I opened the front door to an empty house, breathing a sigh of relief I headed upstairs. My parents must have still been at work, my Dad worked as an IT Consultant, and my Mum worked part time as a receptionist at the local Doctors surgery. She would normally be home by now but often worked late if the Doctor was running behind.
I had a quick shower and headed downstairs, flopping on the sofa. As I did, I heard the key in the door and my Mum walked in. “Libby?” She called out.
“In here Mum,” I shouted back. She popped her head around the living room door.
“How was work, honey?” She asked.
“Fine,” I answered deciding not to tell her about Mrs Rogers, even though Sarah probably would when they next spoke. “How was your day?” I asked her, getting up off the sofa and following her into the kitchen.
“Good, busy, but good. Can you get the dinner on while I go and change?” She opened the fridge door and got out a cottage pie that she must have made this morning after her early wake- up call. “Your Dad should be home soon, can you set the table as well, please? Thanks, honey.” She said making her way upstairs.
Ten minutes later my Dad arrived home, he called out hello as he entered the kitchen and headed over to my Mum, kissing her on the lips. My Mum was preparing the vegetables, and I was sitting at the kitchen table, fidgeting nervously while I waited to hear what they wanted to discuss with me.
I didn’t have to wait long, as soon as we all sat down to eat they hit me with it.
“We’ve been talking to your Aunt Claire.” My Mum said hesitantly. “We think that you should go and visit her for a few weeks, the weather will be lovely there, and Claire would love to see you, as well as Uncle Ryan and your cousins.” She looked over at me nervously, obviously worried as to what my reaction would be.
“You want me to go and stay with Aunt Claire?” I asked, shocked. “But she lives in America!”
My Dad’s sister had gone to study at the University of Texas in Austin, it was there that she had met Uncle Ryan. After university, they had married and had two children, apart from the odd visit to see us over the years she had never come home. We had been out to visit them twice when I was growing up, once when I was ten, and again when I was fifteen. They owned a huge horse ranch near to Austin in Texas, people could holiday there and learn how to ride the horses among other things. Uncle Ryan had inherited the ranch from his father a couple of years ago, and now he and my Aunt ran it together.
“Libby, we’re worried about you, you’re not sleeping, you’re barely eating, you’ve lost a lot of weight sweetheart. You’re not living you’re just existing. Mia died, and that was tragic, but you’re still here, and you need to start living again. We think that this will be good for you.” I could hear her voice cracking with emotion as she spoke.
“It sounds like I don’t have a choice, that you’ve already decided that I’m going, what about my job? I can’t let Sarah down; I’ve only been working in the bakery a few weeks, and I hate flying!” I rushed out, panicked.
“Libby, you’re nineteen years old, we can’t make you go, but we really think that you should, and as for your job, I’ve already spoken to Sarah, this is only a holiday, you can go back to the bakery when you get home if that’s what you want.” Her eyes pleading with me.
“I need to think about it, I’m going up to my room,” I said, quickly jumping up and making for the door.
“Libby?” My Mum called out.
“Leave her love, give her some time to think it through.” I heard my Dad say quietly.
I went upstairs and lay on my bed, I couldn’t go to America, could I? What would I do when I was there? I hadn’t seen my cousins in over four years, would we even get on? Brody was twenty-two, and Savannah was a year older than me at twenty. As far as I knew Brody worked on the ranch and Savannah was at the University of Texas. The ranch was beautiful; it was just outside the town of Marble Falls and close to the Colorado river. I had loved visiting when I was a child, maybe my Mum was right, and I should go, what did I have to lose?
The more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea. I would need to speak to Sarah tomorrow, to check that she really was okay that I take time off so soon after starting to work for her, but the thought of escaping for a few weeks really appealed to me. What I’d said earlier to my parents was true though, I did hate to fly, but I’d done it before, I could do it again. I could even contact Jack and see if he would be able to visit for a week or so. I hadn’t seen him in months, and I missed him. I rolled over and reached for my phone, Jack checked in every few days and the last I’d heard from him he was in Fort Lauderdale. I had no idea what time it was there, but I send him a quick text anyway.
Me: Hi Jack, hope ur ok?? Mum and Dad have suggested that I visit Aunt Claire and Uncle Ryan at the ranch for a holiday, they think it will be good for me to get away! If I decide to go do u think u could meet me there for a few days?? Xxx
My phone lit up almost immediately with a response.
Jack: Hey little sis, I’m good, how are u? I think it’s a great idea to visit Aunt Claire! Why are you even thinking about it? It’s a great opportunity, you should definitely go. I’m sure I can fit a trip to Texas into my busy schedule lol! Let me know your decision. Love ya xxx
I smiled at his response, I think we both knew that he didn’t have a busy schedule! He was having a great time, his time to come home was creeping up on him, but I could tell when I spoke to him on the phone that he didn’t want to come back.
Me: I feel guilty. Mia would have loved to visit the ranch but she can’t, and it’s my fault.
Jack was the only person I spoke to about how guilty I felt following the accident. I’m sure my parents knew how I felt, I just never spoke to them about it. It was somehow easier to talk to Jack; we weren’t face to face, and I couldn’t see the pity in his eyes. I knew that he was just as worried about me as my parents were. He had even offered to cut short his trip and come home permanently after the accident. There was no way I was going to let him do that, though, he had been planning this trip for ages, and I wasn’t going to ruin it for him.
