I go to Chantelle’s house.

I have nowhere else to go. I gave away my apartment, and right now, the thought of being at Mason’s house absolutely rips me apart. I can’t do it. Hell, I won’t do it, so I go to the only person I know who has always been there for me and will continue to be there for me.

Because this hurts.

It hurts like hell.

I thought seeing Enzo with Yolanda burned, but seeing Mason touching her, kissing her, that burned a whole lot fucking hotter. I don’t even try to make sense of why, I just know it did. Seeing it, and knowing, yet again, she’d managed to get under my skin and take something from me, made me sick.

I know he didn’t realize it was her.

I know that.

But it doesn’t stop the mental images from rolling around in my mind, no matter how much I try to push them out, they’re there, and they won’t leave.

They just won’t leave.

And it hurts so bad.

I don’t even try to stop the tears now, there’s no point. They’re coming whether I like it or not, they’re going to flow out, and they’re going to hurt. Because this is a pile of shit, not just Mason, but Enzo, and Yolanda, and everything that has happened in my life in the last few months.

I can be strong, but today? Today, I’m going to let it hurt.

I bang on Chantelle’s door as soon as I arrive, and I know how I look. Red faced, sobbing, ugly. She hasn’t seen me like this, hell, most people haven’t. I’m so together. So strong. Always the one brushing things off and acting like I’m fine. I only ever cry to myself in the comfort of my own home, behind closed doors where no one can see me.

But there is no stopping this.

The door opens, and Chantelle’s eyes get big almost right away. “Sas?”

“I had nowhere else to go, Chan,” I croak, and then hiccup between a sob.

“Oh, God. Come here.”

She reaches out, grabs my shoulders, and hauls me into her. I go, letting it flow even harder, until my body shakes and the pain becomes even more real. Chantelle holds me through that, not saying a word, just letting me hurt the way I need to, and only when I manage to get the tears under control does she let me go and take my hand, pulling me into the apartment. She guides me to the sofa, sits me down, and then goes into the kitchen and comes back with a bottle of whiskey.

She opens it, handing it to me.

I love her in this moment. Really love her.

I take the bottle and tip my head back, swallowing down a burning gulp, then another.

It doesn’t help right away, but it will.

For a little bit.

That’s all I need.

“Now,” she says, after she takes the bottle and has a sip of her own. “Tell me who did this to you, because I’m going to hunt them down and murder the fuck out of them.”

I laugh, but it’s broken.

“I’ve never seen you cry like this, Saskia. Never. And we’ve been friends for a long, long time. So, start talking, I’ll be here planning my revenge.”

I take the bottle and have another sip, and then I tell her everything. She knows some of it already, but she doesn’t know much more from after I helped Theresa. When I’m done, I take another sip, and slowly, my body finally becomes warm.

It feels good.

Even if just for a moment.

“Holy. Fuck.”

I nod, wiping any remaining wetness from my cheeks. “That about covers it.”

“So, Theresa and Yolanda set it all up. They went to such lengths to get that jewelry.”

“Yeah, and to make it look like it was me. What a perfect plan. If it wasn’t for the fact, that I got the chance to tell Scarlett and she let me out, I wouldn’t be sitting here right now, I’d still be tied up at that clubhouse, with all those angry bikers accusing me of something I didn’t do.”

“Firstly, when I see them again, I’m going to punch every one of them in the balls, because fuck them for ever thinking you’d do something so awful.”

“To be fair, we’re twins, I would have probably thought the same thing ...”

“I don’t care!” she snaps. “I don’t care, they should have, at the very least, told you everything and let you speak, instead of accusing you, not telling you why, and chaining you up like a dog.”

She makes a valid point.

“And as for Mason ...”

Hearing his name hurts, right in my heart, and I don’t like that. Not one single bit.

“Mason can go to hell,” I whisper.

“Yes. Yes, he can. Right down with your sister, because when I get my hands on her, I’m going to ring her filthy neck.”

“I don’t care about her anymore,” I say, my voice devoid of emotion.

“I’m so sorry you had to see Mason with her, it was bad enough when it was Enzo, but to see Mason, a man who is so good to you, a man who you’ve gotten so close to, in the same position is hard, honey.”

“Yeah,” I whisper. “I know he didn’t know, but you’re right, if he had just told me what was going on right from the start and let me talk, none of it would have ever happened. He didn’t let me speak, he didn’t even give me a chance, and because of that, I don’t think I can forgive him.”

