Oh my god. That phrase repeated in my head about nine thousand times before I even started to process what the hell happened out there. What the hell was I supposed to do with that? To do with him? I came here for a purpose. The reason wasn’t to get fucked five ways to Sunday by Killian Thorne. So why did I want that so badly? More than I’d probably wanted anything in my entire life? All the perfect neatness of the little life I created for myself here seemed like cheap plastic when held up against the cold steel he was made of. I wanted that. I wanted him.

This would not go well if Mr. Thayer found out I’d gotten into bed with Killian Thorne. I was supposed to do some digging, not ride him into the sunset. When was the last time I’d walked on the wild side? How about this side of never? Other than a few awkward sex sessions with some guys in college, I could practically be a nun. I could keep things separate. I could get the information I needed and live a little too. There wasn’t anything wrong with what I was doing.

I’d tell myself these lies all day, if it meant I got to have a taste of him. I was sure his promises and rules were laced with poison, but right then I didn’t care if I got to feel as alive as I felt when I walked into that room with his eyes on me. No one had ever looked at me like he looked at me, like he was trying to decide which part of me he wanted to devour first.

I was tempted to rub myself right there, but then I’d be breaking one of his rules. Could I do it? Could I not was the better question. I splashed some water on my face, happy I didn’t have any makeup to smudge, and looked myself in the mirror. You’ve got this. There’s just an impossibly sexy man out there, ready to make you play by his rules. Rules like none of the others I’d ever lived my life by.

This was what I was missing. This can’t breathe, can’t see straight lust that hit me right in my gut and made me wet. Panic and desire warred for dominance in my mind. Deep breaths weren’t doing anything to quell the emotions racing through me. Time to put on my big girl panties and get back out there.

My hand twisted the cold metal knob as my stomach twisted itself into a knot. I took a deep breath and swung the door open. Killian was standing right there. I let out a small yelp as the light from the bathroom hit him, making him seem even more imposing against the darkness of the room.

“Rule Number 4. No running away from me until you are dismissed,” he said, stepping in closer, his face inches from mine. His lips were full and rigid at the same time. I bit my lip to keep from nipping his. The temptation was unreal.

“Don’t…don’t I need a safe word or something,” I said, my breath hitching. His delicious smile made the tightness in my stomach coil even tighter. I’d never been around a guy who made me want to do things like this before. I’d only now come to realize how boring my sex life had been up until this point.

“No safe word tonight. You won’t need it.”

He slid his hand along my waist and the goosebumps were back. The stampede was in full force again and he closed the door behind me. I stood, pressed up against him in the dark room, a glow of the blue light around the far edges of the room was all I had to see him, but I didn’t need to see. I could feel him. I could feel every part of him, every ridge, every curve, every bulge, pressed right against me.

“Do you understand my rules, Rachel?” he asked, his hot breath fanning against my face as he corralled me away from the door. Away from my escape back into the sanctuary of the bathroom. But I didn’t want to escape. I wanted this, more than I should. In here, it was only us. That was all that mattered. My breath was the only other sound in the room. Why the hell was I breathing so loud? This was it. Do or die time. I didn’t trust my voice, so I nodded.

“I need the words,” he said, running his finger along my arm and up to my shoulder.

“Yes,” I said, my voice squeaking.

“Good,” he said, before giving me a gentle push. The backs of my knees hit the edge of the bed and I flopped down, bouncing once. My hair flew into my face and I gasped as I felt his hands slide up my thighs and grip onto the waistband of my panties. Before I knew what was happening, the cool air of the room hit my pussy.

I glanced down my body and there he was, on his knees looking every bit the big bad wolf I’d come to think of him as. But he wasn’t banging on my front door. His eyes dared me to stop him. He thought I was scared. I wasn’t. Not of him. I was scared of me. That this would be something I’d crave like a drug and once he’d cut me off I’d stay an addict until the end of days. Every part of me was hyper aware of him, every cell reaching out for him. It all happened in a blink.

My panties were hanging off one foot and he slid my legs over his shoulders, my calves resting on his back, and then everything went blank. His tongue leaned down and teased my clit and I shot up on my elbows, my heart pounding. He sucked it into his mouth and rolled it around with his tongue. I cried out, my legs trembling, and he was only getting started. He teased my opening with a finger, before pushing it fully inside. I moaned and my head lolled back on my shoulders. He slid two fingers into my pussy and I could hear the wetness from here. I was soaked. There was no denying what he did to me as I cried out and my fingers clutched at the sheets.

