Beulah
STONE DIDN’T COME BACK FROM Manhattan for the next two days, but he called often. His tone was different—happy almost.
Hilda hadn’t returned. When or if she did, I was supposed to call Stone immediately. I wasn’t sure I wanted to spend any time alone with her. But Stone did need her and I hoped she wasn’t backing out on him. Having both biological parents would make the difference.
When I got home after seven and saw that Hilda’s car wasn’t back, I texted Stone to let him know there was still no sign of her. The coast was clear so I headed for the entrance. Before I could reach the door, Marty or Mack opened it and came walking out. The smile on his face and his wink when he saw me told me it was Mack.
“Hey, beautiful. Still alone up there?” he asked.
“Yes. Stone isn’t back yet. He’s spending time with his brother,” I replied. It felt weird calling Wills his brother now. We’d decided it was best to continue as things were until this was handled.
He nodded his head toward the door. “Marty is making a mess which means it’ll taste great. You’re welcome to join. It’s just us tonight.”
I wondered where the others were. Especially since I knew they did indeed have a sex life with other occupants in the building.
“What happened to your usual dinner date?” I asked him.
He grinned. “Fight night on Pay Per View. She won’t watch it. Hates the violence.”
I had no idea what fight night was. I nodded anyway. “Thank you, but I ate with Geraldine. I knew I was coming home to an empty apartment.”
“What happened to the hot ass cougar that was staying up there? I was enjoying her attempts to get me naked.”
“Hilda?” I was surprised by his comment.
“I guess. She never told me her name. Mid-thirties maybe, but had some work done and looked younger. I can always tell though. The hands tell the age. You just have to pay attention. She was also horny as fuck—that makes her over thirty-five. I’ve found the ones who are panting with need are the ones whose man is too old to keep them sated.”
That was more information than I needed. I didn’t want to think about Hilda doing the same to Stone when I wasn’t around.
“She’s one of Stone’s former stepmothers,” I explained. I left out that she was Wills’ mom. I don’t know why but I didn’t want to share that.
“Dayum, that must have been a good home life. Hot-ass, half-naked stepmothers walking around.” Mack chuckled. “Anyway, if you change your mind, come eat. Door is always open.”
Remembering that Hilda and Stone had been together once made me feel slightly crazy. I had been reading about my hormones today from the booklet that the doctor gave me. It had also suggested websites to visit for more information. I knew that my clingy, jealous emotions were normal. And that they would pass. I was ready for them to pass. I didn’t like this at all. My eyes stung suddenly and I was on the verge of tears.
“Thanks.” I quickly hurried past him embarrassed by my reaction to his words. I felt like a lunatic and if he saw me about to cry he’d probably think I was one too.
“You okay?” he called up after me as I ran up the stairs. He had walked back inside to check on me. Great.
“Yes, I’m fine.” I tried my hardest to sound fine, but my voice cracked and I ran faster up the stairs needing to get away from him before I started crying and he could hear me.
Hiding that I was pregnant wasn’t going to be the easiest thing I’d ever done. Especially if this was going to last a few weeks, possibly months. I needed to read more about it. There had to be a way to control my emotional swings better than I was.
Once I was inside the apartment I let the tears go and a sob broke free. Even as I cried I wasn’t sure why I was crying exactly. Because once seven years ago Stone had had sex with Hilda? That even sounded ridiculous. Covering my face, I slid down the wall and cried. Might as well get it over.
I missed my mom. I could tell her. She’d know what I should do. She’d be there to answer all my questions.
I was alone. I couldn’t tell Stone. He had too much to deal with and there was the chance he wouldn’t want the baby. Not when he was fighting for the child he already had.
I was scared. What if I did something wrong? What if that night of drinking had hurt the baby? What if I was a terrible mother?
The tears continued and so did my train of thought. I didn’t fight it. I just let it go until there were no more tears and I was exhausted from the outburst. Once it was all dried up I sighed and stood. My body was weak and I started to go to the bedroom but stopped and went to the kitchen instead. I needed water.
Or did I need something more? Like milk? Was I drinking enough milk for the baby or did that matter when you were pregnant? Again more questions I had no one to ask. I started to get my phone and google it but decided I’d just drink the milk.
Taking the glass down I poured it halfway and then drank it before rinsing it and putting it in the dishwasher. I would need to go buy a book about this. One I could check when I had these questions.
The child inside me only had me right now. I had to be sure to take care of it. Not harm it. I couldn’t forget to eat. I also needed to exercise more. Maybe I should run with Fiona. Or would running make the baby fall out? That wasn’t possible I didn’t think.
I needed a “how to” book.
I would start walking for now. I could get up an hour earlier and walk every morning. And I would need to eat something first wouldn’t I? Or would that make me vomit? Wasn’t I supposed to be throwing up by now?
I had to stop thinking this through. Worry wasn’t good either. The doctor had told me that much. Especially when I started asking a million questions.
A warm bath sounded good. But not too warm. Or did that matter?
“UGH! I need an instruction manual!” I said out loud to no one. My voice echoed down the long hallway and I followed the lonely sound to Stone’s bedroom. I wanted to be near him tonight. Sleeping in his room would help.
My phone rang and I saw his name on the screen. A smile instantly touched my lips. “Hello,” I said feeling much better.
“Are you okay?” he asked not sounding equally happy.
“Yes, why?”
“Mack called. Said he thought he made you cry but he wasn’t sure. He doesn’t know what he said but you ran off with tears in your eyes. “
Crap. He’d seen me. I was going to be thought of as the crazy girlfriend.
“Oh, I’m fine. No tears I had just drank a lot of water and was in a hurry to get to the bathroom,” I lied easily enough. It was a little scary how good I was at it.
Stone didn’t respond right away. Maybe I wasn’t as good at it as I thought.
“I’ll be home in the morning,” he said his tone still serious. “Or do you need me tonight? Is Heidi okay? Has Jasper contacted you?”
He hadn’t bought the needing to pee thing. Well at least I sucked as a liar.
“I’m fine. Really.”
“Call me if you need me. I love you,” he said the last three words fiercely. As if he needed me to remember that.
“I love you too,” I replied. And I did. But I wasn’t sure our love was ready for what lay ahead.