Chapter 40
Malcolm
I closed my eyes not wanting to remember what happened last night, but being unable to forget. It all happened so fast. One minute we were okay, and the next was the worst moment of my life. Ginger touched the scratches she’d caused. I deserved them, and a hell of a lot more. Fuck! Part of me was worried about the fact she didn’t remember, but a bigger part of me was relieved.
Now she wanted me to tell her. To remind her of how much she’d feared me last night. When she’d walked outside this morning, the first thing I wanted to do was hold her. To make sure she was okay, and to apologize for sending her into another attack. What came out was me giving her an escape.
“Malcolm. Please tell me.” Her voice was small, but that fearful look from last night had vanished. That fact alone gave me a little peace of mind.
“You aren’t the one that needs to apologize. Not by a long shot. I fucked up last night, and I’m sorry for that. I pushed. I pushed too much. Again. And I’m sorry. Sorry doesn’t even cut it. There needs to be a better word for how regretful I am.” If ever there was a time in my life I could have cried from being so lost, last night was it.
She shifted, and I thought she was pulling away. Instead she kissed the scratches on my chest before stretching up to try and kiss me. I turned my head, letting her make contact with my cheek.
“Oh…am I no longer allowed?”
“It’s not that. Let me just finish my shower, and then we’ll talk.”
She frowned before taking a step back. I expected her to get out of the shower, but she didn’t. I watched in shock as she started to unbutton her top.
“What are you doing?”
She pulled off the soaked garment and tossed it to the back of the shower. She then wiggled out of her shorts and tossed them away as well. “You want to shower, so we’ll shower. I’m already in here and wet, so why waste more water?”
I tried my damnedest to look above her head and not at her now naked body. I couldn’t let my thoughts go there. Not after last night. She stepped forward to reach for the soap behind me. Her breasts brushed against me as she did. My spacious shower shrunk in size.
After showering as quickly as possible, I left the bathroom, pulling the door closed more for my sake than hers. I was dressed and heading out of the room when Ginger finally walked out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel. Her hair was still wet and matted to her head. When she looked at me, I could tell she’d been crying. She grabbed her bag then headed back into the bathroom, closing the door softly.
“Fuck!” I dropped down onto the bench at the foot of the bed and waited.
When the door opened again, I didn’t look up, but slid over so she could sit. Her fingers trailed down my forearm until they reached my hand.
She laid her head on my shoulder. “Isn’t this my thing?”
“What?”
“The not talking thing. My bad habits are rubbing off on you.”
I laughed. “Such a bad influence.” Pausing, I looked over at her. “I thought you crying after we were together was the worst that could happen. I was wrong. You thought I was attacking you or something. You started begging me not to hurt you and fought to get away from me.”
I’d spent most of last night trying to not make things sexual, and in the end it’d been one big losing battle. I’d lost control and sent her into another attack as a result. The more I’d tried to calm her, the more she’d fought. I was disgusted with myself and the enormous ways I kept managing to fuck up.
“After you passed out, I put you back in bed and slept downstairs. Figured you’d want to be alone considering—anyway, I locked the door and left.”
Ginger moved, forcing herself onto my lap. Her arms wrapped around my neck, and she rested her head on my shoulder. She didn’t say anything, so I just held her. The wetness from her hair seeped through the fabric of my T-shirt. It was cold and uncomfortable, but I didn’t complain.
“You probably think I’m completely nuts.”
I laughed. “You’re friends with Macy. I’ve known you’re nuts for a long time.”
She sat up to look at me, with a frown marring her beautiful face. “I’m starting to understand why she calls you a jerk.”
“Ouch!”
She smiled briefly before putting her hands on either side of my face. When she leaned in to kiss me, I let her. I could feel her nervousness, like she was waiting for me to do something. Pull away? Take over? Something.
I opted for pull away. “We should get going. You have to get Lil’ Man soon, right?”
Removing herself from my lap, she nodded. “Sorry about that,” she commented, wiping her hand across the wet spot on my shirt.
“No biggie, it’ll dry.” I stood. “Take your time. I’ll be downstairs waiting.”
She looked like she wanted to say something, but didn’t. I turned and exited, forcing myself not to look back. Obstacles, setbacks, road bumps, whatever name applied, we seemed to have in endless supply. I knew last night’s reaction wasn’t about me, not directly, but that didn’t make it an easier pill to swallow.
How often was she in that situation of having to beg to not be hurt? As much as I would like to pretend that asshole wasn’t a part of her history, seeing her like that reminded me he was still very much a part of her present.
“That’s that same look from last night.”
I looked up from my spot on the couch to see her standing in front of me bag in hand.
I stood and went over to take the bag from her. “Ready?”
She nodded before moving past me, and headed to the garage.
“Do you want me to take you to pick him up or take you home?”
She pulled her phone from her purse and did a quick check of her messages. “Home. Dorian is already there with him.”
That was the last we spoke for the duration of the car ride. I’d glance over at her, but she kept her attention focused on the passing city as we drove. Her leg shook the entire time and she constantly twirled the ring around her finger.
“Do you want to come in?”
“Nah, I’mma let you spend some time with Lil’ Man. You know if I come in, it’d turn into bro time, and you’d get all sad for being left out.”
She gave a sad smile. “Right, how nice of you to not want to monopolize my son’s attention.”
“What can I say, I’m a thoughtful guy like that.”
I climbed out before grabbing her bag from the back seat. She stood by the passenger side door waiting.
She took her bag from me. “Do I still get a second date?”
I reached out to brush her bangs to the side then leaned forward and kissed her forehead.
“You can have all the dates you want.”
Ginger smiled and nodded then headed inside. I waited until she was safely in the house before getting back in my truck and driving away.