Chapter Twenty

Blog post: Look Deeper

Sometimes I wonder what I’m not seeing that’s right under my nose. When you live on a ranch in Alberta you get a reminder of this every spring as the crocuses come up, and a field that was barren and brown is suddenly dotted with purple.

Teasing us with a fresh reminder that what we see on the surface is not always all that’s there.

 

 

The weekend passed in a blur. Jesse made sure he was at the hospital first thing in the morning before official visiting hours, and he stayed late as he could in the evening before taking off to complete the tasks Blake left for him.

In fact, once enough visitors had shown up that Dare was entertained, he’d slip away and head back to the ranch and do whatever he could to keep himself busy for a few hours.

Somewhere in there he slept.

He was in the middle of scrubbing all the milking equipment when Travis stuck his head in the door. “Hey, asshole.”

Jesse pushed the brush against the inside of the bucket harder, but his lips curled into a smile. “What, buttface?”

A soft snicker escaped his brother. “I heard Blake gave you some jobs. I wanted to see if you remembered how to do this thing called work.”

His brother’s jerk-ish behaviour made Jesse feel a hell of a lot more welcome than if he’d tiptoed around. Jesse gestured to the chair beside the sink. “Go ahead, you lazy ass. Best seat in the house if you want to watch.”

“Actually, I wanted to ask if you’ve got time to go for a ride?”

God, yes. The temptation was strong, but Jesse glanced at his watch. If he indulged, he wouldn’t make it to the hospital on time to have dinner with Dare.

He shook his head reluctantly. “I’d love to, but I need to finish this before stopping today. Sorry.”

Travis marched in, pulling a second scrub brush from behind his back as he reached for the next set of buckets. “Right answer. I’ll give you a hand so you’ll have time for a short break before you go see Dare.”

Jesse stopped, slightly shocked as his brother began scrubbing. “You don’t need to do that.”

“I know, but I want to go for a ride, and Cassidy is taking care of Ashley, and you’re the only other person I know who’s willing to do the gully with me.”

Jesus. “Do you have a death wish? The rains last year made that impassable.”

Travis offered a huge grin. “Chicken?”

Oh, for fuck’s sake. It wasn’t only Dare’s eighteen-year-old brother who had an issue. “Really? Did you revert to childhood while I’ve been gone?”

“I’m kidding.” His brother laughed. “Runoff this spring changed the landscape all over. There’s a new route you need to see. You game?”

“Hell, yeah.” It was a bizarre sensation to be back here where his life had been for so many years, scrubbing down equipment with Travis, fingers getting wrinkly as they worked together. Plans for trouble pushing them forward. “But I need to be back on time.”

His brother chuckled. “Good to see you’ve lost your mind over a girl. I didn’t think this day would ever come.”

Jesse aimed the water a little off angle so a spray accidentally splashed Travis in the face. His brother ducked but kept working. “I guess I saw you lose your mind, and it didn’t seem to make your balls shrivel up too much.”

“Oh, my balls are just fine these days, thank you.” Travis hesitated. “My balls are fine, but my heart’s ready to jump out of my chest, especially when I get thinking too hard about the baby.”

“I try not to think too hard about the baby,” Jesse admitted before hurrying on. “Not because the kid’s a bad thing, but it’s like my brain can only handle so much.”

Travis didn’t answer for a minute. Instead there was a quiet scratch of the stiff bristles against metal bouncing off the wooden walls to accompany the country music playing from the overhead speakers.

“It’s weird getting to this stage.” Trevor spoke slowly, a lot less brash than Jesse remembered him. “Before Ashley and Cassidy came into my life, it was about getting the job done and moving to the next thing that would bring me pleasure. Now I find getting the job done is a kind of pleasure all in itself. It’s like I don’t have to go to the extreme to be happy anymore.”

“Which is why you want to run the gully with me. Because that’s nothing extreme,” Jesse teased.

“It’s a challenge,” Travis corrected him. “You’ll see what I mean when we get there, but seriously, I don’t think less of you for being freaked out about having a kid on the way. But maybe you’re going to be okay once he comes along. If you’ve got being an asshole out of your system.”

“I don’t know. Does being an asshole ever really leave someone’s system completely? I mean, look at you.”

Jesse stumbled against the counter with a laugh as Travis smacked him with his shoulder, walking past to hang up clean equipment on the wall.

