Chapter Thirteen
“It’s not a date,” Sam repeated as HW gave her the side-eye. “Jay wants me to go out with him and Erin again, and I’m fed up feeling like a third wheel. You don’t have to do anything more taxing that sit next to me, eat your dinner, and be polite. Surely you can manage that?”
“But what will Jay think about me being there?”
“He’ll probably be glad he doesn’t have to talk to me and can focus on Erin.”
“Seeing as he invited you to the ranch, he’s hardly going to want to ignore you,” HW pointed out.
“Exactly, which means he’ll try to be nice even when he doesn’t really want to be.”
HW folded his arms over his chest and leaned back against the wall of the barn. They’d already been for their regular afternoon ride. She’d progressed to loping, which was equally terrifying and exhilarating. HW had been as nice as pie but very distant, which somehow made her restless.
“Come on, HW. I helped you out with Lally.”
His eyebrows rose. “Like hell you did. You kissed me right in front of her and now she probably hates my guts even more.”
“I didn’t know she was watching!” Sam felt her cheeks heat. “I was just trying to cheer you up.”
“Right.” HW straightened up. “I thought we weren’t doing any of that stuff.”
“I forgot, okay?” Sam scowled at him. “If you want to behave like a complete ass, then forget I asked. I’ll find someone else to go out with.”
“Like who?”
She shrugged. “Plenty of cowboys around here.”
“Like who?”
“Miguel, Dave the veterinarian. He’s really cute, by the way. Roy.”
“Roy?”
Sam raised her chin. “At least he’s a gentleman and would help me out.” She turned away. “See you later, I’m going down to the bunkhouse to find myself a dinner date.”
“Hold up.”
She didn’t slow down. He really was the most infuriating man she’d ever met.
“Sam.”
For a moment, she wished she could sprint off and leave him choking in her dust, or better still get in her car and drive away with a screech of tires.
“I’ll come with you.”
She didn’t turn around. “No thanks.”
He caught hold of her elbow. “Sam, I’m sorry. I’ve just had a couple of bad days and I’m—”
“Totally entitled not to want to come out with me tonight. I get it.” She eased out of his grip. “I’m the one who should be sorry for jerking you around.”
“You should?” Now he looked wary.
“I told you to back off and then I kissed you.”
His mouth curved up at the corner. “Several times, actually.”
“Yeah, which wasn’t fair.”
He angled his head and studied her, one thumb hooked in his belt. “Why are you so hung up on the rights and wrongs of this? Is there some kind of rule book or scorecard we have to follow?”
Sam sighed. “No. I just hate uncertainties in relationships. It’s so juvenile. You know, like whether someone really likes you or not or is messing around on you or—”
His smile disappeared. “I don’t mess around on people.”
“Great.” She raised her gaze to meet his. “Now I’ve offended you.”
“No, you’ve made me wonder who or what made you feel that way.” He paused. “Did some idiot step out on you?”
“Why would that be such a surprise?” Sam asked.
“Because you’re . . .” He shook his head. “You’re so damn strong.”
“I wasn’t always like this.”
He cupped her chin so she couldn’t look away from him. “So some guy you cared about dicked around on you and made you feel insecure, correct?”
“Yes, and now I’m doing the same thing to you.”
Sometimes she hated herself, hated the way that, since the accident, she doubted everything and everybody.
He kissed her firmly on the mouth. “Listen up. Number one, I’m not feeling insecure; number two, I’m equally to blame for dicking around in this relationship; and number three, I’m taking you out tonight.”
“But—” Her protest disappeared against his lips as he kissed her again. “This doesn’t solve anything.”
“Then let me put it another way. Whether we’re in a relationship or not, while we’re both on this ranch, I promise not to kiss or make love to any other woman but you. If I break that promise, you have my permission to shoot me with my own gun.”
She worried her lip. “I suppose you want me to say the same thing back to you.”
“No. I want you to do what you want to do, Sam. I want you to realize that I’m not going to stab you in the back if you trust me with your body.” His golden gaze was steady on hers. “Whatever that first-class jerk did to you is in the past—unless you want me to hunt him down and remind him of his manners.”
