Chapter Eight

Blog post: Babies Grow in Bellies

Yes, I know, not a new development, but it really is a pretty odd concept when you come right down to it. This extra person is taking up room alongside my heart, lungs and other internal organs. Buckaroo has a heart (heard it!) and lungs and all those internal organs as well, which means right now I have two hearts.

So to speak.

Logically, this means I also have two brains, but the effects of this are dismal. I found my missing phone in the fridge on the shelf next to the milk this morning. Baby brain does not mean Mama is suddenly twice as smart. I am twice as hungry, though. This concept bears consideration, yes?

What would you like to suddenly be twice as good at, if having two means 2x as good? Thinking, eating, loving?

 

 

Dare settled back into a routine for the next couple days. Jesse had left quickly after dropping her back off at the ranch, but he’d been texting on a regular basis, so she guessed the prenatal visit hadn’t scared him off completely.

She went for an easy ride Monday morning, the fresh summer breeze playing over her as she and Baby took their time rounding the lake.

Her phone buzzed, and she grabbed it.

Jesse: the fridge, eh?

Dare: shut up

Jesse: told you you’d find it

Dare: you did. What’re you doing today?

Jesse: moving herds. Roping, yeehaw-ing. Tough cowboy stuff

Dare: I bet Morgan’s in his glory

Jesse: yup. Dog heaven, chasing cattle. What’re you up to?

Dare: riding for a bit. Going to help Ginny with the CSA boxes today.

Jesse: you be careful riding

Dare: yes, mom

Jesse: I mean it. I don’t know Baby. Does she spook easy?

Dare: she’s bombproof. Relax. Ginny’s the one you should warn to take it easy on me

Jesse: okay. What’s her number?

She laughed out loud before texting back: I was kidding

Jesse: I’m not. I just realized I have no way to get hold of you if something happens. Send me Ginny’s #. And Caleb’s & Luke’s. Hell, send me the broody kid’s as well

Dare: you’re being silly

Jesse: fiancés are allowed to be silly. Don’t argue, woman

Fiancé. It was still not real, or at less real than the baby, but then again, she’d had over four months to get used to the idea of Buckaroo, and not even a couple of weeks to adjust to the idea of Jesse being around.

Heck, it would probably take at least four months to finally come to terms with his presence, which was fine, especially if she didn’t need to spend a month or two of it puking. No quivering stomach was a win. The getting-married thing? Still not happening.

He makes other parts of you quiver that dry snarky voice in her head reminded her.

That he did. He’d been patient about her no-sex decree, although technically, she supposed they had had sex. Anytime they were alone in a room sexual tension simmered, and he’d gotten her off again during the last time he’d visited.

She was so weak, damn her hormones anyway.

With no real rush to be anywhere, she rode lazily, a pleasant buzz of relaxation resting on her by the time she returned to the barn.

She was brushing down Baby when a familiar voice called her name.

“Dare, you got a minute?”

She glanced over her shoulder at Dustin, continuing to stroke the currying brush over Baby’s flanks, the repetition soothing and peaceful. “You’re heading out late.”

“Not that late, but I wanted to talk to you.”

She turned to examine him closer. The fine crop of blue, purple and green bruises he and Jesse had been sporting had nearly faded to nothing. “I’m listening.”

“I don’t think you should get engaged to Jesse.”

Unexpected topic. “Oh? Why is that?”

“Well, you don’t need to. You can live here, on the ranch. You don’t need him around.”

She wasn’t sure where this was going. “I’m having a baby, Dustin. Jesse’s the dad. That kind of means he’s got the right to be around.”

“Yeah, well, but that doesn’t mean you have to be with him.”

The concern and outrage in his voice was too easy to read, and Dare sighed, leaning a hand against Baby’s flank as she turned to focus on the youngest of the Stone family. “He’s not a bad man. Spending time with him isn’t a terrible thing.”

“You should marry me.”

The currying brush slipped from her fingers.

He darted down and grabbed it for her, holding onto the brush until she looked him in the eyes. “Okay, that was not the way I intended to do this, but I mean it. If you want to get married, you should marry me.”

Wow. She’d had a fair number of surprises in the last while, but this one was really unexpected. “Dustin, you don’t want to marry me.

“Sure I do.”

She raised a brow.

“Honestly? I know we’ve never— But I’ve thought about—” His cheeks turned brilliant red. “Although not in a bad way, but I have thought about you as a woman. And you are. A woman, that is.”

This conversation kept getting better and better. “I am a woman. Thank you for noticing.”

He broke eye contact, scuffing the toe of his boot into the ground. “Yeah, I noticed. But not in a disrespectful way,” he added.

Dare fought to keep from laughing straight out, because that was the last thing his youthful ego needed. “I’m honoured, but I’m not interested in marrying you.”

“You should think about it. I mean we go way back. We know everything about each other, and I care about you an awful lot.”

“Awww, I know you do. I care about you too, but Dustin, I don’t care about you in that way.”

He was the cutest thing with that enormous blush. “You could learn.”

Not in this lifetime. “I don’t think—”

He moved in on her, scooping her up and planting his lips on hers.

