Henry was asleep when his father met him for the first time. I watched as Kaden leaned over the crib in the fading afternoon light and reached down to touch his son's face, and then as he closed his eyes tightly and failed to stop the tears he was fighting. He could not take his eyes off Henry.

"Oh my God," he whispered as the baby stirred slightly. "Tasha, he's beautiful. He's - I can't believe how beautiful he is."

I stood back and let the scene unfold - a father falling in love with his son in real time. Kaden was entranced, totally occupied. When Henry's eyes fluttered open and he offered Kaden a sleepy, dimpled smile I told him he could pick him up if he wanted to.

"Is is OK?" he asked. "I mean, is he going to be scared?"

"He doesn't look scared," I replied, smiling. "You can just hand him to me if he cries."

But Henry didn't cry. He looked up at Kaden's face as he was lifted out of the crib and they stood there, staring at each other, studying one another's faces while my heart nearly burst with love.

"He looks just like you," Kaden said, tucking a blonde curl behind Henry's soft little seashell ear.

I laughed. "That's funny, everyone says he looks just like you."

We stayed there in my bedroom for a long time, not saying much because words didn't seem to be of much use. At one point I left to heat up a bottle when Henry started to fuss and gave it to Kaden to feed him.

"How do I do it?" Kaden asked, holding the bottle awkwardly like he didn't know what it was.

"Just brush the nipple against his cheek. He's hungry, he'll take it."

"Wow!" Kaden exclaimed as Henry wrapped his tiny hands around the bottle and began to smack his lips and slurp his way through his dinner. "Damn, he's strong. He's holding this thing really tightly."

"Quarterback genes," I commented.

There were things - many, many things - to discuss, but we gave ourselves that evening to just be together, the three of us and my family, before facing them. After hanging out with Henry for more than an hour Alisha knocked on the door and opened it a crack.

"Hey - you two hungry? We got chicken fajitas ready if you are."

I looked at Kaden and he looked at me, grinning. "Actually, I am goddamned starving." And then, as soon as the words were out of his mouth his eyes widened. "Oh - uh - I guess I should watch my mouth around him, huh?"

"I think it's still a little too early for that,' Alisha said. "It's nice to see you again, Kaden. You two look good together."

She was talking about Kaden and Henry. Alisha, Ray, and my mom had been really good about not haranguing me in regard to the situation with Kaden but I could see from the gigantic smile on Alisha's face that she was happy to see that Henry had finally met his dad.

We had to bring up an extra chair for Kaden but all eight of us managed to fit around the kitchen table. It should have been fraught or awkward but it wasn't. It actually felt just like it used to feel back in high school when Kaden would come over for dinner and settle into my family like he'd always been one of us. He told CeeCee she'd grown into a beautiful young woman, which made her bite her lip and look at the floor in teenage awkwardness, even though I could tell she was thrilled.

"What do you think of him then, Kaden?" My mother asked as we ate. "He's a wonderful child, you know. Not too fussy, always smiling."

CeeCee, who had been holding Henry on her lap - he generally spent most dinner times being passed around from person to person because sitting in his bouncy chair bored him and he'd get upset if he felt like he wasn't part of the action - passed him to Kaden and I watched every single pair of eyes sitting around that dinner table focus on the two of them.

An answer wasn't even necessary - it was plain as day to see how Kaden felt about his son - but he gave us one anyway.

"I think he's the best thing I've ever seen." He told, balancing Henry in a standing position on his lap. "Yeah, he is. You'd think it would take longer, wouldn't you? To think that? But I'm telling the truth right now, this little dude is the just...he's perfect. He's so perfect I can't believe it."

As Kaden finished speaking a little wobble appeared in his voice and Ray got up, walked over to him, and clapped him on the back. "Congratulations, man," he said, shaking Kaden's hand. "We needed a little more testosterone around here, ya know?"

Everyone laughed and I looked at my brother with affection - he was so good at stuff like that, taking charge of a moment that called for it.

After dinner, we had vanilla pudding for dessert, made from scratch by CeeCee. Henry managed, at one point, to get Kaden's spoon into his mouth and we all watched his face, suspicious at first and then breaking into a huge smile as he realized he liked vanilla pudding.

"Is that OK?" Kaden asked, worried. "I didn't - damn, he's fast, I didn't realize he grabbed my spoon!"

"No biggie," I replied. "He tried apricots a few days ago - but it looks like he prefers vanilla pudding."

Dinner took hours and we went through a couple of pots of coffee afterward. Henry was the focus, the way babies always are when in a large group of adults, but it all felt so good, so easy. I wanted to make Kaden stay, to tell him to look around, at how welcome he was, how loved, even after all that time. For once, I forced myself not to let worry or doubt overcome the happiness of the evening itself. We put Henry to bed together at nine, which was later than usual but he'd already been asleep in his father's arms for an hour by that point. Kaden stood over his crib and watched him sleep for twenty minutes while I stood in the doorway observing the scene.

