Someone by My Side
Sutton
Daye sniffled and shifted where she was curled up next to me in the borrowed bed. I’d been trying to soothe her to sleep for the last hour, but her restlessness and unease proved to be persistent. She was trying to cover up the fact she was crying by hiding her face against my shoulder. I’d watched the poor kid shed more tears in the last couple of weeks than she had in her whole life.
Three days had passed since Rodie showed up to tell us that her mother was missing and there had still been no word from Alexa. Cy swung by her apartment each day, and every time he reported the place was still empty and looked like Alexa hadn’t been there for a while. Daye hadn’t heard from her mother either, and while it wasn’t unusual for Alexa to drop out of sight when she was hitting the bottle particularly hard, it was unheard of that she completely ignored her child. Alexa didn’t keep in touch with Daye out of some sense of motherly devotion; she did it because she knew rattling my daughter and keeping her on edge aggravated me. I was court-ordered to let Alexa speak with her daughter when she called. I’d been warned more than once about parental alienation, even though that wasn’t what I was trying to do. I just wanted my daughter insulated from the worst of Alexa’s decisions. I’d been told by my lawyer not to interfere. It was the one thing Alexa got to hold over me in our custody arraignment. I couldn’t deny her contact with Daye, so she used those calls as a tool to manipulate and control me. Rarely did a day or two go by without my ex reaching out to our daughter. She treated it like a game, and even though she wasn’t particularly loving or caring when she called, Daye had noticed the silence and had started asking probing questions.
Not wanting to lie to her, I explained that her mother was missing and everyone was looking for her. I made her promise to tell me if Alexa reached out to her without going through me first. At first the little girl seemed indifferent to the fact her mother was unaccounted for, but as anxiety and worry grew in the adults surrounding her, she picked up on the tension. She had already been quieter and more reserved since I’d returned home, now she hardly wanted to leave my side and clung to me like I was in danger of vanishing into thin air like Alexa. I hadn’t spent a night alone since coming back from the days lost in withdrawal.
I twined one of her curls around my index finger and bent my head so I could kiss her on top of her head. She always smelled like sunshine and strawberries. She was the best thing I had ever done in this life and I wanted to kick my own ass for how close I’d come to screwing it all up. She was the one person in this world I’d promised myself I would never let down, and I’d come damn close to letting it happen.
“It’s okay to be scared and sad for your mom, baby girl. I’m worried about her, too.” I wrapped my arm around her thin shoulders as she burrowed deeper into my side.
She gave a little hiccup of a sob and muttered so softly I barely heard her, “Sometimes she would leave me alone for a long time. I would cry because I didn’t know if she was coming back, but she always did.”
I bit back a dirty word and fought to keep my anger at Alexa’s negligence at bay. Being mad at her for her lack of parenting skills wouldn’t help anyone and wouldn’t get us any closer to figuring out where she had gone. “I’m sure she’ll show up this time, too, Daye. Your mom has some problems that have nothing to do with you. Sometimes she lets those problems get the best of her and she doesn’t make great decisions.”
Her blonde head popped up and her eyes, shiny with unshed tears, peered at me questioningly. “Do you have the same problems as Mommy?” She bit down on her lower lip and moved her eyes away from mine as pain sliced through my chest. “You left me, Daddy. You always promised me you would be there and you weren’t.”
I brushed my fingers over her cheek and nodded solemnly. “I know, Daye. Your old man messed up, but you have to know I would never leave you on your own. I couldn’t be here for you, but your aunts and uncles love you just as much as I do and they won’t let anything happen to you. They’ll always take care of you when I drop the ball. You are never alone. I’m always honest with you, baby girl. I had some different problems than your mom. I didn’t handle them in the right way. I wasn’t thinking clearly. Your dad was hurting pretty bad, worse than anyone knew. I forgot I had to be strong for you. It’s a mistake I won’t make again.” She was still crying but now her tears were silent and her eyes were wide and considering. “Do you believe me?”
“I don’t like it when you smell like Mommy.” The words were an innocent accusation. Alexa always smelled like whatever bottle she’d just gotten to the bottom of and apparently, I’d been drowning in the same scent as of late. “I don’t like it when you sleep all day and can’t do things with me. It hurt my feelings when you went to stay in the other house.”
It was like a fist to the gut. She already had one parent who was a drunk, she didn’t need another one. She was worried I was going to turn into Alexa, forgetting about her, leaving her on her own and disappointing her. I’d been right on the cusp, so close to going over.