The only thing that kept her from raising a knee and kicking him in the nuts was the fact he was Dustin. Instead, she hung there like a limp strip of flypaper until he made a disturbed sound and broke the contact between them.

He wasn’t a bad kisser, but he was…

Dusty.

Kissing him was the last thing she wanted, especially in light of the sensual impact of Jesse’s touch.

Dustin put her down, his embarrassment growing at her lack of enthusiasm. “Yeah. Well, I guess that’s…that.”

“That’s that,” she agreed. “Really, I’m honoured you asked me, but I need you as a good good friend, and my little brother. Just what you’ve always been. When the baby arrives, you’ll be a fantastic uncle, I know you will.”

Dustin refused to meet her gaze. “I’d better get back to work.”

He vanished around the edge of the stalls, moving as if his ass were on fire.

She went back to brushing her horse, something inside trembling between amusement and sorrow.

Everything was changing. Nothing was ever going to be the same because it couldn’t. Time was moving forward and the world was changing. This family that had been her lifeline for so long would always be there, but they were no longer teens.

Hope for the best and plan for the worst.

Still lost in thought, Dare made her way back to the cottage. She was already walking up the stairs before she noticed Caleb rising to his feet from where he’d been waiting in the rocking chair.

Her first thought was the girls, then Ginny. “Everything okay?”

He nodded. “You’re hard to track down these days. I thought this would be the best way to catch a minute.”

Dare tossed herself into the second chair and motioned for him to sit again. “I hope you’re not here to tell me you guys plan to beat up Jesse again.”

“I didn’t beat him up in the first place.”

She rested her head on the back of the chair, closing her eyes as she rocked. “No, you’re right. You’d never do such an undignified thing.”

He ignored her and completely changed topics.

“I got something for you to think about.” His voice changed timbre. He was always serious, but now he sounded…nervous?

Dare cracked an eye open to check him out. “What? I don’t want to make decisions about the ranch right now.”

“No, although that reminds me. You do know your shares in the ranch are secure. You’ve got income, such as it is.”

“I know. We covered this already when I found out Buckaroo was on the way.”

Caleb took a deep breath. “Yeah, that’s what I want to talk about. Not regarding the financial stuff, but about Buckaroo.”

An uneasy sensation crept in. “What?”

“I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and while I know Jesse has shown up, I think it would be better if you married me.”

Shock and amusement struck at the same time, making her snort in a very unladylike way. “You’ve got to be kidding.”

Then damn if he didn’t get out of the chair and go down on one knee in front of her.

Dare snapped her mouth shut to stop from swearing or laughing or shrieking, or any of those responses that would be inappropriate.

“It hit me the other day that this would be a smart idea for us. I’m a good father, and you’ll never have to worry about being alone to take care of the baby.”

There must’ve been some sort of hallucinogenic in her breakfast porridge. “I don’t believe this.”

He squeezed her fingers. “Will you marry me? We could set it up for this coming month.”

She stared at him in horror. “Get off your knees. My God, has the whole world gone crazy? No. I can’t marry you. You’re my big brother.”

“We both know we’re not really related.”

Somehow she got out from where she was trapped between him and her chair, stepping to the edge of the porch. “Caleb, I’m not marrying you. You don’t think of me in that way, and I’m not marrying somebody just to get Buckaroo a daddy. Not you, not Jesse. No one. And I’m not having sex with you ever as that would be gross beyond belief. Holy hell, my skin is crawling.”

His lips twitched. “Way to stroke a man’s ego, Dare.”

“Don’t make me crazy. You don’t want to have sex with me.” She made a face.

“This isn’t about sex, it’s about raising a family.”

“It’s also about sex, because I’m twenty-six, and you’re thirty-four. You can’t tell me that you’d be satisfied never having sex for the rest of your life, because that’s what would happen if we got married, because ick. Double ick.”

This day was just too much.

She pulled open the door and glanced back at him, wiggling herself toward safety. “Okay, thank you. That was very sweet of you and I appreciate it, but don’t ever think about doing that again. Ever.”

She escaped into the house, all but running to her room where she threw herself on the mattress and buried her face in her pillow. Only then did she let loose all the frustration and horror and sheer twistedness of her morning. Laughter welled up from deep within her, rolling over again and again as she tried to bring her amusement under control.

Thank God Luke was already engaged. The only thing that would have made this day even more funky was a proposal from Walker.

Or, no, from Ginny.

It wasn’t as funny as all that, but it was. If she was intent on doing the right thing by the baby, and if Caleb had asked her two months ago, she might have answered differently.

But now knowing Jesse was in the picture, and knowing he wanted to be involved, changed everything.

The fact that spending time with him made her heart pump and turned her insides to a quivering mess didn’t weigh in her calculations. Not one teeny bit.

Liar.

But, hey, she had to give Caleb points for actually going down on one knee to propose. She didn’t flunk out completely on inducing chivalrous gestures.

Yay, her.

By the time she’d pulled herself together and washed her face she had to hurry to make it to the gardens on time to meet Ginny.

