I STAYED. I pretended it was a difficult decision, but it really hadn’t been. Back home there were only broken dreams and a relationship I didn't know how to mend. Extending the road trip a little longer offered the potential reward of being in Lucky's bed.
"You finished with that?" I asked, motioning toward the half-eaten burger on the banquette table in front of Cody.
"Yeah love, but you don't have to do that. It's Sky's turn to clean up."
I glanced at the brunette. She sat beside her brother, her head resting on his chest, her hands tucked under her chin, her eyelids drooping. I didn't think she was really watching the video game that engaged Lucky and two of the techs. The one that looked like Ashton Kutcher seemed to be winning, no thanks to Marsha. She had been attempting to catch his attention since we stopped for food, much to a certain Welshman's chagrin.
"She's practically asleep, and I don’t mind. Really." Keeping busy meant I dwelt a little less on my ping ponging emotions and my guilt. What if Sky had gone on JGB's bus with me? What if Marsha had? "How about you?" I asked Alec after I tossed Cody's stuff into a plastic trash bag.
"I’m through, too," he informed me without glancing up from the blue glow of his laptop. Like the bespectacled band manager squeezed in beside him on the bench, the bassist had kept his nose buried in his computer since we picked up our suitcases at the hotel. Amusement curled my lips as I gathered Alec's trash. He and his bandmate across from him were complete opposites. The spot on the table next to the bassist's computer was free of crumbs. His drink lay on a coaster, the empty wax paper from his finished hamburger precisely folded next to it. The couldn’t-care-less rhythm guitarist’s surroundings reminded me of the tables in the school cafeteria after I finished my hour of lunch duty. Balled up bread crumbs. Discarded tomato stacks. Several condensation rings. Who knew you could tell so much about a person's personality from the way they ate fast food?
I gathered the rest of the McDonalds' remnants and wiped the table and kitchen counter clean. Warm hands settled low on my hips as I tossed the sanitizing wipe I had been using into the bin. The scruff that scraped the skin in the curve of my shoulder could have been from any one of the men on board, but the lips that nuzzled it could only belong to one. Warm, malleable, guaranteed to make me instantly hot.
"Lucky." I spun around, and his hands spun with me, settling in the small of my back. If I had still been wearing his shirt it would have ridden indecently high. But I now sported my favorite nighttime attire, stretchy black shorts that had been washed so many times they felt like a second skin, and an old faded maroon tank top with white sequins that formed the letters ‘PHS’ and smaller script that read ‘Band Booster'. My mom had helped design it so of course it was one of my favorites. I placed my palms on the sexy frontman's chest holding him at a distance. It might be more comfortable for him to parade around without his shirt, but his comfort had the opposite effect on me. "Don’t," I warned.
"Why not?" Eyes locked on mine, Lucky brushed a long lock of my hair behind my shoulder. I shivered at the contact of his fingers on my flesh.
"Because." I glanced around him, realizing that nearly everyone else had gone to bed. Food coma no doubt. Not to mention the lateness of the hour. It was nearly three in the morning, though you wouldn’t know by looking outside. The blackout shades had remained lowered over the windows since the guys had started playing video games.
"Because why?" He teased, a half smile ghosting those full lips of his as he drew distracting patterns on my back.
"Because we're not alone. Because I'm not sure that what you have in mind is a good idea. Pick one."
"Just let me kiss you again," he whispered, his lids lowering as his gaze dipped to my lips. Aching need pooled between my thighs as he shifted his hips closer, his cock thick and temptingly hard between us.
"I think we both know we're past the point of just kissing."
"You're right." His fingers drifted lower, his hands finding, shaping and cupping my ass. "Come to bed with me, Raven. We'll start with the kissing. Work our way toward the other." He captured my hand, deciding for me as he pulled me along with him. In the aisle between the bunks the techs were using one of the mattresses as a work surface to roll joints. Marsha stood beside them her brow furrowed, frowning at the screen on her cell, Rocky by her side. They all had the same nonresponse when they saw Lucky herding me toward the back.
They feigned ignorance.
That's when it hit me why I was unsure.
Why my feet dragged as Lucky escorted me toward the stabbin' cabin.
I already knew it wouldn't be just fucking between us.
Apparently so did everyone else.
Because the things Lucky had said earlier were as significant as the kiss had been.
Perceptions had become expectations. He knew me. I knew him. Well, I knew a lot about him. That he was a loyal brother. That he didn't do drugs because he was responsible. That he was caring. About my well-being. About his sister. Being with him wouldn't be like it had been with Rayne and JGB. I wouldn't be the RFC chick and he wouldn't be just some random rocker.
But it would feel that way if he fucked me right now in that room.
I knew it, so did everyone else, but did he?
"Lucky." I planted my feet and tugged loose from his grip. His gaze went from my freed hand to my face. His expression changed from I'm-a-guy-who’s-gonna-get-me-some to closed-off hard.
"Not again, Raven," he muttered under his breath.
I didn't know if he realized that he was treating me like a groupie. Maybe he was just too revved up and my throwing on the brakes made his brain malfunction. It didn't really matter, because right now the answer had to be no.
"Thanks for showing me the way." My hands trembled a bit as they fluttered in front of my chest. It wasn't easy for me to go from breakneck speed to a complete stop, either. But I could try to help him save face in front of everyone. I could soften the rejection. "I…I wasn't sure I remembered which bunk was mine and I...uh, didn't want to interrupt anyone else." I cast a glance at the others before him. "So it was the middle on the right or the left?"
"This one." He knocked on the frame. The circle of metal in the mouth of the lion ring on his first finger rattled. So did I inside when I realized how pissed he was at me.
"Thanks," I mumbled, stepping out of his way as he moved closer, snapped open the curtain on the bunk above it and withdrew an acoustic guitar case. He didn't say anything else as he stomped out of the sleeping area and slammed the pocket door behind him.
"That was pretty intense." Marsha bumped my shoulder with hers.
"Yeah," I said dully, staring at the closed door and remembering the tense line of Lucky's spine.
"He thinks you're a cock tease."
"Apparently."
"He doesn't get it."
I shook my head.
"You want me to go explain it to him?"
"No. It wouldn't change anything."
"How do you figure that?"
"He wants a fuck. But I won’t be just a feel good girl for him. It is what it is. Fucked up is fucked up."