Chapter Twelve

Jesse hungrily took in the fresh sight of the fields and buildings that had been his backyard for most of his life. He drove the perimeter of the Six Pack land, staring out the window with a sense of wonder. Crops were up, and cattle grazed, and there was nothing out of the ordinary, but the taste of home was in his soul, and it was sweet.

At least until the realization he wasn’t staying sank in. His gut churned. All the sweetness turned sharp. Bitter, like a cake that had been let cook a little too long. Chocolatey and rich inside, but with a layer of charred darkness on the surface.

It wasn’t a thing anyone would want to eat.

Caleb’s offer to find him a place at Silver Stone had put some of his worries to rest. Dare would want to be near Ginny, close to her brothers and the familiarity of her home. Jesse needed to be close to her and Buckaroo.

Visiting the Six Pack ranch was a good idea, though. He could put on a happy face and make it clear he was moving on, and that would be that.

He refrained from calling himself a lying bastard, no matter how truthful the description.

Jesse drove the back roads until he knew it was stupid to avoid tracking down his brothers. At this time of day they’d usually be scattered over the far reaches of the ranch, but with Blake and Jaxi headed to the hospital, custom said routine would have given way to an impromptu gathering.

He congratulated himself on calling it right when he spotted familiar vehicles gathered outside the main barn. Parking in the middle of his brother’s trucks, Jesse paused for a moment until he’d gathered up enough don’t give a damn to face them.

Only stepping into his childhood playground stripped away his bravado. The scents and sounds were echoes of the past, and he held onto the doorframe and waited for his heart to stop pounding.

Stupid fucking heart. Between worrying about Dare, and the baby, and getting riled up over his damn past, it was a wonder he didn’t fall over from a heart attack.

He headed toward the corner where his brothers’ voices rose clearly.

“We going to finish the north fields this week?”

“We’ll get them done twice as fast without Blake checking his phone every five minutes to see what Jaxi’s doing.”

Laughter filled Jesse’s ears, and he rounded the corner and walked into the middle of it.

Matt and Travis were there, lounging against wooden support posts of stalls. Cassidy sat on a bale with one foot up as he leaned on the stall behind him. The kind of gathering Jesse had joined in a million times before.

Only this time when they spotted him, the laughter vanished. Cassidy straightened, and Matt’s eyes widened.

Travis swore and stepped forward.

Jesse wasn’t sure what to expect, but if it was fists, he wasn’t even going to defend himself. He froze on the spot and waited for what came next.

“You sorry son of bitch,” Travis muttered as he closed in on Jesse.

“Travis.” Cassidy’s voice held a warning.

Jesse braced for impact.

It was a good thing too, because the next second Travis connected with him full force, wrapping his arms around Jesse’s torso and squeezing the hell out of him. “Fucking ass. Where the hell have you been? I should tie you behind the tractor and drag you around—”

“You want to let him go now that you’ve proven he’s not a ghost?” Matt stepped up. “Although I agree with the ass bit. Jerk. Dickhead.”

Jesse wasn’t going to argue, not with the sense of relief flooding his system. This could have gone so differently. Insults were just fine. “Good to know you guys are still working on your vocabulary lists.”

Matt smacked him on the shoulder—harder than a friendly pat. “Stupid little brother.”

“Are you coming back?” Cassidy asked. “Also hi, I guess. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to hug you or hit you.”

“We could do both,” Travis offered, the fire in his expression making it clear his suggestion wasn’t a joke. Anger was replacing his earlier shock. “The only reason I’m not beating the shit out of you right now is that Rafe gave us updates.”

“Plus Jaxi put the fear of God into us over this visit.” Matt shook his head. “I hope you know what you’re doing, but I don’t think it’s likely. What the fuck, Jesse? What the hell were you thinking?”

Cassidy made a rude noise. “Umm, Matt? You might want to make a more specific list before asking that.”

“True.” Matt raised a hand and counted off fingers. “You fucking up and left without a word of warning. You didn’t send Mom and Dad more than one damn update. You’re engaged to be married to some woman from who the hell knows where who we’ve never met, and you’ve got a kid on the way.”

