“Alyssa!”

I wrapped my arms around my best friend’s waist as she whipped hers around my neck.

“Why does it feel like I haven’t seen you in ages?” she asked.

“Because it’s been a week and it’s the longest we’ve gone without seeing each other,” I said.

“Right. So it doesn't happen again. Agreed?”

“Agreed,” I said with a smile.

The two of us went into the restaurant and sat down. We came here so often that the waitstaff and cooks already knew our orders. Alyssa’s water and my Diet Coke were brought to the table, and then the waitress set silverware down before she went to go put in our order: a Tex-Mex salad for Alyssa and a chicken caesar wrap with extra crispy french fries for me.

“So I had dinner with Adam the other night,” I said.

“Has he finally come to his senses and stopped being a dick?” she asked.

“Come on, you know this has been a rough time for him. He’s under all sorts of pressure with this film of his, and I get it.”

“He didn’t wish you luck on your first day at your new job. Have you even had a talk with him about what happened in that restaurant?”

“No,” I said.

“Then what the fuck’s the point of having dinner with him if you two won’t talk about it?”

“We talked about moving in together,” I said.

“When the two of you won’t even talk about the biggest fight in your relationship to date? That sounds like a great plan.”

“Alyssa…”

“For once, Kylie, I want you to talk to me about how you feel. I don’t want you to justify how Adam’s feeling. You do that all the time. You’re a fabulous girlfriend in that regard. But I want you to talk about how you’re feeling, because that’s important as well.”

“I always talk about how I’m feeling.”

“Then regale me again with it,” she said.

I sighed as I sat back in the booth and closed my eyes.

“I feel like we’re growing apart,” I said.

“Good.”

My eyes flew open and Alyssa backtracked.

“Not that you’re growing apart. That you’re talking. That’s good. What else?”

“I feel like we’re stuck. We haven’t taken steps to pursue anything more with our relationship. We’ve been together for four years and the most I can get him to talk about a future is whether or not his Sundance film will make it. There’s no mention of us moving in together, no mention of getting engaged, nothing.”

“You said you talked about moving in.”

“We did. I mean, I told him that with me working for his father, I made enough money to afford a nicer place.”

“What did he say to that?” Alyssa asked.

“I practically had to pull it out of him that we’d talk about it in a couple months. And if things are still okay and it feels good, then we’ll both cut our leases and move in together.”

“Even with you saying that, you look like you’re about to puke.”

“I do not.”

“You really do. You should see yourself: pale skin, green tint, the works,” she said with a grin.

“Stop it. That was one time.”

“You got so nervous about Adam leaving you that you made yourself sick, Kylie. You’re never living it down,” she said.

“I feel like I’m going insane. Am I going insane by thinking that Adam and I have changed since I took this job with Mr. Tucker?”

“No, you’re right. Something’s changed. A lot has changed between you two. Without college classes, you’re seeing less of each other. You’ve taken a job that has a lot more prestige than his failing production company.”

“It’s not failing, Alyssa.”

“It’s not making money either.”

“It’s…”

Our food was set in front of us, but I no longer felt like eating.

“You need to have a serious talk with Adam,” she said as she picked up her fork. “Otherwise, none of this is going to get resolved. It’ll fester and infect your entire relationship with him. And I know you don’t want to throw four years of your life with him out the window.”

“I don’t. We have so much history, Alyssa. And I do love him. I do care about him.”

“I know you do,” she said. “But are you ready to come to terms with the fact that he might not want what you want for your future?”

“He did when we first started dating.”

“And that was four years ago. A lot changes in four years.”

“I know,” I said. “I…I know. But Adam has a hard time talking about his feelings. He always has.”

“Which is fine. Everyone has their quirks. But now it’s time for him to pull up his big-boy breeches and grow the fuck up.”

“Alyssa,” I said with a giggle.

“Well it’s true! He’s almost thirty years old and acts like he hasn’t stopped sucking on his mother’s tits yet.”

“Can you keep that down?” I asked.

“We could play the penis game.”