She checked her mail en route and discovered another message from Jaxi.

 

Hey. Thanks for letting us know Jesse hasn’t fallen off the face of the earth. He hasn’t answered my email, but that’s typical. Still love the jerk.

I’ve been reading your blog and…umm.

God—there is no way to ask this without being right in your face about it. You mentioned you’ve got Buckaroo on the way. I hope it’s appropriate to offer you congrats.

This is really forward, but since I can’t ask my stubborn jackass of a brother-in-law, I’ll just take a risk and ask you. I haven’t seen any mention on your blog of a man in your life. Other than that shot of my brother-in-law…

Is there a chance that Buckaroo is going to be a niece or nephew to me? Because if yes, I want you to know that if you need anything—

Heck, let me reword that. Even if you’re not pregnant with a Coleman baby, honestly, I’m the kind who’s enough of a busybody to want to help everyone out. You need anything, let me know. I’ve done the kid thing a few times. Checking the current baster button, I’m ready to pop in about a month, so things are pretty fresh in my memory.

You’re not alone.

If it is Jesse’s, he’d better be treating you right, or I’ll tan his hide. Yes, I think I offered to do that before. Sometimes the old ways are the best.

I’ll stop rambling, but I look forward to hearing from you.

Jaxi

 

She was still staring at her phone when she stumbled through the doors of the greenhouse.

Ginny glanced up from where she was kneeling in the dirt, a bandana over her hair and a smudge of dirt on her nose. “About time you showed, you slacker.”

“Sorry, I was having a lazy morning,” Dare deadpanned. Not for the world would she mention either of the proposals she’d received. If her brothers wanted to admit what they’d done, that was their business, but this was one bit of life history Ginny didn’t need to know about.

The email from Jesse’s sister-in-law, however…

Dare grabbed a hand trowel and joined her friend in the dirt, a row down but close enough they could speak without shouting. “Remember I told you I got an email from someone in Jesse’s family?”

“Yep.”

“And remember I didn’t think he was too keen about me writing back, but last visit he said it was fine?”

“Yep.”

“And remember—”

A clod of dirt hit her on the side of the head. She snapped her gaze to the left to discover Ginny kneeling upright with her arms folded over her chest. “Point. Get to it.”

“I talked about being pregnant on my blog and his sister-in-law put two and two together and wants to know if Buckaroo is family.”

Ginny whistled softly. “Well, I guess this is when we find out the skeletons in his closet.”

Dare desperately needed more information, but she was also trying not to bug Jesse for more than he was willing to give. He hadn’t wanted to talk about his family, so that was that.

Besides, she had family of her own. She had Ginny, and the guys, and her nieces. And she had herself. That would be enough for Buckaroo.

But he could have a grandma and grandpa, and a bunch of aunts and uncles who all had children and knew something about raising them.

“You’re sitting there with that faraway look in your eyes again. This part isn’t that difficult, Dare.” Ginny rested back on her heels, head tilting slightly as her expression softened. “You’ve been doing an amazing job figuring out how to take care Buckaroo on your own, and I know it’s been tough. You keep having to make decisions, and I’m sorry I can’t be more help, but what I can do is make you answer the questions you don’t want to.”

“A true friend.”

“Forever,” Ginny reminded her. “Do you want to meet his family?”

It was the question she’d been trying to avoid even thinking about. “I kind of hate you right now.”

“I’ll take that as a yes. Which means the next time you see Jesse, mention that since his family knows about the baby, maybe you guys should make a visit sometime this summer.”

Dare blew out air in a long steady stream in the hopes it would keep her head from spinning. “I feel like hell dragging him into all this.”

“Don’t you dare do that,” Ginny snapped, “or friend or no friend, I will come over there and shove a handful of dirt down your pants. He got into bed with you willingly enough, and it’s not your fault you guys made a baby. He’s done what’s right by coming and spending time with you, but this isn’t some dirty little secret. You’re having a baby, and Jesse’s the father, and if his family has an issue with that—”

“I don’t think they do,” Dare said quickly. “You’re right, and I know it, and I love you so much, but this is too much to handle sometimes. Jesse’s been great, but it feels like he’s still adjusting. I don’t blame him for that, but I also don’t want to expect more of him than he’s willing to give.”

She held back the words on the tip of her tongue. I’m scared to start relying on him.

Ginny abandoned her weeding and shuffled over to wrap her arms around Dare, holding her close and patted her back firmly. “You are so strong, my friend. I’d be a quivering mess in your boots, so don’t kick yourself for having moments when you don’t know what to do. Don’t give up on Jesse too quick—I read somewhere that guys are typically at least three months behind the program, even when they were involved in trying to make a kid happen.”

That was reassuring. Dare kissed Ginny’s cheek. “I’m glad you’re my friend.”

Ginny grinned then motioned to the long rows in front of them. “I’m so glad you’re my friend because it means I don’t have to deal with all these weeds on my own.”

“I knew there was an ulterior motive to your pep talk.”

They exchanged knowing smiles then got to work, and in the midst of the repetitive labour, Dare considered her options.