I hate Cleveland traffic. I hope it all dies a horrible death of its own traffic hell. I curse this in my head while I run into the Center, after having to park so far away, I could have just parked at home. Traffic was horrendous and parking even worse. By the time I get into the Sports Center, the game is letting out.
“No…” I whine, fighting through the crowd. I’m like a fish trying to swim against the current, pushing through people to make it inside the arena part to the section stated on my ticket. Running up the stairs to the first level terrace, I overlook the rows and rows of empty seating below. Even the rink is absent of players.
“I’m too late,” I whisper at the bare ice rink. I bring my eyes to the empty seat reserved for me. It sits below, just in front of the glass. He would have known if I showed or didn’t. He’ll think I didn’t care. All this time and he still tried.
“Looking for someone?”
I turn, bumping into a young woman, about the same age as myself, standing behind me. “Oh, no. Well, I was. But I’m too late.” Wiping a tear from my cheek, I offer her a sad smile, but fall short at hiding my emotions as another tear falls.
“Sorry to hear that.” She digs in her purse, handing me a Kleenex. I silently thank her as I dry my cheeks. “Not to pry, but why do you think it’s too late?” she asks, her smile so inviting. Familiar almost.
I shrug, trying to keep it together. “Because I took too long to decide. Fought too long with myself before realizing something I should have a long time ago. And now it’s too late. I’m late, and he’s gone.” More tears. More sucking air into my suffocating lungs. “I’ve missed my chance, and now I… I…” I trail off because the tears become a constant flow down my face. I must look like a fool to this stranger.
She takes a step toward me, placing her comforting hand on my shoulder. “You know, my brother’s in the same predicament. Feels he was too late too. Said he lost the love of his life. Missed his chance to be happy because he was scared. Maybe you two should talk sometime. You might have a lot in common.”
I open my eyes and look at her. Really look. It’s why her smile felt so inviting. Because it was familiar. “Wait… Are you—”
“I see you’ve met my sister.” I whip around to see Chase standing at the bottom of the aisle, his back leaning against the arena glass. He’s freshly showered and wearing a pair of form-fitting jeans and a Cleveland Barons hoodie.
“I thought… I…” He’s got my tongue. I can’t finish my sentence because my throat begins to lock. My eyes take him in. His beautiful face. Those eyes I’ve gotten lost in so many times. His hair is longer than the last time I saw him, almost tucked behind his ears. And it looks like he decided to keep the scruff, close to a full beard. “I…”
“I’m gonna leave you two alone. Chase, I’ll meet you back at the hotel. Call me if you need a dinner date.”
Chase nods to his sister, as she offers me a kind wave, and she’s gone.
“I didn’t think you’d come.”
I turn back to Chase, who hasn’t moved off the glass. “I didn’t technically.” Ugh. No time for jokes. “Sorry, I can’t help it. I’m super nervous.” I can’t stop fiddling with my hands.
He’s made no move to come to me, and his normal easygoing smile is missing. A rush of anxiety hits me suddenly, fearing the worst.
Finally, Chase makes his move, pushing off the glass and walking toward me, but stops at the first step, looking up at me. “And why are you nervous?”
Ten long steps separate us. “I’m not sure. I guess, just…”
“Is it because you left the hotel that morning without a word? Without giving me at least a goodbye?” As much as I deserved that, it doesn’t hurt any less hearing it. “Or all the times I tried to talk to you, fight for you and nothing.”
I don’t know how to respond. I know he’s referring to the night at the Anchor. And he has a right to be mad.
“Or how about just knowing that you gave up on us without a second thought while I kept fighting.”
My lower lip begins to tremble, my eyes filling with more tears, and still he makes no move to come to me. Missing is the normal Chase, who would scoop me into his arms and comfort me until I felt safe. Loved. That Chase is nowhere to be found. The one I see before me looks wounded. Angry maybe. His facial expression has me worried that he may return the favor and not listen to what I have to say. Fear that this is where I make my intentions clear and he tells me it’s too late.
He takes one step closer. “Well? Are you going to say anything?”
There’s a static in the air, with us being so close. Nine long steps separating us. A thickness to it that makes it hard not to sense the heavy emotions we’re both giving off. I inhale a deep breath for strength and begin. “I’m sorry for leaving without saying goodbye that night. It was wrong of me. I made a decision for both of us. I didn’t give you a chance.”
He slowly nods. “You did.”
God, he isn’t making this easy. “I was selfish. I did it because I was only thinking of me. I never thought of you and what you were going through.”
