~ Andrea

Seattle.

Finally, after eighteen days of traveling all the way from Hillsboro, Wisconsin, we’ve managed to get to our destination.

Our road trip has officially ended.

As I lie on my bed, staring at the ceiling, I heave a massive sigh of relief.

I know this whole trip was my idea but I have to say I’m exhausted, maybe even more so than I was during my book tour. All those different houses, all the time in the car, all of the things I did to keep Rose occupied, all the drama with Rose and with Clay – now that I think about them all, I can’t believe I’ve survived.

I don’t regret any of it, though. I thought it was a good idea and I was right. Rose has gone through a lot of different experiences and she’s stronger now, better, out of her shell and ready for the future. She and Clay have grown close as well and even though they look nothing alike, one can immediately see the bond they share – that of a father and daughter. As for me, I’ve learned a lot, too. I’ve learned about children. I’ve discovered new things about myself. I’ve learned new things about Clay.

Clay.

If anything, I’ve learned throughout this trip that we haven’t buried the past completely, that he still has feelings for me and maybe I still have feelings for him.

Finally, you admit it.

But it doesn’t mean anything. Relationships are not based on feelings but mutual decisions. And I’m not ready to decide yet.

I told myself at the beginning I was going to enjoy this trip and make the most of it and that’s what I’ve done. I tried not to think too much. I tried not to worry about things. And I did enjoy. In spite of everything, I enjoyed. I had fun.

And now, the fun has come to an end. Or has it?

Who said I have to worry now? Why should I start thinking about things again?

Why? Why can’t we stay as we are now?

Because happiness can’t be real unless you’ve faced the pain first.

But I’ve faced it, haven’t I? I endured it for so long. Why do I have to go back to it?

I shake my head. No. I’m not going back there. I’ll just keep going forward. I’ll go with the flow, maintain the status quo. Nothing has to change. Nothing has to happen. Everything will be fine.

I will be fine.

Ending on that note, I get out of bed and head to the shower. It’s been a long trip and a long day but it’s over now. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

---

“Jo?”

I clamp a hand over my gaping mouth, my eyes wide as I stare at the person at the door.

I can’t believe it. Jo’s here.

“Jo!” I wrap my arms around her.

“Careful,” she warns. “You might spill the coffee I brought.”

“Oops. Sorry.” I take the Starbucks cups she’s brought and sniff one. “Ah, Starbucks. The smell of Seattle.”

“I’ve brought food, too.” Jo sets down the bags she’s carrying on the table. “Local specialties – Mac and Cheese from Beecher’s, Dick’s burgers, Ezell’s fried chicken and piroshkies.”

I place one hand on my hip, nodding. “Wow. Someone’s been reading blogs and making rounds.”

“You bet.” Jo smiles, taking off her coat. “This is my first time in Seattle, after all.”

“I can’t believe it really is you!” I give her another hug.

“No, it’s not me,” she says. “I’m Jo’s clone, made even more good-looking than her.”

“Very funny.” I pull away. “I’ve missed you.”

“Really? I seem to recall you leaving me at the hotel with just a goodbye note written on the hotel notepad. What was I? A jilted lover?”

“Oh, stop it. At least, I left a note.”

“Three sentences.” Jo holds out three fingers.

I pull out a chair. “I said I left a note, not a letter. Besides, I sent you a bunch of messages along the way.”

“You mean at first.” She pulls out the chair beside mine. “And then I felt just like your mother. You know, you tell me when you’ve left and you tell me when you’ve arrived.”

I place my arms on the table. “Things got busy, okay?”

“Whatever.” She rolls her eyes.

I look at her. “Why are you here again?”

“So, you miss me one moment and you’re dismissing me the next. Perfect.”

“I’m not dismissing you. I’m asking.”

“Because I missed you, too, of course.”

I smile.

“And I need some papers signed.” She grabs some papers from inside her bag.

I sigh. “I knew it.”

She places the papers in front of me. “I’ve actually been waiting for days, trying to catch you but you’ve just been going from one place to another so I thought I’d just wait for you in Seattle.”

I raise an eyebrow. “And how long have you been waiting for me?”

She lifts her eyes to the ceiling as she touches her chin. “A week.”

“Wow. No wonder you’ve had time to look around.”

I spend the next few minutes in silence, reading the documents I have to sign then just after Jo hands me a pen, Rose and Clay come in.

“Well, it looks like we have a guest,” Clay says, putting Rose down.

I stand up. “Clay, this is Jo. I believe I’ve told you about her. Jo, this is Clay. You’ve met before, remember?”

“Yes, but I don’t remember being introduced.” Jo stands up and extends her arm. “Pleasure to meet you, Clay.”

