I woke up the following morning exhausted. After arriving back from my afternoon out with Mason, Savannah and I had sat talking for hours. It was after midnight when I’d finally gone to bed, only then to be plagued by nightmares. I’d been awake on and off all night, terrified to fall asleep again in case the nightmares returned. Fortunately, I hadn’t woken anyone up this time. I rolled over and reached for my phone, it had just gone eight o clock, and I saw a text from Jack.
Jack: Hey Lib, I’m at the airport just checking in. Should be landing at 12.30. Can’t wait to see you. Xx
I sent him a quick reply.
Me: Can’t wait to see you either. Safe flight. Will wait for you in arrivals Xx
I dragged myself out of bed and into the shower in the hope that it would wake me up. After spending far too much time under the hot water, I forced myself to get out and get dressed. I made my way downstairs just as Savannah was leaving for university.
“Hey Lib, say hi to Jack for me. I should be back at lunch time, can’t wait to see him. Got to run, see you later.” She rushed out of the door waving her hand at me.
“Bye Savannah,” I called after her smiling to myself, she was like a whirlwind. I ate breakfast alone in the kitchen, Aunt Claire must have already left for the day, and Uncle Ryan and Brody were long gone.
I had a few hours to kill before Mason was due to pick me up, so I decided to take a walk over to the stables to see the horses. I wasn’t worried about bumping into Mason, I knew from talking to him yesterday that he was leading an early morning hike to watch the sunrise. As I headed over, I caught sight of a small wooden cabin tucked behind the stables that I hadn’t noticed before. It was similar to the log cabins that the guests stayed in but much older and smaller.
As I walked closer to it, I could see that although it was old, it had obviously been well looked after. There was a small light attached to the wall by the front door and curtains hung at the windows. A bench sat to the right of the front door on a small porch, and there were wildflowers surrounding the cottage. It was beautiful.
I was eager to see if the inside was as beautiful as the outside. I quickly looked over my shoulder, there was no one around, so I walked onto the small porch and looked through the little window next to the front door. There was a tiny kitchen area to the left of the window with a sink unit and a couple of cupboards, a microwave and toaster sat on the work surface. Across from the kitchen was a small sitting area with a sofa and television. There was a closed door off to the right, which I assumed led to a bathroom. A wooden staircase behind the sofa led to a mezzanine level where a large double bed stood. Large rugs covered the floors, and a couple of pictures hung on the wall. It was small but perfect. There were personal things in the cabin, and I wondered who lived here, I’d have to remember to ask Savannah later.
After spending far too much time being nosey, I finally made it into the stables fussing over the other horses. I stayed for about half an hour, brushing Cookie and Marley before heading back to the house. The nerves were bubbling as I thought about the car journey to the airport. I prayed I could control my emotions.
I checked the time, Mason would be here in half an hour. I opened the kindle app on my phone and sat on the porch swing. Reading was my escape, and I hoped to get lost in the book I was reading until Mason showed up. I was so engrossed I didn’t hear him and jumped a mile when he sat down next to me. “Arghhh,” I screamed clutching my hand to my chest. “You scared me, I didn’t hear you coming,” I told him, my heart pounding.
“Sorry Lib.” He said laughing. “I did shout hello as I came up the path, but your nose was buried in your cell. What’s so interesting on there anyway?” He leaned in closer to me looking at my phone. I took a deep breath, my nose filled with the now familiar smell of Mason, aftershave, and soap. He smelt delicious. He must have showered recently too as I noticed that his hair was still damp.
“Oh, I’m just reading,” I told him turning the app off and tucking my phone into my shorts pocket.
“Ahhh, no wonder you were so captivated, you were reading your naughty book.” He winked at me and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.
I rolled my eyes and jumped up off the swing. “Whatever Mason. You’re just jealous that it’s not you turning me on.” I watched his mouth drop open, and I realised what I’d said, my face flushing with heat. “I can’t believe I said that. I’m so sorry” I cringed unable to look at him.
“Sweetheart, my moves are ten times better than anything you’ll ever find in a book. Trust me!” He said, a cocky grin forming on his face.
“We should go,” I said changing the subject, my face still flushed. “I don’t want to be late for Jack.”
He laughed, grabbed my hand and pulled me along behind him down the garden path and towards his truck. I couldn’t believe I’d said that to him. I wasn’t exactly giving off the friend vibe when I said things like that!
“Lib, I can hear your mind working overtime. Don’t worry about it.”
