~ Andrea

He is not getting me back.

I lean against the tree trunk with my arms folded over my chest, frowning as I watch Clay riding with Rose.

Just yesterday, they were at the barn. Now, they’re out here in the open and Andrea doesn’t seem to mind.

Maybe the big, wide world is less scary when you’re on the back of a horse.

Good girl. At least, someone’s making progress.

Indeed, I feel like Clay and I are running around in circles, like we’re stuck in a never-ending loop, a senseless cycle.

I push Clay away, afraid he’ll hurt me like he did before. He stays away, but then his patience runs out and he tempts me. I fight back. I end up giving in. I get back to my senses. I feel more foolish.

Repeat.

Ugh. I’m getting sick and tired of it. Isn’t there a way for me to snap out of this?

Then change the status quo. Bring up the past or take a step towards the future. For God’s sake, do something.

I let out a breath and stick out my lower lip. I hate it when that voice in my head is right.

“Hey!” Clay calls out to me. “Why don’t you stop sulking and ride with us?”

I stand straight. “I’m not sulking.”

“Yes, you are.”

Alright. Maybe I was. A little bit. I hate it when Clay’s right, too.

“Come ride with us, Andrea!” Rose shouts, one hand curved beside her mouth.

Ah. Why does Rose always seem to be on Clay’s side?

“That’s fine!” I shout back.

“What?” Rose asks, seemingly not having heard me.

I walk away from the tree, moving closer to them so that she can hear me.

“It’s okay, Rose,” I tell her. “Just go and have fun.”

“But it’ll be more fun if you’re riding with us,” Clay says. “The more, the merrier, right?”

“Please?” Rose begs.

I narrow my eyes at Clay. Really, why can’t he just leave me alone?

“I’m afraid I don’t know how to ride a horse,” I say to Rose. “So you two just go ahead and…”

“I can teach you,” Clay offers.

He doesn’t know when to give up, does he?

“No, thanks,” I tell him, waving my hands in front of me. “I’ll pass.”

“It’s not that hard,” Rose says. “If I can do it, so can you.”

“Well said.” Clay smiles proudly at her, and then gives her a high five before turning back to me. “She’s right, you know.”

Why does everyone seem to be right today?

“There’s no harm in trying,” Clay adds.

“There is,” I beg to differ. “What if I fall?”

“I won’t let you fall.”

I cross my arms over my shoulders, cocking my head to one side. Am I supposed to believe that?

“Don’t you trust me?” Clay asks.

“No,” I answer honestly.

He blinks, seemingly shocked by my bluntness.

How’s that for something?

“You can ride with me,” Rose says. “Jessie won’t mind.”

I look at her. “I’m sure Jessie is a very strong pony but I don’t want to make her work too hard.”

“Andrea will ride with me.” Clay goes over to me, offering his hand.

Will, not can.

Is he pissed?

“I…”

“Rose will feel less scared if you ride with us,” he says, his hand still in front of me.

He is pissed.

Still, there’s no way I’m going to ride a horse with him.

“It’s okay,” I tell him, stepping back. “You and Rose should spend these moments together.”

“She and I will be riding for the rest of our lives,” Clay says. “You won’t be around forever.”

“What?” Rose asks, straining her head to hear.

“Nothing,” I say quickly, remembering what I promised her.

“Come on. I won’t bite…or kiss you. In fact, I won’t do anything, not with Rose around.”

Well, there is that.

“Please, Andrea?” Rose pleads again.

I sigh. “Fine.”

What can I do? I’m outnumbered.

I grab Clay’s hand. “I’m only doing this for Rose.”

“Of course,” he says. “Why else would you do it?”

He’s still pissed, which makes me think this is an even worse idea than I originally thought. Still, I hoist myself up on the horse, putting one leg on the other side.

“Comfy?” Clay asks.

“No,” I confess.

How could it be? The saddle is tiny and I can feel Clay right behind me, his arms around me and his warm breath tickling my nape.

This is a very, very bad idea.

“Hold on,” Clay tells me, starting the horse on a trot.

To what?

I grab the front of the saddle, staring at the horse’s black mane as my body moves up and down.

Up. And Down.

Shit.

“Slow down,” I tell Clay.

“What? Too fast for you? Too rough?”

He makes the horse move faster.

“Clay…”

My voice trails off as I feel something else, something hard pressing against me. And nope, it isn’t the saddle.

Shit. I had a feeling this would happen.

“I want to get off.”

“So do I,” Clay answers, urging the horse to move even faster.

If he was in front of me, I would have slapped him, but as it is, I can only try to hang on as the horse gallops on, blushing at his words.

“You said you wouldn’t do anything,” I remind him.

“If you’re referring to my condition, it’s your doing, not mine.”

“Fuck you.”

“Ah, yes. I’d very much like you to do that, to ride me instead of this horse.”

I grit my teeth as I push away the image. “Let me down.”

“Going to run away again? Not this time.”

I’d turn my head but I’m afraid he’ll kiss me. “Clay…”

“If you’re telling me you don’t want me as much as I want you, I’m not buying it. I know you do. You want me. And I can tell you’re ready. You weren’t ready before. That’s why we never did it. But you’re ready now.”

“I want to get off this horse now!”

Finally, the horse slows down then stops. As soon as it does, I jump off and walk away.

“It doesn’t have to be like this,” Clay calls after me. “There’s no reason for you to punish yourself.”

“I’m not punishing myself,” I tell him without stopping or turning around.

“What happened?” Rose asks as she comes near me.

“Nothing,” I tell her. “Just as I thought, riding isn’t for me.”

Before she can ask more questions, I run off, heading straight back to the house and into my room, locking the door and sliding against it, sitting down on the floor with my legs folded against my chest and my chin between my knees, my jaw clenched.

What was that all about? That Clay wasn’t at all like the one I know, like the one he’s been these past weeks. Yes, he’s teased me but he’s never been this bold or this serious.

It scares me.

It scares me because I don’t know how to resist him if he’s like this.

You want me. And I can tell you’re ready.

I frown. Fine. Maybe my body did. Maybe I physically am ready. But not mentally, emotionally.

Still, I know that I’m not that strong and if my body is already responding to the way he wants it to then it’s only a matter of time before…

Just then, my phone beeps and I go over to the bedside table where I’ve left it charging. I pick it up, my eyes growing wide at the name on the screen.

Paul.

Hey. I’m in Chicago right now. How about that dinner?

Right. I almost forgot he was coming to Chicago. No, I almost forgot he still existed.

I type my reply.

Sure. Just let me know what time and where.

Right now, I need a break from Clay and this is the perfect opportunity.

Being with Paul may just help me get my mind off Clay. And who knows? Maybe when Clay finds out I went to see another man, he’ll finally leave me alone.