“I DON’T KNOW,” I told the exec. “It’s hard to say.” Was what the sexy frontman and I had shared something that could easily be set aside, wrapped up and tied nicely in a bow? I glanced at Lucky, his eyes were cobalt spheres of intense emotion.
Um, doubtful.
“The choice is certainly yours,” the VP continued. “But I think you would be making a big mistake not to at least hear what I have to offer. I believe we are closer to reaching an agreement than you realize. Think it over and get back to me.”
I stared at my cell after she clicked off. The inside of my mind read like a Chinese menu. Column A listed all the reasons I should meet with the media conglomerate. Column B had only a single entry. Lucky.
And yet, I wavered.
“Raven,” Lucky further scrambled my thoughts. “Who was that? What’s this about a lot of money?”
“A VP at WMO. They want to make the Rock Fuck Club into a reality series.”
His expression grew dark in response to my explanation and darker still as the taxi pulled alongside the shadowed sidewalk in front of our hotel. “I thought you were done with the RFC.” He turned toward me and gathered my hands, his eyes searching mine. “I thought since you already had a two week road trip planned that you might consider spending those days with me. After last night, I thought we were on the same page.”
"You’ve done a lot of thinking."
"You've been at the front of my mind since the moment I laid eyes on you, Angel." His expression confirmed the sincerity of that monumental statement. I was trying to find a place to tuck it for safekeeping along with the other treasures that represented our time together when his cell rang. “This discussion isn’t over,” he insisted before paying the taxi driver and joining me on the curb. Cell in his hand, he frowned as it continued to ring. “Charles Morris,” he explained, accepting the call. “The CEO of my label.” He put his phone to his ear while gesturing at the front entrance of the hotel. “Hello,” he said as he escorted me inside the building, his hand a warm stamp on the center of my back. “Yeah, thanks for getting back to me so quickly.” He lifted his chin at the bank of elevators. I got the nonverbal message and hit the call button. “Yes, Sir.” He pressed the number for his floor and gave me a firm look in case I had any ideas about getting off anywhere else. His hand returned to my back and remained there as the elevator opened again. "No." Lucky's voice resolute, he propped open the door to his room for me while continuing the conversation. "The band stays put here in Boston until I have the doctors' assurance that it’s safe for Sky to travel." The door clicked closed behind Lucky. His brows furrowed. Whatever this Morris guy was saying, it wasn't pleasant. “I’ll bear the cost of rescheduling the Chicago stop if need be. I expect we should make the next one after that. But keep in mind that ticket sales and downloads are better than they’ve ever been. We’re hard at work on that follow up album you demanded. We wouldn’t want anything to get in the way of that now would we? You keep me happy, and I’ll do the same for you. One hand washes the other and what not."
Lucky's eyes met mine. I gave him a nod, trying to communicate supportiveness and that I thought he was doing well. He was certainly more assertive than I had been during my conversation to the exec from WMO. Suddenly, his gaze widened.
"He did what?" His eyes collapsed to narrowed slits as Morris continued on the other end. "Bollocks!" Lucky exclaimed. "That wanker’s bandmates forced themselves on her! There was nothing consensual about it." My stomach dropped and my equilibrium for the second time in a day. I sank onto the foot of the bed, my eyes on Lucky and his on mine. "It would have been much worse if we hadn't come in. It's hardly a case of he said she said. He’s lying. My mates and I will testify to it. And I'm not apologizing for shit." The frontman fell silent and nodded his head at whatever the record exec was telling him. "I appreciate your defense of me to JGB's people. I understand the situation is uncomfortable since we're both on your label. But I have to stand my ground. What he did was wrong." A longer silence. "That’s not true, either. He did the drugs, not the other way around. But I'll tell her what you said." He ended the call and tossed his cell on the bed. Rumpled sheets. Abandoned towels. My discarded robe. The intermingled scents of his cologne, my lotion and the heady musk of our lovemaking permeated the air. I swallowed hard. In a matter of hours we had gone from bliss to this.
"What did JGB do?" I managed to ask, my voice raw with worry as I twisted my clutch strap around my fingers.
"Plenty." Lucky ran a hand though his hair. "He's filed assault charges against me for one."
I sucked in a shocked breath.
"He's suing you for slander as well. He didn’t like the light you and Marsha cast him in on YouTube. He's telling people you've been my girlfriend all along; that you’re just a junkie who sleeps with guys in exchange for your next fix, and that the RFC stuff is merely a pretense."
"Oh, no,” I said my heart thudding with dread as Lucky sat on the bed beside me.
"It seems you’ve tangled with the wrong guy, Angel.” He gave me a concerned side glance. “He’s seriously deranged. Morris has his attorneys working on my charges, and he told me to advise you to seek legal representation for yourself. He's texting me names and phone numbers of some people who have experience in these types of things." On the bed behind us, Lucky's phone lit up and dinged. He jostled me as he leaned back to retrieve it.
"I can’t afford a lawyer," I announced dully, feeling like I had been suddenly swept into a raging river without a life vest.
"You could always get one on retainer.” Lucky gripped his phone tightly.
"But what if I don't win?" My eyes burned and fear made my stomach churn as I remembered all JGB’s reputed connections. And me, a nobody. No job. Negligible savings. The rock rapper had really screwed me. Now even the WMO thing felt tenuous. But I clung to the idea that if Morris knew about the allegations, the network probably did, too. I shifted to face Lucky. My bare knee bumping his gave my body ideas about one last time with him as a goodbye. But I put that thought and all my other emotions involving the sexy frontman into lockdown. I had to focus. I had to be smart. Predictably, this thing with Lucky had knocked me flat on my ass. But now I had to pick myself back up, move on and find a way to get myself out of this awful mess.
"I have to go to New York," I pulled in an uneven breath.
