~ Clay

What was I thinking, letting a six-year-old girl ride a fully grown horse?

Sitting beside Rose’s bed in her hospital room where she’s been confined for observation, I bury my face in my hands and rack myself with guilt.

I should just have let her ride her pony. I shouldn’t have let her try her father’s horse. I shouldn’t have let her take the reins and go on it alone. What was I thinking?

Obviously, I wasn’t thinking clearly, my mind still probably rattled after last night’s confrontation with a sobbing Andrea. All through the drive home and all night, it played in my head and each time, I wonder if maybe we shouldn’t have had it, if maybe I shouldn’t have told her the truth.

But what’s done is done. Like I said, I’ve opened up and got things off my chest. I’ve made my move. The ball is in Andrea’s court now. Everything is up to her now.

What is she going to do? Is she going to finally let go of the pain and the past or is she going to cling to it and decide she really doesn’t want me in her future?

I don’t know. At any rate, I can’t think about that right now. It’s thinking about that that got me in this spot in the first place.

I look at Rose, touching her hand. She’s asleep right now, probably exhausted from having been crying for so long.

Poor girl. She must have been so scared when she fell. It’s lucky she didn’t break any bones, or so her X-ray results showed. She simply bruised her elbow and scraped her arm. There doesn’t seem to be any head injuries, too, since she used her arm to break her fall, though I still remember her head hitting the ground. If nothing else happens, the doctor said she should be able to go home by tomorrow.

Thank goodness she’s alright. That does little to ease my guilt, though.

I still feel like I’m a bad father.

I kiss Rose’s hand. “I’m sorry, Rose.”

Just then, the door bursts open.

“Rose!”

I vacate my seat, letting Andrea occupy it.

“What happened?” she asks as she holds Rose’s hand.

“She fell from a horse.”

“Which horse?”

“John’s.”

Andrea looks at me. “What was she doing on it?”

“She wanted to ride it,” I answer. “I let her.”

“You…”

“It’s my fault,” I admit. “I made a bad decision. Trust me, I feel bad enough about it.”

And yet the way Andrea looks at me, blaming me, makes me feel worse.

“Andrea?” Rose asks weakly, waking.

“Rose!” Andrea hugs her. “Yes, it’s me. I’m here. Everything’s alright now.”

Somehow, those words hurt me even more.

“I did everything I could after the incident, alright?” I tell Andrea.

She looks at me. “I…”

“But it doesn’t matter. I know. All that matters is that she got hurt because of me. All what matters is the pain.”

What are you saying, Clay? Shut your mouth and calm down.

“I’m sorry,” Andrea says. “I didn’t mean to snap at you. I have no right.”

Now, I’ve hurt her.

“Where were you?” Rose asks.

Andrea turns back to her, stroking her hair. “I’m sorry I wasn’t around, sweetheart. I was…with a friend.”

At the thought that she could have stayed with that other man – What was his name again? Paul? – after I left, I feel a surge of jealousy. I dismiss it, though. I have no right to be jealous. Besides, whatever Andrea decides, I’ve already decided I’ll respect it and be happy for her.

“The one with all the food?” Rose asks.

Andrea chuckles. “No, that was Jo. This was another friend, a doctor.”

“You have lots of friends,” Rose says. “I wish I did, too.”

The words cause a lump to form in my throat but I swallow it as I approach her bed.

“Hey, kiddo. How are you feeling?”

“Good,” Rose answers, smiling at me before turning her attention back to Andrea. “You should have seen me. I was on a big horse, Daddy’s horse.”

“So I heard,” Andrea says. “But after this, you should know that you’re not ready. You’re the best rider, I know, but promise me you have to wait until you’re a little bit bigger before you ride Daddy’s horse again or any big horse, okay?”

“But…”

“Jessie will be sad if you ride the big horses now,” Andrea adds. “She might think you find her too small.”

“I don’t. I just…” Rose lets out a deep breath. “Okay, I’ll ride just Jessie for now.”

“Good.” Andrea pats her on the head. “Jessie will be thrilled.”

I frown. How on earth was Andrea able to convince Rose so easily of something I was not able to? Or is it Rose who listens to everyone but me?

After a few seconds, the door opens again and another woman enters, a plump woman in her forties wearing a white blouse and khaki pants. Definitely not the nurse.

“What happened to my niece?” She asks as she heads straight to Rose’s bed.

My eyebrows furrow. Niece?

“Sorry,” Gavin mumbles as he, too, enters the room. “I was with her when you called and she insisted on coming.”

“Who is she?” I ask him.

“Nora Gilbert,” Gavin answers. “She was Karen Wilkes’ sister, which makes her Rose’s aunt.”

Rose has an aunt? Something tells me that’s not good.

“Why is she here?”

“She learned about Rose.”

“How?”

“It’s not a secret, remember? Part of the adoption proceedings include publications.”

I frown. “Does she intend to take custody of Rose?”

“Yes, she does,” Nora answers, facing me. “Rose is related to me by blood, after all. Karen would want me to care for her.”

“With all due respect,” I tell her. “Karen is long gone. Rose doesn’t even know her. Her father was the one who took care of her and he entrusted her to me.”

“Why?” Nora asks. “Who are you?”

“Clay Maxwell.”

“Doesn’t answer my question.”

“I was John’s friend.”

“With all due respect, Mr. Maxwell.” Nora squares her shoulder. “Family and friends are two different things. And Rose deserves to be with family.”

My jaw clenches. “Rose deserves to be with…”

Gavin stops me, throwing me a warning glance.

I take a deep breath. Right. I should let Gavin do the arguing. I’m paying him for it.

“Mrs. Gilbert, we’re not your enemies here,” Gavin says. “We all want what’s best for Rose.”

“Yeah, right,” Nora scoffs. “I don’t know you.”

“But Rose does,” Gavin says. “And I’m afraid to point it out but she does not know you.”

As if to prove that, Rose suddenly asks, “Who are you?”

Nora turns to her. “Why, I’m your aunt, sweetheart.”

“Aunt?”

“Your mother’s sister,” Nora explains.

“But my mother’s gone.”

“Yes. Sadly, that’s true. But I’m still here and I will love you the same way she would have.”

“But Daddy Clay loves me like Daddy used to.”

I smile at that, though my smile vanishes when Nora turns to me, her eyes dangerously narrowed. When she leaves the room, Gavin follows her and so do I.

“Mrs. Gilbert…” I start.

“Mr. Maxwell, do you have children of your own?” Nora asks.

“No,” I answer.

“Then you don’t know what it’s like to be a father,” she tells me. “You’re not fit to be a father. If you were, Rose wouldn’t be in a hospital room right now.”

My temper rises. What the fuck?

“Now, now, Mrs. Gilbert,” Gavin speaks. “Let’s not judge. We all know even the best of fathers make mistakes and even the children who are best cared for get into accidents.”

“I still don’t think Rose should be with this man,” Nora says, glaring at me. “Is he even married? Rose needs a mother more than a father.”

“I beg to di–”

“Rose will have a mother,” Gavin answers. “Did you see the woman in there? She and Clay will be married soon.”

I blink. We will?