I whipped back around as the door slammed. Stunned. That was the only way I could describe it. She’d left. I didn’t think she had it in her. I saw the way she looked at me. The way she cried out my name and came on my fingers and my cock over and over again. The run in with Rhys might have taken things a bit too far, but I couldn’t let her get me off track. Couldn’t let her get in the way of the plans I had for her boss. She was only supposed to be a perk in my ultimate plot. And somewhere along the way, things changed. The things I wanted from her weren’t just in bed and that pissed me off.

I sat on the edge of the bed, throwing my jeans on. I grabbed a bottle from the bar and poured myself a glass of scotch. I wasn’t going to run after her like some love-sick schoolboy. I didn’t bend for anyone. I wasn’t going to bend to her. She’d be back. They always came back and when she did I’d have to decide if I would take her back. I toyed with that idea for less than a minute. Of course, I’d take her back, but maybe I’d make her work for it.

She’d come back.

I waited for a few days until I sent my first text, sure that this would go like the other times before, but she didn’t respond. I sent another and another, still nothing.

She didn’t come back. Someone else arrived on my doorstep. A box of their shit in hand.

“Dad.”

“Killian,” he said, glancing past me, like I wasn’t even there.

“I told you not to come.”

“Since when do I listen to you?” he asked, barging into my apartment.

San Quentin Correctional Facility stamped across the front of the box, he dropped it onto my table right on top of the final acquisition papers for the company. The thought of sharing the same space with him made me sick to my stomach. I thought back to my mom’s letter and swallowed back all the anger I had. I could do this for her.

“Nice place you’ve got here. I’m glad to see you’ve done well for yourself. Looks like some of me rubbed off on you after all.” He wandered around my apartment, scrutinizing the place. I clenched and unclenched my fists.

“Where’s the toilet?”

I pointed to the door off the living room. I tilted the box to get my paperwork from underneath and the box fell apart. The bottom came completely open. Perfect. I shoved the stuff that toppled out back inside. Some books, magazines, an old Rolex. A letter slid off the table and floated to the floor. I picked up the envelope and immediately recognized my mother’s handwriting. I traced my fingers along the slanted, looping lines.

I took the folded piece of paper out of the envelope. It wasn’t until I had trouble following the lines that I realized my hands trembled so hard that I sat down.

Steven,

By the time you read this, I'll be one more skeleton in your closet. I thought the worst thing in my life would have been your disappearance, but I was wrong. It hurts so much more now that you're back. You've used me and destroyed me. The only silver lining in ever meeting you is Killian. He's the brightest light in my life, but even he's not enough to save me from the waves threatening to drown me. 

I'm not strong enough to withstand this. To live with myself and how I allowed myself to be taken in by you and let you use me. Your wife gave me all the details of just what it was that happened between us. Yes, the wife you said you left. You’re in jail now and should be for a long time. I know Killian is safe. I know he won’t be exposed to you anymore and for that I’m grateful.

I reached the end of the note. Stepping into my office, I pulled out the weathered and worn paper I’d kept over the years.

I never knew someone could be so selfish. I’ve done so much for you over the years and with this final act I’ll have my release. I hope one day you’ll know what it means to care about someone other than yourself. What it is to care about family.

Evelyn

The trembling turned to molten rage as it dawned on me what he’d done. All these years. I’d believed that not even my own mother could see the good in me. That I was nothing more than the ruthless sum of my parts, destined to end up just like my father. And he’d done that to me. Mailed me the letter from prison. Correction, part of the letter. The part he knew would ensure that I didn’t abandon him in prison and pray that he never saw the light of day again.

Droplets of water dropped onto the page. I reached up and felt the tears on my face. I hadn’t cried since the morning I found my mother. I hadn’t allowed myself to ever feel a pain like that before. I felt like my skin had been set on fire.

Raw rage poured off me, pulsing in waves to high they threatened to knock me over. So much anger. At my mom for leaving me behind, for not knowing her own strength. At my so-called-father for his years of deception. Poisoning my mind with the hunt for revenge when it was him I should have been seeking my revenge from all along. And most of all, anger at myself. That I let this happen. That I turned into someone who would blackmail a woman into being with me because I never believed anyone could truly love me, not even my own mother.

My dad came out of the bathroom and I grabbed him by the collar. His face paled when he saw the letter in my hand.

“Killian.”

“Get out!” I screamed in his face, spittle flying everywhere.

“Where am I supposed to go?”

“I don’t fucking care. I don’t care anymore and I never should have. You’re a fucking user and you’ve been using me since you decided to turn up when I was sixteen. I was just so happy to have a dad I didn’t see what a piece of shit you were.”

He lifted his hand in a fist.

“Try it, old man. You’re a beaten and battered piece of shit and if you try to lift your hand to me, I’ll put you out for good,” I said, my own fist cocked back, ready for him to try something.

