19
“So what were you not gonna ask me until I was in a good mood?” Finn mumbled around a mouthful of toaster waffle, which was Nolan’s attempt at making breakfast for him.
Honestly, it was pretty good. He’d fried some bacon and gotten the waffles just perfect, and even if it hadn’t been a nice breakfast, it was the thought that counted. Nolan was taking this boyfriend thing seriously already, and it’d only been nine hours.
Nolan made an unhappy sound across the table, chewing on the corner of his bacon. “It’s Gavin,” he said.
“What about him?”
“He’s turning twenty-nine this week and I guess he never grew out of birthday parties. It’s just… snacks and drinks at his house, and I know you don’t like him, but… I was hoping you’d come with me?”
“Does he still not believe that I’m into you?” Finn asked, raising an eyebrow. He got that some people were stubborn, but he and Nolan had been circling each other for a while now. He had to have gotten the hint that it was for real.
Hell, for Finn, he’d kind of hoped it’d be for real even while they were faking it. He’d definitely put on a good show.
“He believes it, I think. He seems a little pissed that this whole thing kinda backfired spectacularly. I’m asking for me. I don’t wanna go alone. But it’s also okay if you don’t wanna come.”
“Hey, this is what boyfriends are for,” Finn said, looking up at Nolan. “I wanna support you. And if there’s two of us he can only be half an asshole to either one, right?”
“Right,” Nolan agreed, looking down at his waffles with a tiny, beautiful smile. Finn wanted to make him smile like that all the time. “Thank you.”
“Starting to think you’ve never really had anyone to look out for you,” Finn said. “I mean it when I say I wanna be that person. I like you.”
“I still don’t understand why,” Nolan said.
“You risked your life to rescue an otter you’d never met before.” Finn shrugged. “I mean… there are other reasons, and I’m not gonna pretend it’s not because you’re cute, but… before that, you were just cute. After that, you were… I dunno. I felt like you got it. Like you could get me.”
Like you wouldn’t think what I do is stupid, Finn didn’t say.
Nolan would understand what he meant. Maybe one day, Finn would be ready to talk about how much it meant to him that Nolan took him seriously. That Nolan thought what he’d chosen to do with his life was good, and worthwhile, and not a waste of his time or talents.
“Okay,” Nolan said, his chair creaking as he shifted his weight.
“But also, there are a lot of reasons to like you. There’s nothing wrong with you. I know… I know you haven’t always heard that.”
Nolan nodded, and then looked up at Finn with so much uncertainty in his eyes that Finn wanted to get up and hug him right then and there. “It’s just…” he began, “it’s so hard to believe that when I’ve never really heard it before. All anyone ever wants to do is change me.”
“I don’t,” Finn said sincerely. “I like you just the way you are.”
Nolan laughed, but it wasn’t cruel or dismissive. Just a little shy.
“How do you not have people hanging off you?”
Finn shrugged. “The way it usually goes is they’re excited when they meet me and then they realize that my job isn’t a cute hobby and I’m not gonna turn around and open a private practice in the next few years. That I’ll always drive an aging station wagon and I’ll always be broke and it’s really not like marrying a doctor who loves dogs.”
“I only really care about the loves dogs part. Or squirrels. Which is way cooler. I get to meet all kinds of exotic animals.”
Finn smiled over at him. He wasn’t sure Nolan really understood how much that meant.
Or how easy it would have been to fall in love with a man who supported him without a second thought.
“So is this party on a Friday again?” Finn asked, already mentally shuffling his week around to make sure he’d have time for Nolan.
“Saturday,” Nolan corrected around a mouthful of waffle. “But you could still stay the night after, if you wanted.”
“I was thinking before and after. I can pack a bag. If, uh… you wanna put up with me for that long at once.”
“I do,” Nolan said, blushing. “It just seemed like a lot to ask.”
“Hey, I wanna hang out with you,” Finn murmured, keeping his voice soft. If he said it enough, Nolan would get the idea eventually.
It was okay that it took him a little while. He’d been through a lot of crap, and Finn suspected he hadn’t quite come to terms with how unfair it’d been just yet.
“I wanna hang out with you, too,” Nolan said. “And I’m glad I don’t have to miss heading to the sanctuary on Friday. It’s the highlight of my life.”
“Because of me, right?” Finn teased.
Nolan rolled his eyes, but he was still smiling. “Because of Buttercup. She’s my best friend now. And Ollie. I gotta keep an eye on him.”
As much as he wanted to at least pretend to be insulted, Finn couldn’t help laughing. It was nice to have someone to share his life with.
It was also ridiculously easy to imagine doing exactly that with Nolan. Quiet breakfasts and soft teasing and spending a ton of time together with the animals at the sanctuary forever.
Finn’s heart clenched at the thought. He couldn’t expect Nolan to go for that just yet, but it was a nice image.
It was the first time he’d really felt like he could see a future with anyone.
“You’re a million miles away,” Nolan said, dragging Finn back to the present. He looked up, realizing he had a forkful of waffle and bacon halfway to his mouth that he hadn’t eaten yet.
“Would it be super embarrassing if I said I was thinking about how much I like you?” he asked.
“For me? No,” Nolan said, shifting in his chair. “No, I uh… that… I… okay, maybe a little embarrassing, but not in, like, an embarrassing sibling way. I’m still working on coming to terms with having someone actually like me.”
He paused for a moment.
“That came out way more pathetic than it was meant to so I’m just gonna shut up now,” Nolan concluded, focusing on the last few mouthfuls of his breakfast.
Finn smiled at him.
I love you, he thought, so strongly and surely that he just barely caught himself before he said it out loud and ruined everything.
Nolan was still struggling with Finn liking him. Love would just scare him off.
But he knew, now. Knowing himself was enough for the time being.
He could tell Nolan when the moment was right.
“I don’t think you’re pathetic,” Finn said. “I think you just need someone to understand you, too.”
“I think you understand me,” Nolan responded, pushing his plate away.
Finn stood and grabbed it along with his own, heading for the sink.
“What are you doing?” Nolan asked, twisting around in his chair to watch Finn.
“You cook, I clean.” Finn shrugged. “Only fair.”
“You’re a guest. You don’t clean.”
Finn smiled wryly. “Not how I was raised. Besides, I’m not a guest. I’m your boyfriend now. Boyfriends have to be good for something.”
“You’re good for a lot of things,” Nolan mumbled.
“I’m multi-talented,” Finn said. “If you behave, I’ll show you just how multi-talented later,” he added with a smirk.
“I’ll behave,” Nolan promised, pushing away from the table and moving to sit on one of the stools at the kitchen counter, across from the sink.
“I bet you will.” Finn smirked.
He could definitely get used to mornings like this.