“Katie—”
“No, please listen, before you tell me to beat it.” I take a second to rein in my emotions. It’s taken a lot of time to be able to come to terms with everything. With myself. With being able to let go. I just needed to realize that sometimes in life, people make bad choices, but with good intentions. We can’t all live life being these flawless human beings. And I know now if that’s what I expected out of people, then I would forever be alone in a world surrounded by my own flaws. “I can’t excuse what you did. And I can’t even say that looking at you now, I still don’t feel the hurt and betrayal. Because it will always hurt. But that night. There’s something I never told you. I never told you that I forgave you. But I did.”
He’s still not budging. I know I’m losing him. The realization is slowly sinking in, my fears becoming reality.
I start to fully cry. “I was so scared to hear what you had to say that night I think I told myself that no matter what, it wouldn’t have changed things. I just didn’t think it mattered anymore. There was no way we would work out, and it was best I walked away from more pain that I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle.”
“Katie.”
Again, my name falls off his lips, causing my heart to beat uncontrollably, not knowing if I’ve fucked this all up. I probably look super pathetic right now, but I can’t stop the words from pouring out.
“I’ve missed you. And I’m sorry.” Having him in front of me only makes my heart ache more with the need for him. How do I express in words just how badly I’ve messed up? How do I use the right words so he’ll know just how sorry I am for not trusting in what we had, to figure us out together? I want to pretend I’m not this person who doubts and doubts. I don’t want to be, but I also can’t just shut that person down I’ve been for so long. “I’m sorry,” I repeat again, because I truly am. Sorry for the hurt and pain we both caused one another. “I’m sorry I doubted us. I doubted you.”
The tears are a heavy flow down my cheeks as I reach into my purse, pulling out a large stack of papers. “I did something while I was away.”
Seeing that I’m trying to offer them to him, he takes the stairs two at a time, until only four steps separate us. He reaches for the papers. “Oh, yeah? What’s this?”
“It’s a story.”
“And what’s this story about?”
He doesn’t look at the pages. He doesn’t take his eyes off mine. I know this is where I give it my all.
I suck in a deep breath for courage and begin. “It’s about a girl who doubts so much in life, she doesn’t know when it’s time to trust. To forgive when forgiving is needed.”
A few seconds pass before he asks, “And does this girl figure out how to trust and forgive?”
I answer his question with a nod. “She learns that love isn’t always how she expected it to be. You see, she finds it where she least expected it. With a person, she least expected to give her the time of day.”
Another round of tormenting seconds pass. “Was this boy able to show her just how perfect he thinks she is?”
God, does he ever. The tears are making it harder now to see. “He does, but she struggles to understand why. She doesn’t understand why he wants her. Because she doesn’t have anything to offer back. She’s lived such a hard life that she thought she didn’t know how to love back. She ends up fighting his love, because she doesn’t feel she’s worthy of it. Until she fights it so much she ruins any chance of ever having it.” I have to stop to catch my breath. I’m struggling to speak. “She hurts so much because of her choices. And she doesn’t know how to fix it. She’s scared of the unknown. Of taking a chance and being right, but even more scared of not taking that chance and being wrong.”
Chase takes a step closer. Three steps separating us. “It sounds like this boy really loves the girl, and she should have let him in and allowed him to love her with everything he has.”
With each hiccup, I reply, “And she really wants that, but she isn’t sure if it’s too late or not. She ran away from him. And she acted super childish and didn’t step up when it was most important. She isn’t sure if he even wants her anymore.”
Another step. Two steps separating us. “So how does the story end? What does she do?”
“I’m not sure because the ending isn’t written yet,” I tell him.
“And why not?”
“Because I don’t know how it ends yet. You see, the girl finally knew what she wanted, but she had to come back home and find this boy and ask for him to give her another chance at listening and forgiving. She wasn’t sure how he would react, but she prayed he hadn’t given up on her as she did on them.”
My heart plummets as he takes the thick stack of pages and drops it into the seat next to him. His facial expression still blank. I silently beg to see a part of the Chase I know. The kind, understanding man I fell so in love with. Right now, I fear I’m looking at a man who’s given up. He places his hands back into his pockets. I hold my breath as his mouth opens.
This is it.
“It’s strange, because I feel like I’ve heard this story before,” he starts, taking another step. One step separating us. “But you’re in luck because I actually know the ending.”
“You do?”
Another step closer.