"I don’t want you to go, Raven." He grasped me by the shoulders. I clasped his solid forearms. His eyes searched mine. Sliding his hands into my hair, he traced the sensitive skin along my jaw line with his thumbs. "I’m not finished with you. Nor you with me, I’d wager.” He lowered his head and touched his lips to mine, reminding me how it was between us. As if I could ever forget any of it. The warmth of his smile. The heat of his kisses. The fire of the passion that made me long for a replay of the pleasures only he could provide.
"Stay." He lifted his head, his gaze locking on mine. The plea in his eyes pierced my heart with yearnings and made it bleed. "I know you don’t want to leave."
"I have to."
"I can’t see that you have to do anything.”
“Can’t you? Don’t you understand the spot I’m in? I have no choice.”
“There’s always a choice.”
“Not for me. Not now. I need that deal. More than ever.”
“I’ve no doubt that the figure they offered you is significant. And I know you feel like you’ve been backed into a corner. But give me some time. Let me make some phone calls. There might be something I can do to help.”
“I appreciate the thought. But I can’t let you do that. You have enough pressures of your own. Plus, you have Sky to look after right now. You don’t have any obligation to me just because we slept together. I didn’t make any promises to you, and you didn’t make any to me. And besides, I would think you would be grateful to steer clear of me and my drama. After all, you rescued me once and look at what it got you. This is my disaster. My latest one, anyway. It’s my responsibility. Besides, there’s no reason to delay the inevitable.”
“Funny, I can think of many myself. The way you taste on my tongue. The way you come apart in my arms. The way I feel when I’m with you. But I’m curious.” His gentle tone turned sharp. “What exactly makes you think our parting is inevitable?”
“We both knew what this was going in, and what it wasn’t.” I felt the muscles in his forearms stiffen beneath my pronouncement. “It was real, yes. And it was good, fucking great. But it was one night. One night doesn’t make a relationship. Besides, we both have been wrecked too recently to jump back into one of those. “
“Are you sure about that, Angel?” His expression was too closed off for me to read.
“Yes. Some things aren’t meant to be no matter how hard you wish. Otherwise my mom and Hawk would be alive today. Reality is me on this journey that I started alone and that I have to finish alone. You wanted honesty between us so I’m giving it to you. The truth is that you have your world, and I have mine. I’m taking the only path that’s left to me.” I withdrew my arms from his. Cool air immediately rushed over my skin. The ice of uncertainty replaced the heat of his comfort.
Hágoónee,' I whispered in my mind. “Goodbye, Lucky.” I pressed my hands to his, our fingertips aligning for a brief moment, a traditional parting my mother had taught me. The flesh to flesh contact was as intimate as a kiss to the Navajo. My throat tightening, I avoided his eyes so that he wouldn’t see the emotional cost of my choice. “Let Sky know I’ll call to check on her.” I brushed against his strong shoulder on my way to retrieve the music I had written down. “And tell the others thanks for everything.” I snagged the pages and crushed them in my grip before turning around again. “And that I’m sorry I had to leave without saying goodbye to them personally.”
“Raven.” He grabbed my arm before I could make my getaway. “Angel, stop.” Every nerve ending flared from the simple contact of his fingers on my skin. “You’re running away. You won’t even look at me. Are you that afraid to get burned again?”
My eyes lifted from where he held me. He’d honed in on the truth, but I knew it would be even harder for both of us if I stayed any longer. “I’m leaving. That’s different than running. I just realize that it’s time. I’m sorry if you don’t.” I stood beside him. He stayed on the bed. I had said what needed to be said, and yet I couldn’t make the final move. I felt frozen in place, mesmerized by the beauty within those glacial blue eyes as he peered up at me. The windows of his soul had been thrown wide open and the view was spectacular. All of him, the man who awakened my deepest longings and reopened the floodgates of my creativity, for all of me they promised. I felt my resolve weakening. I reminded myself that all of me was no prize and that I couldn’t stay because saying yes to him would mean breaking my promise to Marsha. “This thing between us was a fantasy, a dream.” Like the handprints on the stone faces in Monument Valley marking the passage of those who had come before, I had been here with him. We had left our mark on each other. “We both know dreams don’t last past the morning.” I slid my arm free. I drifted toward the door, but suddenly he was there in front of me blocking my path.
“It wasn’t a dream.” His gaze held me steady and sure.
"We slept together.” My hands formed fists at my sides. “Nothing more. Call it whatever you like. It’s over. But please,” I pleaded, “don’t make this any harder than it has to be.” I stared up at him, immediately immersed in his compelling warmth and feeling the pull of that connection that made me want to mold myself to him. But I fought it. I twisted my body in order not to touch his. I took a step backward putting space between us.
“Don’t sacrifice us without even trying to find another way.”
“There is no us.” My arms stiffened at my sides. “There is no other way. I told you.”
“Do you really expect me to be ok with you being with other guys?”
“I don’t expect anything from you. You don’t own me. You don’t control me.” I stuck my chin in the air. “None of this is up to you.” I abandoned the hope of an easy escape. If the truth wouldn’t get through to him, I would have to lie. “You were just another fuck, Lucky.” My nails pierced my palms. “Rebound sex.”
"I don’t believe you." He reached for me, but I backed further away. “I won’t let you leave like this, Raven.”
“I don’t recall asking your permission.” I ducked around him. I couldn’t let him touch me again. If I did, I would yield. I would melt. All the bravado and pretense I could barely hold together would puddle at his feet.
“It’s not a matter of permission.” His words snagged me at the door. “It’s a matter of recognition. Of realizing how badly you will fuck us both up if you insist on walking out that door and going through with this thing.”
“Fucked up is my reality.” I didn’t look back at him as I cranked the latch. “I’m sorry I dragged you into it.”