I splashed water on my face, wiping my hands over my forehead and cheeks. Examining the dark circles under my eyes, the bandage across my forehead, my healing lip. My meeting with Rhys could have gone better, but I deserved it. I deserved that and more. So much to make up for.

Reopening a literal old wound hadn’t been my idea of successful, but it looked like it helped him get out whatever rage he had inside after what I did. It was the least I could do. Let him get that out. I knew what rage did when you let it fester and simmer.

Rhys kept his positions with the charities through his thirtieth birthday and then stepped down from them all. I had no idea why, but I wasn’t going to go over there and ask.

Most importantly, Rhys’s daughter was safe. Safe from my machinations and revenge plot. I told Rhys about what happened with my mom. How I’d taken that guilt and turned it into something ugly that ate away at me over the years. I wasn’t going to say we were friends. Or even acquaintances, but I wanted him to know he didn’t have to worry about me anymore. We’d both had enough about looking over our shoulders and running from our past to last us a lifetime.

Looking at myself was a bit easier nowadays, not much, but some. Frankie warned me about the dangers of the path I was on, but I didn’t want to listen. I’d been paying for that since the day I walked into Rhys’s office ready to do battle.

My reputation was in the gutter, but when hadn’t it been? I’d never been the golden boy like Thayer. Now I just had an extra layer of grime on me that I couldn’t wipe off. My run in with him at least meant my ruthless reputation preceded me into any merger. It usually meant I got a better deal than I shot for, but I wasn’t going to pass up money on the table. Business was fine. It survived the scandal of trying to take him down. But other than that, things were a mess. The police investigation into Allan’s death was finally wrapped up. An overdose in my apartment hadn’t won me any new friends, but I didn’t think that was possible anyway. Allan slipped out of the lobby and used a set of my keys he’d stolen to get back in. That had been a man I trusted enough to try and destroy Rhys. Who might have had a shot at screwing up Rhys’s daughter. I shuddered at the thought.

Sleepless nights filled with haunting chestnut eyes, staring up at me. She was on my mind no matter what I did. I’d attempted to jump back on the horse once I realized she wasn’t coming back. I told Frankie to set up a special party. Make it big. A celebration. I showed up and picked out the most beautiful woman in attendance. I walked her back to one of the private rooms, intending on proving to myself that nothing had changed, I was still the same guy. I could do this like I’d done it so many times before.

When she reached forward to touch me, I jumped back. I didn’t want her hands on me. I didn’t want her. I wanted Rachel. And Rachel, or whatever her name was, didn’t want to be found. I couldn’t get it up for that woman. Talk about a blow to the fucking ego. The only time I could get it up was in the shower or in bed at night. When I thought about her big doe eyes, staring at me. How wet she got for me. How she wasn’t afraid to get dirty with me. Shocking the hell out of herself and me when she truly let her guard down.

I couldn’t get Rachel out of my head. Once I realized she’d really left the city without a trace, I’d done everything I could to try to track her down, but ran into dead end after dead end. Maybe she wasn’t who she seemed to be at all. Maybe this was my penance for what I did? Sacrificing my reputation, my business to do what was right, and I’d lost her anyway. I stopped by her apartment. Sometimes Dahlia would let me in and I’d spill my guts to her and other times she wouldn’t. I’d had a couple of run ins with Ivan that hadn’t ended in bloodshed, so that was an improvement.

Dahlia was still tight lipped about where Rachel was and if she’d be back. But being at her apartment, surrounded by her things, was the closest I could get to her without her being there. I stepped out of my car and climbed the stairs to her apartment.

I knocked on the door and it swung open. Dahlia gave me a sympathetic smile. She’d warmed to me over time. Maybe showing up there bleeding from my various wounds had been a great idea. Buttered her up. Garnered me a little sympathy.

“Will you tell me?”

“No, but come on in. Your head is bleeding,” she said, letting me in and closing the door behind her. I always seemed to show up here when I needed comfort. When I needed to be around Rachel.

* * *

The knocks on my door were so much more ominous after Allan died. I had only been allowed back in a week ago. Finger print dust and other police remnants had been wiped away by the cleaning crew I had come in, but that hadn’t done much to make it feel like anything more than it was. A crime scene.

I looked through the peephole and relaxed a little. I opened the door and Frankie came barreling in. She pushed right past me and went straight to the fridge. I glanced around the apartment. Once the cleaning crew left I hadn’t really taken care of the place. Old take out containers and clothes were strewn everywhere.

She closed my fridge door.

“Your place is starting to look like the dorms back in high school,” she said, leaning against the fridge. “I warned you, Killian.” The disappointment in her eyes was only another dagger to my heart. “I warned you what would happen if you went down this path.”

“You didn’t have to agree. You could have told me no,” I said, walking over to the bar, glancing at the empty shelves. I’d destroyed it all.

“And what would have happened if I told you ‘no’?”

“I’d have found another way.”

“Exactly. I figured it was better for me to get the information than for you to go off threatening and manipulating who knows who to get what you wanted.” I winced at her accurate assessment of what I would have done.”

“Why are you even friends with me, Frankie?” I asked, shaking my head. I was a fucking mess.

“You were the only person in high school who didn’t want anything from me,” she said, standing in front of me, holding my gaze and not letting me look away. “You were the only person who didn’t give a crap where I came from and who my parents were. I was Frankie and that was it. I’d never met anyone like you. Your drive and determination isn’t something I’ve seen very often. But it’s a double-edged sword.”

“Sliced me right in half,” I said under my breath. She reached across the bar and put her hands on my balled-up fists.

“You’re not a bad person, Killian.” I scoffed. “You’re not. Don’t make me have someone tie you up in a dungeon until you agree. You’re not a bad person, but you’re pretty fucked up.” She squeezed my hands. “But who isn’t, right?”

“You’re not fucked up,” I said, putting one of my hands over hers.

“Oh, you’d be surprised,” she said, shrugging. “So how are you going to fix this?”

“I don’t even know where to start.” I ran my fingers through my hair.

“You probably start by taking a shower. You stink,” she said, fanning her hand in front of her nose.

“Thanks, Frankie.”

“You’re welcome, Kill. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Think of what you need to do to be the kind of guy she would want to come back to.”

I racked my brain to even think of where to start. To change everything about who I was and how I ran my business. How I lived my life, but for her I’d do it. I’d do whatever it took. Frankie slammed her hands down on the bar.

“My work here is done. I take it I can give up your room at the club? I’ve had some inquiries.”

I thought back to where it all started. The first time I put my hands on her. The first time I tasted her and felt her. A small part of me wanted to hold onto it for the memories, but I knew I didn’t want to walk back in there, green band or not. Not without her.

“Yeah, you can give my room to whoever’s on the list.”

She put her coat back on and opened the door. Grim stood there, hand up like he was about to knock.

“John,” she said, coolly.

“Francesca,” he said back, but with a lot less venom than she had. “A pleasure to see you.”

Frankie scrunched her eyebrows down as she stared at him. Probably trying to figure out if he was being sincere. The two of them needed to screw and get it over with already.

“I’ve got to go,” she said, gripping the strap on her bag even tighter. Move. Please,” she said, not waiting for his reply and brushing past him.

Grim moved out of the way and leaned out the doorway watching her leave. I ran my hands through my hair. The door slammed shut and Grim’s heavy footfalls landed as he got closer to me.

I need to make a change. I need to do things right.

“Hey, Grim, how do you feel about a new job?”

He quirked his eyebrow at me.

“I’m listening.”