Reinhardt High's prom was held in late May. Other than my mom, who spent her afternoons resting in bed in those days, I had the house to myself on the actual day. The first thing I did was prepare dinner for everyone and put it in the fridge so they would have something to eat that night. Butterflies fluttered in my belly as I mixed the dough for biscuits and I tried in vain to ignore them. Why was I nervous? It was just a school dance, right? I'd been to a lot of school dances over the years.

My nerves weren't about prom, though. I was just telling myself they were, pretending that there wasn't something else, some other milestone, hanging in front of me like a tantalizing but somewhat scary exotic fruit.

Kaden messaged me at 1:30 in the afternoon: "I'm bored."

I messaged back: "Don't you have to get ready?"

"Already did. Haircut, suit fitted. Bored. Want to go for a drive?"

My reply was a single word: "Yes."

By that time, I knew very well what 'going for a drive' meant. It meant what it always meant when Kaden and I managed to spend any time alone. That's why I said yes. Because even though I still wasn't anywhere close to being ready and even though I was tight with a fizzy, unknown kind of anticipation, I wanted to be with Kaden. I always wanted to be with him. It was obvious he thought he was the only one holding back, being patient, but he wasn't. I felt the same way. It was like there was a war going on inside me between the rational part of my brain: "He's leaving, you're already too into him, what if an accident happens?" and the irrational part of my brain, which was basically unable to think about anything outside of how sweet and perfect his hands felt when he put them on my body...and how pliant and willing his kisses made me feel.

In the SUV, Kaden clamped his hand to my thigh as soon as I was inside and we were heading out along the old main road, towards the hills. I felt my legs opening slightly, automatically.

"I love the way you do that," Kaden said, although I hadn't seen him take his eyes off the road.

"Do what?" I asked, because I wanted to hear him say it even if I was pretty sure I knew what it was.

"That thing when I touch you. I can feel your muscles relax when I put my hands on you."

I looked out the window, because if I hadn't looked out of the window I would have unbuckled my seatbelt, crawled across the center console onto Kaden's lap and started kissing him. I thought he'd been talking about the way my legs opened, just a little. But the other thing? The way my body just went all limp and warm when he touched me? He'd noticed that? I could hardly breathe the tension between us was so thick.

He sped up a little as we sat next to each other, more aware of each other's bodies than either of us had ever been aware of anything before. And when we got up into the hills Kaden took a narrow, washed-out dirt road he hadn't taken before and pulled to a stop on a rocky bluff overlooking Little Falls.

I got out and stood beside the Suburban looking at the view as an intimation of inevitability floated past on the warm summer breeze.

"Your hair looks good like that."

"Huh?" I turned towards Kaden, snapping out of my own thoughts. His own hair was freshly shorn and damn if it didn't make his broad, square-jawed face look even hotter than usual. "My hair?"

"Yeah," he said, pulling a blanket out of the back seat. "You always have it up - I like it all flying around like that."

'Flying around.' Ha, that was cute. The truth was, I hadn't even remembered to do anything with my hair after washing it - it was down and not styled and I don't think Kaden had ever seen it like that before. I eyed the blanket in his arms and couldn't help making a jokey comment.

"Am I that much of a sure thing?"

"What?" He asked.

"The blanket - just how confident are you, Kaden Barlow? What if I'm not done torturing you yet?"

He turned around suddenly and put his arm around my waist, pulling me, hard, against his body. Then he leaned down and kissed my neck, just below my earlobe.

"And what if I'm not done torturing you yet, Natasha Greeley? I brought the blanket because the ground is wet up here sometimes. But-" Kaden turned his head towards me and kissed the corner of my mouth - "I'm open to other ideas if you have any."

I couldn't help turning to him, seeking out his lips with mine. Within seconds we were wrapped around each other. Everything about Kaden's body drove me crazy. He was so big - so tall and solid and warm and alive. All I wanted to feel was him against me. He was hard, too. I was no longer so bashful around Kaden's hard cock. I'd even touched it a few times, mostly through his sweatpants. I liked the way his eyes closed and his mouth opened when I did it. But there was a part of me that was still jumpy, still unsure. For one thing, it was so damn big. At least it felt big. I didn't have any experience with penises. I'd even talked about it with Lena and Maisie, both of whom had confirmed that if it felt big in a guy's pants, then it was probably big out of them.

Kaden spread the blanket on the ground and lay down, shielding his eyes as he grinned up at me. "You just going to stand there all afternoon?"

I was definitely not going to stand there all afternoon. But I sensed, after weeks of holding back, of stopping myself when the only thing I wanted was to keep going, that if I let Kaden Barlow put his hands on me one more time, I was done for. I think I wanted to be done for. To let go of the need to stay in control of myself - my emotions and my heart - at all times. So I stayed where I was, not taking my eyes off Kaden's, and pulled my t-shirt off over my head.

"Tasha..." he said, thick-voiced and reaching down to adjust himself in his pants.