He opened the truck door for me, and I climbed in. “Thank you,” I whispered as he closed the door. We headed down the long driveway, and I began my breathing exercises, counting my breaths in and out. My hands were clasped tightly on my lap, and my eyes were fixed on the dashboard in front of me. Mason seemed to be concentrating on driving, and I was glad I didn’t have to make conversation. About ten minutes into the journey I realised that Mason was watching me out of the corner of his eye. I was struggling to control my breathing and losing count of my breaths as the panic began to set in, my heart was racing, and my hands trembled in my lap. There was a loud ringing in my ears, and I felt dizzy. I could hear Mason speaking to me, but it sounded muffled like he was far away. I felt the warm air hit me as he opened my door, I hadn’t even realised he’d stopped the truck. I felt him lifting me from the truck, sitting me down on the grass verge, he kneeled in front of me.
“Libby breath sweetheart, breath.” I heard him say to me. He took my hand and rested it on his chest over his heart. “Feel my heartbeat, Libby, count the beats, one, two, three, four, one, two, three, four. Come on Libby count with me.”
We must have sat there for a few minutes, my hand on his chest and Mason counting aloud. After a while I could feel that the worst of the panic attack was over, the ringing in my ears had lessened, and my breathing was calming down. I could feel Mason’s heartbeat under my hand. He may have seemed calm, but his heart was pounding beneath my fingers. I was quietly counting the beats along with him, and when I felt like I wasn’t going to pass out, I raised my head and looked into his worried eyes.
“Thank God.” He said the relief evident in his voice.
I burst into tears, the realisation of what had happened hitting me. I felt Mason reach for me and pull me into his lap, his arms tight around me. I sobbed into his chest, soaking his t-shirt. He let me cry, never releasing his hold on me. After a few minutes, the sobs had stopped, and I’d manage to calm down. “I’m sorry,” I whispered into his chest, embarrassed.
“Don’t apologise.” I felt his fingers push my sweaty hair off my face and his lips brushed the top of my head. “Are you okay? What happened?” He pulled back slightly so he could look into my eyes.
I took a deep breath. I had to tell him, he looked so worried. I dropped my eyes from his. “I was involved in a car accident a few months ago. I’ve only been in a car a handful of times since then, and I struggle to stay calm. That’s the second panic attack I’ve had, I can normally control them if I concentrate on my breathing, but it didn’t work today…” I trailed off, feeling his arms wrap even tighter around me.
“Why didn’t you tell me? I noticed you seemed on edge in the truck the other night on the way back from the bar, I just thought you were mad at me.” He paused, and I lifted my head to look at him. His eyes were closed, and he whispered. “Were you hurt in the accident?” He opened his eyes and saw me looking at him.
“I hit my head on the window. I was in a coma for a few days, some dizzy spells. I’m okay now. I was lucky…others weren’t.” I looked away from him as a tear rolled down my cheek. He reached down and wiped the tear from my face.
“Please don’t cry. Talk to me, Libby.”
I didn’t want to tell him about Mia like this, sat on his lap, crying on the side of the road. “I will, just not now, we’d better go, we’re going to be late,” I told him trying to get up.
“Sweetheart, wait.” He said tightening his hold on me. “Are you okay? I can take you back to the ranch and go on my own to meet Jack?” He offered, stroking his fingers up and down my arm.
“I’m okay. I want to go and meet Jack. I need to do this. Please, Mason.” I begged.
He sighed. “Okay but I’m stopping the minute it looks like it might happen again.”
“Okay. Thank you.” I gave him a small smile. He reached down and kissed me on the forehead.
“No need to thank me, sweetheart. Come on let’s go and get your brother.”
He stood up with me in his arms, carrying me back to the truck as if I weighed nothing at all. He managed to open the truck door without having to put me down, gently placing me in my seat and reaching across me to put on my seatbelt. “Okay?” He asked me, brushing my cheek with the back of his hand.
“Yeah,” I whispered. He shut my door, and I took in a shaky breath, watching him go around the front of the truck and get in on the driver’s side. I was so embarrassed that he’d seen me like that. There wasn’t much I could do about it now, though, and it didn’t seem like he was freaked out about what had happened. I focused my eyes on the dashboard again, counting my breaths again as Mason pulled out into the traffic. We’d been on the side of the road for about twenty minutes which meant we were probably going to be late.
“Does your brother know about your panic attacks,” Mason asked breaking into my thoughts.
“He knows that I struggle in the car. The only other attack I’ve had happened on the way back from the hospital after I was discharged. I’ve always managed to control them other than today.” He reached over and plucked my hand from my lap, entwining his fingers with mine. I looked down at our hands in surprise. “What are you doing?” I asked him quietly.
“Just thought it might help if the drive was still bothering you.” He looked at me sheepishly. “I’m sorry.”
