Chapter 28
Malcolm
It took all of my willpower to not stay and talk some sense into Calida, but the last thing she needed was for me to ignore what she wanted, so I left. I’d actually thought her breakdown last night would be the turning point. I knew her secret, so I thought she’d finally stop pushing me away. I’d been wrong. The first thing I wanted to do this morning was take her in my arms and hold her. I’d already spent the night resisting my instinct to climb in bed with her to do that each time she cried in her sleep. I knew the last thing she needed was to wake up with me in bed with her, no matter how innocent the reason.
The clock on my dash read 11:30. I needed a shower. If I was lucky, I could grab a few hours of sleep before my three o’clock conference call. Sleeping in that chair in her room had to be the most uncomfortable night I’d had in a long time.
As I rounded the corner to my house, I saw my parent’s car at the same time my phone started ringing.
“Shit!” I forgot I was supposed to have lunch with them before they went back to Charlotte. So much for sleep.
Mom hung up the phone as I pulled into the driveway. “Sorry, guys, give me fifteen minutes to shower and we can go,” I stated when I climbed out of my truck.
“Oh, son, you look terrible,” Mom said as she walked over to hug me.
“Yeah, late night. Come on in. I have furniture this time.”
“Everything all right?” Dad asked as they followed me into the house.
I tossed my keys on the counter, nodding in response. “Yeah. Make yourselves at home.”
I bounded up the stairs, closed my bedroom door, and headed to the shower. The warm water felt good on my tense body. That same sickening feeling that came over me last night remained a heavy stone in the pit of my stomach. Those words replayed in my head, and the anger that I’d repressed last night barreled back. I let out a muffled yell as my fist pounded the shower tiles. Two more punches followed in rapid succession. I flexed my fingers, shaking out the pain that now radiated through my hand. My knuckles bled. The wound stung when I put it under the warm water. Hopefully, it wouldn’t be too noticeable to my parents.
I knew I was in for in interrogation of sorts, it was why Mom had texted me asking that the three of us meet for lunch. She wanted to figure out whatever was going on from dinner on Saturday. I’m sure Macy had filled their heads with all sorts of crap.
I was tired, more than just physically. Dealing with Calida was more emotionally draining than I ever imagined. I’d thought I knew what I was getting into, but now I had to reluctantly admit I’d been sorely ill prepared. I loved her. That fact hadn’t and wouldn’t change. I wasn’t the enemy, but that’s exactly how she viewed me.
Logically, I understood her reservations, and tried to the best of my ability to proceed with that in mind, yet she remained a cinder block wall that I beat my head against. If getting through to her was an uphill battle before, it was about to become like climbing Mount Everest.
I stepped out of the shower and wrapped the towel around my waist. Rummaging under the sink cabinet, I located a box of assorted band aids. I applied the knuckle bandage, then dried off, and hurried to get dressed.
Downstairs, I found my parents relaxing on my couch. “Sorry for keeping you waiting. Where would you guys like to go?”
Mom sat up, patting the space next to her. “I think we should order in, that way we can talk freely.”
Dad had already whipped out his phone, presumably to look up restaurants. Being the dutiful son, I knew it was better not to protest. Plus I wasn’t in the mood to even attempt to argue, so I sat.
“What are we talking about that requires privacy?” I kept my hand down beside my leg and out of view.
Dad cut his eyes over at me with a smirk on his face. He knew I was playing dumb. The look I got from Mom told me she knew the same thing. It was worth a try.
“What’s the deal? Why was your sister all riled up?”
“Because that’s her natural state.”
Dad laughed. “He has a point. Your daughter is very high strung sometimes.”
“My daughter? You know she takes after you more than me.”
“Right. Sandwiches okay with everyone?” Dad asked, quick to change the subject.
We looked over the online menu, and then gave dad our orders.
Mom turned her attention back to me. “So?”
I rubbed my neck, trying in vain to get some of the tension out. I’d always been able to talk to my parents about things, even as an adult. Hell, they were the first ones I went to when I wanted to get advice on Calida in general. She’d been a part of this family for many years. We all had her wellbeing in mind. At the same time, I still felt like I was betraying her by telling what she’d been so desperately trying to hide from everyone.
Getting up, I walked into the kitchen. “You guys want something to drink?”
“Sweet tea for me, lemonade for your mom, if you have it.”
Dad got up to follow me into the kitchen. I fixed their drinks before grabbing a coke for myself. He looked down at my hand and back up at me. I shook my head and shoved it in my pocket.
Mom came over to join us. “The place is looking great.”
“Thanks. Calida’s been working on it.”
“How are things going with you two?”
I took a drink from the can. “I’m pretty sure we’re over. Macy will love giving me a big ‘I told you so.’”
“Son, you knew it wasn’t going to be an easy relationship. You can’t just cut and run because things might be hard,” Dad said.
“Jesus! Why does everyone fucking assume I’m the one in the wrong?” I’d never snapped at my parents like that, but it pissed me off that they, and Macy, wanted to put all the issues on me. The look I received from my father had me apologizing in an instant.
“Malcolm, I’m sure that’s not what your dad meant. But, at the same time, you have to admit you don’t have a great track record with relationships.”
“Yeah, well this is different. I was never in love with those other women. They were just...I wasn’t in love with them.”
“All right, fair enough,” Dad conceded.
I took another drink, knowing I needed to bite the bullet and tell them. At least some of it. Maybe they could help me figure out if I should keep trying, or just step back into the friend zone. “She’s having panic attacks.”
“Well, that’s not all that uncommon considering what she went through. This is just an educated guess, but I would say Calida most likely has an acute case of PTSD.”
Shit! I really missed, rather ignored, all the things that should have been blatantly obvious. I pressed my fingers to my temple and massaged the throbbing ache. At the same time, Dad never brought this possibility up before when we’d talked. He’d probably been under the same impression I’d been; that she was still recovering, but doing okay since she was in therapy.
I lowered my head as the vivid recollection came back to me. I’d never been so scared or lost as I was watching her fall apart because of something I’d said. It was a surreal moment and one I’d unfortunately repeated a week later.
“I triggered two of them.” I shamefully admitted. “At least that I know of, because they happened in front of me.”
Mom walked around the island, coming to stand beside me, and started rubbing my back. “Sweetie, I’m sure it wasn’t you directly.”
“Oh, no, it was. Both times we were having a disagreement about us. She said some things, I said some things...needless to say, it wasn’t pretty.”
“Is that why you had a late night? Dealing with one of her attacks?”
I took another sip of my drink as I contemplated how much to tell them. Guilt had already started to creep in from letting them know about the panic attacks she’d been hiding.
“Yeah, something like that.”
I leaned against the island. Mom covered my hand with hers. “Honey, what happened?”
Looking from her to dad, I let out a breath. “Stress relief.”