I pulled her into a tight hug, squeezing her until she giggled and squealed, trying to get away from me. “Your dad was a mess, Daye. I was embarrassed. I didn’t want anyone to see me that way, especially you. It’s my job to take care of you, worry about you, and make sure you’re safe and happy. I wasn’t in any shape to do those things and I didn’t want you to know I was falling apart. You already got saddled with a mom who needs some work, I didn’t want you to be burdened by your old man, as well.” It was a lot to process for a barely six-year-old, but I wanted her to know exactly where my head had been. If she had questions I would answer them honestly and lay it all out for her. I needed her to know that my recent stumble had nothing to do with her. That she was completely innocent when it came to the sins of both her father and mother.
She settled down in the curve of my body and wiped a hand over her wet cheeks. Her eyes finally started to drift closed as she whispered, “Do you think Mommy is okay?”
I heaved a sigh that was so heavy it moved the mattress under my back. “I don’t know. Your mom is her own worst enemy and she has no problem finding trouble. I do know that she wouldn’t skip talking to you and seeing you if she had a say. Your mom loves you in her own way. It’s not the right way, but there is love there. Don’t doubt it. When she shows back up, you’re the first person she’s gonna want to see.”
The little girl mumbled something sleepily, her small frame finally relaxing as I continued to swirl her ringlets around my finger. “I wish she could love me the right way, Daddy.”
I blew out a long, slow breath and glared at the darkened ceiling. “Me, too, Daye. Me, too.”
I held her until she was breathing evenly and was still as stone. My head was throbbing from the conversation and from turning over all the worst-case possibilities of what may have happened to Alexa. The woman worked my last nerve and infuriated me with her general disregard for her child, but I didn’t want to imagine what kind of mess led to her disappearance. I’d loved Alexa once. I thought she was going to be the girl who was going to put an end to the Warners’ disastrous dating history, that she was going to stick around and I could finally succeed at something where Cy had failed. I’d hated her for a lot longer than I loved her once she showed her true colors and let it be known she wasn’t going to change for anyone or anything. I was resigned to having the pain in the ass woman be a part of my life until Daye was old enough to decide how much contact she wanted with her mother. Beyond my annoyance that Alexa had up and vanished without a trace, making her daughter worry and the rest of us scramble to come up with a plausible explanation for her absence, I was genuinely concerned for her wellbeing. I’d spent close to ten years fucking and fighting with the damn woman. She wasn’t my favorite person, but she was part of my life. I didn’t like to think that something bad had happened to her, regardless if it was her fault or not.
Sliding out from under my sleeping daughter, I went in search of something to ease the pounding in my head. I rummaged through the hallway bathroom and came up with nothing. It looked like someone had cleaned the entire place out. There was nothing in the medicine cabinet and nothing in the linen closet. Not even a cough drop. My brothers had been serious about making sure there was no temptation in the house when they moved me in here. Grumbling, I made my way to Lane’s room and was getting ready to knock on the door when I heard the unmistakable sound of a female groan echoing through the solid wood. There was a breathy gasp and the squeak of the mattress that followed. Part of me wanted to knock anyway just to give my brother shit. After all, I still owed him for all those threats he made when I was in the hospital. However, I didn’t want to embarrass the woman he was with, especially if she was a paying customer. There was no reason to ruin her good time just because my head felt like it was going to split in two.
Cy and Leo’s bedroom was on the other side of the house and there was no way I was knocking on that door. It didn’t bother me to hear Lane getting a piece from some stranger, but accidentally hearing Leo was a different story. She was family. There was no chance in hell I was going to risk accidentally overhearing her moaning and screaming Cy’s name. I also didn’t want to give my older brother another reason to kick my ass. He’d been taking it easy on me while I healed, but once I was back on my feet fully, I knew he was going to put his motorcycle boot up my ass for everything I’d put the family through as of late.
Brynn’s door was open, revealing that her room was empty and she was nowhere in sight. I vaguely remembered her saying she had a date that night and didn’t know when she would be back, which coincidentally was the same time Lane excused himself from the table and disappeared for the evening. Those two were ripping each other to shreds and neither seemed inclined to stop the carnage.
My old room was right across the hallway from Brynn’s and there was a light coming from under the door. I’d been strategically avoiding Emrys for the last couple of days. I had no interest in the chat she seemed determined to have. Luckily, Cy had brought home a couple of new quarter horses, and while I wasn’t up to a trail ride just yet, I had no problem working with the new arrivals in the corral and trotting them around the property. They were going to be easy to break in and it felt good to be useful again. It felt good to remember that I wasn’t worthless and served a purpose in both this family and the business. I’d been gone in the mornings and spent the afternoon and evenings devoting my time to my kid. I was making up for lost time, getting myself back on track, but I had barely looked at the gorgeous brunette and had shared less than a handful of sentences with her. It was rude and I knew it. But the distance kept me from pressing her against the closest flat surface and burying my cock inside of her as deep as I could get. It kept my hands off her soft skin and my mouth off of her eager lips. It also kept me from having to hear whatever it was she was dying to say to me.
