WE SHOWERED TOGETHER and then we lay together afterward. I savored being held by him as he stroked gentle fingers through my hair. I watched him long after he fell asleep. But when I woke up the next morning he was gone. There was only an indentation in the mattress and a lingering citrus scent where he had slept, but he must have been gone a while because the sheets were cold.
I drew back the curtain and climbed out of the bunk. I cut fruit and microwaved breakfast sandwiches that I found in the freezer. Eventually the others woke and joined me. We drank tea together and made small talk. Rocky teased me unmercifully insisting that I continue calling him Sir. I told him to get bent which made Sky smile. No one knew where Lucky had gone and by midmorning everyone shared my concern. Alec had to take the manager outside to talk him down after he came on board complaining vehemently about the delay the lead singer's absence was causing.
"The bike’s gone as well," the bassist announced ominously when he returned.
"The what?" I turned away from the window where I kept checking for Lucky.
"His Ducati Monster."
"A motorcycle?"
A roar below the window answered my question and drew my attention away from Alec. The black and red motorbike featured a familiar frame, only he was shrouded in black leather and his face was hidden behind an impenetrable visor. I scrambled out of the banquette and practically flew down the aisle in my haste to get to him.
The visor dipped my way and ringed fingers emerged from the leather gloves. Enraptured, I watched as Lucky removed the helmet and shook out his inky hair. My heart raced, partly from my sprint, but mostly from how sexy the frontman looked astride the Ducati in his form hugging attire. My turned on meter hit maximum when his gaze connected with mine.
"Dammit, Lucky?” The manager shouted and my meter and my footsteps sputtered. “Do you realize that we have a twenty-two hour road trip ahead of us? We should have departed hours ago..."
"I’m here now.” The lead singer cut him off with his words and a glare. “Relax. We’ll make it. I kept my eye on the clock.” Lucky dismounted and rolled his bike toward the back trailer. I started to move toward him, but he turned his head my way and shook it. "Get back on board, Raven. I’ve got to secure the motorbike and stow all this gear away. Besides, there’s broken glass on the pavement and you’ve got no shoes on. You’ll cut your feet."
"Alright." Disappointment washed over me. I had wanted him to open his arms. I would have run into them. I missed his soothing touch. Instead, I shuffled back on board and resumed my position on the couch beside Alec and Cody. Sky and Rocky sat on the one opposite us.
"Hey, why the glum face?" Alec asked. My expression apparently revealed too much.
I sighed. "I think I’m causing you guys a lot of grief."
"How do mean?" Alec queried. "The Facebook likes and views on the band have skyrocketed since you came along. Lucky's oblivious to all the social media stuff, but it’s important."
"Well, I guess that’s good..."
"But it’s not really us that you’re worried about, is it?" The market minded bassist cut to the chase a lot like his best friend usually did. “It’s only a certain one of us I think?”
I nodded my head. "Did Lucky say anything to you?"
"Only that he wants your part in the RFC to be finished."
"So do I." Two more to go, but it seemed like two too many.
“With that in mind, I have a proposition. I would like to offer myself as the next thespian in your little play?"
"Do you think that’s wise?" I glanced at Cody.
"Alec and I discussed it this morning. I would volunteer myself, but I’m unicorn.” Cody shrugged. “Never once with a woman. I wouldn’t be very convincing in the role. But Alec experimented with the ladies before he sorted himself out."
"I think we might be able to pull something off that would be incredibly sexy.” Expression earnest, the bassist leaned toward me, his hands on his knees. “Say yes.”
"I’m not sure.” I thought about what had happened last night, the heated exchange between the frontman and his drummer. “What did Lucky say when you mentioned it?"
"I haven’t spoken with him yet. But we both know how he feels about watching someone else with you. And what I’ve got in mind isn’t..." He trailed off as Lucky appeared, the buckles on his motorcycle boots jingling as he stalked down the aisle toward us.
"Sorry for the late start and what not, but I needed to clear my head." His gaze swept from his friend to me as the bus lurched into motion. "What were you two talking about?"
