~ Andrea

It’s only been a year since I last saw my Dad and yet, he looks much older now as he sits on his favorite rattan chair holding a sweating bottle of Budweiser, wrinkles under his eyes and his skin slightly paler.

Or did I do that? Did the news of my recent marriage, a marriage that no one expected and knew of, cause my poor father to age doubly in the past few days?

I shake my head. I don’t want to think about that but if it’s true, then I should try to ease his mind.

“Daddy.” I walk over to him.

He looks at me and lets me kiss his cheek but he doesn’t smile. That alone tells me something is wrong. In the past years, when I came home, Daddy would always be greeting me with a smile as wide as his big arms that were ready to wrap around me. In fact, I don’t remember a time that he didn’t greet me at the front door.

I sit beside him. “How are you?”

“Old,” he says, sipping his beer. “So many things have changed. Beer doesn’t taste as good as it used to. My body doesn’t move as fast. And daughters get married behind their father’s backs.”

I frown at that last part. I didn’t realize until now how much I hurt my father. How could I have been so thoughtless?

I touch his arm. “Daddy, I’m sorry.”

He moves his arm away, taking another sip of beer.

I take a deep breath. “I know I hurt you. I was stupid, selfish and cruel. I realize that now.”

He says nothing.

“Everything happened so fast,” I go on.

“Bullshit.”

I pause, eyes wide. I’ve never heard my Dad curse before.

I take a deep breath. “If I could take the time back, believe me, I would. I would have a grand wedding, a big wedding surrounded by family and friends, everyone who knows and loves me.”

“You wouldn’t have enough room for all that,” he says.

I smile, his words giving me hope. He may be mad at me but he still loves me. I am his daughter, after all, his favorite if you ask me, though Rachel, of course, would never approve.

“I guess not.”

“Big weddings are a waste of money,” he says. “And don’t mean anything. Look at your sister. She had a big wedding, didn’t she? But look at her and Dan, always fighting these days.”

“I heard. I’m sure they’ll get through it.”

“Well, at least, she invited me and your mother to her wedding.”

And there it goes again.

I sigh. How do I explain that I didn’t invite them because the wedding wasn’t even real? Well, it wasn’t supposed to be real.

I take another deep breath as I clasp my hands together. “I don’t really have a reason for not inviting you, if that’s what you’re waiting to hear. I didn’t come home to make excuses. I came home because I wanted to be with my family for Thanksgiving like I have been every Thanksgiving, because I wanted to show you and Mom and Rachel and Tom that you are all still important to me. You will always be my family.”

He glances at me. “I thought you came because your mother threatened you.”

“Well, there is that, too,” I admit. “You know Mom, she can be scary sometimes.”

He snickers. “You can say that again.”

“But not as scary as the thought of losing my family,” I say. “You weren’t there at my wedding but you were in my heart. You are always in my heart.”

Again, he glances at me. “You always did know what to say. That’s why you made such a good psychologist.”

I leave a sigh of relief, knowing I’ve just turned a dangerous corner.

I rest my head on his shoulder. “So am I forgiven?”

He pauses then turns his head to meet my gaze. “Do you love him?”

I nod. “I don’t think I ever stopped.”

He takes another sip of beer. “Does he love you?”

“Yes.”

He looks at me. “He better.”

I smile, giving my Dad a hug. I smile even wider when he returns it, feeling the heaviness in my chest replaced by a soft warmth.

“I love you, Dad.”

“I love you, too, kiddo.” He gives me a pat on the back.

I sit back in my chair, looking at the garden, finally able to appreciate the scenery now that it’s no longer a backdrop for a difficult conversation.

“I wish we could go for a swim in the lake right now like old times, just you and me.”

“The lake at this time of year?” My Dad gives me a look of surprise. “You’re crazy.”

I grin. “Well, I guess some things don’t change.”

He grabs another bottle of beer from the cooler beside him. “Beer?”

I shake my head. “No, thanks. And maybe you shouldn’t have another, either.”

He frowns. “Just because you’re married now doesn’t mean you should sound like your mother.”

“I do not.”

He opens the new bottle. “Speaking of your mother, she’s not going to be as forgiving as I am. You know her. She may be smiling and all but make no mistake. She’s upset.”

I frown, knowing that he’s right. It’s going to be more difficult to make Mom understand.

---

“I don’t understand how a daughter can’t find the time or the heart to invite her own parents to her wedding,” my mother says as she chops some onions on the kitchen counter. “Maybe if we didn’t take care about you, I’d understand but your father and I have given you everything we could. Or is there some crime we’ve committed that you’re not telling?”

I roll my eyes as I pause in the process of peeling a potato. “Mom, there’s nothing, okay? You and Dad haven’t done anything wrong. You’re right. You’ve given me everything. You and Dad are the best parents a daughter could ever ask for.”

