Chapter Twenty-One
HW wanted her to come back to the ranch . . .
Sam put down the magazine she’d been pretending to read for over an hour and contemplated the silence around her. It was late in the evening. She’d done her exercises and spent a peaceful two hours helping Ruth in the kitchen before taking a nap.
The thought of taking the job at the ranch had stayed in her mind. She’d enjoyed working out the program specifics and could really see herself participating in them. After her injury, she’d returned to her old job in Sacramento because it was familiar and, at the time, she’d needed that. But in the last year she’d grown restless not only at home with her parents but with the repetitive nature of her work.
Could she take on a challenge? Was she mentally fit enough to help others who might be going through the same kind of issues and endless surgeries she’d experienced? Coming to the ranch proved she was much more capable than she’d imagined, and her parents certainly seemed to be enjoying life without her.
Sam grinned at the thought of her mom, who had been cheering her on from the sidelines during the whole ranch experience. She knew that whatever she decided to do, her parents would support her.
Like she’d supported HW when he’d tried to make her stay. . . .
Her smile died. HW Morgan, the man who’d never met a commitment he hadn’t run away from, had asked her to consider coming back, presumably so he could see her again.
What the heck did that mean?
She smoothed out the pages of the magazine as she reran their last conversation in her head again. She’d told him that everything was fine, and that she was glad he’d be working at the ranch. He’d suggested she could stick around as well.
Which must mean he wasn’t as afraid of commitment as she was. But why hadn’t he flat-out demanded she stay and told her why?
Sam slapped her hand down on her knee. “Because he already told you no one sticks around for him, not even his mother! Why would he risk all that hurt again, you idiot?”
Had he really thought that if he’d said he maybe had feelings for her she’d laugh in his face and walk off anyway?
Of course he had. She knew him, dammit. She should have thought it through at the time.
Which just left the matter of her being a coward . . .
Sam contemplated walking away from the ranch and never seeing HW again and her stomach rolled over. Grabbing her cell, she scrolled through the phone numbers and pressed Cam’s.
“Cam here. What’s up?”
“You know what you said about me being afraid to trust myself with anyone again?”
“Yeah; what about it?”
“So what if I just dipped my toe into that?”
“I’d say it was a good start.” Cam sounded cautiously optimistic. “Are we talking about your cowboy here?”
“Yes. I think he wants me to stick around, but I’m not ready to commit one hundred percent to that yet and I’m still not sure how he feels, but I think I need to put myself out there to see how he reacts.” Sam had to take a deep breath. “Does that make sense?”
“Absolutely.”
“Then you think I should do it?”
Cam laughed. “The fact that you’ve, a, come to that conclusion yourself, and b, are considering doing it means you don’t need my advice. I’m so proud.”
“Okay. Thanks.”
“Let me know how it goes. Be brave, Sam.”
“Will do.”
Sam ended the call and checked the time before finding her parents’ phone number. Ruth usually held a family dinner at six and she expected all her grandchildren to attend. Would she mind a gatecrasher? From some of the less-than-subtle comments Ruth had made that afternoon, Sam didn’t think she would. If she got going now she could be in place at the table before HW noticed she was there and then somehow get his attention after the meal.
Her knee was feeling a lot better, and a slow walk up toward the ranch house would definitely do her good after all her sitting around and worrying. Sam hoisted herself to her feet and found her cane. She had to do this. She had to stop being afraid and reach out for something she really wanted.
Which, in this case, was HW Morgan. Possibly the most annoying, hot, and arrogant cowboy in the universe.
It was already dark, but there were enough footlights on the paths to guide her back past the shadowed barn and up the steps to the porch of the ranch house. Lights shone in almost all the windows and the old pipes were gurgling, indicating a house full of Morgans and their companions.
Gathering her courage, Sam eased off her boots and made her way down to the kitchen. At the door, she cleared her throat and waited until Ruth and January noticed her standing there.
“Room for one more?” Sam asked.
“If you’ve come to tell HW to grow a spine and tell you how he feels, yes.” Ruth beckoned her inside. “Or if you just like chili. I made it especially hot, just for HW.”
“I love chili.” Sam sorted out the bundle of silverware on the table and began laying out the places. “And I definitely have a couple of things to say to HW. Where is he, by the way?”