“I knew I should have given your mom the money for that abortion when she came asking,” he spat, before gathering his box and storming out of my apartment.

I slid down the wall, tears in my eyes, and rested fists against my forehead. My heart thudding so hard, I thought I might have broken something. Tremors racked my body as I tried to suck in a breath. I was clawing my way to the surface of the ocean and I knew there was one lifeline that could keep me sane. I picked up my phone with trembling hands and I touched her name. It rang once before a recording came on.

“The number you are calling is not available.” I pulled the phone back and stared at it to make sure I’d called the right number. She blocked me. I loved her. Hadn’t had the balls to admit that before now. So afraid of what that might mean. She wasn’t going to show up like I’d prayed she would.

* * *

It wasn’t Rachel who showed up, but Melanie, who burst into my office ready to do battle.

“Do you have any idea what you’ve done?” she asked, the venom in her voice making me take a step back. “He could lose his daughter.”

Confusion settled in as I tried to figure out what the hell she was talking about. I may have been trying to screw over Rhys, but what did that have to do with his daughter? And then it dawned on me. Allan’s phone calls and texts. His affair with Beth. His insistence on showing up in town.

“Esme isn’t his.” The look of shock on her face might have been comical, if it weren’t so screwed up. Allan was Esme’s father. Rhys knew. He knew she wasn’t his, but he’d kept her, cared for her, and raised her anyway. Melanie spit fire and venom at me as I stood there in stunned silence. Security tried to escort her out, but I needed to hear what she had to say.

She laid into me, telling me just how much my vendetta could end up costing Rhys. His daughter. I went numb as it finally clicked into place. How my fixation on revenge could end up destroying a little girl’s world. Mel stormed out of my office, her threats of retribution if I didn’t fix it hanging in the air.

I’d been so focused on what his parents did in the past. On what I’d lost. On how they’d wronged my family, I never stopped to think of what may have happened after those dark days. Of how the ripples of our lives stretched far beyond anything I might have imagined. The realization about what I’d done began to sink in. The consequences might have had a far greater reach than I anticipated.

I left the office not even attempting to do anymore work. My head throbbed and my palms were sweating as I tried to figure out how to unfuck my life and the lives of everyone else I’d screwed up.

I needed to talk to Rachel. I made it back to my apartment and hadn’t even taken off my coat when I turned right back around determined to see her. I’d stand in front of her building all day if I needed to.

I put my hand on the knob and I jumped, the knock thumping from the other side startling me. I swung it open and the small glimmer of hope in my chest died when I saw who was on the other side.

“Allan, what are you doing here?” Allan rubbed his nose with the back of his hand and came inside, rubbing his hands together and breathing into them. His eyes ringed with red. Once again, someone other than the one person I wanted to see came barging into my life.

“Hey Killian.”

“Hey Allan, what are you doing here? I thought I told you not to come to the city.”

“I couldn’t stay away.” Please don’t let this be about Esme.

“I want her. She’s Beth’s and I want her,” he said, pacing in the living room, running his hands through his hair. I closed my eyes. The water rising around me. He didn’t even need to say it. I knew and it was like a gut punch. This was not happening.

“Esme,” I said, opening my eyes. It was true. Everything Melanie said was true. I’d believed it then, it explained so much about Rhys’s behavior over the years. Made so much sense.

“Yeah, you should have seen her that day in the park. She was so cute, man. She looks just like Beth,” he said, his eyes glassy as he rushed up to me, grabbing onto my shirt. I clenched my fists as my anger and disgust at the shit Allan was trying to pull neared its peak.

I brought Allan into this because he said he knew more about Beth’s death. That there had been a cover up. A cover up to protect Esme. To stop the rumor mill and an investigation, which would have exposed his secret. And now a little girl’s life was in the balance. I’d done that.

“Did you talk to anyone about this? About Esme being yours?”

“Yeah, I went to a lawyer. Wanted to see what I needed to do to get my little girl back,” he said, pacing again, and I bit back a scoff. His little girl.

“Allan, your little girl? You don’t even know her. You haven’t even met her.”

“I have. Beth used to bring her around. Used to let me give her piggyback rides when we would go out.”

“When you would go out? You mean when you’d be using?” I said through gritted teeth.

Allan rolled his eyes like he didn’t see how the fact that he’d met Esme when he was high out of his mind and gave her a few piggy back rides didn’t mean that he wasn’t winning father of the year.

“Whatever, man. I’m here to get my kid. I never should have left her that night, but I was messed up beyond belief,” he said, shaking his head, rubbing his nose and running his hands through his hair.

“That night? What night?” Melanie hadn’t said anything about Allan being there when Beth died.

“The night Beth died. I was freaking out and had to get out of there,” he said, dropping a bomb like it was passing conversation that he left his toddler daughter in a rest stop bathroom with her overdosing mother. I clenched my fist at my sides. The vein in my neck throbbed as I tried to hold it all together.