But I did need to see if she had any over-the-counter painkillers. I was never going to get to sleep if I couldn’t get the pounding in my head under control. I knocked lightly and called her name. There wasn’t a response for a long minute and when I was getting ready to give up, deciding Lane wouldn’t be fucking all night and I would just text him to bring me something once he was done getting his rocks off, a faint, ‘hold on a sec,’ came through the wood and I heard the patter of her feet on the hardwood. The door swung open, revealing a freshly showered Emrys clad in nothing but a short, black, silky-looking robe with a towel wrapped around all her glorious hair. My mouth went dry at the sight and I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the endless expanse of tanned, toned legs that were sticking out from under the bottom of the slinky fabric. I’d always been a bit of a leg man. Alexa had the best stems in all of Sheridan, but Emrys had the nicest legs I’d ever seen, ever.
“What’s going on, Sutton?” She sounded concerned and I had to shake my head to get my thoughts back in working order. All the blood in my body felt like it had rushed to my dick, making my cock throb, heavy and thick behind the fabric of the lightweight track pants I’d thrown on when Daye decided she wanted to sleep in my bed again. Thinking straight when this woman was mostly naked in front of me was one of the most challenging things I’d ever had to do. I knew how she tasted. I knew that her eyes went warm and bright when she was turned on. I knew I was going to end up here at some point but had no clue it would be tonight. I wasn’t ready for her and I had no clue if she was ever going to be ready for me.
“Uh, sorry to bother you. I was wondering if you had anything for a headache I could snag. My brothers cleaned the house out of anything and everything.” I sucked in a breath through my teeth when she took the towel off and ran her fingers through her wet hair. It looked like black silk and I wanted to bury my nose in it and see if she smelled as good as she tasted.
She turned on her heel and motioned for me to follow her into the room. I closed the door behind me with a soft click, not stopping to think about why I wanted to be alone with her in the small space that used to be mine. I always seemed to end up alone with her. It was like fate was trying to circumvent my need to have space between us so I could think clearly and do right by both of us. With her, I always seemed to lean toward whatever was wrong but felt so fucking good.
“I think I have one of those travel packs from the airport in my purse. Let me look.” She tossed the towel on the end of the unmade bed and walked over to where a black bag was sitting on the overstuffed chair my dad had bought for me when I first moved back home with Daye. He told me it was the perfect chair for story time, but now all I could imagine was bending Em over the side of it and sinking into her from behind while I wrapped my hands in her hair.
I bit back a groan as she bent over, the hem of her robe riding up high on the back of her thighs. My hand went to my dick, automatically searching for some kind of relief. I’d gone from being worried I’d never get hard again, to wondering how it was possible to be this hard when she hadn’t even touched me.
“How’s Daye holding up? Poor thing has been through a lot the last couple of weeks, hasn’t she?” She looked over her shoulder at me as she asked the question.
I watched her ass shimmy as she dug deeper into the purse and swore softly under my breath. I rubbed a hand across the back of my neck and looked down at the floor so I could focus on answering her instead of walking across the room and tossing her on the bed.
“She’s okay. She’s a tough cookie. She’s always had to be with a mom like Alexa. I think she gets that something is wrong but she doesn’t quite grasp how wrong it could be, if that makes sense. Mostly she seems worried that I won’t get my shit together and that she’ll be left all alone.” It was hard to admit that I’d given my kid reason to doubt me, but I had, and now I needed to fix it.
“Got it!” She held up the little package triumphantly and made her way back across the room. I spent the entire time watching her, hoping the knot at her waist would miraculously come untied and leave her naked and exposed. “Sutton, I have no doubt in my mind you are going to do right by Daye. You and Alexa were together for a long time. How are you handling everything? I’m sure you’re worried about her.”
She handed me the pill pack, which I opened and then popped the contents in my mouth. I swallowed them down without water and grimaced. “We were together for too long. She kept promising to get sober and I kept believing her. I didn’t want the relationship to fall apart. I watched my mom lead my dad on for their entire relationship, and I watched Cy’s heart shatter when his first wife left him and told him she was never coming back. I was so proud of myself for finding a girl who didn’t want anything more than me and this kind of life. I thought I’d hit the jackpot by falling in love with someone who was from here and never wanted to leave. I had no idea it was going to be so much worse when Alexa and I couldn’t make it work because it ended up being my daughter’s heart that got broken instead of mine. That killed me. I’m worried about her, but I’m also pretty pissed she’s given Daye something else to stress about. My kid deserves a break.”