He went to pull his hand out of mine, but I stopped him gripping his hand tight. “No, don’t. It is helping. Thank you.” I looked up to meet his eyes briefly before he focused back on the road, a small smile tugging at his mouth. His thumb gently stroked the back of my hand, and my head dropped back against the seat. I was exhausted after what had just happened, and I closed my eyes enjoying the feeling of Mason’s hand in mine.
“Libby sweetheart, wake up, we’re here.” I opened my eyes to see that we’d arrived at the airport. I shook my head in an attempt to wake myself up.
“Sorry I fell asleep. I’ll text Jack to see if he’s landed.” I said looking around for my phone.
Mason held my phone up. “He’s landed; he text about five minutes ago. I replied, hope that’s ok? He’ll be out in a few minutes he’s just getting his luggage.”
“Oh okay.”
“I didn’t want to wake you until I knew Jack was here. I figured you could use the sleep.”
“Thank you. I hope I wasn’t snoring.” I joked, smiling at him.
“Nah, think you were dreaming about me, though.” He laughed. “You were saying, Mason don’t stop, that feels sooooo good.” His voice high pitched and squeaky.
“I was not!” I laughed, reaching over to smack him. My hand connected with the rock-hard abs of his stomach and I quickly pulled my hand back hugging it to my chest. “Ouch! God whose stomach is that hard!” I whined, rubbing my hand which was now pounding.
“Me, darling that’s who, and that serves you right for hitting me.” He said playfully his eyes sparkling. “Let me see your hand.” He held his hand out wanting me to show him mine.
“It’s fine,” I told him. “Come on let’s go and wait in arrivals.”
Ten minutes later and I was bouncing around, excitedly waiting for Jack to come through the arrival doors. “There he is. Jack,” I shouted waving my arms in the air. I could hear Mason chuckling beside me. I pushed my way through the crowds and flung myself into Jack’s arms. “You’re here!” I exclaimed.
“Hi Libby, how you doing?” Jack asked me spinning me round in a circle, his bags dropped to the floor by our feet.
“It’s so good to see you,” I told him. “I’ve missed you so much.”
“I’ve missed you too Lib.” He said putting me down and kissing me on the cheek.
Mason had made his way over to us and had picked up Jack’s bags. I turned to look at him and saw him grinning at me with that heart-stopping smile of his. I saw Jack looking between the two of us. “Jack, this is Mason, Mason my brother Jack.” I gestured between the two of them.
Mason put his hand out, and Jack shook it. “Nice to meet you, Jack.”
“Yeah, you too,” Jack told him.
“Mason works on the ranch. Savannah is at university, and everyone else is busy, so Mason offered to drive me to get you.”
“Thanks. I appreciate it.” Jack said to Mason.
“No problem. Come on the truck’s outside.”
We all headed outside to the truck where Mason put Jack’s bags on the backseat and held the passenger door open for me while I climbed in. As he went around the front of the truck to get in the driver’s side, Jack quickly said to me.
“Are you okay in the car Libby? Does Mason know about your panic attacks?”
I nodded. “He does. First hand, unfortunately.” I quickly shook my head as Mason got in the car hopefully signalling to Jack that I didn’t want to talk about it.
“So, Mason, you work on the ranch? What do you do?” Jack asked. I turned and smiled at him grateful that he’d changed the subject.
“I organise and lead the trips for the guests staying at the ranch. They can choose from, hiking, horse riding, fly fishing, activities like that. It’s quiet at the moment, but it gets busier during the summer months.”
“I’m looking forward to getting back on the ranch, it’s been a while.”
I sensed Mason looking over at me, I’d been counting my breaths and wringing my hands in my lap while they were chatting. The last thing I wanted was another panic attack. I felt him take my hand and lace his fingers through mine his thumb stroking the back of my hand again. I smiled over at him, the small gesture of having him hold my hand really was calming me down.
“Is there something I should know Libby? Is something going on with you two?” Jack asked from the back seat.
I tried to pull my hand free from Mason’s, but he gripped it tight and shook his head at me. “Nothing’s going on Jack, me and your sister are just friends. Holding her hand just seems to keeps her calm in the truck.” Mason told him.
I looked back to Jack who was looking sceptically at me.
“Lib, is that right?” Jack asked me.
“Yes, Jack. You don’t have to go all big brother on me.” I sighed, knowing I had to tell him what had happened on the way here. “I had a panic attack on the way to the airport. Mason had to pull over and calm me down. Holding his hand is helping me.” I admitted. I heard Jack take a deep breath and exhale slowly.
“Thanks for looking out for her Mason.”