The bra came next. I slipped it off and dropped it on top of the crumpled t-shirt. Every inch of my skin was aching for Kaden, so sensitive and ready for him. I stood over him, one foot on either side of his hips and then I sat down, sighing as he sank his fingers into my hips and pulled me down firmly against him.

"You look so good, Tasha," he told me, drinking me in with his eyes, sliding his hands up the sides of my body and pulling me down for another kiss.

I could feel him against me, between my legs. A few thin layers of cotton were all that separated us and there was no mistaking Kaden's excitement as he pushed his hips up off the ground. I could feel that my panties were slick - not just a little, but soaking wet. Every time I rolled my hips down I felt it, the wet fabric slipping against me.

"Kaden," I whispered, burying my hands in his short hair and he pushed himself up on his elbows and closed his mouth around one of my nipples. "Oh my God."

There was an urgency inside me that I couldn't resist, a feeling of hurrying, of rushing, and no matter how hard the rational part of my brain tried to get me to slow down, there was no stopping what was going on between us. Kaden's big, rough hands cupped my breasts, one finger trailing little circles around my nipples until my mouth was hanging open and my breath was coming in short, quick gasps. I rocked my hips down against him harder and faster until he stopped me, forcing me to slow down.

"What?" I asked, wondering if I'd done something wrong.

"You're going to make me come if you keep that up," he replied, panting. "Just slow down a little."

So I slowed down - as much as I could, anyway. It was then that Kaden suddenly looked down towards his belly and then up at me, eyebrows raised.

"Are you? Holy shit, Tasha. Oh fuck. Are you wet all the way through your pants?"

I pushed myself up and went to reach between my legs but Kaden grabbed my wrist and looked me in the eyes.

"Wait," he said. "Wait. Tasha. I want to do it."

I watched his hand, closing my eyes and biting my bottom lip hard when I felt it, two fingers, sliding down against me, through my leggings.

"Tasha." Kaden said, looking up at me. "You're - oh my God - you're soaking. Oh my God."

"Kaden," I breathed, suddenly feeling the urgency inside me rising even further. "Kaden?"

"What, Tasha? I-"

"Put your hand in my panties," I said, breathless with need even as I barely recognized it was my own voice speaking. "Please, Kaden. I want you to feel what you're doing to me."

He didn't need to be asked twice. I watched his face for as long as I could, his eyes closing as he slid his fingers down into my panties. The feeling when he got to my clit was like floodgates opening. One second of that, once second of Kaden's touch, right there, and any little doubts or worries disappeared instantly, as if they'd never been there. I leaned my head back and my body arched of its own accord as I cried out and then suddenly everything was moving much, much faster. Kaden flipped me over onto my back and pushed his body between my legs, grinding himself down against me.

"Tasha..." he said, and I knew it was a question.

"Yes," I whispered, pulling him down to my face so I could kiss his mouth. "Yes, Kaden. I want to. Right now, please. I want to."

I lifted my hips up off the blanket so he could pull my leggings - and my panties - off. And then I was completely naked, vulnerable like I've never been before but not afraid, not self-conscious. Kaden looked at me, his eyes moving down my body, down to my slick, aching sex.

"Fuck," he said, yanking open the zipper on his pants. "Fuck, Tasha."

When he pulled himself out it was instantly clear that Lena and Maisie were right. He was big. So big I actually gasped, torn between needing him - between needing that - and wondering how it was going to fit.

"Kaden," I whispered, hearing the note of awe in my tone.

"What?" He was fumbling in his jean's pocket, the jeans he hadn't even pulled down past his thighs.

"It's so - Kaden, it's so... big."

He actually paused when I said that, breaking into a smile as he looked down at me, condom in one hand, shaking his head.

"What?" I said. "Did I say something wrong? I just don't see how-"

"No," Kaden replied, leaning down to kiss me slowly. "No, Tasha. You didn't say anything wrong, you crazy girl. No man wants to hear anything except what you just said."

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, pulling his body down on top of mine and then whimpering at the feeling of his cock against my belly.

"Is that what you want?" He asked, flicking his tongue between my lips.

I looked up into his blue eyes. "Yeah...Kaden. Please - just please go slowly."

"Don't worry, Tasha," he said, sitting up so he could put on the condom. "I'll be careful with you."

And then he was there - right there. "Are you OK?" He murmured, kissing my ear. "Is this OK, baby?"

It was going to hurt. That much I knew. My body was tense, too, anticipating pain. But there was no ambiguity in me - I wanted him. My legs opened up a little more and I tilted my hips up, towards him. All of those worries about not knowing what to do and it seemed that, somehow, my body just knew.

When Kaden pushed himself into me my breath caught in my throat and I cried out. There was a searing pain that, sharp as it was, didn't make me want to stop. I looked up at his face and saw that he was holding back, struggling to stay in control. He went slowly, until he was all the way inside me.

