My phone vibrating on my bedside table pulled me from my slumber. I opened my eyes and saw it was still pitch black outside. Who the fuck was calling me so late at night?

Oh shit, was something wrong with Kylie?

I reached for the phone and took the call without even seeing who it was. I sat upright in bed as my mind began to swirl. The last time Kylie had called me in the middle of the night, she had been in a car accident. She’d wrapped her damn vehicle around a tree and been headed for the hospital. I swung my legs over the bed and slid my feet into my slippers, preparing myself to grab my robe and run out the damn door.

Until I heard a baby crying on the other end.

“Adam?”

“Sawyer?” I asked. “What the hell? What time is it?”

“It’s three seventeen, and she’s here.”

“Who’s where?” I asked.

“Wake up, you idiot. My daughter’s here.”

I heard the small crying again in the background before Sawyer sniffled. I pulled the phone from my ear and looked down, trying to get a grip on the situation.

“Susan went into labor,” I said. “Why didn’t you call me?”

“It all happened so fast,” Sawyer said. “She hit two weeks overdue this morning, so we brought her in to get her checked out again, and the next thing I knew they were doing something called ‘stripping her membranes’ and hooking her up to all kinds of tubes and shit.”

“Is she okay? Is your daughter okay?” I asked.

“They’re fine. They’re great. Susan’s waving at you by the way. You should see her. She’s feeding our daughter. Holy shit, I’m a father.”

“Which means you’ll have to watch that language.”

I smiled as my best friend sigh with content.

“You okay, man?” I asked.

“She’s so beautiful. She looks just like her mom.”

“I’d hope so. Susan carried her for damn near ten months,” I said.

“She’s so beautiful. You have to come see her.”

“First I have to call Kylie. If I don’t call her right now, she’ll kill me for it.”

“Are the two of you on better terms now?”

“We’re better than better,” I said. “But now’s not the time for celebrating my moment. This is your moment. Let me get off here and call her. I’m sure the two of us will be at the hospital fairly shortly.”

“Good. We’re at Legacy Emanuel. Room four ten in the mother-baby unit.”

“Text that to me because I’ll never remember it,” I said.

“Already on it.”

I felt my cell vibrate against my ear as an infant’s cry filled the phone again.

“Sounds like a job for Dad,” I said. “I’ll see you soon.”

“I can’t wait for you to meet her.”

“I can’t wait either, buddy. Talk soon.”

I hung up the phone and immediately called Kylie, but it took me a few tries before I got her to pick up the phone. She groaned and cursed. I heard her sheets shuffling around as she sighed. Kylie had never been a morning person, or a late-night person, which meant me waking her up at three in the damn morning would really sour her mood.

Good thing I had great news.

“Adam? You okay?” she asked sleepily.

“Susan gave birth,” I said.

“Wait, what?” she asked. “Oh my gosh! Susan’s in labor?!”

“No. They’ve already had their daughter. Sawyer just called.”

“Adam, what happened? Tell me everything, every little detail Sawyer told you.”

“He said something about stripping membranes and hooking her up to bags and IVs and stuff. She was two weeks overdue, so they went to have her checked out.”

“So they induced her.”

“Is that what all that means?” I asked.

“It does. The bags and IV tubes were probably full of Pitocin to start her labor. Stripping her membranes simply means a nurse or a doctor ran their fingers along the perimeter of her cervix to start the dilation process.”

“That is a lot of information I could’ve gone without knowing about my best friend’s wife.”

“It’s a natural process, Adam. Is she breastfeeding? Do you know? Has she seen a lactation consultant yet?”

“A what?”

“A lactation consultant. It’s an on-staff member of the hospital team that helps new mothers learn how to properly breastfeed their children.”

“You mean that doesn’t happen naturally?”

“Not even sort of,” she said.

“You know a lot about all of this.”

“I’ve read up on it some, yeah.”

She fell silent, and my mind started to swirl. Was she already thinking about having children? Did she get that idea from us moving in together? That was not something I was ready for, not by a long shot. I mean, I knew she wanted kids eventually, but was she thinking about having them now? I wouldn’t make a good father, at least not at this point in my life. Maybe once I got the production studio on its feet and making money, possibly.

But the idea of not having kids didn’t wreck my world entirely.

It actually sounded kind of nice not to have to deal with shitty diapers and bottles and getting up at all hours of the night to dote on some helpless creature.

“Adam?”

“Sorry. Nodded off there for a second. Um, do you want to go see Susan and the baby after work?” I asked.

“Of course I do. I was actually going to suggest going now before work, but after work is much better. Means I’ve got time to go shopping during my lunch break for a fun little baby present. You know it’s a girl? They told you that?”

“He kept saying daughter, so it must be,” I said.

“Oh, I’m going to buy them the cutest little outfits. You think they would get upset if I bought their daughter her first dress?”

“I…have no fucking clue,” I said.

“I’ll get two presents. It’ll be fine. If the dress makes them upset, I can smooth it over with something else. Or return it. One of the two.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose while Kylie continued to rattle on in my ear. She was really excited about all of this, and that made me nervous. But I knew Susan would want to see her, so I sat there and listened to Kylie’s tirade before I got her off the phone. I lay back down in bed with my mind swirling, and I couldn't get back to sleep. Holy shit, Kylie had been way too excited about this birth. It made me nervous. I needed to talk with her and make sure she understood that just because we were moving in didn’t mean I was ready to be a father.