“Anytime.” Mason squeezed my hand and smiled at me.
Mason and Jack chatted on and off on the drive back. I was still anxious in the truck, so I didn’t say much, I was happy to listen to them talk. Mason was telling Jack about the plans for the rodeo tomorrow. We would be heading over to Burnet early afternoon, Mason had said that there were fairground rides, live music, and stalls selling everything from food to cowboy boots with the bull riding starting around 7.30 pm. I couldn’t wait.
As we arrived back at the ranch, I could see Savannah and Aunt Claire waiting on the porch swing for us. All three of us headed up to the house to meet them. Aunt Claire pulled Jack into a hug.
“It’s great to see you, Jack. God, you’ve grown since I last saw you.” She chuckled leaning back to look up at him. He must have stood a good foot taller than her.
“Great to see you, Aunt Claire, you too Savannah.” He smiled over at her. “Thanks for having me, and trouble over there.” He said motioning to me with his hand.
“Hey!” I protested.
“Behave Jack.” Aunt Claire said laughing. “Libby’s no trouble at all.” She smiled over at me. “Mason.” She turned to look at him. “Thanks for picking Jack up, that was a big help.”
“No problem Claire. Happy to help.” Mason told her.
“Hey, Mason why don’t you join us for dinner tonight as a thank you? That’s okay, right Mom?” Savannah asked.
Aunt Claire hesitated. “Erm, yeah sure. We’ll be eating about six.”
“Thanks, Claire, that would be great. I won’t turn down a home cooked meal. I’ll get back to work then. See you later everyone, nice to meet you, Jack.” He stuck his hand out, and Jack reached out to shake it.
“Nice to meet you too Mason,” Jack replied. “Thanks for all your help.” His eyes drifted to me, and I knew he was thanking him for helping me in the truck earlier. Fortunately, no one else seemed to pick up on what Jack was saying. Aunt Claire and Savannah were heading inside, and Jack followed with his bags. Mason walked over to me.
“Are you sure you okay, after earlier?” He asked, concern showing on his face.
“I’m fine Mason, as embarrassed as I am about you seeing me like that, I’m glad you were there. I’m not sure how I would have managed if you hadn’t calmed me down.”
“There is no need to be embarrassed sweetheart, you never have to feel like that with me. I’m just glad I could help you, although I hope I never have to see you like that again. You scared the hell out of me.” He wrapped his arms around me, and I rested my head on his chest. “I’m not too good at this friends only thing, am I?” He whispered, tucking a strand of my loose hair behind my ear. “I can’t seem to stay away.”
“Me neither,” I admitted, sighing. I loved being in his arms, I felt safe there, and safe was something I hadn’t felt in a long time. Every time we were together he managed to touch me in some way, be it, holding my hand, hugging me or touching my face. He was making it very hard for me to resist him and I think he knew it.
“I’d better go sweetheart. I’ll see you later at dinner?” He asked pulling back from me slightly so he could see my face.
“I’ll be there. Thanks again… for everything.”
He smiled at me and leaned down to kiss my cheek “Bye.”
I watched him go, and as I turned to head into the house, I saw Jack on the porch watching me.
“You sure there’s nothing going on Lib?” He asked sceptically. “You can tell me.”
“There’s nothing going on. He’d like there to be but what’s the point. I’m only here on holiday.” I didn’t want to tell him what was really holding me back. I was seeing no signs of his player ways, maybe Savannah had him all wrong, and my first impressions of him had been unfair.
“I see the way he looks at you Lib. I think he really likes you.”
“I like him too, but there is no point opening myself up to more hurt. It can’t go anywhere.”
“Lib you’ve got to open yourself up to someone at some point. What would Mia say if she were here?”
I burst out laughing. “Mia would be telling me to jump his bones! You know what she was like.”
“Eww Lib, that’s not a visual I want in my head!” He grimaced.
“Well, you did ask!” I paused. “I really like him Jack, but I can’t get hurt, I already hurt too much. And I would end up hurt when the time came to go home.” I told him a little irritated that he was pushing me.
He put his hands up in defeat. “Okay Lib, but he seems a really nice guy.”
“Where has all this come from Jack? I can’t believe that you, my overprotective big brother, is encouraging me to pursue a guy I’ve known for less than a week.”
“I can see the chemistry between you two, I’m not blind, and I just want to see you happy that’s all.”
“I know, and I want to be happy. I’m just not sure that Mason is the answer.”
Aunt Claire appeared outside. “Come on you two, I’ve got cake and cold drinks inside.”
Jack linked his arm with hers, and I followed them inside, confused even more over my feelings for Mason.