"About me assuming the role of number nine. That would leave ten for you. That way all of the tension between you two can be at an end."
I wasn’t so sure Alec being my number nine would have that outcome. But the casual way the lead singer sprawled on the seat beside his drummer gave me hope no animosity lingered between him and Rocky. Had their argument cleared the air? Guys seemed to have a way of saying what was on their mind and then moving on as if nothing had happened in the first place. If only women could be so straightforward. "Is Cody onboard with this plan?"
"It was my idea actually,” the rhythm man announced. “At least the details of the skit are, and that's what's important, right?"
"Sure,” I agreed. “Only I was just telling Alec how I don’t want to cause any more trouble. About last night…"
"We're mates," Rocky chimed in. “We hardly ever stay at odds for long." He glanced at Lucky who lifted his chin. "It’s just when the girls get involved that things get dodgy."
Rocky’s gaze flicked to Sky. I noticed that Lucky’s sister had gone very still but she didn’t raise her head to meet the drummer’s gaze.
Dodgy indeed.
I turned to the frontman. "Do you mind if I accept Alec’s offer?"
"I won’t lie. I do mind. But after I cleared the clutter in my head this morning, I realized that a big part of what bothers me is how believable you make everything seem. I understand that the RFC is more than just about your contractual obligation to WMO. It’s also a process of rediscovering yourself after being betrayed. What you like. What turns you on and expressing that. You’re comfortable with your sexuality. That’s who you are, and I don’t want to change you. So it comes down to trust between us like you tried to tell me.” His eyes searched mine for a long moment. “Even though I’m not fond of the situation, I support you. I believe in you, and I trust you, Raven.”
His words gave me hope. "But I hate that it upsets you."
“That can’t be helped. But it’s only this one last time and be certain that I will find you again right afterward." Heat waves radiated from his gaze.
"Alright." I gulped. That part I definitely anticipated.
"Also, I have a proposition of my own."
Anything, my heart said, but my words were more cautious. "What's that?"
"The halfway mark on the way to Phoenix is Dallas. I think you ought to see your father."
I WENT FROM the elation of knowing I had Lucky's trust to fuming mad because it wasn’t just that he wanted me to meet with my dad, he had actually already contacted him.
"Talk to me, Angel."
"No." I turned away from him, his handsome face, his soft voice and his pleading eyes, and went back to watching the trees along the highway out the bus window. I had been giving him the cold shoulder for several states now, but he was a difficult man to ignore. The couch sank as he took a seat beside me. His warmth beckoned, his rum and citrus scent made me waver. It had been hours since his announcement. Eons of time since I’d felt his touch. I was definitely a Lucky Spencer addict. He stroked a gentle hand through the length of my hair. I told myself to pull away but found myself leaning into his caress instead. I sighed. “Stop that. I’m mad at you.”
“I’m aware.”
“You shouldn’t have called him without my permission.”
“I realize that.”
I turned fully into him and frowned. “Stop being so damn agreeable.”
“Stop being so damn adorable. And beautiful." His warm expression entrancing, he reached for me and traced my mouth with his thumb.
I melted. “You know I cave whenever you do that,” I grumbled.
“Sometimes.” His gaze lifted, and his eyes glittered with contrition. “I’m truly sorry.” His voice rang with sincerity.
Double melt. I was done for. “I forgive you.”
He kissed me then, a lush Lucky conciliatory kiss, it was a treat to be savored and repeated so I did...
Only later as I was leaning back against him on the couch with his arms around me did I ask him about his conversation with my father. “He wanted to know if you were ok, then he interrogated me about who I was and what you meant to me.”
“Oh.” I absorbed that for a long moment, that my dad was worried, that he wanted to see me.
"What did you tell him…about what I mean to you, I mean?"
"I told him you were an angel straight from heaven, and I would never let you go back." He grinned when I turned my head to glance up at him, my jaw parted from his words. "Your turn." I tensed a bit. “Tell me about your parents. How they met? What their relationship was like?"