“Yes, I remember you,” Clay says, shaking her hand.

I can almost swear I can see stars in Jo’s eyes. What is she, Clay’s fan girl? Well, she’s had eyes for him since he walked into that bar.

What? Are you jealous?

Please. We’ve already been through this.

“And this is Rose,” I continue with the introductions, placing a hand on Rose’s shoulder. “Rose, this is my friend, Jo.”

Jo shakes Rose’s hand. “I’ve heard a lot about you, too, little girl.”

“I have a friend, too,” Rose says. “Her name is Jessica.”

“Really? That’s nice.”

“Do you want Mac and cheese?” I ask Rose. “Jo brought some.”

“Cheese!” Rose shouts, going to the bags on the table to find her treasure.

“She loves cheese,” I tell Jo then glance at Clay. “Jo brought other food, as well – some of the best that Seattle has to offer.”

He grabs a Starbucks cup. “I can see that.”

“Yum!” Rose says, finding her bowl of Mac and cheese.

“Come on, Rose.” Clay gets the bowl from her, which she tries to get back but to no avail. “Let’s eat in the garden, shall we?” He glances at me. “I’ll leave the two of you alone.”

“Thanks,” I tell him.

Jo waves at him. “Bye. Nice meeting you.”

I sit down, signing the papers. Jo remains standing up, craning her head as she watches them disappear.

“If you don’t stop drooling, the papers will get wet, you know,” I scold her.

She sits down, sighing. “Please tell me you’ve slept with that hunk.”

“What?” I look at her in horror. “Are you nuts? Why would I do that?”

“Because he’s so hot.”

I let out a deep breath as I hand her back the pen. “Jo, you don’t sleep with someone just because he’s hot.”

She bites the tip of the pen. “I would if it was him.”

I shake my head. I don’t even know what to think about her reaction anymore.

“Besides, he’s your ex, isn’t he?”

Again, my chin drops to the floor. “How did you…?”

“Honey, I wasn’t born yesterday.” She touches the pen to her cheek. “Do you really think I’d believe that you’d make such a big fuss over just running into someone you went to the same high school with at a bar? Heck, I barely remember the people I went to high school with and I don’t give a damn about any of them. Made my life miserable, they all did. Besides, you wouldn’t just take off because an old high school friend asked.”

I sigh. I guess I’m busted.

“Come on,” Jo urges. “Let’s come clean with it.”

“Fine. He is my ex, okay? We were high school sweethearts. We fell apart like all high school sweethearts do. End of story.”

“You sure? Because I think it still has a sequel coming up. Maybe it’s even the start of a series.”

“I am not getting back together with him if that’s what you’re suggesting,” I tell her.

“Why not?” Jo points the pen at me. “And don’t you dare tell me you don’t have feelings for him anymore because I can see it, honey.”

Really? Is it that obvious?

“He left me once before,” I answer.

“So you don’t trust him anymore. And yet, you’re living with him.”

“I am not…” I raise my hands and put them on the table. “I’m only here because he hired me to take care of Rose. She has a phobia and she’s still recovering from her father’s death. That’s all.”

“Since when did you become a stay-in psychologist?”

“Jo…”

“In fact, since when did you care so much for just one child? I thought you didn’t even like treating children anymore.”

“I was wrong,” I admit. “I forgot how amazing it feels like to be around a child, to be able to get through to a child and understand how he or she feels.”

“So, are you going back to having a clinic now?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. I don’t have any plans.”

“Because if it’s just this one child, you can just marry her father, be her mother and take care of her forever.”

“Whoa!” I raise a hand. “I just said we’re not getting back together, remember? Or did you not hear that part?”

“I don’t understand that part,” Jo says, putting the papers back inside her bag. “So, what if he’s left you before? Come on, you were in high school. Most people make their worst mistakes in high school but end up happy and successful anyway. What did he do? Leave you for another girl?”

I shrug. “I don’t know.”

Jo’s eyebrows crease. “What do you mean?”

“He just left. We were supposed to go to college together and he just disappeared, like he just got cold feet.”

“Have you asked him why? Have you talked about this?”

“No.” I grab my coffee. “And I don’t want to. It doesn’t matter anymore. The past is in the past.”

“Oh, now, you’re Elsa, the ice queen.”

I frown at her.

“You know why Elsa could let it go?” Jo props an elbow on the table and rests her chin on one hand. “Because she was finally able to be true to herself, to show everyone her true colors. That’s why she didn’t care if they liked her or not. What about you? Are you being true to yourself?”

“I have let it go,” I tell Jo. “I’ve left the past behind. I’ve moved on.”

