“I think this patio furniture is perfect for out here, especially since this railing is wrought iron as well.”

Alyssa sipped her glass of wine as I thought back to my conversation with Ryan. He had been on my mind all weekend. That kiss had been on my mind every second of the unpacking Alyssa and I had done. My apartment was unpacked and decorated, and still the feeling of his warmth against my lips lingered.

But the pain in Adam’s eyes before he had turned to stone was etched into my memory forever.

“Okay,” Alyssa said. “What’s up?”

“I’m just tired,” I said.

“No, you’re not tired. You might be worn out, but you’re certainly not tired. I know you when you’re tired. So, are we having a pizza conversation, a Chinese conversation, or a more wine conversation?”

“What the hell does that even mean?” I asked.

“When there’s boy drama, we talk over pizza. When there’s work drama, we talk over Chinese. But when there’s salaciously good drama, we talk over more wine.”

“No, we don’t.”

“New traditions for new places,” she said as she leaned back in her chair. “So, which is it going to be tonight?”

I snickered and shook my head as I crossed my leg over my knee.

“It’s a ‘more wine conversation’ then.”

“Please do not tell me you and Adam have gotten up to something. Please tell me you’re about to indulge in the hot-ass rebound you had in your apartment last night,” Alyssa said.

“What? No,” I said. “But something did happen the first day I moved in, and I can’t get it out of my head.”

“Wait. It happened four days ago and I’m just now hearing about it?”

“It’s pretty substantial,” I said.

“Should I fill up our glasses first?”

“Yes, I really think you should.”

Alyssa squealed and scurried inside to get the bottle of wine we had opened. And I had to admit, Ryan was right. The wrought-iron furniture didn’t only fit the balcony, but the cushions, which came along with it, provided a comfortable seating area. And the glass-top table would be easy to clean while withstanding the wear and tear of Portland’s weather.

“All right,” Alyssa said as she filled up my glass. “Spill for momma.”

“You’re ridiculous,” I said.

“Oh, stalling. That’s always good. Can I try to guess it?”

“Sure,” I said with a giggle. “You just try.”

“Did you kiss the cute front desk attendant downstairs?”

“I knew you’d take stock of him,” I said with a grin. “But no.”

“Did you bring a girl back instead?”

“What?” I asked.

“What?! I’m not judging. And with everything that happened with Adam, I wouldn’t blame you for wanting to try the other team. Okay, okay. Did you have sex with someone?”

“You’re supposed to be guessing, not playing twenty questions.”

“Then tell me, if we have to follow all your asinine rules.”

I drew in a deep breath before taking a long pull from my wine.

“I kissed Ryan,” I said.

Alyssa’s jaw dropped before she shifted in her chair to face me.

“You what?” she asked.

“I kissed Ryan.”

“When the hell did Ryan come over?”

“He came by a little while after you left on my move-in day. He brought celebratory champagne and we got to talking about the view and the patio furniture and…it just happened.”

“How do you just happen to kiss your ex-boyfriend’s dad? Not that I’m downing it or anything. If Ryan had kissed me, he would’ve been a goner. That man’s got a five-hundred-yard stare, a seriously tight body in a suit, and a cock I’d sink to my knees—”

“And that’s enough of that,” I said.

“All I’m saying is go you. The man’s hot. He’s older, so he’s not going to be a wishy-washy asshole like Adam.”

“Like his son,” I said.

“So what? Everyone has a kinky side to them. You know I’ve always had a thing for older men. Why does it shock you that you do as well?”

“Because I don’t have a thing for older men.”

“Then maybe that’s your problem. Maybe instead of going for guys your age, you should be looking for older men. After all, everyone tells you you’re wiser and more intelligent than your years. That really gets their gears going.”

“I hate you,” I said flatly.

“Why is this such a bad thing? Was he a terrible kisser?”

“No,” I said as a flush crept to my cheeks.

“Oh, so he’s a hot kisser. Details.”

“The only detail important here is that Adam walked in on us.”

“And lady-boner killed,” she said.

“You should’ve seen the look on his face, Alyssa. The anger in his voice. I feel awful. I kissed his father, a man the two of us had sat down and had dinner with at least once a month for the past four years. What if he thinks I was cheating behind his back with his own dad?”

“Were you?”

“No,” I said. “At least I don’t think I was.”

“You’re really going to need to elaborate on that,” Alyssa said.

“I mean, Ryan and I have had a few moments pass between us, but I thought it was all in my head because of the fighting Adam and I were doing all the time. You know, seeking comfort and misconstruing it because of emotions and shit.”

“But…?”

“But I’m not sure if my emotions are completely to blame for the moments that passed,” I said.

“You know I’m a fan of juicy gossip, but you know I’m also a fan of helping you not suck at life. So, here’s my advice: Adam fucked up, repeatedly over the past few months—fight after fight, then leading you on about wanting to move in, about wanting kids, about wanting any sort of a future with you.”

“He did not have something like this coming. Don’t even go there,” I said.