"Why?”
"Many reasons. Because they made you together. Because they're important to you. Mostly because I hope you’ll invite me to come with you when you see your dad. You know my family and what not. I’d like the opportunity to get to know yours."
I smiled slowly at him then cast my gaze on the others. "By your family, I presume you mean not just Sky but everyone on this bus." Rocky nodded in acknowledgement. Sky returned my smile. Her frame had relaxed noticeably. I think in large part because of the drummer’s proximity. He had his arm around her. Alec and Cody looked up from the banquette where they had been gazing at the laptop in front of them. They were perusing possible LA condos to buy.
"Yes. And yours includes Marsha, whom I already know, but also your dad whom I’ve yet to meet."
As if on cue, a text message dinged on my cell. I scooped it off the cushion and read the message.
Marsha: How are you? Things with Lucky ok after the skit last night with Rocky? It was (fire emoticon) The drummer must have been holding out on me for whatever reason. He never did any of that sexy bdsm shit. I would’ve had trouble walking away if he had.
Raven: Good now. Lucky is holding me and reading over my shoulder as I text you.
Marsha: Hi Lucky. Take good care of my bestie. Raven, wish I could be with you. Don’t be mad about your dad. You know there are things that need to be said. Say them. I’m in a meeting with the crew. Ignacio is working us hard. We are using the extra day in Atlanta to catch up on editing. But we’ll talk soon. Hugs to Sky and everyone until Phoenix.
I set my phone down, exhaled a breath and started to share with Lucky and his family about my own.
"My mom's name was Dawn. She was a Navajo of the Many Goats and Bitter Water clans. She was raised in Monument Valley. Her mother died from diabetic complications when she was very young. Her father raised her afterward alone. He was a medicine man who knew more songs than most, but he was also an alcoholic. She left the reservation after he drank himself to death and his body was returned to Mother Earth. She got a job playing her guitar in a bar in Scottsdale. She sang and wrote her own songs. My dad walked in one night, ordered a beer and spilled it when he saw her. She was strikingly beautiful.”
“So you look like her,” Lucky whispered.
“Mostly except for my pale skin which I get from my dad.” I smoothed my hand over his forearm to acknowledge the implied compliment while I stared off into space and remembered the unique woman my mother had been. “My mom was proud of her heritage. She told me as a Navajo we are the living history and that we should never forget where we came from. She preferred traditional clothing and that particular night she wore a squash blossom necklace and a dress that her mother had once worn."
"Ah,” Lucky exclaimed. “So your dad fell for her like I did the first time I saw you."
That wasn’t exactly how I remembered our first meeting. "We can go with that if you’d like but I feel like it was the other way around."
"Both infatuated at first sight," he allowed. "Continue."
"He brought her back with him to Dallas. They got married. She gave up on a musical career after she had my brother and me."
"Self-sacrificing like you. What was her music like?"
"She chanted. She could play the flute in addition to her guitar. Her voice gave me chills. She sang all the time around the house."
Lucky raised a brow. “Now I know where you got your talent.”
"My voice is decent. Tops."
“Rubbish.” Lucky’s brow rose higher. "Your voice is unique like...” He tapped his chin reflectively. "Joan Baez with some Ella Fitzgerald. Poetic. Soulful. Sexy. You."
My eyes widened at his observation.
"So perhaps I'm the more infatuated one, after all?"
I shook my head, but his praise made me feel every bit of the way he had described me. I reached for him, pulled his lips to mine and feasted on their lushness until someone cleared their throat. I had forgotten the others were nearby and listening to my story, too.
Settling back into Lucky, I continued. "I guess I love music because of my mom. I understand the theory of it because my dad."
"What about your brother?" Lucky asked gently. "How did he fit into the family dynamics?"
"Besides keeping me out of trouble or bailing me out of it?"
