Chapter Seventeen
HW checked his cell, but apart from an aggrieved text from Chase as to his whereabouts, there was nothing more from Lally or Sam. He shoved his phone back into his pocket and slung his backpack over his shoulder. Not that he was expecting to hear from Sam. She’d made it pretty clear that she thought he was a fool for chasing after Lally.
Bright sunlight outside the airport had him reaching for his sunglasses. He’d driven to San Francisco, left his truck at a friend of Chase’s, and taken the first flight out of SFO the next morning. His best bet was to go to Paul’s offices in the city center. If Lally weren’t at work, someone would know where to find her.
He’d spent the three-and-a-half-hour flight to Austin rerunning his fight with Sam through his head on an endless loop. He’d justified every point he’d made to her and yet he still felt bad. The expression on her face as he’d stormed out hadn’t been angry or triumphant. She’d looked like he’d stolen her favorite toy or kicked her dog or something. That just wasn’t like Sam. One of the things he loved was her ability to give back as good as she got, and apologize straight out when she was wrong.
And she was wrong. He was pretty damn sure about that. He hadn’t meant to hurt her, but somehow, he had, and it just kept eating at him.
HW crossed the road and found a taxi and was soon on his way out of the airport and into the usual stream of traffic heading for the city. He’d always liked Austin. Chase said he was thinking of setting up a branch of his do-gooder, venture-capitalist business there because of the high concentration of tech companies.
The taxi came to a stop. HW paid the driver and got out, his gaze rising to take in all the floors of the glass-fronted building in front of him. Because of the threat of earthquakes, there weren’t many tall buildings in San Francisco. Austin looked like some kind of science fiction movie set.
HW went on up in the elevator and stepped into Paul’s plush set of offices. The woman on the desk stood up to greet him, her hand held out.
“HW, how nice to see you again.”
He shook her hand. “Nice to see you, too, Gloria. Is Lally around?”
Gloria frowned and leaned in to whisper, “She’s almost never here. I think Paul’s about to fire her.”
“So she’s not in today? How about Octavia?”
“She’s definitely around, and Paul’s due in about an hour.”
HW gave her his best smile. He had no intention of speaking to Paul if he could avoid it. “Then how about we start with Octavia and I’ll take it from there?”
* * *
“He’s an idiot.”
Sam came up behind Chase and Ry Morgan, who were standing by the barn, chatting and smiled at them.
“Are you by any chance talking about your brother HW ?”
“How did you guess?” Chase muttered. “He’s gone haring off to Austin—which I told him not to do—to confront Lally. And what the heck is that going to achieve? He’ll lose his temper, she’ll cry all over him, and the next thing we know, he’ll be arriving back here married to the woman.”
Sam blinked at him and croaked. “Married?”
Ry patted her shoulder. “Chase is exaggerating. HW won’t marry Lally. He’ll just try to save her from herself. You know what he’s like.”
“Why wouldn’t he marry her?” Chase interrupted his brother. “From what you’ve told me, Ry, he’s spent the last ten years making extremely bad choices with women who are emotionally vulnerable and—” Chase abruptly stopped talking and glanced down at his foot. “Why did you kick me? Did you see a spider?”
Ry gave him a pointed stare. “Because Sam might not agree with that assessment, okay?”
Chase’s puzzled blue gaze settled on her. “I’m not getting what you’re trying to tell me, Ry.”
Sam sighed. “He’s trying to say that HW and I are . . .” She paused to consider how to word the next part of her sentence. “. . . having a vacation fling.”
“Oh.” Chase frowned. “Then I apologize if I seemed to be suggesting that HW always makes bad choices.”
“No, actually, I agree with you. He does,” Sam said. “I told him that yesterday. Our fling is probably over, seeing as he’s skulked off back to Lally.”
Ry grimaced. “I’m sorry, Sam. It’s like an obsession for him. He sees someone drowning in emotions and he’s compelled to fix them. He was always the one cheering up Mom and Ruth, making the best of things, and being a regular little ray of sunshine to the world. It’s not really surprising he went for a career as a celebrity athlete. For some reason, he has this huge savior complex going on.”
“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to see the best in people,” Sam argued back.
“Yeah, but he takes it way too far.” Ry grimaced.
“It’s not quite that simple, though, is it?” Sam asked. “It’s not really about him being a bad-boy hero and saving the day; it’s more about him trying to save his mother.”
“What?”
Now both Morgan brothers were looking at her blankly.
She put her hands on her hips. “Come on, guys. Your mother expected him to save her, didn’t she?”
“Not really.” That was Ry. “She idolized him.”