“Yes, I do.” He’s so close I can smell the freshness of his shower. The lingering scent of his cologne. The heat of his body. “See, little does this girl know, that boy has been miserable without the girl. He hates himself for what he did to her and may never stop trying to fix what he broke. This boy, he never really knew himself what love was. He was just as naive as the rest of the world in defining it as something less than what it truly was. But one day, this girl came into his life and shaped it for him. Filled his world with light, humor, beauty. And it hit him. She was the meaning of it. She may have not understood what she was doing, but piece by piece, she was owning his heart. Until one day, she had it all.” He lifts his hand to brush away a strand of hair that’s sticking to my wet cheek. “She was a force of nature. Just a little thing with so much love, I’m not sure she realized how much power she had over this boy. But the boy, he himself was just as scared. But their love got messy. That’s when she ran away. And she had every right to.”
I feel the pull in my heart at the guilt. The regret that I didn’t stay and hash it out. “I’m sorry—”
“Shh… I’m not done with my story.”
I can’t help but nod with a small smile on my lips.
“So, this boy searched high and low for the girl, but she was nicely hidden. He was so sad that he couldn’t sleep at night, even his poor dog was sad. He thought the girl was never coming home. But he swore he would never give up. Because he loved her so fiercely he knew that one day, life would bring them back together. Because this was their fairy tale. And all fairy tales have a happy ever after.”
My lungs tighten as I struggle with my words. “What are you saying, Chase?”
Chase startles me when his hands leave my face and wrap around my waist. I’m up and in his arms in a blink, and he’s sitting us down on the end seat of the stadium. “That the boy got his wish. She came home to him. And he told her he loved her with everything in him. That he would have never given up fighting for her.”
I can’t fight the sobs from overtaking me. I rest my face on his shoulder while I allow my emotions to overpower me.
“Shhh… Why are you crying?” he asks, bringing his fingers through my hair.
“I… I… thought… you had given up on me.” I sob harder, soaking his sweatshirt.
Chase’s chest vibrates with a soft laugh. “And here I was thinking you’d given up on me.” He wraps his arms around me, holding me tighter as we share a silent moment.
Chase gently pulls my face away from his now soaked shirt, allowing our eyes to meet. He caresses my cheek. “Katie, what do I have to do to prove to you that you and I, opposites or not, there’s an unstoppable force between us? No matter how much you try and deny it, it’s there. It’s there constantly telling us that this, us, we’re real. Everything we feel. It’s real. That it’s not going away.” He drops his forehead to mine. “I’m sorry for what I did to us.”
“So am I.” I pull back so I can look straight into his eyes. “The moment you fell into my life you changed me. And I didn’t want that. I didn’t want change. I wanted my simple life. Simple friends, simple feelings. I was perfectly fine with the life that had been laid out for me.
Then out of nowhere you showed up.” I wipe the wetness from my face. “You did something to me. I probably hated you before you even gave me a reason to. You broke through the walls I had worked so hard to build. And it caused me to do the one thing I refused to ever do. I fell in love.”
Chase offers me the smile that keeps my heart beating. “What if I admitted I felt so safe with you in my arms? Content. Like I’m home? I’m home anywhere you are, Katie. I want life to be beside you. You’re my fuel. You’re what’s going to make me run. My life is you. I can’t fix the mess I made in the beginning. But I want my love for you to help mend what pain I’ve caused. I want to make it right. From now until we’re old, I want us. I want to be able to kiss you good night and good morning. I want to conquer your love broken motto.”
I throw myself at him, that if we weren’t sitting in a seat, he would go toppling over. My arms are around his neck and my lips are pressing against his. The feeling as our lips reunite is almost unexplainable. But taking a piece of Chase’s words, it’s like coming home.
We kiss until air becomes an issue that forces us to break apart. I rest my head on his shoulder while we let the silence comfort us.
“I have a confession to make,” Chase says, pressing his chin to the top of my head.
“Am I going to want to hear this?” I ask, worried, after everything we just shared, confessed.
“It depends. You see, when you went missing in action, I was running out of ways to track you down. You turned off your phone, abandoned your place, and quit your job. I ran out of places to search for you.” He stops for a moment, my nerves turning into curiosity.
I pull away and need to see his eyes. “What is it, Green? What did you do?”
“I kinda joined your fan group.”
“You what?” I gasp.
“If anyone asks, Chasity Green is your biggest fan. One girl even called me a creepy stalker.”
At that I bust out laughing. “Really, Green?”
“I told you. This was the inevitable. Us, you and me… and Chasity Green.”