“Nice and wet for me,” he said, nudging my clit with his nose before delving back in.

“Please,” I said, begging for more, my fingers threaded into his hair. The sandy colored silkiness giving me my anchor to earth. I needed it because he was driving me sky high. He pumped his fingers in and out before curling them forward and rubbing the spot inside me that no other man had been able to find. I yelped, my eyes rolling in my head.

I was so close when he nipped me on my inner thighs that were quaking with each and every pass of his tongue. He glanced up at me, locking eyes, and I remembered. His rule. Was I really going to ask his permission to come? It wasn’t like I hadn’t already been begging him before. For what, I wasn’t sure, but I knew what I was begging him for now. I needed this release. I needed it more than I needed to breathe.

“Please. Please Killian. Please let me come,” I begged, my voice desperate and quaking with desire. He redoubled his efforts and I did everything I could think of to stop from coming, but my body didn’t agree and the trembling increased. I made a mewling sound and he rubbed the spot again, the one I hadn’t ever been able to find myself, but somehow, he had. And in less time than it usually took me to get myself off I’d grabbed onto his head and slammed my knees shut around it.

“Come,” he said, his hot breath grazing my clit and it was like I was connected to a live wire. I shook and trembled while he continued pumping into me and lathing my clit with his tongue. I screamed as another orgasm ripped through me. I’d never had a double before. I didn’t know where I was, I couldn’t tell you what color the sky was, I wasn’t even sure I had a name.

I panted and shook, tremors running through me as I flopped back on the bed. He gave my clit one final kiss, wrenching a moan from me before he pulled his fingers free of me. The wet sound of my excitement heavy in the air. I closed my eyes and tried to get the spinning and my breathing under control. My heart thudded so hard against my ribs I thought I might have pulled a muscle.

It wasn’t until I heard the zip and jangle of the belt that I opened my eyes and sat up.

“What are you doing?” I mentally congratulated myself for being able to string four words together, as Killian grabbed a shirt out of the closet in the room and slid it on.

“I’m getting dressed,” he said, like he hadn’t just made me come so hard I thought I might die. “You’ll have to go out the front to pick up yours,” he said, fastening his cufflinks.

“That’s it?” I snapped, sounding like a petulant child. It grated on my nerves how needy I sounded. What kind of game was he playing?

“Good things come to those who wait.” He slid his shoes on and grabbed a suit jacket out of the closet. The jacket draped over his arm, he stood at the door expectantly. “Come on, I’ll walk you out.”

Tears prickled the backs of my eyes. I wasn’t going to cry. I wasn’t going to cry. Had I done something wrong? Was this some type of trick? I’d been so ready to give everything to him. To throw caution to the wind and just go for it, but now I was being dismissed like a hooker who’d overstayed her welcome. I grabbed my panties off the floor and slid them back on, completely aware of how wet I still was. It was another slap in the face. Keep it together. Keep it together.

The walk back downstairs was like walking to my doom. Every thought I’d pushed aside before agreeing to go upstairs came rushing back. I wasn’t supposed to be here. I shouldn’t have done this. I was in way over my head. Why had I let myself be taken in by him? The tears I tried to hold back gathered in my eyes, but I squeezed them shut. I was not going to cry in front of Killian Thorne. It was probably what he wanted.

Once we got back to ground floor, he directed me to a door I hadn’t noticed before.

“This will take you back to the changing room.” My shoulders sagged with relief. At least I wouldn’t have to do the walk of shame through the bar. While people in there were doing a lot more than I’m sure we did upstairs, the idea of walking back through there without my mask, which I’d left back in his bathroom upstairs, made my stomach quiver in fear. While no one was allowed in here with cameras, the last thing I needed was for someone to recognize me.

I nodded and stepped into the dimly lit hallway, as Killian held the door open for me. I mumbled a “thanks" before starting my long walk back to my own version of real life.

“And Rachel,” he called out from behind me. “Don’t forget my rules.” The door slid shut as I glanced over my shoulder. He was gone now. What the hell was that supposed to mean? This wasn’t over? I got dressed in the changing room in a haze.

When my key slid into the lock of my apartment I didn’t even remember if I had taken the train or a taxi to get there.