“And he was five years old. No wonder he still thinks he has to prove himself all the time and that only he can fix things. No wonder he thinks he has to live up to his reputation as the family black sheep. What a terrible burden to lay on your kid.” Sam shook her head. “What?”
Chase was staring at her as if she had two heads. “I’ve never thought of it like that.”
“Because, begging your pardon, Sam, that’s complete bullcrap,” Ry said. “You weren’t there. My mother loved him. She hated the rest of us. End of story.”
Sam glared at him. “It seems like HW Morgan isn’t the only brother who needs his head examined. I know she was horrible to you, Ry. but have you ever thought how it was to be HW? But go ahead, ignore me anyway; what do I know?” She headed toward the barn. She couldn’t believe HW had just upped and left without talking to her. “Is someone taking me and Rachel riding this morning or are we on our own?”
* * *
Octavia sat on the edge of her desk and smiled at HW.
“It’s so good to see you. I loved my visit to the ranch. You seemed really happy there.”
“It’s my home.” HW smiled in return. Yeah, he was no longer going to deny it even to himself. He did belong on the ranch. It made sense of everything he was and where he came from. What he intended to do about that was still up in the air. “So, are you expecting Lally to come into work today or is she out on assignment?”
Octavia bit her lip. “She’s . . . not doing too good, HW.”
“In what way?” As Octavia hesitated, HW sat forward, his hands clasped together between his knees. “I thought she was looking . . . fragile when I saw her at the ranch. Is she still doing drugs?”
“I wasn’t sure if you’d noticed.” Octavia’s shoulders sagged. “Since she moved in with Paul, she’s moved on from party drugs to some pretty serious stuff. I’ve tried to talk to her about it, but she just laughs it off. And now she can’t even manage to turn up and pretend to do the minimum amount of work on her promotional job.”
“What does Paul say about that?”
“He told me to fire her.” Octavia sighed. “He said she would do better staying home and focusing on looking pretty when he took her out.”
“Does he know about her current drug use?”
“He lives with her. He must have some idea what’s going on and he must be paying for it.”
HW winced. “So, she’s living in Paul’s apartment. Maybe I should go over there and see how she’s doing.”
“That’s really nice of you, HW, but with all due respect, why would you do that? She’s not your responsibility anymore.”
“She’s still my friend.”
“I’m not sure that’s true either.” Octavia cleared her throat. “After we saw you kissing that woman at the ranch, Lally said some pretty awful things about you and made some threats.”
“All the more reason for me to talk to her.” HW rose to his feet. “I’d better get going before Paul turns up or he’ll be wanting to talk to me himself.”
Octavia stood as well. “Is it true you’re retiring?”
HW paused at the door. “Has he finally told everyone that? Good.”
“No, only me. He seems convinced that he can persuade you to change your mind.”
“Not if I have anything to do with it.” HW smiled down at her concerned face. “I don’t think I stand a chance in hell of beating our new champ in the foreseeable future and I’m not inclined to destroy myself trying to achieve the impossible.”
“A wise decision, but Paul doesn’t agree.”
“Tell me about it.” HW tipped his hat to her.
“I’ll give you the codes to access Paul’s apartment, okay?” Octavia took his cell and typed them in. “Paul’s bound to hear you were in his offices. What do you want me to say to him if he asks why you were here?”
“Tell him the truth. I don’t want to get anyone in trouble.”
“HW . . .” She touched his arm. “Please be careful. I love Lally, but she really isn’t your problem. I’d hate for you to get caught up in something that wasn’t of your making.”
“I’ll be careful.” HW was getting tired of everyone telling him what to do, but he would never hurt Octavia’s feelings. And he had helped make Lally what she was. He couldn’t escape that. “I’ll be in touch if I need anything.”
* * *
Paul’s apartment was within walking distance of his offices in a very upmarket building. Luckily, the doorman was a rodeo fan who recognized HW as one of Paul’s clients and was happy to let him ascend the elevator to the tenth floor where Lally, hopefully, awaited him.
HW knocked on the door and then pressed the bell, but there was no answer. Taking out his cell phone, he sent Lally a text and then called her for good measure. Just as he was thinking about leaving, the door opened a crack and Lally peered out at him.
“HW?”
“Yeah. Can I come in?”
He inserted the pointed toe of his cowboy boot in the gap just in case she tried to slam the door in his face, but she stepped back and let him through.
“What the hell are you doing here? Why didn’t you call me earlier?”
She’d obviously forgotten to take her makeup off the night before and had panda eyes and lipstick on her teeth. She wore a long-sleeved T-shirt and shorts and, despite the warmth of the midday sun, was shivering.