Lucky nodded. I had to think about that for a bit. It was a good question. It deserved a thoughtful answer. "If my mom was the heart of our family and my dad was the mechanics. I would say my brother was harmony. We were all so different, but he helped us find ways to work together."
"It must have been a terrible blow to lose him." Lucky tightened his arms around me. "What was your favorite thing about him?"
"He was always there for me, no matter whether I was right or wrong," I answered without hesitation.
"Unconditional love. Nothing you can do to earn it. Nothing you can do to lose it. A very rare thing to find and something you should never walk away from." He stared intently at me. "Once you're certain you've found it."
IT WAS LATE when we arrived in the Metroplex. Meatloaf was exhausted from driving the bus in heavy I-20 rush hour traffic. Everyone shuffled off and checked into their respective rooms at the hotel except for Lucky and me.
Dressed in his riding leathers, he stalked down the aisle of the bus on his way to unlock the trailer while I tried to wiggle into borrowed clothing from Sky. I got the pants on eventually though I had to lie on the bunk and suck in my breath to zip them up.
Lucky had his helmet on when I joined him. His head dipped then rose as he took me all in. My curves strained the borrowed leather.
"I’m going to enjoy peeling those off you later,” he informed me, brushing my hair back and kissing the sensitive spot of skin between my neck and shoulder before he placed a helmet on my head. He walked me over to the bike and arranged me on the seat. His hands lingered, burning holes through the leather over my ass before he removed them and showed me where to place my feet. By the time he climbed on in front of me, lifted my hands from where I had been gripping the seat, brought my arms around his waist and fired up the engine, I had forgotten my nerves about going to meet my father. I didn’t even think about what I was going to say. How could I with my arms and legs around Lucky and a bike beneath me that growled sexily every time the lead singer twisted the handle and revved the engine, which he did a lot maneuvering in and out of Metroplex traffic getting us to my father’s house in half the amount of time it would have taken by car.
My father emerged from the early eighties brick house as Lucky removed my helmet. Hands around my waist, he plucked me off the seat and set me on the ground. My dad regarded me as warily as I approached him. I could feel Lucky behind me. I wanted him there. I was grateful for his presence, but this moment was mostly about me and my dad.
"Hi," I said softly, my voice strained by the tightness within my chest. My father looked so much older and smaller than I remembered him. Was he ill?
"Yáʼátʼééh, Raven,” he said giving me the traditional greeting of the Navajo. It was more than just hello. It was a blessing that meant may the heavens’ light shine down on you today. “I’ve been so worried about you. Are you alright?" His voice sounded as rough as he looked. He stepped toward me but stopped and dropped his outstretched arms as if unsure an embrace would be welcome.
"I’m fine, Dad." My eyes burned with emotion as I searched his face for clues, but beyond the tired circles and a couple of additional worry lines I could find none.
"How about you? You don’t look so well."
"I haven’t been sleeping much since we argued. And Dr. Foster says I have a stomach ulcer. He put me on some prescription medication." That sounded serious. I could feel the blood drain from my face. He must have noticed my sudden pallor. "It’s nothing to get overly concerned about, Raven. Unlike how much things have deteriorated between us." I watched his Adams apple move as he swallowed. His eyes filled. "I’m sorry. Sorry I said words that should never have been spoken. Sorry I pushed you away. My life isn’t worth a damn without you in it."
"Daddy, I feel the same way. I don’t want us to be at odds." I thought about Lucky’s father and about my mom and my brother. Life was too uncertain to let past disagreements and disappointments rob us of future happiness. I could honor the memory of my mother and Hawk by following their example. I could be the heart and harmony in our family while still being true to myself. After all, if I wanted my dad to love me unconditionally, shouldn’t I lead the way? Sometimes it only takes a single brave step to move beyond the mistakes of the past. I closed the distance between us. He exhaled a shaky sigh and wrapped his arms around me. His hug wasn’t as strong as I remembered but it was welcome. Marsha had been right. I had reacted instead of stopping to be objective. I should have mended things sooner with him. If not for Lucky I might never have. I squeezed my dad tight one more time and pulled back. Swiping my wet cheeks, I unashamedly stretched my arm backward reaching for Lucky. He stepped into me. My arm slid around his waist, his went around my shoulder.