The last thing I needed was her randomly going off her birth control and backing us into a dark corner.

I rolled out of bed at six and got ready for a day of filming. I lost myself in the craft of it all and pushed all thoughts of children and infants and presents out of my mind. It was a good day, a productive day. Many scenes were shot and there were a lot of good edits we could use for the short horror side project I had taken on. Our YouTube subscribers would love it, and I left the set feeling more excited about my film future than ever.

I drove by my father’s office and watched Kylie bound down the steps. Her bag was tossed over her shoulder and she held two colorful presents in her hands. She slammed into my car and leaned over to give me a kiss before I drove us off to the hospital. Her excitement was uncontainable. She wiggled around in her seat and talked my damn ear off about all sorts of things I really didn't need to know, like what Susan’s body would be going through after she gave birth. She was asking questions like, Did she tear? and Did her water eventually break? and How are they dealing with the meconium? What the fuck was meconium?

I regretted asking the question the second she began explaining it.

“Oh my gosh,” Kylie said as we walked into the room. “Susan, you look fantastic.”

“Kylie! I’m so glad you’re here. I need a girlfriend right now,” Susan said. “You brought presents?”

“I did. They’re for this beautiful little girl. Oh, she looks like she’s latching really well. That lip’s flipped up and she’s got that whole nipple in her mouth.”

“Yeah,” Susan said with a sniffle. “She’s doing really well.”

I stood next to Sawyer and watched Kylie gush over the two of them. It felt weird to be in the room with Susan’s breasts hanging out like that. I turned my attention to Sawyer and started talking with him, but I could tell he was only half listening.

“Her hormones are already trying to reset themselves. She’s questioning every move she’s making. Thanks for bringing Kylie, man. I really appreciate it.”

“Not a problem,” I said. “Kylie was ecstatic to come.”

“Oh my gosh, Sawyer. Look! Daisy’s first dress!” Susan exclaimed.

“Daisy? Her name is Daisy? Oh my gosh, that dress has daisies on it!” Kylie said.

“Way to go,” Sawyer said. “That’s the perfect dress to take our little girl home in.”

“Exactly what I was thinking,” Susan said.

The baby started crying, and the sound made me more uncomfortable than I’d ever felt in my life. Everyone rushed for the child, doting on her and smoothing her hair back. I stood in the corner watching all of it, trying to block out the annoying sound. I looked around the room at all the charts and notes and tubes and disinfectant and felt my body fill with the heebie-jeebies.

I was so glad when Kylie said she was ready to go.

“I’ll come back and see you tomorrow, okay?” Kylie said.

“Please. Please come back tomorrow. I really like having you here,” Susan said.

“Then I’ll be back after work. I promise. Won’t we, Adam?”

“Yep,” I said. “We’ll be back.”

“Thanks for coming, man. It means a lot that Daisy got to meet her uncle Adam and aunt Kylie.”

I tried not to let the panic filling my stomach show in my eyes. I clapped my best friend’s back before escorting Kylie out of the room, thankful to have that commotion behind us.

But Kylie was determined to prolong the moment.

“You okay?” she asked. “You seemed pretty uncomfortable in there.”

“Just a lot to take in,” I said.

“You worried about how long Susan was in labor for?” she asked.

“Yeah,” I said. “It was a long time.”

“Twenty-four hours is pretty long, yes. Most doctors would’ve rushed her into a C-section. I’m glad she and Daisy are doing okay, though. I know Susan wanted a natural home birth—”

“They do those? At home?” I asked.

“Oh yeah. Susan wanted to do one, but she and Sawyer compromised with her doing a natural birth in a hospital.”

How the hell did she know more about this than I did? Wasn’t Sawyer supposed to be talking to me about this stuff?

“Do you think you’ll ever want kids?” Kylie asked.

I cringed at the question as we stepped into the elevator, alone. Of course the elevator had to be empty. All I really had for Kylie was the truth.

It was a truth I’d thought about all fucking night.

“I don’t think so,” I said.

“What?” Kylie asked.

“I don’t see kids in my future. At least nowhere in the near future.”

I chanced a look down at Kylie and saw a mixture of shock and hurt on her face. Shit. This wasn’t good. That look on any woman’s face was never good.

“That doesn’t mean I might not want them, you know, a decade from now or something.”

“A decade? Adam, I’ll be almost thirty-five years old in a decade.”

“Women are having children at older ages all the time,” I said.

“But that doesn’t mean I—”

She drew in a deep breath before the elevator filled with silence. Fuck. I’d really done it now. The elevator door opened and I went to take her hand, but she pulled away from me before I could reach it. The drive back to her apartment was silent, deathly quiet. I pulled up to the curb and she grabbed her stuff, getting out without even talking to me.

“Kylie, do you want me t—?”

She shut the door and walked up onto the curb before I could get another word in. The only thing I could do was drive home and let her process. Chew on things for a little while. It was painfully obvious she’d been thinking about children for a while, and I wasn’t going to lead her on. She deserved better than that.

But I didn’t want to lose her over something I didn’t want immediately either.