“I will get up and walk out…and stick you with the damn bill.”

“You’re no fun,” she said with a grin.

“Can I admit something to you if you promise not to tell it to anyone else?” I asked.

Alyssa put her fork down and locked her eyes with mine.

“You can tell me anything and it will never go anywhere,” she said.

“I don’t know if things are fixable between Adam and me any longer,” I said.

She reached over and took my hand as we ate our lunches in silence. I had finally spoken the one thing that had been running through my head ever since that dinner out loud. I didn’t know if things were fixable between Adam and me any longer. I wanted them to be. Fuck, my heart wanted them to be. Four years with a man I cherished and cared for, a man who took care of me when I was sick and helped coach me through my required courses when I couldn’t have given a shit about. The past four years had brought us a lot, and the history the two of us had cultivated was astounding. No relationship was perfect. No single person was perfect.

But there were days I didn’t even feel loved by Adam, and there were days I had to remind myself I loved him.

Alyssa hugged my neck after refusing to let me pay. Then I headed back to the office. I sucked down my emotions as best as I could before I parked my car and made my way up to my office.

The second the elevator door opened, I watched him walk out of his office.

His eyes leveled with mine as I stepped out of the metal encasement, but his face morphed. Shit. He knew something was wrong. I slid my purse up to my shoulder and walked by him, drawing in deep breaths and trying to settle my face into a nonchalant expression.

“Kylie?”

“Yes, Mr. Tucker?” I asked.

His gaze hardened for a split second before softening toward me.

“Are you all right?”

“Of course. Just getting back in from lunch,” I said.

“Kylie.”

“Yes, Ryan?” I asked.

“Could you join me in my office in ten minutes?” he asked.

I nodded my head, walked into my office, and dropped my purse onto my desk. Great. My emotions were dangling from my sleeve and my boss was about to interrogate me regarding them. What the hell was I supposed to tell him? That I didn’t think I loved his son any longer? That my relationship with his only child was dwindling and it broke my heart that I couldn't stop it? That I was willing to do anything to keep Adam around because four years was a hell of a lot of time to waste with just one person who now didn’t want to give me anything he had promised me all those years ago?

I walked over to the windows and drew in a deep breath. All I had to do was convince him I was fine. Ryan was, first and foremost, my boss. There were only certain lines he could cross before approaching inappropriate territory.

And I’d make sure he knew it.

“Come in,” Ryan said when I knocked on his door.

I stepped into his office and looked at him as he lifted his head from his paperwork.

“Shut the door and come sit down.”

His tone was calm, collected, but his eyes were concerned. I reached back and shut the door, then made my way to the seat in front of his desk. I felt on display, like I was about to stand in front of a firing squad and risk my life to dance around questions I wasn’t sure were appropriate to answer. But when my butt hit that seat and his eyes fell on mine, the warmth I’d always associated with him blanketed my body.

And my lips loosened.

“You know you’re more than just an employee, Kylie.”

“I’m aware,” I said.

“I consider you part of my family. And when someone in my family struggles, I aim to fix it.”

“With all due respect, this isn’t something you can fix.”

“But it is something I can lend an ear toward if you want to talk.”

“I got together with a friend of mine for lunch and we did some talking. I promise I’m okay,” I said.

“Does it have something to do with my son?”

I felt my walls plummeting as he leaned back in his chair.

“I…did have dinner with Adam a few nights ago,” I said.

“Did things go okay?”

I wasn’t sure if any of this was appropriate, but I couldn't deny my want to tell him everything. Maybe if I couldn't say something to Adam, he could. Maybe he had some insight I was missing because of my own internal pain.

After all, Adam was his son.

“Our dinner was touch-and-go. He still won’t talk about his apparent issue with my working for you,” I said.

“If it makes you feel any better, he hasn’t addressed it with me either. Though my son has never been one to talk about his emotions. He gets that fun little trait from his mother.”

“He doesn’t talk much about his mother,” I said.

“I wouldn't expect him to. Neither of us have much of a relationship with her.”

“Why not?”