Her eyes suddenly filled with tears and she frantically blinked them back.
“What the hell did I say?” HW whispered.
“You can’t help with that.” Sam just managed to choke out the words. “He’s already dead.”
Within seconds, HW’s arms closed around her and he smoothed one hand through her hair.
“I’m so sorry, honey,” he murmured against her ear. “I’m so damn sorry.”
She didn’t have any more words and just stood there and wept into his shirt for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually, even her tears slowed down, and she knew at some point she’d have to look at him again. She never cried. But what the hell was she going to say?
“Come on.” HW kept one arm wrapped around her shoulders. “You need to get out of these clothes.”
She managed a sniffy gurgle. “Like I’m so attractive right now.”
“Not that kind of naked.” He kept walking and they ended up at her cabin. He helped her unlock the door and they both entered.
“Wait there.”
“HW, I’m fine . . .”
She was talking to herself because he’d already gone into the bathroom. The shower came on and he came out.
“Get in the shower, okay? I’ll come back and pick you up in an hour so we can go down to Jay’s.”
She grabbed hold of his shirt. “Don’t go.”
He went completely still as she started on the buttons of his tear-dampened shirt.
“I don’t think this is a good idea, Sam.”
She smoothed her thumb over his lower lip. “We don’t have to do anything; just shower with me and just . . . hold me, okay?”
“Nope.” He kissed her on the nose. “You’re upset, and if I took advantage of you right now, you’d never forgive yourself.”
“How the heck did you work that out?” Sam glared at him. “If you don’t want to make love to a sniveling wreck, you can just say so.”
His slow smile made her want to hit him. “That’s better.”
“Me wanting to kill you? Because I hope you’re a damn fast runner.”
He backed away with his hands in the air. “One hour, okay? I’ll bring my truck around.”
* * *
Sam put on some makeup to attempt to disguise the puffiness around her eyes from her crying jag and let her hair hang freely down her back. Knowing there wasn’t much nightlife in Morgantown, she’d settled on her best jeans and boots and a sparkly green top with a shark on it.
She brushed her hair one last time and put on some lipstick before checking the time. HW had said he’d be back in an hour, so she had a few minutes to think things through. She wandered into the kitchen and checked that she had everything she needed in her purse.
Her cell vibrated.
Be there in 5.
Five minutes to decide what to do about HW Morgan . . .
Sam paced the small kitchen. Just before she’d burst into tears, he’d told her she could trust him with her body. After the tears, he’d turned her offer to stay and shower with her down flat. So which was it? Could she trust him?
Her heart and gut said yes, but her head said no. The very fact that even talking about Jason had made her cry a river wasn’t encouraging. The only way she could rationalize what had just happened was that HW was the first man to remind her of how it felt to be so vulnerable to another person.
But she’d only known HW for three weeks. She’d known Jason for years and had still made a terrible mistake. She’d never even thought about trusting Jason; she’d just assumed he loved her and would be faithful to her.
“Fool,” Sam muttered.
But HW wasn’t offering to marry her. He was offering her unlimited access to the body of one of the nicest, exasperatingly hot cowboys in the world for the remainder of her stay. Seeing as that was only three weeks, surely she could trust him for that? But the damage he could inflict on her heart might be too much to deal with . . .
A knock came on the door and Sam spun around, hands pressed to her bosom like a romance novel heroine.
“You ready, Sam?”
She opened the door to find HW looking particularly fine in a blue-and-yellow-checked shirt that made his eyes golden, his usual jeans, and some very fancy cowboy boots with skulls on them.
“Nice!” She pointed at the boots. “Where did you get those?”
He didn’t reply and she looked up to see him still staring at her. “What’s wrong? Is there something in my hair?”
“Nothing.” He shook his head. “You look beautiful.”
“Thanks,” she stammered. “I just let my hair out of its ponytail and put on some lipstick.”
“Beautiful,” he murmured and leaned in to kiss her, the lemon scent of his aftershave tantalizing her senses. “Do we have to go to this thing with Jay?”
“Yes.” She pushed him gently back out of the doorway. “Otherwise he’ll get worried and come looking for me, and the last thing you want on your ass is an agitated retired Navy SEAL.”