“He just got back from a ride and he’s taking a shower,” Ruth said. “He’ll probably be down in a minute, although the amount of time he takes doing his hair these days might hold him up a while.”
Sam found herself grinning. “I know he takes longer than me to get ready to go out.”
“He is pretty, though,” January said.
“Who’s pretty?” Roy and Chase came in together and Chase went to kiss January.
“You are, my darling.” January kissed him back while Roy snorted.
“I thought they were talking about me, Chase,” Roy joked.
“We were. Especially with that sticking plaster on your shaved head.” Ruth handed Sam a pile of linen napkins. “Put these out, too.”
* * *
HW rubbed halfheartedly at his damp hair and contemplated the effort required to find a hair dryer. What was the point? No one would care whether he was looking good, but they would notice if he didn’t turn up at the dinner table all excited about his new role at the ranch.
And he was excited. He just wished Sam had found a way to stay to share it with him. He put on a T-shirt and a checked shirt over it, zipped up his jeans, and started down the stairs. Voices drifted up to him from the kitchen and he paused to enjoy that sense of coming home—of them finally believing in him . . .
Someone laughed and he paused on the bottom step. That had sounded just like Sam. He was obviously so desperate to see her that he was hallucinating. His cell buzzed and he took it out of his pocket.
Call me right now.
HW frowned at the terse message from Rio and then noticed another bunch of texts that must have come through while he was in the shower. He found Rio’s number and held the phone to his ear.
“What’s up?”
“HW? Where have you been? I’ve been trying to get hold of you all afternoon.”
“I was out riding. What’s wrong?”
“I was going to ask you the same question. What the hell happened with Lally?”
A prickle of unease ran down HW’s spine. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“She’s all over the media, claiming you got her hooked on drugs and then dumped her for another woman.”
“What?” Even though he protested, HW realized he wasn’t surprised. A sick feeling stirred in his gut.
“It’s on her Facebook page, Twitter, and now some of the rodeo blogs and sites are picking it up.” Rio sighed. “I’m sorry, HW.”
“No, it’s okay. I’ll deal with it.”
“Let me know if I can help in any way, my friend.”
“I will. Thanks for the heads-up, Rio.”
HW ended the call and stayed where he was, flicking through the hundred or so texts and Twitter mentions that Lally’s revelations had already generated. He forced himself to find her original post and read it through. Not only did she make herself out to be an innocent girl he’d corrupted, but she dragged up all the shit about his mother leaving him and how it had made him abusive to women.
His cell rang and he automatically answered it.
“HW, it’s Paul.”
“What do you want? Keen to add some fuel to the fire?” HW snapped. “I don’t think I need it. You, for one, should be glad I’ve really burned my bridges now and can never come back to the rodeo.”
“Look, HW, calm down. We can fix this.”
“Like how?”
“Hear me out. I’ll talk to Lally, tell her you’re coming back to the rodeo for another year and that you want to make things right with her. Then she’ll walk back her posts and we’ll spin it to look like she was hacked or something. You come back, we make sure she gets help, and then, at the end of the year, you officially retire and dump her. How does that sound?”
HW tried to form words but ended up shaking his head, which didn’t translate well into the phone.
“HW? Come on. We can fix this! I know you don’t want your family going through that media circus again, not after last time, so if you want to protect them, just go along with me and they’ll never know.”
The back door slammed and Blue came in, his blue gaze icy and his mouth a hard line as he spotted HW on the stairs.
“Too late,” HW said. “I think my family already knows.”
He followed his brother into the kitchen and braced himself for the fallout as Blue started speaking over everyone else. He’d been here before and barely made it out alive. He’d made his much-loved grandma cry. Of course the whole family were present, including Rachel and Roy.
“Have you guys seen what HW has done? He’s fricking dragged us all into another scandal!” BB read something off his phone. “Lally Goldstein, rodeo star’s ex-girlfriend, confesses all. ‘He made me take drugs and then left me high and dry for another woman.’ What the hell, HW?”
“I . . .” HW swallowed hard. “She’s . . .”
“What is wrong with you?” BB continued. “We’ve welcomed you back, offered you a job, and in return you single-handedly destroy all the hard work Chase and everyone else has put into marketing this place. We’ll be losing customers by the dozen over this.”
“Leave HW alone!”
HW jumped as Sam suddenly shot to her feet and pointed at BB. Where the hell had she come from?