They worked quickly, discussion moving to the things that had changed on the ranch while Jesse had been gone. He listened most of the time and let Travis talk.

It seemed there’d been a lot of changes to the Six Pack ranch, including combining efforts with the rest of the clan. A movement toward taking the four separate ranches and recombining them into the best use of resources.

It sounded complicated, but as Travis described it, Jesse could see the benefit. The increased ability to improve stock lines would make any geneticist drool.

By the time they had the horses saddled and were heading out down the coulee, Jesse was itching to reconnect with the land in a whole new way. It was late enough in the day that the summer sun had baked the earth, and the rich scent of grass and seeds and new growing things filled his nostrils.

On every exhale he let out some of his tension and confusion, restoring himself with the familiarity of home.

Travis led the way and Jesse let his borrowed horse follow, missing Danger but enjoying the ride anyway. When they broke into the open space that marked the start of the usual wild race forward, Jesse took off before Travis could get his horse ready. Blasting past him to enjoy the full-out sprint toward the edge of the cliffs and the rough-and-tumble trail heading into the more extreme section of Coleman land.

They raced through a rock-bottomed gulch, the horse’s hooves clattering, the sound ringing off the rock walls on either side of them. The wind rushed past, refreshing and cool.

Travis managed to pull up even, an enormous grin on his face as they cut through the final section of the gully and let the horses slow to cool themselves as they walked back up to the top of the flatlands.

Where there used to be hard stone and sharp edges, the land suddenly changed, and Travis pulled to a stop. Jesse looked down into one of his childhood play areas and felt as if he were staring at an ancient temple.

“God, that’s beautiful.”

His brother grinned. “Surprised you, didn’t I?”

In front of them lay a piece of geological history. Ages ago the Whiskey Creek River used to run through the gulch, before time and man had diverted its flow. For all the years of Jesse’s youth, the dry, flat creek bed had been a mess of boulders and dust, the steep banks cutting away with erosion every spring. Dead trees and leaves blown in by the fall winds and winter snows had accumulated in heaps like broken cages.

Walking the horses through the riverbed used to be like taking a trip into Mordor.

“Spring runoff? Seriously, that’s all that happened here?” Jesse was looking into something closer to Paradise. The sharp embankments were smooth curves. Entire chunks of the landscape had crashed into the valley bottom and the sharp change lifted the floor and spread dirt from the top of the embankment.

Everywhere he looked wildflowers bloomed. The dry riverbed flowed with colour, splashes of red, purple and yellow creating a mosaic. A Technicolor Wizard of Oz backdrop.

Travis leaned forward on the saddle horn, absently brushing the neck of his horse as they looked into the changed landscape. “Springtime, and a few forces of nature of the female variety.”

Jesse glanced at Travis in confusion.

His brother pointed to the side where a well-worn path led down into the river valley. “When we had all that rain, the canyon walls collapsed, and most of us wrote off this area as a lost cause. That’s when the Coleman girls started riding here on a regular basis. Blake checked it out—we all did—and we figured it was safe enough. They always stuck to the one path down and up. Ashley and Jaxi stopped riding a few months ago, but the others kept coming.”

The horses had taken their own lead and were following the path without being guided, and suddenly Jesse and Travis were surrounded by what could only be described as the scent of happiness. Blue sky. Sunshine. Heat shimmering off the riot of flowers as they lifted little faces toward the sun.

Jesse looked around him in astonishment. “It’s not possible, though. How could they make this big of a change in such a short time?”

“They didn’t.” Travis glanced over, expression gone thoughtful. “Turns out they started a couple years ago. Allison ordered wildflower seed in bulk, and she and Karen have been gathering seeds from around the Coleman fields for years. Every time they came to this area, the girls would toss down handfuls. Some blew away, some got caught in the rocks. All of it was lying dormant until the growing conditions got right.”

The horse swayed under Jesse in a gentle rocking motion. Travis and he sat in silence as the horses carried them forward through an entirely new section of the land—or at least that’s what it felt like. It was a place he’d seen a million times and still a place Jesse had never been before…

They were brushing down the horses when Travis made an interesting comment. His brother wasn’t even really talking about a specific thing, but the words echoed in Jesse’s head the entire trip back to the trailer where he grabbed a quick shower and got into clean clothes.