“You didn’t say you were there that night, Allan. You just said you knew she didn’t die the way Rhys said she did. That he was the reason it happened.”

“What would me being there matter? And he was the reason it happened. If he’d just given her the money she asked for and stopped trying to have her under constant watch, trying to shove her into rehabs, then she’d still be here. She’d be fine. Instead, he was always trying to control her, so she came to me. Came running back. Knowing what a mistake it was.”

The blinding rage that thrummed through my veins made it hard to think straight. I rushed him, grabbing him by the collar and slamming him up against the nearest wall. Little bits of plasterboard rained down on us as his head whacked off the wall.

“You left her there! She was overdosing and you left her there in the fucking bathroom with her daughter? With your daughter?” I raged, unable to comprehend how someone could be such a shitty human being. I knew he had his issues, but I didn’t think even someone like him could have done something so shitty.

“The cops would have arrested me if I called them,” he whined, his eyes wide in fear. And rightfully so.

“You left her there to die, you son of a bitch! With her kid! A kid you’re trying to come after now,” I shouted in his face. He wouldn’t get her, there was no way a court in the world would award him custody, but it would go to court, it would be made public. It could destroy that little girl’s life.

“I wasn’t in my right mind, man,” he said, grabbing onto my hands. When he did, his sleeve lifted and I got a look at his arms. Angry red lines streaked across his wrist right where his watch was. I dropped him. Disgusted with him. I grabbed his arm and he tried to pull it away. A single glare from me and he froze. I shoved up his sleeve. Even more marks in various states of healing ran up and down his arms.

“You’re fucking using?” I asked, shoving him away. He stumbled and fell against the wall.

“It’s the stress. The stress of all this. Seeing my little girl and not being able to take her home,” he whined. I wanted to put my fist through his skull. My breathing was heavy and my vision clouded. Everything I’d done. All my plans to right the things I thought went wrong with my life, everything paled in comparison to the havoc he could wreak on Esme’s life. And for what?

Rhys didn’t do anything wrong. He was just trying to protect Beth. I saw that now. Pushing her into rehab, but she came running back to Allan, a man she thought she loved. A man who left her in a rest stop bathroom to OD with her kid there beside her. I couldn’t imagine what that did to Esme. All the issues I’d had in my life, they didn’t even compare.

Finding my mom in the morning was something so terrible I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, but to be there, by her side as it happened and not be able to do anything about it. That was a whole other level. My memories were terrible, but they were nothing like that. Suddenly, the depth of my selfishness crashed down on me like a pounding wave that didn’t let up.

Allan already put the wheels in motion by contacting a lawyer. No doubt once they saw who he was going up against they saw dollar signs flashing. I needed a drink. I grabbed a tumbler off the bar and downed a glass of scotch. Fuck! I slashed my hand across the bar, knocking glasses and bottles all over the place.

“You need to leave, Allan,” I said, my hands resting on the now empty bar, glancing up at him. He was scratching his face and I didn’t even want to know what drugs he was on. He probably didn’t even want Esme. He saw this as a chance for a big payday. It was amazing he’d lived this long. And then it became crystal clear. How I could fix this situation.

“I’m not leaving without her.”

“Yes, you are,” I said, my teeth clenched so hard my jaw ached.

“I’ll give you five million dollars if you leave and never contact them again. I’ll get you into a rehab.”

He scoffed, but then his eyes bulged and his greedy little mind whirred with just how much he’d be able to score with that much money.

“Do you want the money?” I asked, knowing the only answer he’d be able to give. The pull was too strong. He was too far gone. He nodded his head vigorously.

“Will you leave them alone and never contact them again?” He shook his head so hard I thought he might pull a muscle. So much for being in this for his daughter. And I’d let him play me. Used my own hatred for Rhys to blind me for what plans of his own he’d put in motion.

“I’ll give you ten thousand dollars right now.” I walked to my wall safe in my office, punching in the numbers. The beeps rang out in the stone-cold silence of the room. Allan sniffled and shuffled his way in, wary. As he should have been. I grabbed the stacks from the safe and handed them to him. I called my assistant to make the arrangements. A car from the rehab facility would be in front of my building in an hour to get him.

“I’m leaving. I expect you to get in the car when it gets here. Go to rehab, straighten yourself out, and make a new life for yourself. I’m giving you enough to start over and do something good for once,” I said, grabbing my coat. I let my doorman know a car would be showing up in an hour to pick Allan up. I had no doubt in my mind he wasn’t going to be there when that car showed up.

“Thanks, Kill. I appreciate it,” he said and I winced at my name. That’s me, that’s what I do, right? I grabbed an old briefcase and shoved the money in there. I escorted him to the lobby, but I had to get out of there.

“Goodbye Allan,” I said, pushing through the lobby doors. My stomach rolled as I walked across the street, tugging my coat collar up against the freezing wind that sliced through the city streets.