“HW did everything he could to help Lally! She’s just doing this out of spite because he refused to enable her anymore.” She glared at everyone seated around the table. “How about for once you all listen to what HW has to say and pretend to be supportive ? And maybe just believe him? Just because he was your mother’s favorite child doesn’t mean you all still have to resent the hell out of him.”
Silence fell as they all stared at Sam. Her color was high and her eyes were flashing green fire, daring anyone to disagree with her. HW had never been so proud of her in his life.
“Okay.” Chase, always the peacemaker, cleared his throat. “How about we do that? What’s going on, HW?”
He took a deep breath and fixed his attention on Chase. “You know about Lally using my credit card, right?” Chase nodded. “When I went to see her in Austin, I told her I’d canceled the card and offered to help her find treatment for her drug issues. She told me she was fine and asked me to get back with her. When I refused, she ran that story by me—that somehow I’d ruined her life. She must have decided to go public with it to punish me.”
“Go on,” Chase said.
“That’s about it. This is typical of Lally. She likes to lash out when things don’t go her way.” His gaze settled on Sam, his unlikely champion. “There’s a way to fix this. Paul just called and said that if I go back and do another year, he’ll help me deal with Lally.”
Sam snorted. “So, basically, Paul’s abrogating all responsibility for his own part in Lally’s issues and using her to get you back to make him money.”
“Pretty much.” HW hesitated. “But I’ll do it if it means my family doesn’t get dragged through the mud again.”
“No.” To HW’s amazement, it was BB who was talking and shaking his head. “You don’t have to do that, HW.” BB shoved a hand through his hair. “Sam’s right. I was wrong to go off at you like that. I should’ve listened first.”
HW just about managed not to gawp as his fiery-tempered older brother sat down at the table.
“BB’s right,” Ry said quietly. “I know what Paul’s like. He’s probably been egging Lally on to do this just so he can get HW back. If you don’t fall for it, what’s he going to do?” He turned to his oldest brother. “Is there anything we can do about this, Chase? You’ve got all the resources here.”
“I’ll talk to my lawyers,” Chase said as January held his hand. “There’s no reason why you should have to go back, HW. What’s to say Paul doesn’t pull this trick at the end of the next season as well? If we give in now, we’ll just be setting a terrible precedent.”
“We?” HW said faintly.
“Yeah, your family.” Chase looked over at Ruth. “You okay with this?”
“Absolutely.” Ruth gave a firm nod. “Anyone who wants to say anything bad about my grandson is welcome to try. They won’t like what I say in return, though.”
“What about you, Dad?”
“I’d like HW to stay here with us,” Billy said.
“Rachel?” Chase looked at the last of the siblings. “What do you think?”
“I . . .” She swallowed hard. “I think HW deserves to be supported by his family, but I do have one question. What makes you all think my mother loved him best?”
“She just did,” Ry said quietly.
HW held Rachel’s gaze. “Seeing as I’m feeling all emotional right now about my family, what did Mom say that makes you think that isn’t true?”
Rachel tried to smile. “At the end, when she was really dosed up on pain meds, she often talked about things . . . Most of it made no sense, but I remember her cursing you for abandoning her and cursing . . . me.”
“Shit. ” HW sank down into the nearest seat and held his head in his hands.
“You know what she was talking about, don’t you?” Rachel asked.
“Yeah.” He forced himself to look up at her. “It’s kind of complicated.”
“And tied up with why you don’t like me very much?”
“No, I do like you, I just . . .” He slowly exhaled. “I don’t want to bring up all that stuff from the past about Mom and hurt you.”
BB elbowed him in the side. “I think you should just lay it out there, bro; finally clear the air.”
“Yeah.” Ry nodded at him. “Tell Rachel what happened.”
“Okay.” HW started speaking fast, before he lost his nerve. “Mom kind of lost it on our fifth birthday. She had severe postpartum depression, but, obviously, we didn’t know that. Ry and I caught her trying to drown you in the bath and stopped her.”
Rachel gasped and pressed her hand to her mouth.
“Mom got even madder and tried to drown Ry, so we had to fight her off. Dad came in and shouted for her, so she left us cleaning up and went down to confront him.” HW shuddered. “That didn’t go well. She tried to stab him and he wrestled the knife away, cutting them both in the process.”
“That’s pretty much what happened.” Billy spoke for the first time. “I’m sorry, Rachel.”