“She’s from Heart Falls, which isn’t that far from here,” Jesse snapped, temper flaring. “Beat the shit out of me for being a jerk and taking off unannounced, but you leave Dare and the baby out of your rants.”

A slow clap sounded from the doorway, and they all turned toward the sound.

Joel stood there, hands moving rhythmically in approval, but his expression was ice cold as he spoke. “He’s right, guys. It’s not her fault, or the baby’s, that Jesse’s an ass.”

Matt looked sheepish. “Sorry. I didn’t mean for it to come out like that. Of course it’s not her fault, but jeez, Jesse, you’ve got shit for brains.”

“Not about Dare or the baby,” Jesse insisted. He wasn’t about to give an inch on this. He swore that none of his family would suspect he was anything but thrilled about his current circumstances, which meant lying his ass off. “They’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I brought her to meet all of you, and if that’s going to be an issue, tell me now so I can turn around and take her home.”

Cassidy waved him down, sliding off the bale to vertical. “You know you don’t worry about that. We’re looking forward to meeting her, and we’re glad you’ve found someone special.”

He held out his hand, and Jesse took it cautiously. Cassidy shook once then used the grip to pull Jesse in close. He spoke quietly under the pretense of offering a quick pat on the back. “You might want to apologize for the leaving bit, though.”

Which was what he’d intended to do before getting distracted, damn it all.

Jesse stepped back. He made eye contact with each man before clearing his throat. “I’m sorry I left like that. It was wrong to hightail it out of here without a word.”

“It was,” Travis agreed. “Stupid, selfish—”

“Travis, when a man apologizes and means it, you don’t keep harping on his stupidity.” Cassidy strode to his partner’s side, laying a hand on his shoulder. “Want to try again?”

“Stop being reasonable. He’s my little brother and he fucked up big time.”

“He said he was sorry.” Matt shrugged. “Okay, Jesse, fine. Thanks for apologizing. I’m still pissed.”

He hadn’t expected much else. “I get it. Hey, how’s Hope and the kid?”

Matt’s expression turned on a dime, the disappointed frown flipping into a beaming grin. “She’s amazing, and he’s trying to walk. Colt climbs like a monkey—almost as bad as you and Joel, according to Mom.”

“Walking? Holy hell, that’s quick.”

“That’s what happens when you’re gone for five months,” Joel drawled. “Things change. Life moves on.”

Ouch. Okay, Joel wasn’t accepting his apology that easily either, and Jesse didn’t blame him. Leaving the family had been hard, but cutting himself off from Joel?

Like severing his own arm.

He’d been the one to cause the pain, and it had nearly crippled him. He had a lot more work to do to repair their relationship, and it wasn’t going to happen this moment, so Jesse turned to Travis instead of his twin. “I see Cassidy’s keeping you on a short leash.”

Travis laughed. “He wishes.”

“Shh, don’t talk about sex around your brothers,” Cassidy said with a wink.

“Oh God, not this again.” Matt pointed a finger at the two of them. “We agreed you’re not allowed to gloat.”

Jesse didn’t know what they were talking about, and the realization hurt. “Why would they gloat?”

Cassidy shrugged innocently. “Matt seems to think we’ve got some kind of advantage over a regular couple because even though Ashley’s eight months pregnant, there’s still sex happening.”

That pile of papers from the evil doctor hadn’t mentioned that detail. He’d read them through a million times, and he would have noticed anything to do with sex. “We can’t have sex when they’re pregnant?”

Travis, Cassidy and Matt exchanged glances before Cassidy spoke again, concern on his face. “Wow, okay, it’s a good thing you came for a visit. Yeah, no sex after she’s…what was it, guys, six months pregnant?”

“Five,” Matt said, blinking harder than usual. “I mean, you can get her off, but no sex.”

Jesse eyed them all, sudden suspicion hitting. “You’re pulling my leg.”

Travis shook head. “No, really. Ask her doctor.”

Only Matt snickered, trying to turn the sound into a cough.

“You’re all a bunch of sick jerks,” Jesse declared.