“Sometimes things change and we don’t even know it, but the result can be pretty spectacular.”

Jesse headed to the hospital, his thoughts running in circles. Talk about changes—Travis had always been someone Jesse could count on when he wanted to make mischief and raise hell.

When had his brother grown up?

He stopped off at A&W and grabbed burgers and fries, slipping up the back staircase and dodging nurses as he worked his way toward Dare’s room.

He’d almost made it when a hand landed on his shoulder, fingers digging in and stopping him in his tracks.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Tamara demanded.

Jesse employed his best sweet-talking voice. “Have a heart, cuz. There’s no way either of us can survive on the food around here.”

She glanced down the hallway, then held out her hand. “Give me a burger, and I’ll let you pass.”

He clicked his tongue disapprovingly. “Blackmail, Tamara?”

She didn’t budge. Neither did her hand. “Such a nasty word. I’d rather call it supper.”

Jesse separated out one of the bags and handed it to her. “A Mama Burger and onion rings. Can I go now?”

Tamara was peeking into the bag, a wide grin on her face. “I’m impressed. I should’ve known you’d come prepared. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone that you’re smuggling food into the hospital. Especially since there’s nothing wrong with that—Dare can eat anything she wants.”

Ah, shit. “Then why the hell did I have to pay your bribe?”

“You didn’t. I told you I called it supper. Thank you.”

Jesse chuckled. “No prob.”

He turned to go join Dare when Tamara interrupted him. “By the way. Do Dare’s brothers all work the ranch?”

Interesting. Jesse paused and examined her face.

His cousin was attempting to offer an innocent expression, but it wasn’t working. She was blinking in a strange rhythm. “Yes. Why?”

“Oh, no reason. Just making a few notes on her chart.”

At that she vanished, taking her ill-gotten goods with her.

Jesse walked into the room, a sudden streak of guilt hitting as he found Dare all alone. “Shit. Where is everybody?”

Dare looked at him over the top of her computer. “Hey.” She took a long sniff as she closed the laptop and put it away in its carry bag. “Good, you brought food. I’m starving.”

He tucked away her computer stuff and slid the tray in front of her. “You could’ve called Tamara and got her to bring you dinner.”

She made a face. “I wanted real food. I knew my hunter warrior would arrive soon to feed me.”

Jesse laughed as he settled on the bed so he could put the burgers on the tray between them. “How come nobody’s with you?”

Dare brought out all four burgers and examined each carefully before picking one with bacon and happily sinking her teeth into it. She closed her eyes and made a contented sound as she chewed and swallowed, wiping at her mouth before answering. “Because I’m a big girl and capable of being in a room all by myself without crying. Aren’t you proud of me?”

“Dare,” he warned.

“Don’t get your panties in a twist. I sent everybody home. I took a nap, which is like a miracle all by itself, and I just got caught up on my next week of blog posts. It’s been a mini-retreat.”

He was glad to know she’d had a say in the matter and not just been abandoned. Although, he didn’t really think anyone in this family would leave unless she insisted.

“Want to know a secret?” she whispered softly.

He nodded because his mouth was full of burger.

“I think Tamara is interested in Caleb.”

Jesse barely managed to swallow before letting out a loud ha. “She was just pumping me for information about your brothers,” he shared.

“Which she shouldn’t have had to do because she’d already found out from me how old everyone was. Plus their names, and I think their boot size—the conversation got really random, but I think that was to try and throw me off the scent.”

Jesse stole a couple of fries from the package on Dare’s side of the table. “It makes sense, I guess. By the time you hit your late twenties, the dating pool in a small town is only about an inch deep.”

“Tell me about it,” she said. “I had to leave town, drive to the boonies and tie one on to find a guy.”

They exchanged a grin before Jesse went back to the food and the topic at hand. “I suppose Caleb is decent enough, but I don’t think he and Tamara would get along very well.”

He tried for another fry, but Dare slapped his fingers away, laughing as he pretended to be in deadly pain. “Caleb is a catch,” she insisted.

“Oh, really? Does that mean you’re marrying him instead of me?” Jesse teased. She’d told him about Caleb’s proposal.

Dare sat upright and folded her arms over her chest. “I didn’t actually agree that we’re getting married. In case you didn’t notice.”

A small detail that Jesse had been ignoring, which probably wasn’t a wise idea.

He changed topics. “How’s Buckaroo? He line-dancing or doing the two-step?”

