I woke up the next morning stretching my arms above my head. I reached over to pick up my phone and saw that it was nearly 9.30 am. I had slept for nearly twelve hours straight with no nightmares. I hadn’t slept this well since before the accident.
I wasn’t working today, but I wanted to head to the bakery to speak to Sarah. I wanted to make sure that she was okay with me going away for a few weeks. I still couldn’t believe that I was going to be visiting Aunt Claire. I don’t think it had really sunk in yet. I had been unsure last night when my parents had first mentioned it, I haven’t really been out much other than to the bakery since I moved back home. I guess the idea of going half way around the world on my own was daunting.
I didn’t want to live hiding away in my bedroom, though. Jack had been right last night when he accused me of locking myself away, I just wasn’t ready to admit that to him yet. Moving back with my parents had been my only choice after the accident, but it was hard being here. There were memories of Mia and me everywhere I went in the village, and right now those memories hurt. Time away would be good.
I pulled myself out of bed and headed for the shower. After I dried my hair and got dressed, I went downstairs to find my Mum. I found her in the kitchen taking a cake out of the oven. “Morning Mum,” I said kissing her on the cheek. “That smells nice.”
“Morning Libby, how did you sleep?” She asked smiling at me.
She must have known that I’d had no nightmares as I usually always woke her up with my screaming. “Really well actually, the best in a long time,” I replied smiling back at her.
“It’s so good to see you smile honey, I’ve missed it.” She told me pulling me in for a hug, tears welling in her eyes. “So,” She said, recovering quickly. “I spoke to Aunt Claire last night; she is so happy that you’ve decided to go and visit them. Savannah can’t wait to see you. Your Dad and I had a quick look at some flights last night, we think we can get you on one on Friday afternoon.” She said excitedly.
“Friday afternoon! But it's Wednesday today.” I exclaimed.
“There’s no reason to wait is there?”
“I guess not. It’s all just happening a little quickly. I need to speak with Sarah to check that I’m okay to take some time off.”
“I’ve already spoken to Sarah, I told you yesterday. There really is nothing stopping you.”
I think my Mum was just desperate to get me on the plane in case I changed my mind. “I know you did Mum, but I’d really like to speak with her myself to check that she really is okay with it. It is my job after all.” I said a little frustrated. I reached for the bread and put two slices in the toaster.
“Of course, sweetheart.” She replied sheepishly. “But I promise you that Sarah is fine with it, she thinks that it’s a great idea.”
My toast popped up, and I sat at the table eating it. I looked down at the clothes I’d put on, an old pair of black joggers and a black t-shirt. It was what I usually wore unless I was at work. The joggers were baggy, and the t-shirt wasn’t much better. I thought back to what my Mum had said last night about me having lost a lot of weight. I hadn’t really noticed until now, but I was considerably thinner than before the accident, and I wasn’t exactly big then, a size 12 at the most. I must have been an 8 or a 10 now.
“Mum, I think I’m going to need some new clothes to take with me. Everything I’ve got is baggy and black.” I hesitated. “Do you think you could come with me to get some new ones? I’m guessing it’s hot in Texas this time of year?” I asked.
“Yes definitely! I’ve been dying to take you shopping for ages.” She clapped her hands together excitedly. Suddenly she stopped and turned to me, her face taking on a worried look. “Will you be okay in the car? We could take the train if you’d prefer?” She suggested.
The first time I travelled in a car after the accident I’d had a panic attack. It had been on the way home from the hospital after I was discharged. My Dad nearly had to turn the car around and take me back, but somehow, I managed to pull myself out of it and get home. I’d been in a car a couple of times since then. I’d never had another panic attack, but I had to concentrate on my breathing and count my breaths in and out to calm me down and get through the journey.
“No, we’ll go in the car, I won’t be able to avoid the trucks once I get to Aunt Claire’s,” I said, my stomach fluttering with nerves. The ranch was huge, and they used trucks to get around. I knew that I’d have to travel in those if I was going to help out while I was there.
I stood up. “I’ll go and get ready, but I want to stop by the bakery on the way.”
“Ok honey.” My Mum replied smiling.
Fifteen minutes later and we were parked in the village. Mum had decided to wait in the car while I visited with Sarah. As I pushed open the door to the bakery, the bell chimed above me. “Be right with you.” I heard Sarah shout from the back. She came into sight a few seconds later, wiping her hands on her apron. “Hi Libby, I wasn’t expecting to see you today. I thought you’d be getting ready for your trip?” She asked me, a smile on her lips.
“That’s actually what I came to talk to you about,” I replied.
“You haven’t changed your mind, have you?” She asked, concern evident in her voice. “I really think you should go Libby, you could do with getting away from the village for a bit.”
“No, I still want to go. I just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t leaving you short staffed. I don’t want to let you down.” I told her quietly.
Making her way around the counter, she pulled me into a hug. “Of course, you’re not letting me down. Leo can always help out if we get busy, please don’t worry about anything here. There will always be a job here for you Libby, no matter how long you’re gone.”
“Thank you,” I told her, hugging her back.
“I can see how lost you are sweetie, a break could be just what you need.”
I nodded, stepping out of the hug. “Mum and Dad are looking at flights for Friday, I’m sorry I can’t give you any more notice.”
“Libby, it’s fine. Don’t come in tomorrow, use the time to get yourself sorted and I’ll see you when you get back.”
“Thank you,” I told her again.
“Stop thanking me. Just promise me that you’ll have an amazing time.”
“I’ll do my best,” I told her, giving her a quick hug before leaving the shop and making my way towards the car. I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders knowing that I wasn’t letting Sarah down, and that my job would still be waiting for me once I came home.