HW ignored everyone else in the room and focused on Rachel, who looked like she wanted to throw up.
“So what does this have to do with her saying you abandoned her if she was the one who ran away?” Rachel whispered.
“Dad was knocked out cold, so I went after her,” HW said, aware that everyone around the table had suddenly gone very still. “I thought that maybe I could stop her or something. She went into the bunkhouse, and I suddenly realized what she was going to do.”
“Leave with Big Mike?” Ry said.
“Yeah. I was the only one who knew she’d been hanging out with him. His truck was there, the engine was running, and he’d loaded most of his stuff into the back. Part of me wanted to go with her, but I was also afraid . . . her face when she’d tried to drown you and Ry was terrifying, so I did something really stupid.”
He had to stop, collect his thoughts, and remember how to breathe before he could continue.
“I was still carrying Rachel wrapped up in a towel. She’d stopped screaming and had fallen asleep, and I . . . I put her in the backseat of the truck in one of the boxes.”
The silence around him was complete.
“Why?” Rachel asked.
“Because I thought Mom would have to come back if you were with her. I thought . . .” HW forced himself to keep talking, even though his voice was shaking. “She’d come back for me.” He met his sister’s anguished gaze. “God, I’m so sorry, Rachel. I’m so dammed sorry.”
It was a long time before anyone spoke, but it gave HW a chance to ruthlessly squash down the urge to bawl like a baby.
“Well . . . damn.” BB shook his head. “I always wondered why Mom took you, Rachel, when HW was her favorite.”
Ruth reached across the table and took HW’s hand. “You did it with the best of intentions, love.”
“No, I did it because I was afraid and was trying to fix things. I thought Mom would come right back when she discovered she had Rachel with her and we could forget what had happened and be a family again.”
“You were five, HW.” Ruth squeezed his fingers. “And maybe having Rachel with her meant your mother finally had to live up to her responsibilities.” She turned to Rachel. “She was a good mother to you?”
“Yes. The best.” Rachel nodded as she wiped away a stray tear. “She brought me up by herself until she met Dad and I never wanted for anything.”
Billy cleared his throat. “I’m glad she was happy in the end.” He smiled at HW. “Don’t you feel better, having got all that off your chest?”
HW abruptly stood up. “Nope. I think I’m going to puke. Excuse me.”
He ran for the door, went outside into the cold night air, and headed for the barn and the comforting presence of horses and the sweet smell of hay. That was his world, where he’d always felt safe. He went into Cisco’s stall and slid down against the wall, letting the darkness crowd over him. After a while, he mentally reviewed his current state of mind and cataloged what had happened.
He’d told everyone what he’d done to Rachel. His ex and his agent had attempted to screw up his life, but his family had stuck by him and, most importantly, Sam had stood up for him even when he’d been expecting the worst.
What a night.
But in a weird way, he finally felt free, like the burden he’d been carrying in his heart for years had suddenly been lifted, and there really was nothing else to hide.
“HW? Are you in here?”
He slowly stood up as Rachel’s voice echoed down the length of the barn.
“Yeah.” He moved Cisco out of the way and came out of the stall. “What’s up?”
She wrapped her arms around herself and offered him a small smile. “I won the right to come and see how you were doing.”
HW strolled over to stand beside her. “There are probably a million things you want to ask me and I’m more than willing to talk about anything you want.”
“It’s hard to try to understand how the mother I knew behaved so . . . badly toward you guys.”
“She wasn’t well. I can’t blame her.”
“I hear what you’re saying, and that’s really nice of you, but it must’ve still hurt.”
“That she didn’t come back?” HW nodded. “Yeah. That sucked.”
“But . . .” Rachel hesitated. “If she had stayed put after stabbing your father and trying to drown her own kid, I don’t think she would’ve remained free for very long, do you? She would’ve been taken away for psychiatric evaluation and you would still have lost your mother. So would I. Maybe the shock of what happened forced her to make some choices and get help.”
“Yeah.” HW considered that. “You’ve got a point.”
“I’m not trying to score points. I’m just trying to salvage something for all of us from this mess,” Rachel said. “I hope you know I don’t blame you for what you did.”
“Why not?”
Her smile this time was much warmer. “Because you loved her, HW. You tried to do everything in your power to help her and save your family, and you were only a little kid.”
