Beulah
“DO YOU TRUST ME?”
His question sounded simple and immensely complicated at the same time. He had secrets. There was so much he kept hidden. How could I trust him when wouldn’t share all of himself?
His eyes reflected his sincerity and pain. He was pleading with me.
At that moment, I realized I trusted him fully. Maybe giving him my trust was stupid or naïve. Even if Wills was his son, I knew there was a reason he allowed his father to raise him. Stone was always responsible when he wasn’t required to be.
“Yes.” My voice was confident and held no doubt. Admitting I trusted him allowed me to let go of my fears. I wasn’t afraid of any of the darkness that lurked inside him. And I knew without a doubt that Stone wasn’t like his father.
Stone’s rigid body relaxed and he sighed. His steely gaze locked on me with intensity. “I should have asked you that before. I needed time to think after seeing the accusation in your eyes . . . it was difficult for me to handle. Having some space helped me see I didn’t give you a chance. I assumed you believed Jasper’s word over mine. That . . . Well, that fucking killed me.”
I had never seen Stone completely vulnerable until that moment. He wasn’t hiding his emotion behind his hard façade. He was letting me see it all. I moved, unable to keep my distance. I walked right into his arms and we stood like that while silent tears ran down my cheeks. His warmth, security, and scent made all the pain from the past two days vanish. Without knowing the entire story, I knew I loved him. I would love him no matter the cost. That was powerful. Nothing had ever owned me that way.
“I don’t know if Wills is my son,” he said quietly as his chin rested on my head and his arms held me against his chest. His heart was beating rapidly.
I held on tighter giving him my reassurance as he talked.
“I was sixteen when he was born. Underage. Gilda was married to my dad. Legally that made the child she was carrying his. Without a paternity test, there was no question. I begged her.” He paused and his shoulders tensed. “I fucking pleaded with her to allow a paternity test. She refused claiming the boy wasn’t mine. We’d used condoms. There had been a condom break once and the timing lined up too closely. I knew if I told my father there was a good chance he’d send her to get a quiet abortion. If he thought for a second that the child wasn’t his, Hilda would likely face a severe beating and then it would be my turn. I wasn’t worried about what he would do to me. I didn’t trust him not to force her to get an abortion. I couldn’t tell him. I had no power or leverage in the situation.”
My chest felt like it was going to explode from the pain that dripped from his words, knowing the fear he had felt, the unknown he now lived with. Having a child and not know if it’s yours was pain I couldn’t begin to imagine.
“The day I turned eighteen, I went to Hilda again. I begged her to have a paternity test on Wills. She refused. The older he got, I saw my face when I looked at him. Not my father. Me. He has my eyes—my mother’s eyes. The next year, he divorced Hilda and married a model he had met at a charity event. She was twenty-two. The prenup had covered children. Wills would stay with my father. Hilda didn’t try to fight for him for fear my father would make her life hell. She got scared from his threats and left Wills there. With my father . . . the monster. I began searching for a lawyer that was powerful enough and not scared of my father. I’ve finally found one. We are slowly working through how to handle this. I don’t want Wills hurt by my father. I have to find out if he is mine carefully. Which is what I am currently doing.” He paused, lost in thought. “I’ve told no one about my plight to know Wills’ paternity. Not even Jasper. You are the only person that knows. The answer is yes, Beulah, I have secrets. Fucking nightmares that I kept to myself. Because it wasn’t the right time to tell you I might be in a court battle soon that will make the news. My face will be all over the media if this continues. Nothing will be a secret anymore.”
My hands were fisted in his shirt as I’d listened to his story. The horror of what he’d lived broke my heart. I wanted to hold him until it all went away. There was no way I could help him. He was facing something that no man should ever face. If Wills was his son, he’d have more pain knowing he’d missed all that time.
“Even if Wills is my brother, living with that man isn’t a life I want for him. I’ve loved him from the moment I met him. Hilda was resting when she got home from the hospital. I went to the nursery and held him. I realized that regardless of who his real father was, he was my blood. My family. And I wanted him safe from the man who had made my childhood a living hell.” His hands moved to my arms and he gently pushed me away from him so he could see my face. “I have to fight for him. It may be years of a court battle that consumes my time. I’ll have to be in New York more and more.” He leaned closer to me. “You weren’t supposed to happen. I never thought that we would be here, but we are. I brought you into my life. You own me. That doesn’t mean I won’t fight for Wills. I can’t let that go now. But I also know I can’t expect you to stay with me through this. You have Heidi and she needs you close by. It’s a lot to take in. I don’t need an answer now. We have time.”
I had somehow lost track of this conversation. He suddenly made no sense. “What answer?” I asked.
He brushed his thumb over my cheek. “If you want to continue this with me. Knowing soon my life will become complete chaos.”
I didn’t need time to think about that. “Do you honestly think that I would need to take time to decide to stay with you?” I asked incredulously. “There is no question, Stone. I love you. I admire your perseverance to fight for Wills. And I will be here through it all. When you need to vent, scream, or sit in complete silence. I’m not going anywhere. That’s not what love is.”
His shoulders rose and fell with a deep breath. “Thank God,” he whispered. Then his hands cupped my face and he kissed me. The kiss wasn’t wild and crazed, it was one of relief and tenderness. I pressed closer to him wanting to comfort him any way I could. If I could take it all away from him I would.
He’d been betrayed from those that were supposed to love him since birth. His father, mother, and now Jasper. Knowing Jasper had so openly accused Stone of something he wasn’t sure of to hurt him turned my stomach. Jasper was a disappointment. He wasn’t the man I thought he was. What he had done to Stone was very Portia-like and that made me sad. He’d been more affected by his parents than he realized. And I had been so swept away by his good looks and prince charming ways that I missed all of that.
My thoughts went to Stone. Was I missing something that also dwelled deep inside him? If so, I would accept it. I had no choice. My heart was his.