"Mmm," he moaned, pushing his tongue into my mouth again. "Tasha, ohhh..."

Pain or no, the feeling was something wholly new. It was an invasion - psychological as well as physical. It was being taken over. And lying there underneath Kaden's strong, muscled body I found that I wanted to be invaded, I wanted to be taken. His pleasure was intoxicating and all I wanted to do was give him more of it.

When he started to thrust we just looked into each other's eyes - paying the kind of attention that can only be paid when your body is locked together with someone else's. His eyes were so blue, so totally glazed with lust and the concentration it was taking to go slow. Seeing that look sent a jolt of electricity through my sex.

"Kaden," I said, kissing his shoulder as he buried his face in my neck. "It's OK. I want this - I want you to go- oh!"

His reply was to sink himself into me even harder and deeper, deep enough to cut the words off in my mouth. The pain wasn't gone, although it had turned into more of a diffuse kind of ache, but that feeling of being full, it did something.

"What?" Kaden asked me. "Did you like that?"

And then he did it again, one of those hard thrusts, holding himself there, all the way in. At first, I thought it felt strange, like a tickle or maybe an itch - I couldn't tell. But then my body began to recognize it for what it was - pleasure.

"Kaden, oh- oh my God..." I breathed, closing my eyes and pushing my hips up to meet his.

"Is it that?" He asked me, thrusting down, hard, again. "Does that feel good, Tasha?"

I could barely even speak. It did feel good - and although I didn't realize it at the time, I hadn't been expecting that. And every time he did it, it felt a little better, every thrust made me want the next one a little more.

"Yes," I squeaked, wrapping my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me.

Kaden hadn't even taken the time to take the rest of his clothes off. I grabbed the bottom of his t-shirt and pulled it off over his head, increasingly desperate to feel his skin against my skin, and then sighed at the feeling of his bare chest against me. Nothing had ever felt so right or so perfect as being underneath Kaden that afternoon, opening my body for him, taking him. And as we moved our bodies together something started to happen. Something I hadn't expected at all. I dug my fingers into his shoulders as it came over me, the first little whispers of oblivion. I think he knew what it was before I did.

"Tasha," he panted, "are you going to come? You sound like-"

"Don't stop," I said, clutching him to me even harder. "Don't stop - oh my God, Kaden, please..."

He sped up. He sped up and I felt my mind starting to slip away a little more with every sweet motion of his hips.

"Kaden!" I cried out, suddenly desperate, clawing at his back. "Kaden, please!"

My body arched up off the blanket as a huge, rolling wave of pleasure wiped out every thought in my mind. There was no thought, only feeling, only bursts of sweetness deep inside me, in the exact place where he was. My body shook with it and I only managed to open my eyes in time to watch Kaden's face contort into a grimace as he went rigid and jerked his hips down.

He pushed his mouth against my neck in a futile attempt to muffle himself and bellowed my name. And God, there was so much physical power there when he came - enough to make it clear just how careful he really had been - how much he'd held back. He stayed inside me, emptying himself completely and breathing his ragged breaths into my mouth.

When some semblance of consciousness had returned I looked up at him. His cheeks were flushed red and his blonde hair was sticking to his sweaty forehead. I didn't say it, because as I said, I'd started to come back down to earth by then, but he was the sweetest thing I ever saw like that, all out of breath and so, so masculine.

Kaden pulled himself out of me very carefully. There was still a twinge, a bitten lip from me.

"I'm sorry," he said, lying down next to me on his side. "Is it - does it hurt? I tried to-"

I rolled over so I was facing him and kissed his damp forehead. "I know, Kaden. Yes, it hurts a little. Not too much. I just - that was-"

I couldn't find the words. It was alright, I didn't need to. I could see from the look on his face that Kaden knew what I meant. We lay there next to each other, both of us catching our breath and, I think, both of us trying to let what had just happened sink in. I pulled my t-shirt and my leggings back on, suddenly aware of the fact that we were in public - the middle of nowhere, yeah, but still technically in public.

"No panties?" Kaden asked, picking them up. "Can I keep them as a trophy?"

"They're soaking," I replied. "And cold. Brrr. I'm not putting those on."

"God, they are soaking. Damn, Tasha. Goddamn. Did I do that?"

"Yes," I said, very quietly, smiling at him. "You did."

There was something I wanted to ask him, too. Something I wasn't sure about, but was too curious to let go. When he stood up to pull his pants back up I decided it was now or never.

"Kaden?"

"Yeah?" He replied.

"Is it - uh, is it always, you know - like that?"

He lay back down and put one arm behind his head on the blanket, chuckling. "No. No, Tasha, it is not always like that."

"Oh. Is it better? Or worse?"

Kaden rolled over and kissed my neck, biting my earlobe gently. "It's usually worse. I mean, everyone likes getting laid, right? But it's not - yeah, it's not usually like that."

"Good," I said, smiling at how oddly proud that comment made me.