“I wasn’t. But what I was going to say—before you so rudely interrupted—was that he had his chance—for four years. And he was right. The two of you aren’t heading in the same direction anymore, and that’s okay. It’s okay to move on from that. It’s okay to have used those years on him so long as you understand that you don’t owe him a damn thing for what he did to you.”

“It takes two to make something like that work. I wasn’t a peach in it either,” I said.

“And it’s that kind of maturity that draws someone like Ryan to you. Sure, you might have hurt Adam in the process. You also broke up. In fact, he broke up with you. Who the fuck is he to get upset when he finds you kissing someone?”

“Even though that someone happens to be his father?”

“Yeah. Even though that someone was his hot-ass, tight-ass, fine-as-fuck father,” she said with a grin.

I rolled my eyes and took a sip of my wine, but she wasn’t wrong with any of those descriptive phrases.

“So, how was it?” Alyssa asked.

“I’m not getting out of this, am I?” I asked.

“Oh, hell no. You should’ve known better. So tell me. What kind of kisser is he?”

I peeked over at her before a grin spread across my cheeks.

“The kind that pinned me to the balcony window, hiked my leg up around his body, and sent shivers down my spine.”

“Oh my fuck, woman. Yes, please. Come to momma. Tell me more. What did he taste like?”

“The champagne we were drinking,” I said.

“Do you think it would’ve gone any further if Adam hadn’t interrupted you two?” she asked.

It was a question I’d been asking myself for just shy of four days. And the truth was, yes. I would’ve allowed it. The feelings Ryan’s touch had conjured were feelings I hadn’t experienced in years. The way he touched me—the way he commanded my body—was so new to me. It was as if he knew exactly what I wanted. He knew exactly how my body would mold to his, so he manipulated it while slowly caressing my lips apart with his tongue. There was something there between us, something I avoided thinking about until I had stepped into the shower every morning.

Every time I turned that water on, part of me wished Ryan was there.

“You’re thinking about him, aren’t you?” Alyssa asked.

“You know I really hate you some days, right?” I asked.

“Nope. You only hate it when I’m right, which is practically always. I’ve known you for longer than I care to admit sometimes. I know you like the back of my hand.”

“Thanks. I think.”

“For instance, you’re wondering how awkward tomorrow’s going to be at work.”

“It crossed my mind, yes,” I said.

“You’re wondering if he’s going to bring it up, or if this somehow diminishes your professionalism in his eyes.”

“You can stop now,” I said.

“You’re also partially wondering what it would be like if he showed back up since he knows where you live. You’re wondering if things would resume or if he regrets it. And I know a small part of you is—”

“That’s enough, Alyssa.”

“Kylie, just don’t run from it. Okay? Adam did you wrong. There’s no one on this fucking planet who would take his side in all this. Sure, you probably did some wrong shit too, but you communicated with him all the way through, made your intentions for the future known to him from the get-go. And when he realized he didn’t have those same intentions, he still kept you around. He never once clued you in on it. Adam fucked you over.”

“Don’t you dare tell me I have the right to fuck him over back,” I said.

“Nope. That’s how I operate. I’m the vengeful one, and you’re the reasonable one. But your reasoning yourself right out of something that could be really good for you, so I’ll leave you with this: Don’t go into this with any loaded pretenses. Don’t assume you know what move Adam’s going to make and don’t assume you know what moves you’re going to make as well. Don’t let an ex who’s pissed off at how he ended things with you ruin your ability to move forward.”

“You know we’re still talking about his father, right?” I asked.

“I don’t care if we’re talking about his fucking grandfather, Kylie. The premise still stands. You’re single. You’re free. Don’t let anyone, including your ex, stop you from doing what you want. You’re at the prime of your fucking life, Kylie. You have a job with benefits, disposable income coming out of your ears, and some rocking new furniture just waiting for a man to break you in on.”

I groaned as my head fell back.

“Exactly. Those kinds of sounds are what you need to be filling this apartment with. Don’t let anyone take that from you. Don’t let anyone ruin any of this for you. Especially Adam.”

Alyssa and I finished our glasses of wine before she caught a cab home. Then I was left alone with my thoughts. I knew she was right. In the back of my mind, I knew I needed to heed her advice. The rush of excitement that had flooded my veins when Ryan had kissed me was unlike anything I’d ever experienced. And the way he had pressed me against the window—it still melted me at my knees. But the look on Adam’s face had been nothing short of distraught. Betrayal had dripped from his eyes before anger had settled into his features. I felt terrible for what I’d done to him, ex-boyfriend or not. That was his father, the only person in his life he could even semi rely on during times of distress.

He’d caught his ex-girlfriend kissing his father in the apartment he was supposed to have shared with said girlfriend—me.

I didn’t know what the right thing was. I didn’t know how Monday would go when I walked into work. I didn’t know if ignoring the couple phone calls Ryan had tossed my way since ‘the incident’ was a good thing or a bad thing.

I felt like I didn’t know anything anymore.