The apartment was quiet. I checked the time. It was almost 11:00pm. Time traveled at warp speed in that club. I was ready to jump out of my skin at any moment. As I walked into my room, it was like I was seeing everything for the first time. Everything seemed so foreign, unreal. When his hands were on me, that felt real. That felt like nothing I’d ever felt before, but then he’d walked out on me. Put on his clothes like it was just another encounter for him. Who was I kidding? It was. Who knew how many women he’d taken in that room. How many he’d done the exact same thing to.

All I wanted to do was crawl into bed and go to sleep. Maybe in the morning everything would make sense again. I hopped in the shower and dragged myself back into my room. My eyelids heavier than they’d ever been. Dahlia breezed by my open door.

“Hey,” I called out. She yelped and threw her keys, hitting me right between the eyes.

“What the hell, Dahlia?” I said, glaring at her and rubbing the sore spot in the middle of my forehead.

“You scared the shit out of me, Rachel,” she said, clutching her hand to her chest, gripping the fabric of her bright yellow halter in her hand.

“I mean, I only live here,” I said, bending down to pick up her keys to the shop.

“Sorry,” she said, at least having the decency to look embarrassed. I dropped the keys in her hand. “Why are you up so late?”

“I had a work thing,” I grumbled, pulling on my pajama top. My phone dinged on my nightstand. Mr. Thayer’s special notification.

“When don’t you have a work thing?” she asked, rolling her eyes and leaning against my door jamb. If she only knew.

“It was a special project I’m working on. It went in a direction I didn’t think it would.” I plopped down on my bed.

“Tell me about it,” she said, pushing off the door and sitting down beside me.

“Have you ever gotten involved with someone you know is just going to seriously fuck with your head? Like maybe completely destroy you, but you can’t help it?” she asked, laying back on my bed. I held my breath. It was like she was living my life right now. I tried to think about everything going on with her lately. She’d been a bit quieter than usual. Working longer hours with her triple crown client, as I’d dubbed him. I hadn’t been a good friend, just being all wrapped up in my own shit.

“What’s going on?” I asked, laying down next to her. She had her eyes closed and shook her head.

“It’s nothing. I’m being stupid. I don’t have time for complications. I don’t have time for attachments. Gotta keep it light, right?” she said, pushing up from the bed. I reached out and grabbed her arm, trying to stop her from running out before we got a chance to talk.

“Dahlia, you know you can talk to me. I’m here for you. I can go out and get a carton of ice cream and we can watch a movie or something. I don’t really feel like trying to go to sleep right now, either.”

“Sounds good, but instead of ice cream, we can order some Chinese food. Plus, we still have that macaroon tower your mom sent over yesterday,” she said, hustling out of the room. “I call dibs on the raspberry ganache ones.”

We sat up the rest of the night gorging ourselves on sweet and sour chicken and macaroons and watching old 80s movies. This was what I needed, I didn’t need the distractions that came with Killian. Mr. Thayer would want results from me and I couldn’t let my own bad judgement screw up everything he’d built.

As the movie finished and Dahlia jumped up to get another helping of rice and chicken, my phone vibrated from where I’d tucked it under my leg. Work email. I relished the distraction, only it wasn’t a work email. It was a text.

Unknown Number: Don’t forget my rules, sweetheart. I expect you to be back at Ace’s, tomorrow night at eight.

Oh shit. It was him.

Me: And what if I don’t show?

Killian: Then I guess you’ll never know what I have in store for you…

The throbbing was back. Everything I’d said and felt since he zipped his pants flew out the window like it had all been in my imagination. The deliciousness of what he might have in store for me was so tempting, I practically licked my lips. Dahlia threw herself back on the couch with three macaroons stuck in her mouth and two bowls of food in her hands. She shoved mine toward me.

Me: I’ll see…

I replied before shoving the phone back under my leg as Dahlia turned on the next movie. I couldn’t concentrate for the rest of the night. My mind wandered to what exactly Killian had in store for me. Was I really going to go back there? Was I going to be able to handle whatever he was determined to dish out? He knew he had me caught. That I wouldn’t just be able to walk away.

Dahlia passed out halfway into the movie. I turned off the TV and shook her. Her phone was tucked in beside her. The screen flashed as message after message rolled in, lighting up the dark room. It seemed someone else was up to all kinds of mischief of her own.