“She’s a beautiful little girl and she’s very sweet. Hopefully, your ex will realize what she stands to lose if she doesn’t figure her life out, just like you did.” She gave me a tiny grin and I couldn’t stop myself from taking a step toward her.
She made a strangled noise in her throat and looked up at me with wide eyes. I reached out and caught the lapels of her robe in my hands, tugging her closer to where I was standing. I watched her nipples pebble under the fabric, letting me know she was very naked underneath the thin material. “Daye is the only thing I’ve ever done exactly right.” It was true, but it was also a warning. I wasn’t going to get anything right with her. That was about the only promise I could keep.
She cocked her head to the side as one of my hands found the knot holding her robe closed at her waist. The slinky material was soft against my fingertips, but nowhere near as soft as the skin it was covering. I saw her breasts lift and fall as she sucked in a sharp breath. Her hand covered mine, stopping me from tugging the material loose and baring her to my hungry gaze.
“What are you doing, Sutton? You haven’t so much as looked at me in the last couple of days. You’ve been avoiding me.” I could hear the thread of pain in her tone and hated myself for being the one to put it there. I’d kissed her and ran because it was easier than listening to what she had to say. I’d done what she told me she was guilty of doing to others, inadvertently giving her a taste of her own medicine.
“I’ve been avoiding this, Em, me and you. You coming back here, being in my space, taking care of me when I didn’t ask you to . . . all of that was headed right here. We’ve been on a collision course from day one. We were always going to crash into one another. We’re an accident waiting to happen.” I put the hand that wasn’t holding the tie at her waist on her hip and pulled her so that she was flush against me. My erection pressed into her stomach making her mouth drop open and her eyes blink rapidly. “We aren’t right for each other, we don’t belong together, so the impact is bound to hurt. I haven’t been dealing with pain very well lately and we both know when we’re done with one another, that wound is going to be something that takes forever to heal.”
She grabbed a handful of my t-shirt and put a hand on my shoulder as I dropped my head to rub my nose along the line of her collarbone. She smelled like vanilla. Her skin felt like velvet and lifted in goosebumps when I retraced the trail I’d just traveled with the tip of my tongue.
“We need to talk. I’m not going to let you distract me forever. There are things I need to say to you, things you need to hear. I’m not going to bother trying to deny that there’s something between us, or that I’ve been attracted to you since we first met. But I want to clear the air and my conscience more than I want to get laid.” She pulled back, but the motion combined with my hold on the fastening of her robe offered enough friction that the loose knot came unraveled. The silky material split, giving me the perfect view of her high, round breasts, her taut stomach, and that sweet center at the apex of her thighs. She was all golden skin and dusky nipples that pebbled into hard points. I barely registered her scars because the rest of her was so fucking perfect.
I reached for her again, pulling her close, while at the same time pushing the robe off her shoulders and watching in satisfaction as it slithered to the ground with a soft whoosh. “You wanna talk, we’ll talk. But not right now. Not tonight. I have to get back to Daye. I don’t want her to wake up alone. Before I go I just want a taste, Em. Give me something so we both know the pain is gonna be worth it.” She was wavering. I could see the indecision in her eyes. There was only one way I was going to get what I wanted and I wasn’t above playing dirty to get my way. “Tell me, Em. Whatever is on the tip of your tongue right now, spit it out before I kiss you.”
Her long lashes fell and covered her eyes. She sucked in another breath and I couldn’t keep my hands off of her breasts. I caught one stiff nipple between my fingers and gave it a little tug. Her lips parted and so quietly I wasn’t sure she actually spoke, she whispered, “I’m sorry, Sutton. That’s what I want to tell you. I’m so sorry.”
I had no idea what she was talking about. I had no clue what she could possibly be sorry for, feel regret over. I was the one who owed her an endless number of apologies for not keeping her safe, for not protecting her. I wanted to ask her where that contrition came from but her hands had found their way under my shirt and one of those amazing legs wound around my hip, putting her wet, warm center right against the stiff ridge of my cock. I didn’t think I could get any harder but my dick jumped at the contact and swelled even more.
All thoughts of apology fled as I reached for everything she was offering. I’d never had my hands on anything as perfect as she was and I wasn’t about to waste any more time trying to figure out why I was the lucky bastard she came back to when she admitted to running away from everyone else. I didn’t deserve her apology or any of the sweetness she was giving me as her mouth touched mine.
I was going to take both of those things and selfishly hold onto them. I might make stupid choices now and then, but I’d never been a stupid man.