"Daddy, this is Lucky Spencer. He’s the lead singer of the Dragons. In addition to being a very talented hardworking performer he’s also my friend. He's been looking out for me on this tour."
"A pleasure to meet you, young man." My dad gave him a sizing up stare as they shook hands. I saw approval in my father’s gaze as he straightened. "I appreciated your words on the phone about my daughter. Will y'all come inside? I have some lasagna and salad from Eatzi's. It’s not much but if you have time…"
"I’d be honored to eat with you, Sir, if it’s alright with Raven."
I nodded and we followed my dad inside. Though about my brother’s height, Lucky seemed to dwarf my childhood home with his presence. Yet, it also seemed right for him to be there. I noticed his gaze linger a beat on the piano. The baby grand my dad had bought used and paid off after several years of payments sat by itself, the only piece of furniture in the front living space. The back porch had been converted into a dining room den combo, and it was there that we headed.
Lucky pulled out a chair for me at the table. I noticed my dad's smile. The lead singer was earning points for his manners for sure.
I sat and Lucky took a seat across from me, my mother’s preferred spot. My dad took his place at the head of the table. He started dinner, doling out the salad and the lasagna from the foil to go container, serving me a large piece and then himself before passing it to the Dragons’ frontman. He repeated the same pattern with the salad. My gaze met Lucky’s. I tried to put all the gratitude I felt for him facilitating this reunion into my eyes. I think he got the message. His glacial gaze seemed to warm to summer sky blue.
"Raven's told me a bit about you and your family." My dad’s surprised gaze flew to me after Lucky’s statement.
"Yeah," I acknowledged. "More than a bit." I shrugged. My father would soon realize the difference between my relationship with the man across the table from me and how things had been with Ivan. So I put it out there, total honestly. "Lucky's important to me." He straightened in his chair at my words, his eyes shining. He had shown me how important I was to him time and time again. Now it was my turn. “He’s not like anyone I have ever known.”
“I feel the same way about your daughter, sir. Raven is all that I want. All that I need. All that a man could ever hope for.” When Lucky expressed those sentiments to my father, I straightened in my chair, too. And wished he wasn’t so far away across the table from me.
After our declarations, the conversation turned lighter. My father shared more than a few embarrassing childhood stories about me and Lucky talked about Sky and what it had been like growing up in a touristy seaside town in England.
We cleaned the table off together. Thanks to disposable plates and cutlery, our water glasses were the only thing that needed to be put in the dishwasher. Afterward, Lucky glanced at the kitchen clock on the wall. My dad noticed it, too.
"It’s late, sir. I wish we could stay longer, but the tour has been long, and we both need our rest." My cheeks heated in front of my father. I knew there wouldn’t be any actual sleeping for a while yet.
"I understand." My dad’s knowing gaze passed between the lead singer and me, and my cheeks burned hotter. Your mom and I were just like you two." High praise. My feet lifted off the floor. My dad smiled. "But I hope you realize what you truly have in her, son."
"I think I do, sir."
"My daughter has a big beautiful sensitive heart hidden beneath all that independence." My eyes widened. "She reminds me so much of her mother, it hurts sometimes." He gathered my hands. "I’m sorry,” he said, his gaze imploring. "I’ve failed you too much since we lost her.
"I’ve failed, too," I acknowledged, my gaze shining with contrition as genuine as his. "I haven’t always made it easy for you as a parent. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me, too.”
"I love you, Raven." He brought me closer to him and sealed his words with a kiss to the top of my head. Open affection had always been difficult for him. It meant as much for me to receive his kiss as it was to receive his affirming words. "I always have. I always will. Let’s put the past behind us. Your mom used to say that a rocky vineyard does not need prayer but a pickaxe. I want you to know that I’m going to do everything in my power to make a better future for both of us."