24
At some point of the evening, Nolan had lost Finn.
By itself, that wasn’t a disaster—the house was only so big, and Finn had probably just been dragged away by Rita to show off to some of her friends. Hell, Nolan even liked that he had something other people wanted for once. That Finn was coming home with him tonight and at least a few people might be a little jealous.
Unfortunately, Gavin was just about to corner him, and Nolan didn’t have an escape route planned out. All he could do was watch as his cousin stalked over, eyes glinting like a panther going in for the kill.
Well, the way Nolan assumed they’d glint, anyway. He’d never actually been stalked by a panther. Spot definitely didn’t count.
“Glad you could make it,” Gavin said, a broad smile spreading across his face.
Nolan winced as he threw an arm around his shoulders. Although, at least Gavin didn’t smell of beer for once. Clearly, he hadn’t started drinking yet.
Maybe getting older was good for him.
“Happy Birthday,” Nolan said. “I left a card on your desk on Friday.”
“I know,” Gavin enthused. “I kept it there so everyone knows you love me.”
That was a surprise. Gavin liked people in general to love him, and Nolan knew that, but he’d never seemed all that concerned over whether or not Nolan did.
He’d always just expected Nolan’s loyalty. And he’d gotten it, so he had no reason to change.
The conclusion Nolan had come to was that Gavin’s behavior was his fault, because he’d never pushed back. Never told him no.
He’d been so desperate to have someone accept him that he’d just put up and shut up.
Which meant it wasn’t impossible that the tiny amount of pushback Nolan had been managing against him recently was having an effect. Maybe Gavin was finally realizing that if he kept treating Nolan like crap, he’d only push him away.
They’d been through a lot together. And Nolan had complained to Finn, told him some of the worst of it, but they’d had good times, too.
Gavin admitting that he cared what Nolan thought of him was enough to make him feel guilty about not sharing the whole picture. Painting Gavin as a monster wasn’t fair.
“You’re my favorite cousin,” Nolan shrugged, deciding he’d put up with Gavin’s arm around his shoulders for the time being.
“I’m your only cousin,” Gavin pointed out.
“And therefore favorite,” Nolan teased. Finn had showed him that teasing didn’t have to hurt. It could be affectionate, too.
Gavin chuckled, so Nolan figured he’d landed on affectionate rather than hurtful.
He wanted to have a good relationship with Gavin. He’d seen what a good relationship looked like now, and realized how wrong things between them were.
But they could be fixed, Nolan was sure.
“So did you come here alone? Because there’s someone I’d like you to meet, but if you’ve beaten me to it…”
“I came here with Finn,” Nolan said. Surely Gavin believed they were really dating by now? Even he wasn’t this stubborn.
“Dude, haven’t you moved on from him yet?” Gavin asked.
Which was a change from not believing they were dating in the first place.
Nolan shrugged Gavin’s arm off, anger making his chest feel tight. “I’m not planning on moving on from him. He’s my boyfriend.”
“He’s your what?” Gavin raised an eyebrow. “Come on, I know you’re not great with people, but…” he trailed off with a sigh, looking away from Nolan.
“But what?” Nolan asked after a beat, not about to let Gavin just insult him and run like always. He’d have to stand and fight this time.
So much for that better relationship, but at least Finn had also shown Nolan that he was worth something. That he didn’t just have to take this.
“I was hoping I’d never have to tell you this,” Gavin said.
Nolan’s stomach went cold. Gavin suddenly looked like he was attending a funeral, somber and serious.
What could Gavin possibly have to say? And why was it making Nolan feel like he wanted to throw up before he even said it?
For the few seconds it took Gavin to extract his phone from his pocket, Nolan could feel every beat of his heart like it was a hammer pounding against the inside of his chest.
The sense that something awful was about to happen hung in the air between them.
“Look at this,” Gavin said, offering his phone to Nolan. “See that recurring payment?”
Knots tightened in Nolan’s stomach as he looked at the screen. Five hundred dollars a week to WHAS.
Wild at Heart Animal Sanctuary.
Five hundred dollars.
Exactly the amount Finn had said he’d go on a date with Nolan for. It’d sounded like a joke, and Nolan had assumed it was, but could it be a coincidence?
If it was, that was one hell of a coincidence. Right?
“No,” Nolan said. “No, I don’t… he’s been so good to me.”