“And still you didn’t invite us to your wedding, to one of the most important events of your life.” She grabs a paper towel to wipe her teary eyes and blow her nose. “When you came into this world, I was there. When you said your first word, I was there to hear it. When you took your first steps, I was there. When you got your first tooth, when you lost your first tooth, when you first went to school, when you first cried over a boy, when you graduated from high school, when you graduated from college – I was there through it all.”

“I know, Mom.”

“Yet, you didn’t think to allow me to be there when you decided to become a wife, to start a new life with the man you loved.” She throws away the paper towel. “I just don’t understand it, Andrea.”

And how will I make her understand? By telling her the truth? No. I have a feeling that will just make her more confused.

“I’m sorry, Mom,” I tell her simply.

I may not be able to explain but I can apologize. I may not be able to undo what I’ve done but I’m ready to make amends.

She places a hand on her hip. “I can’t help but think this wasn’t your decision but Clay’s. He told you, didn’t he? He told you not to invite us.”

“He did not. It was all my fault.”

She shakes her head, unconvinced, before chopping the carrots next.

“You know, I don’t even understand why you got back together with him, much less married him. He broke your heart, remember?”

I gather the potato peels and dump them into the trashcan.

“He took my heart away and now he’s given it back.”

My Mom snorts. “Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten all those times you were in the bathroom, crying your heart out because he left you? Or all those times you told me you wished you had never met him?”

Oh, I remember, but…

“I felt so guilty then, thinking it was all my fault because I was the one who asked you to show that boy around school. I was the one who brought you two together, all because I saw how that boy was suffering and my heart went out to him, not knowing yours would, as well.”

I pause, the masher I had just reached for nearly falling from my hand. I didn’t know this.

“I was so guilty and so helpless, seeing you like that. I told myself I would do everything to prevent you from ending up in that same position ever again. I told myself I would protect you better. Yet, look what you did, throwing yourself into marriage without my knowledge. How can I protect you now?”

I look at her. Is this the real reason why she’s so upset?

I reach for her hand. “Mom, what happened between me and Clay before was not your fault. It was Clay’s fault. He chose his dying mother over me. Since then, you’ve done everything you could to protect me and you’ve done great. But now, you can rest easy, Mom. You don’t have to protect me anymore. Clay is going to do that.”

She sighs. “Do you really think he’s going to stay around this time?”

“Yes.” I nod. “You may not believe me, Mom, but I didn’t want to trust him again. I was afraid. So afraid. You don’t know how much time I spent trying to talk myself out of it. But I can’t because he’s still here.” I place a hand over my heart. “He’s always been here. And now that we’re together again, I feel whole again. I feel happy again. We belong together, Mom. Why else did fate allow our paths to cross again after so many years?”

My mother nods, squeezing my hand. “You really do love him, don’t you?”

I give another nod.

She lets my hand go, continuing with her chopping. “Well, that’s that. If you’re finally happy again, I’m not going to be the one to ruin it.”

I smile. “Thanks, Mom.”

Well, that wasn’t so hard.

“I just have one more concern.”

I start mashing the potatoes. “Okay.”

“What’s the real deal about that little girl?” she asks.

Of course. I still have to explain about Rose.

“She’s the daughter of Clay’s friend,” I tell her. “He passed away recently. Her mother’s gone now, too, so she’s an orphan. Clay was kind of entrusted with her.”

“And now, she’s your responsibility, too.”

“Yes. But she’s not a burden, Mom. I want to take care of her. I love her.”

“I can see that. But remember, you’ll have children of your own.”

“I know. Rose will always be special, though. She’s the one who brought Clay and me back together, after all.”

My Mom pauses. “I think that’s a tale we’d all love to hear during Thanksgiving dinner.”

I frown. “I’m sure we’ll have more interesting things to talk about.”

“No.” My Mom shakes her head. “I’m afraid that this year, you are the most interesting. And you should be thankful for that.”

I shrug. “I guess.”

“Now, hurry with those potatoes.” She points to the bowl in front of me. “Then we can have dinner and you can rest. I’m sure you’re tired. Plus, I need you to rest so you can help me tomorrow. We’ll have a lot to do.”

“Sure, Mom.”

---

I am tired.

I realize that as I dry myself off, having finished my shower after dinner.

As I lie in my old bed, though, Rose snoring beside me with her arms around my old teddy bear, I find myself staring at the ceiling, strangely unable to sleep.

Is it because I’m too tired? Or because Clay isn’t beside me?

Clay.

I wonder if he’s sleeping alright in that guest room.

Unable to stop thinking of him, I leave my room to find out, doing so quietly so as not to wake Rose up. Thank goodness she’s a heavy sleeper.

I go down the stairs quietly, too, not wanting to wake my parents up. Somehow, it makes me feel like a teenager again sneaking off to meet with friends, only this time, I’m off to be with my husband.

When I reach the guest room, I find him on the bed but he’s not asleep because he quickly sits up when he sees me.

“What’s wrong?” he asks. “I thought you were able to talk your Mom and Dad into forgiving you.”

“Yes, I did,” I admit, sitting beside him.