"He's so snuffly," Kaden whispered as we made our way back downstairs. "He makes all these little noises when he's asleep, it's adorable."

There was no doubt about it, Kaden Barlow was in love with his son. Kaden Barlow was also in love with me, if what he'd said earlier that day outside the café was true, too. A feeling of happy turbulence is what I'll remember about that evening. Happiness because the love I'd spent years wanting, and doubting, had actually been there all along, hidden from me only due to my own fears and insecurities. Turbulence because the elephant in the room, the major topic, of what we were going to do - still hadn't been broached.

After one more trip upstairs to peer into the crib and marvel at his sleeping baby, it was time for me to drive Kaden back to his parent's house. While we were at the front door gathering our things, Alisha appeared and gave him a big hug.

"I know you two have a lot of talking to do," she said to both of us, "but Kaden, I just want you to know I'm so happy you met Henry today. It's not my business what the two of you work out but I wanted to say that I think you'd both be crazy to throw this away. The way you look at each other, the way I've watched Tasha pine over you - all the while pretending she wasn't pining over you - for the past few years - it's something. You're both so young, you don't know how rare this kind of thing is. Some people never find it. Don't let it go without a fight. See you soon, Kaden, I hope."

And then she left without another word, although her words hung in the air behind her.

"She's right," Kaden said when we were in the car, on our way. "You know that, right?"

"I do," I replied softly.

A few moments of silence passed - there was so much for both of us to take in, that day.

'So what are we going to do?" Kaden asked, looking at me, smiling one of those I'm-happy-but-I-have-no-idea-what-to-do-here smiles.

I looked at him. "I have no idea."

It didn't take long to get to his parent's place. I pulled into the driveway and turned the car off. We both started to speak at the same time but I insisted on going first.

"Listen," I said, barely able to look at his gorgeous face, lit with the orange light of the streetlights. "Kaden, we said a lot of things to each other today. I meant them. I think you meant them, too. But - and don't stop me because I need to say this - I understand that I've done an unforgivable thing."

"No, Tasha-"

I held up my hand. "No, let me finish. I did the wrong thing and I did it because I'm a coward. Sure, I told myself it was for other reasons, because I didn't want Henry growing up with an absent father, all of that. But you aren't my father. I know that. It's hard for me, sometimes, to think of any man as not being similar to my father, but you aren't. And you didn't deserve to find out about your son when he was already a few months old. We're both giddy right now, aren't we?"

"Yeah," Kaden chuckled. "I actually feel high."

"Exactly. And the day is going to come when that high wears off and maybe you're not so willing to write off my behavior. I understand that - it's how you should feel, it's how-"

"Tasha?"

"What?"

"You're doing it again."

"What am I doing?" I asked, genuinely curious.

"You're doom-and-glooming it. It's almost like it's your superpower. Tell yourself that nothing good will ever happen and then save yourself the disappointment when it doesn't."

I sighed, knowing with certainty that he was reading the situation right - reading me right.

"I'm not saying you're wrong. I'm not saying I've never been irritated or upset with you - I've actually spent quite a lot of time being upset with you."

"Have you?" I asked, not quite sure what he meant.

"I definitely have you silly girl! How many hours have I spent wracking my brain, trying to figure out the exact words I could say to you to make you understand how I feel? To make you mine? But, Tasha, if you think I expect you to be flawless or lacking in all human weakness, you're wrong. I know you. You think I don't, but I do. Remember that day outside Hawley's? You were so angry when I tried to help you - so indignant. And even as a child, I understood what that was about - you were angry at yourself for falling over, for looking like an idiot - not at me. It doesn't have to be like that, you know. You've built up this cocoon of safety with your family but you're still so guarded, so anticipatory of hurt and pain, outside it. And I would do anything to keep you from hurting, do you know that? Anything."

"What the hell Kaden," I replied, trying to laugh it off and not quite succeeding, "someone told you all the right things to say, huh?

Suddenly, he reached over the center console and grabbed me by the shoulders, turning me towards him. "Stop that. Stop doing that. Stop pretending like this is all some joke, some mirage that's destined to disappear the minute you allow yourself to believe in it. I'm saying these things because I mean them, Tasha. I mean them. I love you. I have always loved you - and only you."

He was inches from my face. I felt the atmosphere between us change just like that as we stayed where we were, hesitating, waiting.

"Can I see you tomorrow?" He asked, eventually.

He was right to. We both needed to think. No matter what my body was telling me.

"Y-yes," I replied, backing away slightly. "Yes, tomorrow. Of course. I'm working until four but I can see you afterward. You can come over for dinner again, if you like."

"Sure, OK. So I'll call you or text you tomorrow then?"

"Yes."

And then he was gone and I was left sitting alone in the car with the air smelling of Kaden's cologne and Kaden's words ringing in my ears, my shoulders tingling where he'd touched me.