“Says the girl who’s still a virgin.”

I sigh. “Can we please not talk about that? What does that have got to do with this anyway?”

“Everything,” Jo says. “If you’ve really moved on, you wouldn’t be a virgin anymore.”

“I just haven’t found anyone, okay?”

“You found Paul, remember? But it didn’t work out.”

“Because we just…It just didn’t work out, okay?”

“If you’re saying you’ve left the past behind, why do you still feel hurt, hmm?”

I pause, unable to answer.

“I’ll answer it for you,” Jo goes on. “You’re still hurting because you still love him, because it’s still broken and he’s the only one who can put the pieces back together.”

“You’re wrong,” I tell her, shaking my head. “My heart can never be put back together.”

“The wound is still open because there’s a splinter in it, because you haven’t taken it out, because you want him to take it out. You’ve been waiting for him all this time.”

I shake my head again.

“What are you scared of, Andrea?” Jo asks. “Are you really scared of the pain or are you scared of having the pieces of your heart put back together because you know when it’s fixed, it will only tell you one thing?”

“Enough.” I get off my chair, turning my back to her. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“Fine.” Jo exhales. “I would prefer to discuss this over drinks, anyway. Think you can go with me to a bar tonight?”

I turn around. “I’ll pass. I don’t think I’ll ever go to a bar again. That’s where all this started, remember?”

“Killjoy,” Jo accuses, pouting.

I ignore her, grabbing my cup of coffee to take another sip.

“Besides, I think I’ll sleep early tonight.”

---

Or so I thought.

Maybe I’ve had too much coffee, though, because I can’t sleep, so now, here I am at the balcony, staring at the horizon and trying not to think of all the things Jo told me, feeling that I’ll go crazy if I do.

I was glad to see her. Really, I was. But she can ruffle my feathers sometimes.

“There you are.”

I turn my head to see Clay with a can of beer.

He lifts it. “Want one to celebrate the end of our road trip?”

“No, thanks. I’ve learned my lesson.”

“You mean you had fun. You should have fun every once in a while. No one is going to take that against you.”

“I’ve had fun moments on this trip,” I tell him. “But that wasn’t one of them.”

He leans on the railing. “You know my favorite part?”

“What?” I ask curiously.

“Nah. I don’t have any. I loved the whole trip.” He takes a sip from his can of beer. “What about you? What’s your favorite part?”

“Just seeing Rose’s progress,” I answer. “But that’s not really a part, is it?”

Clay shrugs, taking another sip. “Can you believe we really did it? That we really drove from Hillsboro, Wisconsin to Seattle Washington?”

“It is quite unbelievable.”

“Well, of course, I was the one who drove most of the way. You were mostly sleeping.”

“Was not,” I argue.

“Oh, by the way. I got you something.” He takes a small package out of his pocket. “I got it from Custer, I think.”

“You think?”

He offers it to me.

I shake my head. “You didn’t have to.”

“But I already did.”

I look at the package. “Fine.”

As long as it isn’t a diamond ring, I guess I might as well accept.

I open the package, finding a rainbow-colored scarf inside.

“A scarf?” I unroll the strip of silk.

“The color reminded me of candies and candies remind me of you.”

I chuckle. “How sweet.”

I don’t really wear scarves but I try it on, winding it around my neck.

“Well, how does it look?”

“All you need is big sunglasses and a convertible and you’d pass for a Hollywood star,” Clay says.

I stick my tongue out at him.

“It looks amazing,” he adds.

I blush, looking away, then suddenly remember that I have something for him, too.

“Wait here.”

I go back inside, heading to my room and finding the Viking statue wrapped in newspaper inside my suitcase. I take it, giving it to Clay.

“Sorry. I forgot to have it wrapped.”

“It’s fine.” He peels off the newspaper and looks at the statue. “Even warriors need a break, huh?”

“Yup.” I lean over the railing, clasping my hands together. “It’s my way of saying even CEOs need a vacation.”

“Well, this was certainly a good vacation,” Clay says. “And thanks for the present. I didn’t think you’d get me one.”

“Why not? We’re friends, aren’t we?”

Clay doesn’t answer, sipping his beer.

I straighten up, putting my hands on the railing. “I guess you’re going back to work once we go back to John’s ranch.”

“Actually, no, not until Rose is officially my daughter and everything’s settled. Maybe not even until she’s overcome her phobia, whichever comes second.”

“Really?” I look at him in surprise.

“Like you said, she is the most important thing in my life now.”

“So, what are your plans then when we go back to Hillsboro?” I ask him.

“Spend more time with Rose,” Clay answers. “Actually, I have a surprise waiting for her at home.”