He places his arm around me. “You could see during dinner how happy they were to have you home, though I can’t say they feel the same about me.”

“Well, you did leave me before,” I remind him.

He frowns. “An unforgivable crime to be sure.”

“But you came back and you’ve won me back. I’m sure you’ll win them back in a few years.”

“A few years?”

“As soon as they realize you’re here to stay, they’ll love you like they used to, like a son.”

Clay nods. “I’d like that.”

I smile, resting my head on his shoulder. Yeah, I’d like that, too.

“So, why are you here? Can’t sleep without me?”

I shrug. “Why? Not pleased to see me? It seemed like you couldn’t sleep, either.”

“Because I missed you. Unlike you, I won’t deny it.”

He cups my face, pressing his lips against mine.

I kiss him back. It’s automatic to me now, not to mention the most amazing feeling. God, how I want to continue. But I pull away.

“We can’t,” I tell him. “My Mom and Dad will hear.”

“Let them.” He rubs my arm. “We’re married. Besides, we’re not teenagers anymore.”

“Then let’s not act like horny teenagers.” I place my hand over his. “We have the rest of our lives to spend together.”

“You’re right.” He kisses my hand. “Why did you come here then?”

I shrug. “I just wanted to see you and make sure you were okay.”

“You mean make sure Rachel hasn’t murdered me in my sleep.”

I frown, remembering how she acted during dinner. “Sorry about that. I haven’t had the chance to talk to her.”

“It’s fine. I can handle it.” He squeezes my hand. “I’m okay, Andrea. You don’t have to worry about me.”

“If you say so.”

“If anything, I’m still in disbelief that I’m back here in Coldwater.”

I bet he is. After all, he left so hastily last time and probably promised never to come back.

“How does it feel?” I ask him, placing my arm around his. “Aside from unreal, that is.”

Clay shrugs. “There are just so many memories.”

“I know.”

Each time I’m back in Coldwater, I feel like I’m reliving everything that’s happened to me, retracing my steps. I yearn for the jocundity of the past but at the same time, I feel proud of what I’ve become.

That’s what home does, I guess.

Suddenly, Clay gets off the bed.

“Where are you going?” I ask him.

“I just had this idea,” he says as he puts on a sweater. “Why don’t we visit our old school?”

My jaw drops. “At this time?”

“Why not? I’m sure you’re busy tomorrow.”

“Well, yeah. Mom’s practically booked me for the whole day.”

“So come on.” Clay holds out his hand. “Let’s go back to where everything really began.”

---

Is this really where Clay and I started?

The question goes through my mind as I walk through the deserted hallways of Coldwater High, running my hands through the metal lockers.

Somehow, I’m finding that hard to believe. I’m even finding it hard to believe that I was once a student here, young and so naive.

In spite of all the changes that have been made through the years, though, like the fact that the lockers are now black instead of blue, I still recognize this place.

I still remember how it was to be a student here. If I close my eyes, I can still hear the scurry in the hallway, the banging of locker doors, the chatter, the bell ringing. I can still see the faces of the crowd, all so young, most smiling.

“You’re smiling.” Clay’s voice breaks into my thoughts.

I open my eyes. “There are a lot of good memories here, in spite of everything.”

“I’m glad. You deserved to enjoy high school.”

“What about you? What do you remember the most?”

“The noise,” he says.

I laugh. “Yeah, there was a lot of that.”

“And you.” He looks at me. “You were the only one who made high school memorable.”

I smile.

He comes closer, kissing me, pushing me against the locker. I kiss him back but like before, I pull away after a few moments.

“There are cameras now in case you didn’t notice,” I inform him, glancing at one in the corner.

“I noticed.” He nods. “Don’t worry. As much as I want to make love to you in this empty hallway right now, I won’t do it. I do have some respect for this place, you know.” He strokes my cheek. “I just wanted to kiss you. I always wanted to kiss you here in this hallway.”

I grin. “You should have told me.”

“I didn’t want to put any pressure on you, that with you being younger than me and all. Plus, what would your parents say if they saw us?”

I chuckle, imagining their expressions. “They would have been very mad.”

He brushes a strand of my hair behind my ear. “They would have kicked me out.”

I place my arm in his as we continue walking. “I’m glad you asked me to come here, though I still can’t believe you bribed the guard into letting you in.”

“What do you mean bribe?” Clay narrows his eyes at me. “I asked him nicely and then gave him some money for coffee. It’s a chilly night, after all.”

“It is,” I agree, snuggling against him. “Should we head back? I know Rose is a heavy sleeper but I don’t want to risk her waking and looking for us.”

“Which she will if she gets a nightmare. Plus, you must be sleepy now.”

“A bit.” I yawn. “This adventure might have finally worn me out enough.”

“And remember, you have a full day ahead,” he reminds.

“I know.”

Just the thought of all that preparation for dinner is making me even more sleepy.

“What about you?” I ask him. “What will you be doing tomorrow?”

He places his arm around me. “I actually have something I want to do.”