“We need to talk.”
HW walked into the apartment and took a stand in front of the fireplace. Seeing her like this, so small and vulnerable, made him feel like some kind of ogre for even daring to be angry with her.
She followed him in and sank down on one of the cream leather couches, tucking her long legs underneath her.
“There was no need to come to see me, HW. You could have settled with the collection agency over the phone.”
“It wasn’t my debt to settle, though, Lally, was it?” He took the seat directly opposite her.
She blinked slowly at him. “Your credit card company called me because mine was the only forwarding address they had. I was trying to do you a favor, let you know what was up.”
“The only reason they had this address is because you gave it to them,” HW replied. “If I’d thought they needed to contact me, I would’ve given them the address at the ranch.”
She hugged her knees even harder. “HW, you really have to work on your memory. I know you were drunk a lot of the time we were together, but you told me to put this address on the card as a backup.”
For a second he hesitated as she stared back at him, and then he shook his head.
“Nope. You changed it when you moved in here so you would continue to have a delivery address for your purchases with my money.” He paused. “It has to stop, Lally. We’re no longer together.”
“Because now you’re all over that Sam person.”
HW frowned. “Sam’s got nothing to do with this. You moved in with Paul when he offered you the new job. That’s why our relationship ended.”
“Paul offered me a job and a place to sleep when you threw me out!”
“That’s not how it happened, Lally.” HW tried to use his patient voice, aware that when she went down this road her reality often had nothing to do with the truth.
“Yes, it is. You threw me out on the street with nothing but the clothes on my back.”
“That’s not true. I came back after a weekend event away and you’d moved out, taking all your stuff and some of mine—including a credit card I thought I’d canceled.”
She tossed her blond hair and looked out the window. HW took a long, slow breath.
“Look, I’m not here to argue with you, just to let you know a couple of things. I’ve canceled that credit card—”
“What?” She suddenly sat bolt upright. “You can’t do that!”
“Yeah, I can. It’s in my name.”
“But—” Lally shot to her feet and started pacing the white fur rug. “I have things I need to pay for. It’s not like you can’t afford it; why now? Why suddenly turn on me now?”
“Lally, you called me, remember?”
“Because these guys keep calling me and it’s not fair! How am I supposed to deal with that?”
“Maybe by not spending money you don’t have?” HW rose to his feet as well.
“Like you used to do?”
“I earned my money the hard way. Sure, it went to my head a bit, but I soon worked out I wasn’t going to gamble with it, jab it in my vein, or piss it away.” HW took a step toward her. “And as to that, if you’re worried about your addictions, then—”
She got right in his face. “You abandoned me! You have no right to tell me what to do!”
“I do if you’re using my money to get high.”
Her face crumbled. “If you just came back to me, I wouldn’t need anything to get high. I’d have you.”
“Lally, you had me and you still wanted more. When I stopped drinking, you said I was boring as hell.”
“You were.” She stroked his chest. “But now you’re retiring, right? So you don’t need to train anymore, so you can just have fun with me.”
He gently removed her hand. “I’m not that guy anymore. I’m sorry.”
“Then why did you come here?”
Jeez. Now she was crying and he wanted the floor to open up so he could disappear.
“To tell you that this has to end, and to make sure you got some help for your problems.”
“I have no problems!”
“Honey, you’re about to lose your job and whatever you’re taking isn’t doing you any favors.”
She folded her arms tightly over her chest. “You have no right to lecture me. Back in the day, you were twice as bad as I was! In fact, before I met you, I’d never had a drink in my life!”
His temper flared up. “I met you in a fricking bar hanging out with my friend Rio. I bought you a triple tequila and it definitely wasn’t the first one you’d had that night.”
“You ruined me,” Her lip was trembling. “You got me hooked on alcohol and drugs and now you’re laughing and walking away from me with that Sam bitch.”
HW set his jaw. “Bullshit.”
“It’s true!” She was back to yelling now, her face contorted with rage as she pointed her finger right at his face. He should never have come. How could he have forgotten what she was like when she was crossed?
“This is getting us nowhere,” HW said. “I’ve said my piece. The card has been canceled and you’re going to have to figure out what to do by yourself from now on.”
“But—”
HW continued. “I talked to Octavia and she knows a great place where you can go if you want to deal with your addictions—”
“You discussed me with Octavia?”
“We’re both worried about you.”
“You’re both traitors. I’m fine. Ask Paul; he loves me just the way I am.”
“I certainly will be checking in with Paul.” HW tipped his Stetson to her. “Take care of yourself, Lally.”
He started for the door.