I felt the electricity in the room crackle as those two words slipped from my lips.

“I’m sorry. That was inappropriate,” I said.

“No, it wasn’t.”

But he still didn’t answer the question.

“I talked with Adam about the possibility of moving in together,” I said.

“You did?”

“Yes. I told him with the job I had now with you, it was possible for me to afford a better place. A nicer place.”

“Don’t tell me you’re living somewhere unsafe, Kylie.”

“I’m not. At least I don’t feel unsafe there. It’s small, though, just a studio apartment with a miniature kitchen in the corner. Not really move-in material if you ask me,” I said.

“I admit it’s odd for you and Adam to have not moved in already. That’s usually the next step in relationships that have gone on as long as your and Adam’s has.”

“That’s what I said. But when I brought it up, it made him squeamish almost. I got him to commit to talking about it in a couple months, but I’m not holding my breath for it.”

I spat that last part a little more than I wanted to.

“I just don’t know where things are going or what I’m doing with him any longer. When we first got together, I was very upfront with him about what I wanted: a career, a life, a home, children someday. And he was on board with it completely.”

I raised my eyes to gaze into Ryan’s as he sat there, listening intently.

Adam never listened with the kind of fervor Ryan seemed to be listening with now.

“But now I can’t even get him to talk about taking a partial step toward one day having a house together,” I said. “I’m not sure if his future lines up with mine anymore, but I can’t get him to talk about it so I can’t even confirm what I think I already know.”

“I’m so sorry, Kylie,” Ryan said. “I had hoped to raise a better man than that.”

“It’s got nothing to do with you,” I said. “And I really shouldn't be saying any of this in such a professional setting.”

“You’re first and foremost—”

“Family,” we said together.

I sighed as a small grin trickled across his cheeks.

“I know,” I said. “And I really appreciate it. This has nothing to do with you. All Adam has to do is tell me what he wants. But he won’t. Whether he doesn’t care enough to or whether he’s scared of what the outcome might be once he admits it, I don’t know, but I feel stalemated and I don’t like that feeling. Progressing forward is the only thing that roots me sometimes, and I don’t have it right now.”

“Well, if it’s any inclination, if Adam does squander this with you, I know he’ll regret it eventually.”

“I wish he would be willing to throw that energy for regret into figuring out and fixing why we went so far off the rails,” I said.

“I had always hoped my son would end up with a woman like you. Driven. Successful. A proud, independent force to ground his floating, artistic endeavors. My son’s creative and very talented, but sometimes he can fly by the seat of his pants and get himself into trouble. You’re the only young woman he’s ever brought home that I’ve approved of.”

“That’s kind of you to say,” I said.

“It makes me sick that he isn’t treating you right.”

“Ryan, don’t—”

“Don’t make excuses for him. After the outburst in the restaurant a couple months ago, I prayed it was nothing but a one-off moment because he was having a bad day. But listening to what you’re saying and watching you speak with such sadness laced in your voice? I know he’s been making you feel this way for a while. And you deserve better, Kylie.”

I had no idea what to say to his statement.

“If you want me to talk with him, I will,” Ryan said.

“I can’t ask you to do that,” I said softly.

“I won’t tell him we talked. I’ll only tell him I’m concerned for his well-being. I can probably address some of these issues with him without getting the backlash of emotion he’s giving you.”

“Anything would be appreciated at this point, Ryan.”

“Try to clear your head as best as you can, then take an early day. I want you walking out of this office by four.”

“Are you sure?” I asked.

“Positive. Take the remaining hour and treat yourself to something. Take care of yourself, Kylie, because it’s obvious my son isn’t.”

He spat that last part a little more forcibly than I figured he wanted to judging by the crinkling of his nose. Then he dismissed me with a nod before he got back to work. I felt good about him talking to Adam. Maybe he could talk some sense into his son so we could all move forward. I got up from the seat and headed back to my office, closing my door behind me and leaning against it.

I felt a little better, but not much better. There was something in the air I couldn't explain, but it didn’t feel right.

It felt good, but it didn’t feel right.