“True.” He mock frowned. “Okay, then, let’s go. Are we meeting at the bar?”
“Yes.” Sam closed her door and accepted the hand he held out to her as she walked down the slope to his truck. “We might be visiting the dizzy delights of big town Bridgeport, so brace yourself.”
HW held the door of his truck open for her and gave her a boost to help her get inside the cab. She settled into the leather seat while he got in the driver’s side.
“This truck is fancy compared with Ry’s.”
“I won it at a rodeo.” HW backed up and his headlights swept over her now-deserted cabin. “Top of the range.”
“Nice.” Sam sat back. “Won’t you miss all that?”
“The prizes?” He headed toward the main road. “Not really.”
“Did you earn a lot?”
He chuckled. “It depends how you define a lot. By most people’s standards probably, but by Chase’s? Nah.”
“Like millions?” Sam guessed.
“In your dreams.” He sighed. “I pissed a lot of it away.”
“Why doesn’t that surprise me one bit?”
He glanced over at her. “I think I’m hurt.”
“No, you aren’t. You just know I’m right. If you party with people like Lally and Paul, of course you’re going to spend all your money.”
“It sure was fun for a year or so.” He sounded wistful. “But I got bored with being drunk and high and not performing at my best, you know?”
“Having never done any of those things, I can’t really comment,” Sam said.
“You’ve never been drunk?”
“I don’t like the way it feels,” Sam confessed. “I hate not being in control of stuff.”
HW stopped the truck, hit the button to open the main gate onto Morgan Road, and drove through.
“It’s getting cold out there.” He shivered when he released the brake. “We’ll have snow by Christmas.”
“I bet it looks amazing.”
“As long as you don’t mind being cut off from everywhere. My mom hated it—especially the winter. I used to try to cheer her up, but it was hard going.”
“And you were only a little kid, right?”
There was a long silence before he replied. “Yeah, but BB and Chase were off at school or helping on the ranch. I was the oldest at home, so I had to step up.”
“I thought Ry was the oldest?”
“Birth wise, yes, but Mom didn’t like him as much as she liked me.”
“Which makes no sense seeing as you’re identical twins.”
“It made sense to her.” His short laugh wasn’t happy. “And hell, I was the lucky one, the favorite golden child who could do no wrong.”
“Still a hard burden for a five-year-old to carry all by himself.”
There was another long silence that lasted until the lights of Morgantown appeared ahead of them.
“Yeah, I suppose it was,” HW said slowly. “But it was better than the alternative.”
“As in being Ry?”
“I had to try to protect him, too.”
Sam so badly wanted to crawl into HW’s lap and hold him close like he was that little boy again, trying his best to keep his mother happy. Didn’t he see that he’d been damaged by that experience as well? Didn’t his own family see that? No wonder he was so sensitive to the undercurrents in others; he’d learned the lesson way too young. Her hands curled into fists.
“You okay?” HW turned into a parking slot in front of the Red Dragon. “You sounded like you were growling.”
“I’m good.” Sam undid her seat belt and looked for her purse. It was none of her business what happened between HW and his family. She had to keep reminding herself of that. “We’re right on time.”
* * *
HW sipped his beer and looked around the Italian restaurant Jay had booked them into in Bridgeport. Despite it being midweek, the place was hopping, and he could see why. The food was to die for. Each dish was served in one big bowl at the table, just like at home, so you could take as much or as little as you wanted.
To his surprise, he was enjoying himself. Erin, Jay’s fiancée, was extremely intelligent and radiated a calm good sense that seemed to flow into Jay, who was way more high maintenance. HW didn’t know Jay well because he was around the same age as Chase and had left town early to join the Navy. Over the years, Jay had kept in touch with Blue until he’d been retired on medical grounds from the Navy SEALs.
Jay and Sam shared the same wicked sense of humor and spent most of their time happily scoring points off each other. Any thoughts HW harbored about them ever being romantically involved soon disappeared.
“So what do you think, Sam? That’s your area of expertise, correct?” Erin asked.
HW realized he’d missed a chunk of the conversation while he’d been stuffing his face with lasagna.