“Hell, she could’ve killed you, abandoned you—”
She touched his arm. “But she didn’t. Somewhere in your heart, you must have known that.”
“Maybe I was only thinking about myself.”
“I doubt it. You wanted your family to stay together, HW. Who could ever hate you for that?”
He held her gaze. “You say I’m too forgiving, but you’re way better at it than I am.”
“It’s easier for me. I didn’t know any of this about Mom until I came here, and sometimes if feels like you’re all talking about a person who never existed.” She smiled at him, and it was like seeing his mother in the good days. “Can we just get along? I’d really like that.”
Her face might be Annie’s, but the sweetness of her temperament was all Billy’s.
“I’d like that,” HW said gruffly.
“Then will you come back inside with me?” She linked arms with him. “No one’s leaving that table until they see you’re all right.”
“And that you’re still alive.”
“Possibly,” she conceded. “But they’re far more concerned about you.”
“Thanks, Rachel.” He paused to look down into her blue eyes. “I really mean it.”
“You’re welcome. Now come on up to the house.” She patted his sleeve. “It’s getting late.”
* * *
Even as she sipped her coffee, Sam anxiously watched the door for Rachel’s return. She really should get up and leave the Morgan family to deal with this very personal issue without her interference. Once she saw HW was okay, she would do just that. What she had to say to him could wait for a more private occasion.
Voices came down the hallway and a flicker of relief passed over Billy’s face as he nodded to Chase.
“She’s got him.”
While everyone else was occupied, Sam rose to her feet and started edging toward the door. Rachel came in smiling and HW was behind her. His gaze immediately was riveted on Sam.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
She pointed vaguely in the direction of the barn. “I thought I should leave you guys to talk.”
“Why now, when you’ve sat through the best bits?”
His eyes were glittering with a golden challenge she joyfully responded to.
“Because you probably have things to discuss.”
“Don’t you think you’ve already interfered enough?” he pointed out.
“That’s exactly what I’m saying. I’m not part of your family and—”
“You will be soon.”
“What the heck does that mean?” She gave up being polite and tried to stare him down.
“I’ve got something to say to you,” HW said.
Sam rolled her eyes. “Not right now, okay? Focus on the other stuff.”
“This is important.”
“And all your family are right here, listening in.”
He shrugged. “I don’t care if they hear what I have to say.”
“Seeing as he’s been yakking all night, he’s got a point,” Blue said. “Why not get it over with?”
HW fixed her with a stare. “Don’t leave the ranch.”
“Says who?” Sam retorted.
“Me. I want you to stay.”
“Why?” She was starting to enjoy herself now.
“Because I love you, Samantha Bernadette Kelly and I want to share this life and this place with you.”
“Oh.” Sam gulped in some air. “Wow.”
“That’s all you have to say?” HW demanded.
“Pretty much,” Sam said. “I wasn’t expecting you to be so direct and so . . . public about your feelings.”
Ry snorted. “Like we don’t already know how you both feel about each other.” Sam spared a glare for HW’s twin, but he grinned back at her unrepentantly. “Please put him out of his misery and say yes.”
HW came around the table to tower over her. “What’s it to be?”
“Um . . .”
“It’s not like you to be at a loss for words, Sam. Where’s the woman who stood up earlier and told off my entire family?” He cupped her chin. “Thanks for doing that, by the way. It made me love you even more.”
“You’re welcome,” Sam said automatically.
Some of the light in his eyes dimmed. “Have I rushed you? Was that really you just standing up for a friend?”
“No, I definitely—”
“Because if that’s how it is, how can I persuade you to love me back?”
“You’re so competitive. I do love you, that’s not—”
The rest of the sentence was swallowed up as HW’s mouth descended and he kissed her as though it was their last moment on Earth.
When he finally raised his head, she stared helplessly up at him.
“Will you marry me, Sam?”
“Wow, fast worker,” BB murmured as Ruth shushed him.
“Don’t rush me!” Sam glared at HW. “I’ll start by taking that summer job next year and take it from there, okay?”
“Okay.” He kissed her gently. “I love you, Sam Kelly. You drive me insane, but I can’t live without you.”
She smiled back as her heart melted into a gooey mass of joy, her doubts submerged in the rightness she felt in her very bones. “Right back at you, Hoss William.”
His family erupted into applause and a few catcalls, and Sam grinned at them.
“Hey, Morgans? This is going to be fun!”