him, but there's no need. He won't take a chance on losing you and he knows damn well he's not coming within two hundred miles of you until I hear the doctor say he's good with my own ears."

"I want to call him, but I don't know if that's a good idea."

"I'd give it a day or two, but I think the only thing that boy needs to live is to hear your voice."

If only he knew how much I needed to hear that. A few days probably would do me some good too. Arianna always said time can heal all wounds. With the thought of her name, panic set in, and I had to ask, "Does Arianna know?"

"I don't keep anything from her, and you know that. With that said, she knows you're okay and is waiting for you to tell her."

"Would you mind putting her on the phone?"

"Not at all, hun. That's the best thing you could have asked me."

I hated that I didn't want my family to know. The idea that a part of me wanted to keep it from them, though, meant I was ashamed and covering for him, and I refused to do either. 

"Shelby!"

Her voice was the best thing I could hear. She was always the one I ran to when I needed someone, and I'm sure it hurt that I didn't this time.

"Yes, Arianna, it's me, and I'm okay."

"Oh, my God. I hate that I can't wrap you in my arms right now. Are you really okay? I mean, Canyon told me what happened, and I wanted to buy the next flight but he wouldn't let me—"

"There's no need for that; Canyon's right. I'm here and Jase is getting help. That's all that matters."

"No, it's not. You matter. Your heart matters. And I know having him hurt you definitely matters. I'm not saying I don't understand that this is a veteran thing or for that matter that I haven't known that boy since he was nine or ten years old. All I am saying is this sucks and I hate that you're not closer to let me help you."

Wiping even more tears from my eyes, I walked back into my bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed.

"I hate that you're not here too. I know I should lie to you so you won't have to worry but—"

"Absolutely not, I never want you to hide anything from me, and if you think for a second I believed that crap about you being fine, you're doubting my intelligence."

"Please, just do me a favor."

"Anything."

"Make him feel normal. Don't act differently toward him."

"Honey, this family loves Jase, and we want him to get better just as much as you do. You don't have to worry a bit about that."

"Thank you!"

"I love you, Shelby."

"I love you too, Ari. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"You better."

After we hung up, I went back out to see Izzy. She was sitting in a quiet room now with the TV off as if she was waiting for me. When she looked up at me, her eyes were filled and ready to spill. I hated that I was bringing all of this to her.

"Izzy—"

"No, don't you dare. This isn't a time for you to say sorry to me."

She pulled her legs up underneath her on the couch. 

"I want to understand. Hell, I knew when I left the guy had demons yet you fell in love with him anyway, and you can bet your ass I would have too. I'm not judging you for anything. What I'm trying to get is how any of this is fixable? There isn't a magic pill to stop his nightmares. How do you see this ever changing to be what you need?"

I stood in that room staring at my best friend knowing she was right to say everything she did. I just didn't have any answers other than the one I gave her.

"I have faith in us. That has to be enough."