I was now sat in the passenger seat of my Mum’s car with my hands clasped tightly together and my eyes shut. My Mum was trying to take my mind off my nervousness by talking nonstop. I, however, had zoned out and wasn’t listening to what she was saying. I was counting my breaths in and out in an attempt to ward off a panic attack. We lived about twenty minutes from Shrewsbury, our local town, and we’d been in the car for about ten minutes, so I didn’t have long left. Before I knew it, my Mum was parking the car, and I was breathing a sigh of relief.
Shrewsbury was a lovely market town packed with old fashioned black and white buildings and steep, narrow streets. The River Severn looped around the town, and there was even a castle in the centre. It had been well over a year since I’d been here, and I’d forgotten how much I liked it.
I pretty much needed a whole new wardrobe. Before we left, I had looked online at temperatures for Austin this time of year, and I was going to need summer clothes if it was going to be the 25 Celsius it said.
Several hours later and my feet were killing me. We had bags full of clothes, shoes and even the odd bikini which my Mum had insisted we buy. We were also pulling along a new suitcase to put it all in.
When we stopped for a well-earned food break, my Mum called my Dad and asked him to book the Friday flight that they had found the night before. He called back about ten minutes later to say that it was all booked. It was official. I was going to America. On my own. The nerves soon kicked in, and I suddenly couldn’t finish my food. My Mum noticed my change in mood and reached over the table to squeeze my hand as I hung my head, my eyes on my lap.
“You will be fine Libby, I promise.” She said, smiling encouragingly at me as I looked up. “I know that you don’t like to fly and because of that, we’ve booked a direct flight to Austin from Heathrow. It will mean us getting up early on Friday morning to get you down there, but it will save you having to get a connecting flight like the last time we went.” She paused. “And were going to take the train to Heathrow, so I don’t want you worrying about the car journey down there either.”
When we had visited Aunt Claire and Uncle Ryan when I was fifteen, we had flown from Manchester Airport. That had meant catching a connecting flight from O’Hare International Airport in Chicago, down to Austin. Not only had it taken forever to get there, it meant catching two flights and I really didn’t like flying.
Tears filled my eyes. “Thank you for doing this for me.” I paused wiping my eyes. “I know I haven’t been easy to live with since I’ve moved home. I know how much you worry about me.”
“Sweetheart you do not have to thank me. Your Dad and I would do anything for you. You have been through a terrible ordeal; we just want to see you happy again Libby. I really think that a trip to the ranch could be the start of you returning back to your old self.” She stood up and pulled me in for a hug. “Come on, eat up, we can get home and get you packed then.” She said smiling at me.
We got home about forty minutes later, and my Dad’s car was on the drive as we pulled up. We headed inside to find him on the sofa eating fish and chips. He never was very good in the kitchen; my Mum was the cook of the house.
“Good day shopping ladies?” He asked taking in our huge haul of bags.
“Yep!” I replied as I flopped on the opposite sofa. “My feet are killing me.”
“She’s got everything she needs; we just need to get it all packed, and she’ll be set to go.” My Mum told him.
I think my Mum was more excited for this trip than I was. I knew after today that she was desperate to have me back to my usual self, I just hoped I didn’t let her down. I had really enjoyed our shopping trip. It had been a while since we’d done something just the two of us. We’d had plenty of shopping trips before I went off to university, but once I’d moved to Manchester, trips home were few and far between, and after the accident, I hadn’t wanted to go out and do anything. I realised then how tough the past few months must have been for both of my parents. I had been too busy drowning in my own grief to notice. The accident had impacted all of our lives.
I got up off the sofa and went over to hug my Dad. He hugged me back. “What was that for sweetie?” He asked.
“Just a thank you for all you’ve done for me, for this trip and putting up with me these past few months. I love you, You too Mum.” I said looking over to her.
“We love you too Libby. Very Much.” My Mum said coming to hug me.
“I’m going to go up to my room and sort through my clothes,” I said walking out into the hall.
“Let me know if you need any help?” My Mum called after me.
“Will do,” I replied back, climbing the stairs.
I emptied all of the bags onto my bed and started folding everything, placing it in my suitcase as I went. We had gone a little overboard with the shopping, but with the weight I had lost over the past few months none of my summer clothes from last year would have fit me. Even my current underwear was big, and I’d had to have new bras and knickers. I didn’t want to think how much my Mum had spent.
An hour or so later I was all packed. My Mum had come upstairs to tell me that she had spoken to my Aunt and arranged for her to pick me up from the airport in Austin once my flight had landed. Aunt Claire knew about my nervousness when I was travelling in a car, so at least if I had a panic attack, she would know why. I really hoped that I wouldn’t, but it was about an hour’s car ride from the airport to the ranch, and that would be the longest journey I’d done in a car since before the accident. My stomach rolled at the thought, but I pushed my fears away. I had a ten-hour flight to get through first.
I brushed my teeth and got ready for bed. I remembered that I needed to text Jack to let him know that we’d booked my flight. I grabbed my phone and sent him a quick message.
Me: Hey Jack, my flight is booked. I land in Austin at 6.10pm on Friday! Let me know if u can manage to get a flight out xxx
Jack: Will definitely be getting a flight, will have a look and let u know xxx
Me: Great, I’ll be seeing u soon then! Can’t wait xxx
I reached for my Kindle to read for a bit. I was exhausted after today’s shopping trip, but I loved to read, it was my escape from reality. It allowed me to get out of my head and live in someone else’s world for a while. After everything that had happened, it felt like everyone else’s life was better than mine at the moment. I was hopeful that things would soon change for the better, though.