She nods and reaches out, taking the bottle. “You deserve a lot, Saskia, a lot. And, it pains me this is happening to you because Mason is a good guy, and I guess with club life, comes, I don’t know, them living the way they do and behaving the way they do, but they should have believed in you.”

I swallow, and nod. “I don’t know what I’m going to do from here, Chan. Where do I go? I have no job ...”

“You stay here, I have a spare room. When you get a job, you can find another apartment. We’ll get your stuff shipped here, you don’t have to go back there. I’ll make sure you don’t have to see them again, if you don’t want.”

The thought of not seeing them again actually hurts a whole lot more than I thought it would. I like the club, and the ladies, and everyone I met through it. I liked living with Mason. I liked the job. I was actually happy for the first time in such a long time, and now that’s all gone, all because of Yolanda.

It’s always because of Yolanda.

My heart aches so hard it hurts.

“It’s going to be okay, honey, I promise.”

I meet my friend’s eyes. “I need to be distracted, I really do. I can’t think any more about this tonight, it hurts far too much, and I just don’t think I can deal. Tell me something, how are things with Boston?”

She frowns. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. Please.”

“Well, he kept calling, and I ignored it. He showed up here yesterday, all angry and broody because I hadn’t answered his calls. Those bikers are a whole different kettle of fish, aren’t they? They really know how to take a situation and get all twisted up about it.”

I snort and take another drink. “That they do.”

“Anyway, I didn’t let him in. I told him I wasn’t going to be his play thing, that even though we had fun, I had more self-respect than that. I didn’t need to come second while he chased another woman. He told me that wasn’t what I was, and got all angry, and sexy, and told me Penny is just a friend and she needed him.”

I snort. Because bullshit Penny is just a friend. Right now, that might be all she is, but if he didn’t care about her, he wouldn’t have gone running after her. He would have made sure she was okay and that was that. I think Boston is very confused, but I also think he does actually really like Chantelle, too. He isn’t the using type. Which means he’s highly conflicted.

“I told him,” Chantelle continues, “that I’m not stupid, and he needed to wake up to himself, that he most certainly did care about her slightly more than friendship. To which he got all hot and grabbed me, and kissed me, and dammit I couldn’t stop myself from enjoying it, for a few seconds, at least.”

I smile, and she flushes.

“But, I pushed him off and told him I’m not into love triangles. He left but, honestly, I’m weak, Sas. I’m weak when it comes to him. I want him to keep coming back. I want him to call me. I want him to want me. And I hate that. It feels like a competition now, like the stupid insecure part of my brain is telling me I need to win, and I need to be better than her. And I hate that. Because, she’s lovely, and I don’t want to get involved in this.”

I understand that.

Feeling like you’re less than someone else is a gut-wrenching feeling. But, what she doesn’t see so clearly now is that if she doesn’t stop this and he does happen to develop deeper feelings for Penny and goes off with her that her insecurities will eat her alive.

It’ll be something she’ll struggle forever to get over.

And I don’t want that for her.

“I get that,” I tell her. “Honestly, I do. But please, Chan, keep reminding yourself of how it will feel if he does go deeper with Penny and you’re left hurt. Your insecurities will be a whole lot worse then.”

She exhales and takes the bottle, drinking another big gulp. “You’re right, I know you’re right, which makes me angry at myself for struggling to stay away from him. And I am struggling, so damned bad. I keep telling myself how much it’ll suck if he chooses Penny, but then that little part thinks, what if he does actually want me and what he has with her isn’t what I think it is? What if they are just caring friends.”

And maybe that is the case, but I still think it’s risky. No matter the situation between all of them.

“Maybe,” I say softly. “Just be careful, Chan. That’s all I can tell you. You’re a smart girl, and you’re well old enough to know what’s right and what’s wrong, so just go with your gut. Always trust your gut.”

She looks to me, and then nods. “Thank you, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Ditto,” I murmur.

“But there is something I’m going to say before we drink the rest of this alcohol and wipe ourselves out.”

I nod. “Hit me.”

“I think you should go to the club, and I think you should say what you need to say, before you end all of this. Not just to Mason, but to all of them. Let them know what you think. I think, in the long run, it’s going to help you so much.”

She’s right.

And I will do that.

Just not right now.

Right now, I’m going to drink this pain away for a little longer.

~*~*~*~