“I’m no expert, but I think the idea has merit. You’ll have to ask Chase and January what they think.” Sam wiped her mouth with her red napkin. “Unless you know, HW?”
“About what?” He gestured down at his plate. “Sorry; I was enjoying my food so much I lost track.”
Sam rolled her eyes at him and Erin grinned.
“I was just saying that Jay has been talking about setting up a therapeutic program up at the ranch for kids and veterans with disabilities or sensory issues.”
“I think it’s a great idea,” Sam enthused. “I’ve worked with a lot of kids who have benefited from such programs, and I know the military has investigated the use of animals to help vets with PTSD.”
HW frowned and turned to Sam. “What exactly do you do in Sacramento?”
“I work as a physical therapist and sometimes a psychotherapist, duh.” She raised her eyebrows. “What did you think I did all day? Sit around watching TV?”
“I hadn’t really thought about it.”
Sam poked him in the arm. “Like I didn’t have a life until I turned up on the ranch and met you?”
“Yeah, that exactly.” He gave her a lascivious wink. “I am pretty damn special.”
“You’re an ass.” She snorted. “Like no one exists until they come into your orbit?”
“Works for me.”
“A delusional ass.”
“Whatever helps you get through the day.” HW grinned at her.
Erin cleared her throat. “Um, I talked to Blue and Jenna and they thought it would be a good idea as well. We’d need to find some funding, but Chase knows all the good guys in Silicon Valley. Do you think he would go for it, HW?”
“I don’t see why not. He’s always banging on about adding value to the community, and a therapeutic riding program sounds like just his thing. Personally, I love the idea.” HW nodded at Sam. “Maybe you should talk to Chase about it, Sam.”
“I’ll talk to Jenna and your brother Blue first and offer my help while I’m around.” Sam helped herself to more salad. “I suspect from what I’ve heard about Chase, I’ll need some facts to back up your idea.”
“Yeah, he’s pretty into all that nerd spreadsheet stuff.” HW put down his fork. “I think I’m full. That lasagna finished me off.”
Sam shook her head. “Lightweight. I’m having dessert next.”
It was good to see Sam out and about and enjoying herself. She looked so damn beautiful with her hair down that he just couldn’t stop staring at her. And speaking of staring, Jay was looking right at him. It was downright unnerving.
“Everything okay, Jay?” HW asked.
“Sure.”
It was like being stared down by a predator. HW dropped his napkin on the table. “I’m just going to use the restroom. I’ll be back in a minute.”
He took his time in the bathroom and emerged to find Jay walking swiftly toward him. Before he could get past, Jay’s hand shot out and slammed him against the wall.
“Just a small warning, HW. Don’t mess with my friend, okay?”
“I’m not sure what the hell it has to do with you.” HW didn’t attempt to move away and met Jay’s hard gaze head-on.
“She’s been through a lot of shit. I don’t want her being hurt by someone who’s going to walk away and leave her.”
HW shoved his hand against Jay’s chest. “You don’t know fuck all about anything, Jay. Sam’s a strong woman. If she wants to hang around with me, how about you respect that ?”
“What the heck is going on here?”
Both HW and Jay turned to find Sam glaring at them, hands on hips.
Jay stepped back. “Nothing for you to worry about.” He nodded at HW. “Right?”
“Nothing at all,” HW agreed.
Jay sauntered past Sam with a casual nod. HW waited to see what Sam was going to do next. As she just kept staring at him, he cleared his throat.
“Did you already order dessert, Sam?”
“Yes.”
“Cool. I might get some coffee. Do you want some?”
“Already taken care of.”
“Then I’ll go and sit down.” He circled warily around her and went back to the table, where Jay was talking intently to Erin. She had her hand on his arm and was smoothing the fabric of his shirt like he needed calming down.
Jeez, with friends like Jay, no wonder no one got close to Sam . . . Luckily, HW wasn’t the type who scared easily—even though Jay was one of the few men who probably could kill him with his bare hands.
HW sipped his coffee and waited for Sam to come back from the bathroom. A plateful of tiramisu sat on the table in front of her seat, which looked so good HW was tempted to steal a bit. Not wanting to give Jay any excuse to go for him, HW resisted temptation.