I picked up Kylie and the two of us headed out for dinner. I hadn’t seen her in a week and hadn’t talked with her since she had started her job with my dad. I knew it was shitty. I knew I was being distant. But I was still upset with how things had gone down at that dinner a couple months ago. We hadn’t once talked about it. She hadn’t initiated any sort of open dialogue about what had happened, and I didn’t have the time to dance around her with everything going on in my world. But I did want to take her out somewhere to celebrate the fact that she had started a new job.

“So how’s your week been going thus far?” Kylie asked.

“It’s been good. We’re finishing up the first round of edits on the film project. Then we’ll run it through a test audience to get feedback and initial reactions. Then, if we need to, we’ll reshoot some scenes, change plot points, and go through a second round of edits.”

“Will you be ready in time for the submission date for Sundance?” she asked.

“Oh, we’re well ahead of schedule. I’m confident in it.”

“I’ve always loved that about you—your confidence in things.”

I looked up at her, and her sparkling hazel eyes sucked me in. The golden flecks that danced for me underneath the lighting of our table pulled me in, tugged me toward her warmth. I slid my foot next to hers underneath the table and watched that bright smile of hers grow larger with every stroke of my toe against her naked ankle.

It had been so long since I’d felt her underneath my fingertips.

“Aren’t you going to ask how my week’s been?” Kylie asked.

I was avoiding the topic and I knew it was terrible of me to do so. I figured that was as good of an opening as I was going to get from her. Maybe this dinner would be a nice, calm place to have a frank discussion about how things had gone down with my father.

“I am,” I said. “How has your week been so far with my father?”

“So you did remember. That’s…good.”

My smile fell into a tight grin as she pulled her foot away from mine.

“Things are going very well,” she said. “Working alongside your father is really going to help boost my career in the field. He has a wealth of knowledge to pass down, and the office he gave me is much more than I could’ve imagined. I’m really glad we haven’t fought about this again, because I feel in my bones that this was the right decision for my career—like you with your film and Sundance.”

I ground my teeth together, trying to keep an even temper. What she did was nothing like what I had done with my film. I hadn’t blindside her with it. I hadn’t picked it over working with her on a project because it would be more lucrative. I hadn’t done any of the things she did to me in front of my father, embarrassing me in front of all those people.

“Adam?”

“Yeah. What was that?” I asked.

“Did you hear me?”

“I’m sorry. I was focused on the menu. What did you say, sweetheart?”

“I said I’ll be able to afford a better apartment soon.”

My mind flew back to the conversation I’d had with Sawyer. Was she hinting at what I thought she was hinting at? My heart leaped to my throat and my legs locked underneath the table. I cleared my throat to try to rid it of the knot before reaching for my water and taking a sip of it.

“That’s good,” I said. “Are you thinking about cutting your lease and moving?”

“Well, I’m not happy with where I’m living. It was all I could afford while working in college. But now that I have this job with your father and I am making a steady income, I could afford something nicer, safer. Maybe a bit bigger?”

“Why would you need something a bit bigger? Are you feeling cramped where you are right now?”

“Adam, come on,” she said.

“Kylie, communicate with me. Tell me what you’re talking about. Our weak point is this communication thing we’ve got going on right now. You expect me to read your mind and then get angry at me when I don’t.”

“I don’t expect that at all. We’ve talked about moving in together on several occasions. We’ve been together for four years, Adam. I love you. Don’t you think it’s time to take that next step?”

“We just re-signed our leases. Why don’t we talk about it once they come up for renegotiation?” I asked.

“You said that the last time, and we never talked about it. Adam, I want to be with you,” she said as she took my hand. “I don’t want us to be angry at each other anymore. We’ve been upset for two solid months.”

“I haven’t been upset.”

“You’ve been avoiding me. That means you’re upset.”

“And you don’t talk when your upset. We have our faults,” I said.

She sighed and sat back in her chair, staring out the window. I knew I wasn’t being fair, but I was tired of all of this being my fault. I was tired of constantly being blamed and put at the forefront of all our problems. We were equally at fault for where we ended up as a couple, so it was our responsibility as a couple to get back.

“Look at me, Kylie.”

She slowly panned her gaze over to mine as I reached out for her hand.

“Come here?” I asked.

I wiggled my fingers and her hand crept over mine. I wrapped my skin around hers and felt the warmth pulsing through her veins. Fuck, it had been so long since I’d treated her body to something spectacular. I was hoping to do that after dinner. It would be the make-up sex session to end all make-up sex sessions.

“I know things have been hard with us. I’m under pressure with Sundance and this film, and you’re under pressure with graduation and looming student loan payments. I get it. I get why you took the job with my father.”

“You do?” she asked.

“I do. I’m not angry with you. I’m upset that I don’t get to work alongside you like I thought I would, but I’m not angry with you. And if you want to talk about moving in together, then let’s give it a couple months and we can revisit it. If we still want to move in together, then I’ll cut my lease, you can cut yours, and we’ll go apartment hunting together.”

“Are you serious?” she asked as a smile spread across her cheeks.

“Yes. In a couple of months we’ll talk about it and see where we are. We’ll talk.”

“Okay,” she said. “Thank you, Adam. I think it will be a really good step for us. Living together will help us spend time with each other even though we don’t work together. And I’ll have weekends off, so I can come with you to sets and shoots. You know, like I used to.”

Wow. She’d really been thinking about it.

“That sounds great, sweetheart.”

“I thought so too,” Kylie said as her thumb stroked my skin.

The waiter brought our food and our focus turned to eating. The happiness in her eyes was unmistakable, which meant she wouldn’t bring up the topic again for a little while. But when it came up again, what would I tell her? That I didn’t know if I wanted to move in with her after four years? That I didn’t know if I wanted to marry her after four years? That I wasn’t sure if I wanted to get married or have children at all? I knew I risked losing her that way. Kylie had always talked about a family and having a house full of kids running around and having an in-home office and starting her own business. She’d always had those goals, and at one point in time, I had seen my life lining up with those goals.

But as we ate in silence and passed glances across the table in a feeble attempt to keep the fire alive between us, I realized I wasn’t so sure anymore about those goals. I wasn’t sure about anything in my life.

The only thing I was sure about was if my goals didn’t line up with Kylie’s, she was gone. With her, there was no compromising. It was moving in, marriage, and children or nothing at all.

“You know I love you, right?” I asked.

She looked up from her salad, her beautiful sparkling eyes meeting mine.

I was going to miss those eyes if I lost her.

“I do,” she said. “And I love you too, Adam.”

But for some reason, it seemed emptier than it usually did. There was a hollowness to her voice. That sentiment from her didn’t seem as full of life and vigor as it once used to, and my fears for my future came to a head.

I didn’t want to live my life on a timetable. I didn’t want to follow the rules. But Kylie was nothing if not a rule-follower. She was nothing if not a stickler for timetables and schedules. It was how she was programmed, and her organization used to keep me on track. But now, at this juncture, I only found it stifling and creatively draining.

And something told me my chaotic nature made her feel out of control—something Kylie didn’t do well with at all.