Dare shifted her head from side to side. “He’s pretty quiet during the day, usually, unless I’m really still.”

“Which means never.”

She tucked the last bit of a burger into her mouth and chewed sassily. Jesse hopped off the bed and got them glasses of water, and when they were done, he cleaned up the whole mess and moved the table aside.

“Scoot over,” he ordered. “I want to take care of my fiancée.”

She shifted toward the foot of the bed and he crawled up so he could place his hands on her shoulders, massaging her neck and back. Digging in his thumbs until her head was lolling to the side, and she was making delicious noises.

“You’re killing me,” he whispered, attempting to adjust so he had enough room his erection wasn’t cut in two by his zipper. “Those are sex noises. Those are not allowed to be made outside of sex time.”

“Oops? Sorry, but ohhhh…”

She did it again, the sound melting into his ears and along his spine as if she’d placed her lips to his body. Or her tongue, slipping over his skin. Licking along the edge of his six pack and headed south.

Jesse skimmed his hand lower, somehow massaging instead of feeling her up.

Okay, that was bullshit—he was totally feeling her up as he massaged, hands cupping her ass briefly before sliding along the side of her body until he brushed the heavy weight of her breasts.

“Tease,” she whispered.

“I was told I’d be skinned if anyone caught us fooling around. I don’t want to cause any troubles. You’re in the hospital for a reason.” He let out a heavy sigh then reined himself in. “Come on, baby. Lie down and let me cuddle you for a bit.”

The bed wasn’t big enough for the two of them, but with some wiggling they ended up stretched out together. Dare had tried to roll her back toward him, but Jesse resisted. Tugging her until she was flat on her back and he was on his side, halfway over her. Legs and torso touching all the way up.

“You had an okay day?” Jesse settled in and got comfortable. It took a moment before it registered that he had instinctively slid his hand over her belly, but once the fact sank in, he deliberately spread his fingers over her shirt and let his palm cradle the small round spot.

“I did. You have a very big family,” she informed him.

A soft chuckle escaped him as he let his fingers stroke back and forth. “I might’ve noticed that a time or two. Who dropped in today?”

Dare lifted a hand and counted off on her fingers while she called out names. “That was the morning.”

“Popular girl.”

“In the afternoon there was Anna—let me get this right—she’s the RCMP. She came in with her baby girl Kasey who they’re calling Kay, and the vet who’s married to another cousin…”

“Melody? Married to Steve.”

“That’s the one. Melody and Anna came in at the same time, and Melody had her little boy with her. His name is Jason and they’re calling him Jay, which is kind of hysterical because they told me they ended up in the hospital the same time. Neither of them had any idea that they were planning on using those names.”

Huh. “The kids can’t be very old. I don’t even know that it had registered they were expecting before I left.”

“A month and a half old, so yeah, you probably hadn’t even clued in.” Dare looked thoughtful. “They were really cute. Even more cute than Justin, but not quite as cute as Colt.”

Jesse laughed, running his palm in a circle in the hopes that he’d convince Buckaroo to make an appearance. “You’re rating my nieces and nephews?”

She twisted toward him, those expressive eyes catching hold and keeping him fixed upon her. “More like I’m working through my own thought processes. I really don’t know very much about kids, Jesse. I helped out a little when Sasha and Emma were small, but things were weird back at the beginning with Wendy, so I didn’t spend a lot of time around them when they were babies. I feel a lot more comfortable with kids once they’re toddlers.”

“You’re going to do great,” Jesse insisted, before reaching down and tangling his fingers with hers. He tugged them upward to his lips and kissed them gently. “Confession. I don’t know much about babies either. I figure we’ll make it up as we go along.”

“We’ll have to.” That crease returned between her brows. “Well, if everything’s okay.”

“Shhhh.” He kissed her fingers again and curled an arm around her. “Let’s look on the bright side here. You’ve been feeling good, and you look great. You haven’t had any more dizzy spells. Hopefully tomorrow morning the word is that you get to go home.”

Dare tipped her chin slowly. “You’re right.”

The next second Jesse was tugged into different directions. The idea of home—if she got the all clear tomorrow they’d be able to pack up their bags and head to Heart Falls. The trip had gone well enough they could return at any time for a visit. Jesse could see his family without it being a horrible, earth-shattering situation.