“Yeah, well, I dunno what to tell you.” Gavin shrugged. “He was happy to be auctioned off for the sanctuary. Guess he figured the longer he strung you along, the longer the donations would last.”
Nolan focused on Gavin, glaring daggers at him. “Why would you do this to me?”
“Whoa,” Gavin held both of his hands up defensively. “I was trying to help. I can see I screwed up, but I thought he’d be like… training wheels, I guess. Until you gained a little confidence.”
“Finn didn’t know about the donations,” Nolan said, and he wanted to sound sure, but the first tendrils of doubt were starting to curl around his heart.
He’d never felt like he deserved Finn. Never been sure what he offered their relationship aside from being needy.
Finn could have had anyone. Why him?
“I can’t say for sure whether or not he did.” Gavin shrugged. “But do you really think, if the place is in that much trouble, that they’re not watching every penny that comes in?”
Nolan swallowed. He didn’t think that, actually—he’d been told Ryan was responsible for all that of it, but that meant Ryan knew, at least.
He could have told Finn.
Dammit.
Whether or not it was true, Gavin had put him in a position now where he’d have to bring it up. He couldn’t not know. The thought that maybe Finn was just being nice to him because he was effectively getting paid to be would eat at him until he knew for sure one way or the other.
That was how all this had started, after all. Why should anything have changed?
Why should Nolan’s luck have changed? Why should a wonderful, kind, beautiful man suddenly want him when no one else ever had?
“Hey,” Gavin put a hand on his shoulder, and Nolan knew he should have been angry. Furious, even, with Gavin for doing something like this to him. For putting him in this position at all.
But the thing was, Gavin wasn’t laughing at him. He seemed genuinely sympathetic, and his hand was providing an anchor right now, and Nolan didn’t have anyone else. Not with Rita busy showing off his maybe-still-fake boyfriend.
“I’ve been through this,” Gavin said. Briana, right.
Gavin had been through this before. So maybe his concern really was genuine.
It was still an awful thing he’d done, but on Monday morning, Nolan would go into work, as usual, at the company Gavin owned. Assuming it’d been done with good intentions was the only way he could do that.
Hell, maybe Gavin had been trying for a lot longer than Nolan thought. Maybe he really had thought this was helping.
“I was thinking, we don’t spend enough time together anymore,” Gavin said. “We oughta hang out sometime, just the two of us.”
Nolan looked at him, confused, but then he’d just been thinking that Gavin was trying, hadn’t he? Birthdays always made Nolan think about the things he wanted to change in his life, too. Maybe Gavin was finally growing up.
Not in quite the way Nolan would have liked, but…
If he was about to lose Finn, and he couldn’t help feeling he was, then he needed to stick with what he had. Didn’t he?
“Sure,” Nolan responded, not as enthusiastically as Gavin might have liked. His head was still spinning from what Gavin had told him, his gut tight.
Finn couldn’t have been faking the whole time. He was too good for that.
Wasn’t he?
“I guess we can put off introducing you to some nice eligible bachelors until next time,” Gavin said, still perfectly sincere.
Of course, he could fake sincerity. Nolan had seen him do it a thousand times. It was how he got himself out of trouble.
But Nolan had to believe it, because everything he’d believed about not needing Gavin over the last few weeks, all the confidence he’d gained… it was a lie.
It had to be. Nothing about him had changed, so why should Finn be interested?
He did need Gavin. He’d probably always need Gavin.
Hell, he couldn’t even get laid without Gavin’s help. That thought made him feel sick all over again, the memory of being so happy just this morning playing over and over in his head.
It’d felt so real.
It had to be real.
It had to be.
Nolan bit his lip. He’d have to ask. He couldn’t go on not knowing, not now that the thought had been put into his head.
“Let’s get you a drink,” Gavin offered. “You look like you could use it.”
“I’m driving.” Nolan sighed. He didn’t drink often, but he was starting to see why Gavin did. Heartbreak hurt, and Nolan was still clinging onto hope. How bad would he feel if that hope turned out to be false, after all?
“Cake, then. Chocolate. Chocolate makes everything better.”
After a moment’s consideration, Nolan nodded and followed Gavin deeper into the house, figuring cake at least couldn’t hurt. If he had something in his mouth, he was way less likely to end up crying in public.
He’d just talk to Finn about this. Finn would put his mind at ease. This was all a big misunderstanding.
No matter how much Nolan told himself that, the knot in his stomach wouldn’t quite go away.