My phone rang in my hand. “Hello,” I answered, as Jack’s name flashed on the screen.
“Libby, you need to stop blaming yourself for the accident, you weren’t driving, that arsehole was, he is responsible for Mia’s death, not you! You can’t not live your life; Mia wouldn’t want that! If you had died in that accident would you have wanted Mia to blame herself and lock herself in her bedroom?” I could hear the frustration in his voice.
“I should have known that Mitch would have had more than one drink. I shouldn’t have let him take us home! If we’d caught a taxi, she’d still be alive.” I almost shouted, tears rolling down my face. “And I don’t lock myself in my room!”
“You asked him if he’d been drinking, he made the decision to lie to you, he drove that car knowing that he would have been a danger on the road. You cannot be responsible for his decisions, please Libby, Mia wouldn’t want you to feel like this.” I could hear the pleading tone in his voice. “Go to Aunt Claire’s. I agree with Mum and Dad that it will do you good to get away from there. You're allowed to be happy Libby.” He said quietly.
“It’s just so hard Jack, I miss her so much,” I whispered.
“I know…but she would want you to be happy. Please, promise me you will seriously consider going?”
“I will, I promise.”
“I’d better go; the boys are waiting for me. Let me know when you’ve decided. I love you.”
“I love you too. Have a good day. I’ll speak to you soon.” I promised as I ended the call.
I stood up and looked out of my bedroom window, staring at the darkening sky, I could just make out the moon in between the clouds. I thought back to what Jack had said on the phone. I knew that Mia would hate that I was putting my life on hold because I felt guilty over her death. She would never have blamed me, but I still couldn’t stop blaming myself.
She would want me to go to the ranch, I remember how jealous she was that I went when I was fifteen. She had made me tell her every detail when I’d returned. I smiled to myself as I thought back to the conversation we’d had that day. I’d gone straight over to her house when we’d got home from the airport.
“Thank god you’re back Lib. It’s been so boring here while you were gone. You have to tell me everything you did.” She’d said, linking my arm and guiding me up to her bedroom. I’d followed her, laughing as she pulled me along. “Urgh, you’re so brown, don’t stand too close to me.” She joked.
“It was great Mia, I wish you could have come. The ranch is amazing, they’ve got loads of horses, and I rode every day, as well as sunbathing and swimming in the river with Savannah and Brody. Next time we go, I’ll ask if you can come too.”
“How is that fine cousin of yours?” She’d asked, wiggling her eyebrows at me.
“Savannah’s great thanks.” I’d told her, smiling.
“I mean Brody!” She’d exclaimed.
“He’s good too.” I’d said laughing.
“I bet you met loads of gorgeous cowboys, didn’t you?”
I squeezed my eyes shut as I was pulled from the memory and shook my head, smiling sadly. She really was boy mad even then.
I made my way downstairs to speak to my parents. They had finished their dinner and were now relaxing in the lounge. They smiled at me when I walked in.
“We heard voices, were you on the phone honey?” Asked my Mum.
“Yeah, I was talking to Jack,” I replied. “I asked him if he’d be able to meet me at Aunt Claire’s for a few days.”
My Mum jumped to her feet. “Does that mean that you’ll go?” She squealed excitedly.
I laughed. “Yes, Mum I’ll go, as long as Aunt Claire and Uncle Ryan don’t mind having me there. I’m happy to help out around the ranch. I don’t want to be in the way.”
My Mum burst into tears as she flung her arms around me, pulling me in for a hug. “Of course they don’t mind having you there, it was actually Claire’s suggestion that you come. I’m so happy that you’ve decided to go. I really do think it will be the best thing for you.” She gushed. “I’m going to call Claire now and tell her the news.” She rushed out of the room in search of the phone.
I forced a smile, looking towards my Dad. While I had agreed to go, my Mum was giving the impression that a few weeks away was going to miraculously cure my nightmares and make me forget all about the accident. My Dad gave me a small smile. “She just wants to see you happy love.” He must have known what I was thinking. “She’s so worried about you, she’s just hoping that a few weeks away will pull you out of your shell and somehow get you back to your old self.”
“I can’t promise that Dad; I can’t imagine ever being how I was before the accident, but I’ll do my best.” I went over and planted a kiss on his cheek. “It’s been a long day; I’m going to try and get some sleep. Tell Mum I’ll see her in the morning. Night Daddy.”
“You’ll get there sweetheart; these things take time, and this is definitely a step in the right direction. Night night.” He said.
I could hear my Mum on the phone, talking excitedly to Aunt Claire as I went up to bed. I found my phone lying on the bed, and I sent a quick message to Jack.
Me: I’ve decided to go to Aunt Claire’s. Mum is on the phone to her now, she’s a bit excited! I’m sure Mum will be booking my flight tomorrow, so I’ll let you know the details. Love you xxx
I put my phone on the side and got ready for bed, sliding under the duvet my eyes felt heavy. My early morning and a full day at work were catching up with me. I hoped that I would be able to avoid the nightmares tonight and get a decent night’s sleep. Just as I was nodding off, I heard my phone beep with an incoming message. I reached over and grabbed it, seeing that I had a reply from Jack.
Jack: That’s great Sis! It will be so good to see u, I miss your face! Will catch up tomorrow with the details xxx
I smiled as I fell into what I hoped would be a peaceful sleep.