This was good. No, this was great.

Why did it feel like the pit of his stomach had just dropped a foot?

He shoved the thoughts away, focusing back on Dare. “I hope you got enough quiet time, because the next few minutes we’re bound to have another crowd of visitors.”

“I don’t mind. Everyone’s been pretty neat, and while I wouldn’t suggest bed rest as the best way to meet a family, in some ways it’s been good because, hey, they know where to find me.”

“Bonus points, because you can’t run away,” he teased. “You just kick the lot of them out of the room.”

“It’s okay that I was alone earlier,” she insisted, stroking her fingers over his jaw as she examined his face. “I spend a lot of time by myself at Silver Stone. This having-somebody-around-all-the-time is a little overwhelming. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate it, but I needed time to breathe.”

Words leapt to his tongue, and for an instant he considered tossing them away.

Something made him change his mind. Forced him to consider how much she’d dealt with over the past couple of days. She’d done it like a trooper too, and it was stupid to not share a personal secret when she’d been basically on display for his family.

Still, he spoke slowly, wondering if she’d get it. “It’s going to sound stupid, especially considering how many of us are always around, but there are times even in the middle of a Coleman gathering I feel as if I’m alone.”

Jesse stretched out and cradled his head on his arm. He expected she’d reiterate something along the lines of “being alone isn’t always a terrible thing”, but she didn’t say anything for a minute or so.

When she spoke, it was enough to smack him hard.

“Just because someone is physically there, it doesn’t mean they’re really there for you. Or that they see you. I think that might be worse than having them not around at all.” Her eyes had gone dark again, her face tight.

“Lonely in the middle of a crowd?” Jesse shook his head. “It sounds pathetic.”

“It sounds real,” she chastised him. She ran her fingers into his hair, damn near petting him into a submissive pile of relaxation despite the serious topic. “I even think you can be lonely with another person, if you’re not connected. If they’re not really there.”

He was one hundred percent sure she wasn’t talking about them. “Who made you lonely like that, Dare?” he asked quietly.

She hesitated then shrugged. “Maybe my memories are overly dramatic. I dated someone in high school. I thought we were closer than it turned out we really were.”

Jesse didn’t have a good feeling about this. “I hate the bastard already.”

Dare’s gaze followed her fingers as she continued to slowly caress his jaw absently. “He didn’t break up with me when the accident happened, if that’s what you’re wondering. It was our last year. Grade twelve, when you’re making all sorts of big plans. I really liked him, and I thought we had something special, but anytime I tried to get closer, he’d have some good reason to pull back. And everyone else seemed okay with casual, as if it was just the thing to do—have a steady girl or boyfriend to go to all the school events.”

Now this was starting to make sense. “So you were together physically, but not much more.”

She nodded. “Until he wasn’t even there physically.” She stopped her daydreaming to look him in the eye. “A couple days after graduation he sent me an email saying he’d gotten the job in Calgary that he’d applied for, so wish him well and—that was it.”

Jesse popped up on his elbow. “That was it, what?”

“The last email I got from him. He never came back to Heart Falls.”

Stupid, rotten, miserable motherfucker of an asshole. “What’s his name?”

Dare tapped him on the nose. “You are not tracking him down to peel off his skin, or any other of those oh-so-imaginative threats I’ve already heard from my brothers. We were both kids, and he acted childishly. Yes, it hurt my feelings enormously, but I should have seen it coming, and it was a long time ago.”

But it meant she knew what it was like to be alone on a level that Jesse had never had to face except because of his own actions.

His own stupid behaviour reared up to smack him in the side of the head all over. “Well, he was an ass. Anyone who would treat you like that doesn’t deserve to get to be around you, anyway.”

“Agreed. Which is what Ginny has told me numerous times.”

Jesse rolled over her, bracing himself on his elbows as he pinned her into place for a moment. “Kiss me.”

Her gaze darted toward the door and back. “Tamara’s going to do you bodily harm if she catches you in that position.”

Probably right. Jesse stole a quick kiss before continuing his roll, all the way to a standing position beside the bed.

A knock on the door sounded a second after his feet hit the floor, followed by a chorus of hellos.

He glanced back at Dare to find she was grinning. “You’ve got horseshoes up your butt,” she teased.

“God, I hope not.” But he linked his fingers with hers as another portion of the family stopped in to say hello.