“As much fun as this is,” Joel interrupted, “I should get going. Who’s dropping me off?”

Matt checked his watch. “Not me. I’m heading over to the bunkhouse with information for the crew.”

Travis groaned. “Fine, I can get you home, but I don’t know why you keep arguing about taking an advance so you can buy a second vehicle for Vicki instead of making us drive you in circles.”

“We’ve spent enough money this year. I’m not dipping into the funds for something we only need occasionally.”

“I can drive you home,” Jesse offered. “I left Dare at your place to get rested up. She’s waiting for me.”

“There, all settled,” Matt said quickly, turning to Jesse. “Hope and I will be around tomorrow night if you want to stop by. She’s teaching a quilting class tonight.”

“Jaxi had planned to have everyone over three nights from now,” Cassidy pointed out. “I guess that’s off, with the baby arriving and all.”

“Ha.” Four voices, simultaneous. All the Coleman brothers eyed each other with amusement because there was no mistaking their commonly held opinion of their sister-in-law.

Travis slipped an arm around Cassidy and led him toward the barn door. “After all this time as a member of the Coleman family, and you still think Jaxi’s going to cancel an event because of a minor detail like she gave birth a few days earlier? Cassidy, Cassidy, Cassidy. You disappoint me.”

“See you there,” Joel said, heading out the door without waiting to find out if Jesse was following him.

The silence as they climbed into the truck was deafening. Jesse waited until he’d backed the vehicle up before attempting to make conversation. “You’re sharing your truck with Vicki?”

“Her car gave up the ghost in April.”

“There’s the old truck we learned—”

“It’s okay. We’ve got it figured out.” Joel stared straight ahead, eyes fixed on the road.

This was hell. It was worse than it had been before Jesse had left. Back then he’d finally managed to put in a full day’s work with his twin without any awkwardness. It was only when he’d bump into Vicki that things would go sideways.

Now to have Joel sit without a word when they were together…

So many things Jesse wanted to share. The new experiences he’d tried, the people he’d met—not all of going out into the world and being a part of a new operation had been bad, and Jesse had grown to appreciate the lessons learned by being a hand instead of one of the family.

He was itching to talk about the shock of finding out he was going to be a father, and he wanted to talk about Dare, and…

…and none of those were things he could share, not even with Joel.

The truth etched another deep scar in his soul.

They were closing in on the turn to the trailer when Jesse impulsively drove past, pulling in next to Whiskey Creek, the river that meandered through the Coleman land. There’d been a barn here at one point—it had burnt to the ground a few years earlier, and Jesse hopped out of the cab to discover the spot had been cleaned up and cleared out. Instead of the mess, a six-foot fence surrounded a garden area with growing green things stood in its place.

Behind him the truck door slammed shut, and he turned to discover Joel marching back up the road toward the trailer.

“Where’re you going?” Jesse called.

Joel stopped dead in the road for five seconds, his back a rigid wall, then stomped on without a word.

Jesse sighed, and went after him. “Fuck it all, Joel, stop.”

His brother whirled, fists clenched by his hips. “Why?”

“Because I want to…”

What he wanted was impossible. He fell silent under his brother’s intense stare.

Joel spat out the words. “Questions like ‘where’re you going’ don’t sit well right now, bro. That implies you give a shit about the other person, and since that’s not true, don’t—”

“Of course it’s true. Fuck it all.” Jesse laid his hand on Joel’s shoulder. “You’re my brother.”

His arm was brushed away by an angry motion on his twin’s part. “Don’t do this.”

Pain struck again. “I apologized for leaving. What more do you want?”

Joel laughed, a bitter sound. “Seriously? You have to ask?”

He caught Jesse by the shirtfront and dragged him close, face only inches away as Joel stared daggers. “You apologized for leaving the family. How about you try apologizing for ripping out my fucking guts? You left, you— You—”

Joel’s expression twisted, and he threw Jesse from him, turning his body to the side and staring over the Coleman land.

It would have been confusing if it weren’t crystal clear to Jesse exactly what his brother was talking about.

He took a deep breath and fought for control. “You’re right. You’re so right. I made a mistake with the family, but I did something worse with you, and I’m so damn sorry, Joel.”

