20
Nolan turned the pocket knife Finn had given him over in his hand, letting the weight of it roll back and forth in his palm. He’d been playing with it all morning, and he wasn’t sure whether or not he should actually be carrying a pocket knife around with him, but…
Finn had given it to him.
Finn, who wanted to be his boyfriend, had given it to him.
A knock on his office door startled him out of his thoughts. He didn’t even have time to say come in before it opened and Rita walked through it, looking at him carefully.
She smirked when she was done. “Gavin’s right. You do have that look about you.”
“What look?” Nolan asked, still holding his pocket knife.
“The look that says things are going well with your veterinarian. Finn, right?”
Nolan wet his lips. “Right.”
“You taking up knife fighting, or..?” Rita nodded to Nolan’s hand.
“With this?” Nolan held the pocket knife up, raising an eyebrow.
Rita shrugged.
“Finn gave it to me,” Nolan said, holding it out for her to see.
“Kinky.” Rita grinned at him, reaching out to take it. She felt the weight, too, then checked the blade, folded it closed again, swung it around by the keyring attachment, and passed it back.
“It’s for animal rescue stuff. I had to borrow his, he said he’d get me my own. And then he did.”
“Well, it’s not a diamond ring or anything, but I guess on a non-profit salary…”
Nolan snorted. “This is way more useful to me. And thoughtful. I really like going there. I mean. I couldn’t do it as a job and I’m not qualified anyway, but… it’s nice. It’s nice to feel like I’m making a difference.”
“You’re making a difference here,” Rita said.
“To Gavin’s already ridiculous bottom line,” Nolan said.
His job hadn’t gotten any magically more satisfying in the six years he’d been doing it. All it’d ever gotten was more stressful and time-consuming. It didn’t mean anything.
“You’re stopping me from strangling him on account of not wanting witnesses,” Rita said. “Practically humanitarian work.”
“Not quite the same.” Nolan sighed, glancing out of his window.
The view was beautiful. The office was nice. Lots of people his age would have been happy to fight him to the death for this job.
Hell, most of them would have won.
But it wasn’t the same as what Finn did.
How the hell was he good enough for Finn? He was boring. Boring, and not special, and not even good in bed to make up for it. They’d had fun, and Nolan was sure Finn wasn’t faking it, but he didn’t have a whole lot of experience. He was learning.
Everything was incredible when they were together, but the moment they were apart again, doubts started to creep into Nolan’s mind.
Which was why he was playing with the pocket knife in the first place. A solid reminder that Finn at least wanted him to come back to the sanctuary.
“Y’know, if you’re that miserable here….”
“Suck it up?” Nolan asked, turning his attention back to Rita.
“I was gonna say leave, but that does work too. I’m sure Finn wouldn’t mind being a kept man. And maybe that’s your contribution. Giving someone else the freedom to make a difference.”
“Finn doesn’t want that,” Nolan said. They’d had this conversation. He wasn’t interested in Nolan keeping him.
Was he?
No.
No, he’d specifically said he wasn’t.
All the same, though, rent wasn’t cheap. He’d declared himself Nolan’s boyfriend.
Nolan wouldn’t actually have stopped him moving in tomorrow if he’d just turned up with a bag and his battered station wagon. He wanted to be liked badly enough to just accept that.
Finn wouldn’t do that, though. He clearly didn’t have a history of it.
“If you say so,” Rita said. “I guess I’m the one who keeps dating deadbeats.”
Nolan smiled wryly. “Hot deadbeats, though,” he said. Rita and he had similar taste in men, though he would have dated fewer people who owned acoustic guitars, regardless of whether or not they were interested.
Desperate or not, he had standards.
Finn just happened to surpass all of them.
“Yeah.” Rita sighed. “Sounds like you found a good one.”
“I did,” Nolan said, his stomach flipping over at the thought of just how good Finn was. He could barely wait until Friday to see him again. “Finn’s one of the good guys.”
“Then I’m happy for you. Lunch?” she asked.
Nolan glanced at the clock and decided that he could leave for lunch ten minutes early. It wasn’t as though he’d gotten much done today, too busy thinking about how nice it was to be with Finn.
“Sure. Let me just save this and I’ll follow you out,” he said, nodding to his desktop.
He knew Rita just wanted to hear all about Finn, but he was more than happy to tell her. He’d never gotten to gush over a crush he had that had actually worked out before.
There was a first time for everything, after all.