“You can’t just leave like this,” Lally wailed. “You’ve gotten me all upset and now you’re walking away? Jeez, no wonder your family hates you so much.”
“They don’t.”
“I remember you crying out in your dreams. ‘Take me, Mom, take me, don’t you love me, don’t you like me anymore?’” Lally mimicked a small child’s voice. “Like some pathetic little whiner. Even your mother didn’t want you, and I can see why.”
“That’s not true!” He turned so suddenly, she flinched away from him. “She—” He got a hold of himself and snapped his mouth shut. This was why he hated emotional scenes.
She raised her chin, her blue gaze withering. “No one could love you, HW. You’re a self-centered, whining man-child who uses other people and then throws them away when they’re no longer needed.”
“Pot, meet kettle.” HW turned back to the door. “’Bye Lally. Good luck with everything.”
He somehow found his way outside and to one of the small parks where people went to eat their lunch during the workday week. He located a vacant bench and sat down, staring at the grass at his feet and the shadow formed by his hat.
Hell. Why had he expected that to go well? What stupid impulse had made him think he could change Lally’s mind about anything? He’d never managed to persuade any woman in his life to stop her destructive behavior, but being with Sam—being with someone strong—had convinced him otherwise.
Not that it was Sam’s fault he was sitting there feeling like a dummy. What he needed right now was for Sam to come sit beside him and tell him to snap out of it. What he needed . . .
Was Sam.
And that wasn’t going to happen. He groaned quietly. He’d told her behind to butt out and she’d told him not to let the door slam his sorry ass.
How had he expected Lally to act when he informed her that he’d cut off her income? Had he expected her to burst into tears and ask him to make everything right for her again? The stupid thing was, he probably would’ve done it. But Lally didn’t want to hear what he had to say and had managed to get a few good zingers in that had left him shaking.
The thing about him calling out for his mother . . . HW swallowed hard and briefly closed his eyes against the lingering hurt that jab to his heart had left behind. Lally saw him as a spoiled, weak kid. Maybe that’s what he was. Maybe he’d never grow up and be anything better.
He tried to think what Lally would do next. In the past, she’d gone one of two ways: either a crying fit and so much remorse that he’d had to forgive her or she’d pretended nothing had happened and refused to even discuss it. Being the sober one in their relationship had certainly opened his eyes to a lot of things he hadn’t noticed before. HW took off his hat and ran his fingers through his hair. He’d have to have an honest discussion with Paul. There was no other way to leave things.
And hey, for the first time ever, he hadn’t caved in and done anything to keep Lally quiet. Maybe he was finally working out that he couldn’t save everyone after all...
“Excuse me?”
He looked up into the hopeful face of a young boy who was practically dancing with excitement in front of him.
“Sir, are you HW Morgan? I’m a really big fan; could I have your autograph and can my mom take a picture of us together?”
“Sure.” HW tacked on his famous smile and stood up to shake the boy’s hand. “It’s a real pleasure to meet you.”
* * *
HW checked the departures board and then the ticket on his app. Great. He’d gotten it completely wrong and his flight left at eight a.m. the next morning, not eight p.m. now, which meant an uncomfortable night in the airport. There was no way he was going back to Paul’s to beg for a room.
He’d tried to talk to Paul about Lally’s issues, but his agent had constantly attempted to get the conversation back to HW’s future career, so he’d eventually given up in despair. Octavia knew he’d spoken to Lally and that things hadn’t gone well. She hadn’t been surprised but promised to keep an eye on her if she could.
HW checked for vacancies at the local hotels, found a couple that were close to the airport, and snagged a room. He’d be better off sleeping in a proper bed and coming back early to board his flight. While he still had some power left in his cell, he texted Chase, updated him on his arrival time, and left it at that. If Chase wanted to talk things through, he’d have to wait until HW got back.
At least with his battery dying on his cell and no charger, he wouldn’t be tempted to pick up the phone to talk to Sam. Not that she’d want to hear from him anyway—unless it was to offer him a great big, honking I-told-you-so and hang up.
He found himself grinning at the thought of her performing a little victory dance and then sighed. Sam wasn’t going to hang around regretting what she’d said to him, especially when she’d been right all along
Was he really stuck in savior mode? He mentally reviewed the list of catastrophic relationships in his past. He seemed to attract women who were needy, or was it just that he was more willing to take a chance on them than other men, more hopeful that he could change them and make them whole again? Who did he think he was?
HW stepped through the sliding doors and back out into the waning sunshine. He had to think about what Sam had said, even if it was painful. He couldn’t go on repeating the same mistakes. With that resolve firmly in mind, he set off to find his hotel.