No matter that he’d felt he had to leave, hurting Joel had never been his intention. It didn’t change the issue at the root of the trouble, but this part of it, his sorrow at the consequences, was real.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated again. “For hurting you.”

Joel didn’t move. “Asshole.”

“Jerk,” Jesse responded instinctively, and a hint of smile crossed Joel’s face.

Joel turned and walked back toward the river at a much more reasonable pace. Feet moving as they talked for the first time in ages. “You’ve been lucky. Vicki and I take turns being the reasonable one. When I’m mad enough to spit at the mention of your name, she calms me down and stops me from lighting effigies.”

Inside, Jesse’s guts twisted again. “Vicki stands up for me? What the hell does she say?”

“That someday I’d miss your sorry ass if I track you down to kill you and that she doesn’t want to have to resort to conjugal visits for the next twenty-five years of our lives when I get jailed for knocking your head off your shoulders.”

Jesse snorted.

“Hey, when she gets ranting, it’s all about poisoning you slowly. So you inspire bloodthirsty thoughts in us both.”

“Vicki would get along great with Dare’s sister. She’s keen on poison as well.”

Joel stopped beside a short section of split rail fence, placing a boot on the bottom rung. “Seems weird to think you’ve been gone long enough to have a new crowd of people willing to put you six feet under.”

“We all need a talent,” Jesse attempted to joke, but his brother didn’t crack a smile, so he sighed and went for serious. “She and Dare’s brothers were making the customary welcome to the family death threats.”

Joel’s face twisted for a moment before he brought it under control. “New family, huh?”

God. Jesse’s stomach ached from every bit of sharing he did without telling it all. “I mean, they’re great. They’re hundred percent there for Dare.”

This wasn’t how it was supposed to be between him and Joel. They’d done everything together. Played, and laughed, and learned about life. They’d shared long talks late into the night, and they’d planned their futures, and now when he needed his twin the most, the walls between them seemed insurmountable.

A long, sad sigh escaped Joel. “Enough. I agree with Matt. I’m still mad, but I’m not going to hold this over your head, as long as you don’t ever fucking do it again.”

“Leave without a word? Not likely. Jaxi’s got the bloodhound scent now. I’ll never shake her.”

Joel turned slowly to lean on the fence as he folded his arms and looked Jesse over. “Don’t expect things to go back to the way they were.”

This entire trip was shaping up to be worse than he’d ever imagined. “You hate me that much?”

“I hurt that much,” Joel snapped. “And being mad at you hurts even more because I want to tell you it’s all fine, but it’s fucking not. But I guess we have to try and put it in the past and move on.”

What was Jesse supposed to say? Well, it’s mostly over except for one great big huge thing hanging over my head. The same thing that made me leave in the first place.

Like that would go over well.

“It’s in the past,” Jesse agreed with as much enthusiasm as he could muster.

Thankfully Joel changed the topic, gesturing to the garden area. “Like the changes?”

Jesse nodded. “Seems funny to have the old barn gone.”

“Travis didn’t want it around at all anymore. No lingering reminders for Ashley of the fire, so when we had the excavator out, they stopped off here to clean it up.”

Excavators. “You digging a hole somewhere?”

Joel paused. “On Sunset Ridge. We got our house started.”

A sudden shock went through Jesse for a brand-new reason. Sunset Ridge, where they used to ride as teens and young men, admiring the view and planning where they’d build their homes. Joel to the north and Jesse slightly to the south, next door to each other because they couldn’t imagine being farther away than a stone’s throw at any point in their lives.

They were going to end up a hell of lot farther than that, and the screw inside tightened again.

“Good for you,” he forced out.

Building a home beside Joel was another thing he wouldn’t be doing. Another step away from his family…and he couldn’t complain. He’d taken the first steps down this path all on his own, and it’s not as if he could go back in time.

The truth hurt, and the familiar sensation of being alone enveloped him.

He gritted his teeth and set his resolve. He had to make it through this damn visit with Dare, and then they could go back to Heart Falls.

Her home would have to become his.